It sucks when a friend is telling you of a decision they have made and you know the decision isn't good for them, but there really isn't anything you can do. You are close enough to them to call them out on it and let them know you think they aren't making a good decision, but they aren't listening...not this time. I'm sure I have had plenty of friends tell me that a decision I was amking was unwise and I did it anyway, but it sucks when you can't do anything but watch your friend get hurt. I'm like a mother in the fact that I would do absolutely anything to protect my friends from being hurt even if that meant I had to be hurt. So it really sucks for me when I have to come to this point where there is nothing I can do for my friend to help them make a better decision. I stated my opinions and my concerns and now I must let them live their life. It just sucks because this past year I have made lots of mistakes and I wish my friend could learn from my mistakes and not make them for herself. They have seen the pain I have been through and although some of the stuff I did was mighty fun, I still came to a point of regret and they have seen it all with me and yet they are still making the decision despite that.

So whats been going on in my life? I feel like sharing a lot so you may choose to close the window now...

This past week was amazing as I got to be a part of the birth of my best friends little girl. It's awesome to see the joy this little girl brings to all who come near her. She's by far the most beautiful little baby I've ever seen in my entire life. Her parents love and adore her and seeing the love they have for each other and for their little one is sweet to me. It's good to know that Godly parents are going to raise her to grow up to be a Godly woman one day. Lauren & Josh are going to be amazing parents and I'm excited to see the blessings God has for these 3 as they continue their lives together. It's sweet to see the love Lauren has for little Autumn, and how this love has only grown daily since the day she found out she was pregnant and continues. This brings me to Sunday nights sermon by Tommy Nelson. He was talking about raising our children properly and it made me think of Lauren & Josh and the task they now carry as parents, and knowing that they will do as God has designed is amazing. The scripture was Psalm 127. One of the first things Tommy said was that for their to be a house built by the Lord than the husband must submit to God, so that the wife is able to submit to the husband and with that the children are able to submit to their parents. I look at Lauren & Josh and I see this vividly played out, by no means is Autumn old enough to show submission but I guarantee that Lauren & Josh fulfill these roles and that it will be easy for Autumn to submit to them because they are so in step with the Lord. Something about that is sooooo special to me. Tommy spoke a lot about raising your children properly to be good children and something that stuck out to me was "there is no pain that can overcome the joy of having good children, and there is no joy that can overcome the pain of having bad children". Not to brag on myself or my sister, but it's very true. My parents have been very blessed with very good children and I know that my mom finds peace in that. I don't know what she did, but she raised us the right way. We chose to follow God and we continually follow is path, although I've strayed many times my mom knows I'm headed the right way. I am so proud of the parents Lauren & Josh are going to be to Autumn and I'm stoked that Autumn gets to be raised in a very Godly home. Another couple I look forward to seeing their child be brought up in a Godly home is my very own sister. It's so sweet to see Godly people conceive children for you know that the child is safe in that house. May our generation truly bless the world by raising our children in Godly homes. I could continue on and on about how amazing I think Lauren & Josh are or how amazing my sister & her hubby are. But I don't think I could describe either of these couples highly enough to give them justice for the incredible women & men of God they are. I truly aspire to have a marriage like that. I love you all so much!! Nicole, you always will be my role model and I love you for being the woman you are. I am so thankful that I have you to look up to and to imitate occasionally. I love you so much! Lauren, you are precious and I love you and little Autumn so much. I'm proud of you. It's been great to be a part of your life for so long now, its been amazing to watch you grow into this amazing Godly woman. You amaze me!!

