Why?

Why is it that we hurt the ones we care the most about?

There is someone in my life that has grown to become one of my very best friends. This person has helped me to overcome my deepest and darkest side, the side of myself that I had grown to believe would never change. This person was patient with me in an area in my life where most people were too frustrated with me to see me through it. But this friend, they stuck with me and encouraged me along the way. And with their help and encouragement I was able to overcome a part of myself that caused a lot of heartache. This part of myself is something I was once extremely proud of, but for the past 5 years have been very ashamed of. This individual quickly showed me a new side and a new way to handle myself. They pointed out to me things that I had never really looked at before.

I have had to learn to swallow my pride in very big ways. I have also had to learn that the way I react sometimes is by far nothing that resembles Christ. There are things about my life now that look so different from my past. I am utterly amazed by the difference! To know me now and to know me then is like knowing two different people. God truly can change people.

This junk that my friend has helped me through is the shameful "anger" issues that I've been struggling with for my entire life. I was always quick to get angry and even quicker to make you pay if you were the one to make me angry. What a drag I must have been! Tonight I lost my cool with this friend like I would have in the past. I got upset and had my feelings hurt because I perceived their actions in the wrong manner, but instead of informing them that I was upset in an appropriate manner I went off on them. I was truly out of line.

What scares me the most about this is that it's possible that because of my foolishness I could have hurt my friend. I would never ever want to hurt this friend as they mean more than the world to me. The very thought of hurting them crushes my heart. I hate that it's the ones we care most about that we are most likely to hurt.

To my friend...thanks a million for everything you've been in my life! Thanks for putting up with me when the rest of the world has given up. I cannot imagine my life with out you. You truly are amazing and I thank God for you every day!