Up & Down

I am pessimist by nature and my mother is an optimist. I have tried very hard over the years to become more like her and to have a more positive outlook on life. There are times that it is much easier for me to do this. I feel very guilty as a believer when I am pessimistic because I feel like I am putting God in a box...a box He does not deserve to be put in.

Yesterday I found out a job that I was excited about starting fell through. I was back to square one and have been feeling very hopeless. I know that God will provide for me a job as well as finances in the meantime. I know that he will provide for me a roommate. I know that there is a reason it did not work out. I know that His plans are better than my own. I know that all things happen for a reason. I know that it will all work out in the end. But...

I cannot seem to help be down on myself. The natural pessimist in me has torn myself to shreds and has grown very frustrated with God. I have shaken my fist at him and cried out to Him. I have wondered what I did wrong. I have been curious to why He would put something in front of me only to take it away. I have asked numerous why questions in my head. And...

I have prayed for peace. I have prayed for comfort. I have prayer for patience. I have prayed that I would find another job. I have prayed that God would place me where he wants me to be. I have prayed for his provision. I have prayed that I would trust Him even though I don't really want to. I have prayed and prayed...I've even prayed an angry prayer. I've asked the why questions and I've thrown my fist at Him in frustration.

As I typed up all of that I caught myself in not thanking God for His provision thus far. I should be thankful that I didn't get the job because His plans are better than my own. I should be thankful that He will take care of me and He will find me a job. I should just be thankful for the needs he provides for me, that I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, clothing to wear, food to eat, clean water to drink and the list goes on and on.

These past two days have been tough and trying for me. My emotions have gone up and down as I go from having peace to being extremely frustrated. I know He will provide for me, but I can't help but worry. I know He has something else in store for me, but I can't help but wonder why this job couldn't have worked out. I grow angry with myself that I can't just trust and be at peace but that I really battle with this as a pessimist.

Thank you Lord for an optimistic mother who leaves me a message that says "sorry about that, but maybe there is something else out there. I'm like you in that I hoped this was the one, but God has something out there for you."

Thank you Lord for a loving boyfriend who wants nothing more than for me to be happy. Who brings me roses and a sweet card to let me know he loves me. Who prays over me and for me regarding the situation. I am so lucky.

Thank you Lord for a supportive family, loving boyfriend and awesome friends. I am so lucky to have a group of people covering me in prayer and encouraging me to not be the pessimist I so naturally become. I am also lucky enough to have the encouragement of Cody's family who I have grown to love as my own, thanks Lindsey, Katie & Ruth!

Enjoying His Family

One of the things that has attracted us most to one another is our love for our families. I am very close to my family and love them with all my heart. I love spending time with them and am very involved in their lives. Cody is this same way with his family.

We have not only fallen in love with one another but we have fallen in love with each others families. We both knew it was love when we saw one another with our families. He met my parents and spent some time with them and then I met his. It was those moments that made us realize just how in love with one another we were.

And now we have both come to a place where we are starting to love each others families. I love that Cody cares about my family and loves them. And I love loving his family as if they were my own family. I am blessed to be loved by his family and am glad that my family loves him.

Me & Cody after Lindsey's Bridal Shower
Grapevine Botanical Gardens

Momma Kitts & the girls...

With the sisters!!
Carly & Katie!


The Female Kitts Cousins.
Katie, Lindsey, Kelsey, Me & Carly.
Haley was hiding from the camera.

With the future Mrs. Lindsey Avery.
We've become such close friends since me & Cody started dating.
I am so lucky to call her a friend.

My Seester...

I have decided to dedicate a post a week to someone near and dear to my heart. I can't help but start this new blogging idea with my wonderful sister and her beautiful family.

My sister is not only my sister, but my best friend. I can't imagine what my life would be like with out her in it. She has been there for me when I felt the world around me crumbling apart. She has been a role model for me when I've turned the wrong direction. My sister has been a rock to lean upon when I've been torn apart. I honestly don't know that I could be as strong as I am today with out the love and support of my sister. I am continually encouraged by my sister and spend countless hours seeking her advise and counsel. My sister is a woman of God that I trust to give me wise counsel. I can honestly say that I have the best sister in the entire world. I love getting to hear my sister talk about her walk and her life. I love knowing that she truly pursued the Lord when making important decisions regarding marrying her wonderful husband, Adam. I love knowing that I can trust my brother-n-law to take care of my sister and her family. I know with out a doubt that they are madly in love with one another and for that I am truly thankful. Their marriage is one that I admire and hope that I can model in the future.

If you were to look around my home it is obvious that I absolutely love and adore my niece and nephew. Their pictures take over my home. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love these two and to think that I will love my own children even more...wow. I take delight in hearing stories about my niece and get excited about every oppurtunity to see her. I love hearing about how my nephew is growing and hearing of his new milestones. I also enjoy every minute I get to spend with him. I recently had a friend tell me her siblings aren't very involved in her childrens lives and it blew me away. I will be there for my nieces and nephews forever even when I have my own children. I may not spoil them as much but I will forever love them the same and will be there to support them through everything. I am excited about the birthdays, school and church events, graduations, weddings, and so forth. I want them to know that I love them with all my heart and would go to the end of the earth for them.

I love you very much Adam, Nicole, Ellison & Tristan!!