Up & Down

I am pessimist by nature and my mother is an optimist. I have tried very hard over the years to become more like her and to have a more positive outlook on life. There are times that it is much easier for me to do this. I feel very guilty as a believer when I am pessimistic because I feel like I am putting God in a box...a box He does not deserve to be put in.

Yesterday I found out a job that I was excited about starting fell through. I was back to square one and have been feeling very hopeless. I know that God will provide for me a job as well as finances in the meantime. I know that he will provide for me a roommate. I know that there is a reason it did not work out. I know that His plans are better than my own. I know that all things happen for a reason. I know that it will all work out in the end. But...

I cannot seem to help be down on myself. The natural pessimist in me has torn myself to shreds and has grown very frustrated with God. I have shaken my fist at him and cried out to Him. I have wondered what I did wrong. I have been curious to why He would put something in front of me only to take it away. I have asked numerous why questions in my head. And...

I have prayed for peace. I have prayed for comfort. I have prayer for patience. I have prayed that I would find another job. I have prayed that God would place me where he wants me to be. I have prayed for his provision. I have prayed that I would trust Him even though I don't really want to. I have prayed and prayed...I've even prayed an angry prayer. I've asked the why questions and I've thrown my fist at Him in frustration.

As I typed up all of that I caught myself in not thanking God for His provision thus far. I should be thankful that I didn't get the job because His plans are better than my own. I should be thankful that He will take care of me and He will find me a job. I should just be thankful for the needs he provides for me, that I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, clothing to wear, food to eat, clean water to drink and the list goes on and on.

These past two days have been tough and trying for me. My emotions have gone up and down as I go from having peace to being extremely frustrated. I know He will provide for me, but I can't help but worry. I know He has something else in store for me, but I can't help but wonder why this job couldn't have worked out. I grow angry with myself that I can't just trust and be at peace but that I really battle with this as a pessimist.

Thank you Lord for an optimistic mother who leaves me a message that says "sorry about that, but maybe there is something else out there. I'm like you in that I hoped this was the one, but God has something out there for you."

Thank you Lord for a loving boyfriend who wants nothing more than for me to be happy. Who brings me roses and a sweet card to let me know he loves me. Who prays over me and for me regarding the situation. I am so lucky.

Thank you Lord for a supportive family, loving boyfriend and awesome friends. I am so lucky to have a group of people covering me in prayer and encouraging me to not be the pessimist I so naturally become. I am also lucky enough to have the encouragement of Cody's family who I have grown to love as my own, thanks Lindsey, Katie & Ruth!

Enjoying His Family

One of the things that has attracted us most to one another is our love for our families. I am very close to my family and love them with all my heart. I love spending time with them and am very involved in their lives. Cody is this same way with his family.

We have not only fallen in love with one another but we have fallen in love with each others families. We both knew it was love when we saw one another with our families. He met my parents and spent some time with them and then I met his. It was those moments that made us realize just how in love with one another we were.

And now we have both come to a place where we are starting to love each others families. I love that Cody cares about my family and loves them. And I love loving his family as if they were my own family. I am blessed to be loved by his family and am glad that my family loves him.

Me & Cody after Lindsey's Bridal Shower
Grapevine Botanical Gardens

Momma Kitts & the girls...

With the sisters!!
Carly & Katie!


The Female Kitts Cousins.
Katie, Lindsey, Kelsey, Me & Carly.
Haley was hiding from the camera.

With the future Mrs. Lindsey Avery.
We've become such close friends since me & Cody started dating.
I am so lucky to call her a friend.

He Amazes Me.

Cody treats me so well and I am seriously the luckiest girl in the world. He made sure my birthday was extra special and for that I am truly grateful. He continues to amaze me on a daily basis and I am so thankful for his blessing in my life. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Yes, after two months I am full confident that I will be spending my life with him. I was fully confident of this after two weeks. Here are some pictures of us over the past month since I last posted.

April Fool's when we pranked our friends at the Mavs Game. We posted on facebook that we were engaged and enjoyed watching it unravel over the hours.

We visited my sister for the weekend and had a blast. Ellie was our photographer.

We spent an evening on the couch taking pictures of our emotions. I've never laughed so hard in my life...you should see his scared face. Wow.

We went to the Rangers game with Cody's cousin and her fiance'.


We celebrated my birthday several times, but this one is at La Hacienda Ranch after church last night. I absolutely love this man!!!

Happy Birthday Cody!!

Happy Birthday Cody! I love you!!

Astonished.

I have recently started dating a guy and couldn't be any happier. I am daily amazed by him and our relationship. When Cody started pursuing me I was a little scared at first since my last relationship was completely not glorifying of Christ and a little heart breaking. I wasn't treated the way I deserved to be treated, but really didn't know how I deserved to be treating. I mean I had an idea in my head of how I felt I should be treated, but I'd never been treated well. Cody has treated me far better than I could ever have imagined. He has assured me when my insecurities have come up because of the past relationship. I truly stand in awe of the way he treats me and often feel it's too good to be true. I can say I'm elated, that it is most definitely true and I can tell that Cody will never stop treating me this way. He truly is one of the greatest blessings.

He has taught me a lot about the way I deserve to be treated and not just by him, but by others as well. In high school I would have had no trouble writing someone off for treating me some way I didn't like, but now I have a hard time walking away from relationships. I have recently found myself having a hard time letting go of a friendship that has for the most part always been a one-way street. I have spent much of my time bending over backwards for this person and trying to gain the same friendship in return. I am hurting myself by trying to remain friends with this person because I am allowing them to continually disappoint me. I love this person and always will and if tomorrow they called me I'd be there for them in a heartbeat, but at the same time...I am done pursuing their friendship. If the last time I saw them was genuinely the last then so be it. I deserve a better friend than that. Am I making the wrong decision?

So while I remain completely heart broken over this friendship, I can't help but cover the heart break with the excitement and happiness that Cody brings me. I am so lucky!