Something else God taught me this weekend is going to him in the proper manner. My pastor back home spoke Sunday morning about the Lord's Supper and coming to the table with a clean heart. He talked about the way Simon Peter, James, John and Judas came to the table and how we need to avoid such things. Nice little conviction for me... So Simon Peter came with a spirit of arrogance thinking he was so much better than some of those other guys, as if he were Godlier or something. I'll admit there has been a time or two that I have thought my own sin wasn't so bad because well so and so wasn't exactly being Godly either. Wow...what was I thinking? Seriously. I need to come to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and not try to weight my sin as less just because I want to make myself feel better about it. It's natural though, is it not? So then there is James & John who came with spiritual ignorance. I'm pretty sure I probably come with spiritual ignorance every time. Wow really, I can't recall the last time I picked up my bible was. Here I sit writing being blatently honest partially not wanting to because I feel as if many of you will judge me as you read this, but I frankly don't care. I would rather be honest than to try to make myself look better just so that people think I'm doing fine. (reason I've recently switched churches). So here I sit Sunday morning ready to go before the Lord with arrogance and spiritual ignorance, lets see if I can go ahead and be like Judas too. So then there is Judas at the table with vengeance. Here he is ready to turn Christ in for what? To make himself look better maybe? I don't know if any of us will really know. But the fact is that Judas stabbed Christ in the back and went away from him. I don't feel as though I really do this to Christ, but who knows. So as I sit there in my seat I realize that I better get my heart right before I take of Christ. My heart is broken now, Christ has caught my attention. I know that I will still struggle but I want to change, I wanna get back on track. I want God to move me.

Then there is my own spiritual awakening. Roommates. So we all know how the roommate thing goes, sometimes its really hard to have them. There are days you come home and you look at the dishes and you just wanna puke because you wonder why the crap no on else seems to ever do the dishes. Maybe even why the trash is never taken out, the kitty litter never emptied, the carpet never vacuumed, peoples crap always left out...but then if you think about it, how many times is it you that didn't take the trash out when it was overflowing? Or you avoided the dishes because you just don't want to do them because you are tired. I thought about it and one time a friend of mine suggested this be a test of marriage. So I think about my house now as if I lived with my husband. And although I am sure I would be irritated that he never did the dishes I would find joy in being able to serve him by cleaning up his dishes. It's funny that when its the one you will be married to you want to serve them the best that you can. So why is it that we have such a hard time serving our roommates in the same manner? Perhaps its the selfish desires of our evil hearts. I wish so badly I could be more like Christ in the fact that he is 100% self-less. He never thinks oh I shall wash the dishes today because hopefully tomorrow they will. Oh wait, he just does it because he loves the other person so much. So here's to me trying harder to be selfless when my selfish desires want to have myself taken care of just as much as I want to serve others. May I be better at serving those around me. And with that today I want to commit to being a better roommate, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a Godlier woman in general. May I challenge you all to do the dishes for your roommates not because they won't get done unless you do them but because you want to serve them by doing that. I honestly find so much joy in cleaning the house when I know its driving Lexy nuts because I know she is busy with work. I don't care so much about my own room, but something about doing the dishes and taking out the trash and vacuuming is fun for me because I know that Lexy is stressed out enough. I love you Alexis!!!

Now with all that being serious I must share a funny story with you all. Last night I drove out to Euless to see Jon D. and a funny thing happened to me. I got there and he told me where to park and flagged me upstairs to the 3rd floor. I wasn't listening completely as I was trying to park, take my IPOD out, etc. So I hear something about the one on the left. So I get up to the 3rd floor and I walk into the first door on the left. That's right, I just walk in...I always have with Jon plus he just saw me so I know its cool. So I walk in and the first door I see is shut so I turn to my left and I see a bed that looks like Jons old comforter. So I walk in the room and there is some strange guy sitting at his desk and I think to myself, "thats not Jon or Don, who is it?" I continue my journey to find Jon by heading to the kitchen and some woman is standing there cooking..."oh crap, im in some strangers apartment". I turn around and walk out the front door glancing back into the room seeing that the guy has now turned and is faced towards me. I let the door shut thinking it will be quiet since it obviously was when I walked in, but no it slams. So i dart down the hall to the next left. Holy crap, are you kidding me? I was in someones apartment and they didn't even notice. I so could have been shot or something, but nope they didn't even realize I was in their place.

Well sorry this post was so long, but I had a lot on my mind. I love you all, and if you made it this far I'm proud. You should leave a comment so that I know you actually read it all...no really leave a comment, they make me smile. It can be your special way of "serving" me...dang it, there I am with my selfish desires!