I am pessimist by nature and my mother is an optimist. I have tried very hard over the years to become more like her and to have a more positive outlook on life. There are times that it is much easier for me to do this. I feel very guilty as a believer when I am pessimistic because I feel like I am putting God in a box...a box He does not deserve to be put in.
Yesterday I found out a job that I was excited about starting fell through. I was back to square one and have been feeling very hopeless. I know that God will provide for me a job as well as finances in the meantime. I know that he will provide for me a roommate. I know that there is a reason it did not work out. I know that His plans are better than my own. I know that all things happen for a reason. I know that it will all work out in the end. But...
I cannot seem to help be down on myself. The natural pessimist in me has torn myself to shreds and has grown very frustrated with God. I have shaken my fist at him and cried out to Him. I have wondered what I did wrong. I have been curious to why He would put something in front of me only to take it away. I have asked numerous why questions in my head. And...
I have prayed for peace. I have prayed for comfort. I have prayer for patience. I have prayed that I would find another job. I have prayed that God would place me where he wants me to be. I have prayed for his provision. I have prayed that I would trust Him even though I don't really want to. I have prayed and prayed...I've even prayed an angry prayer. I've asked the why questions and I've thrown my fist at Him in frustration.
As I typed up all of that I caught myself in not thanking God for His provision thus far. I should be thankful that I didn't get the job because His plans are better than my own. I should be thankful that He will take care of me and He will find me a job. I should just be thankful for the needs he provides for me, that I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, clothing to wear, food to eat, clean water to drink and the list goes on and on.
These past two days have been tough and trying for me. My emotions have gone up and down as I go from having peace to being extremely frustrated. I know He will provide for me, but I can't help but worry. I know He has something else in store for me, but I can't help but wonder why this job couldn't have worked out. I grow angry with myself that I can't just trust and be at peace but that I really battle with this as a pessimist.
Thank you Lord for an optimistic mother who leaves me a message that says "sorry about that, but maybe there is something else out there. I'm like you in that I hoped this was the one, but God has something out there for you."
Thank you Lord for a loving boyfriend who wants nothing more than for me to be happy. Who brings me roses and a sweet card to let me know he loves me. Who prays over me and for me regarding the situation. I am so lucky.
Thank you Lord for a supportive family, loving boyfriend and awesome friends. I am so lucky to have a group of people covering me in prayer and encouraging me to not be the pessimist I so naturally become. I am also lucky enough to have the encouragement of Cody's family who I have grown to love as my own, thanks Lindsey, Katie & Ruth!
Yesterday I found out a job that I was excited about starting fell through. I was back to square one and have been feeling very hopeless. I know that God will provide for me a job as well as finances in the meantime. I know that he will provide for me a roommate. I know that there is a reason it did not work out. I know that His plans are better than my own. I know that all things happen for a reason. I know that it will all work out in the end. But...
I cannot seem to help be down on myself. The natural pessimist in me has torn myself to shreds and has grown very frustrated with God. I have shaken my fist at him and cried out to Him. I have wondered what I did wrong. I have been curious to why He would put something in front of me only to take it away. I have asked numerous why questions in my head. And...
I have prayed for peace. I have prayed for comfort. I have prayer for patience. I have prayed that I would find another job. I have prayed that God would place me where he wants me to be. I have prayed for his provision. I have prayed that I would trust Him even though I don't really want to. I have prayed and prayed...I've even prayed an angry prayer. I've asked the why questions and I've thrown my fist at Him in frustration.
As I typed up all of that I caught myself in not thanking God for His provision thus far. I should be thankful that I didn't get the job because His plans are better than my own. I should be thankful that He will take care of me and He will find me a job. I should just be thankful for the needs he provides for me, that I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, clothing to wear, food to eat, clean water to drink and the list goes on and on.
These past two days have been tough and trying for me. My emotions have gone up and down as I go from having peace to being extremely frustrated. I know He will provide for me, but I can't help but worry. I know He has something else in store for me, but I can't help but wonder why this job couldn't have worked out. I grow angry with myself that I can't just trust and be at peace but that I really battle with this as a pessimist.
Thank you Lord for an optimistic mother who leaves me a message that says "sorry about that, but maybe there is something else out there. I'm like you in that I hoped this was the one, but God has something out there for you."
Thank you Lord for a loving boyfriend who wants nothing more than for me to be happy. Who brings me roses and a sweet card to let me know he loves me. Who prays over me and for me regarding the situation. I am so lucky.
Thank you Lord for a supportive family, loving boyfriend and awesome friends. I am so lucky to have a group of people covering me in prayer and encouraging me to not be the pessimist I so naturally become. I am also lucky enough to have the encouragement of Cody's family who I have grown to love as my own, thanks Lindsey, Katie & Ruth!
