Why?

Why is it that we hurt the ones we care the most about?

There is someone in my life that has grown to become one of my very best friends. This person has helped me to overcome my deepest and darkest side, the side of myself that I had grown to believe would never change. This person was patient with me in an area in my life where most people were too frustrated with me to see me through it. But this friend, they stuck with me and encouraged me along the way. And with their help and encouragement I was able to overcome a part of myself that caused a lot of heartache. This part of myself is something I was once extremely proud of, but for the past 5 years have been very ashamed of. This individual quickly showed me a new side and a new way to handle myself. They pointed out to me things that I had never really looked at before.

I have had to learn to swallow my pride in very big ways. I have also had to learn that the way I react sometimes is by far nothing that resembles Christ. There are things about my life now that look so different from my past. I am utterly amazed by the difference! To know me now and to know me then is like knowing two different people. God truly can change people.

This junk that my friend has helped me through is the shameful "anger" issues that I've been struggling with for my entire life. I was always quick to get angry and even quicker to make you pay if you were the one to make me angry. What a drag I must have been! Tonight I lost my cool with this friend like I would have in the past. I got upset and had my feelings hurt because I perceived their actions in the wrong manner, but instead of informing them that I was upset in an appropriate manner I went off on them. I was truly out of line.

What scares me the most about this is that it's possible that because of my foolishness I could have hurt my friend. I would never ever want to hurt this friend as they mean more than the world to me. The very thought of hurting them crushes my heart. I hate that it's the ones we care most about that we are most likely to hurt.

To my friend...thanks a million for everything you've been in my life! Thanks for putting up with me when the rest of the world has given up. I cannot imagine my life with out you. You truly are amazing and I thank God for you every day!

Music, Memories & the Lord

There are a few songs that I will always manage to cry during because of the significance of the song in my life. I can nearly remember a song for every family member that I've lost. With my GeeMa it was Amazing Grace as it was the song that was sung to her while she was on her death bed by one of the nurses at her Hospice place. Then with my Uncle it was I Can Only Imagine because two days after his death I went to church and heard this song for the first time. I completely lost it as I thought about my Uncle no longer having to imagine as he was there experiencing Heaven. And lastly with my Granddad it was Because He Lives as it was song sang at his funeral. Besides those three there are several more songs that remind me of my GeeMa & Granddad that almost always bring me to tears as well. The lyrics to most of these songs bring comfort and remind me of my own walk with Christ.

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

I Can Only Imagine

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Chorus:
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

Chorus

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

Because He Lives

God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Chorus:
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus

And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!

Chorus

There is one more song that reminds me of both my Grandma & Granddad. This song has been a reminder to me as I've been thinking about the cross this week. Thinking about the cross and these songs really helps me to think about what Christ has done for my life and kind of helps me put things into perspective a little more. It's weird to me that I've been a Christian most of my life and just now am I really grasping the cross. Here are the other two song lyrics, both old hymns but awesome songs!

The Old Rugged Cross

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suffering and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.

Refrain:
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

O that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above
To bear it to dark Calvary.

Refrain

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.

Refrain

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I’ll share.

Refrain

There are many more songs that remind me of my grandparents as well as Christ. And hearing them bring joy to my heart as I think of both God and my grandparents. They truly were in love with the Lord and I am so thankful for that because of their relationship with God I have also been able to experience the same joy. Most of these songs are sung by the Gaithers, but I refuse to enjoy their music. I kind of miss singing songs like these at church. Yesterday morning it was nice to sing "Because He Lives" even though it did make me cry. I love and miss my Papaw & Grandma, Granddad & GeeMa and Uncle Toot, but am so thankful that I will see them again some day.