It sucks when a friend is telling you of a decision they have made and you know the decision isn't good for them, but there really isn't anything you can do. You are close enough to them to call them out on it and let them know you think they aren't making a good decision, but they aren't listening...not this time. I'm sure I have had plenty of friends tell me that a decision I was amking was unwise and I did it anyway, but it sucks when you can't do anything but watch your friend get hurt. I'm like a mother in the fact that I would do absolutely anything to protect my friends from being hurt even if that meant I had to be hurt. So it really sucks for me when I have to come to this point where there is nothing I can do for my friend to help them make a better decision. I stated my opinions and my concerns and now I must let them live their life. It just sucks because this past year I have made lots of mistakes and I wish my friend could learn from my mistakes and not make them for herself. They have seen the pain I have been through and although some of the stuff I did was mighty fun, I still came to a point of regret and they have seen it all with me and yet they are still making the decision despite that.

So whats been going on in my life? I feel like sharing a lot so you may choose to close the window now...

This past week was amazing as I got to be a part of the birth of my best friends little girl. It's awesome to see the joy this little girl brings to all who come near her. She's by far the most beautiful little baby I've ever seen in my entire life. Her parents love and adore her and seeing the love they have for each other and for their little one is sweet to me. It's good to know that Godly parents are going to raise her to grow up to be a Godly woman one day. Lauren & Josh are going to be amazing parents and I'm excited to see the blessings God has for these 3 as they continue their lives together. It's sweet to see the love Lauren has for little Autumn, and how this love has only grown daily since the day she found out she was pregnant and continues. This brings me to Sunday nights sermon by Tommy Nelson. He was talking about raising our children properly and it made me think of Lauren & Josh and the task they now carry as parents, and knowing that they will do as God has designed is amazing. The scripture was Psalm 127. One of the first things Tommy said was that for their to be a house built by the Lord than the husband must submit to God, so that the wife is able to submit to the husband and with that the children are able to submit to their parents. I look at Lauren & Josh and I see this vividly played out, by no means is Autumn old enough to show submission but I guarantee that Lauren & Josh fulfill these roles and that it will be easy for Autumn to submit to them because they are so in step with the Lord. Something about that is sooooo special to me. Tommy spoke a lot about raising your children properly to be good children and something that stuck out to me was "there is no pain that can overcome the joy of having good children, and there is no joy that can overcome the pain of having bad children". Not to brag on myself or my sister, but it's very true. My parents have been very blessed with very good children and I know that my mom finds peace in that. I don't know what she did, but she raised us the right way. We chose to follow God and we continually follow is path, although I've strayed many times my mom knows I'm headed the right way. I am so proud of the parents Lauren & Josh are going to be to Autumn and I'm stoked that Autumn gets to be raised in a very Godly home. Another couple I look forward to seeing their child be brought up in a Godly home is my very own sister. It's so sweet to see Godly people conceive children for you know that the child is safe in that house. May our generation truly bless the world by raising our children in Godly homes. I could continue on and on about how amazing I think Lauren & Josh are or how amazing my sister & her hubby are. But I don't think I could describe either of these couples highly enough to give them justice for the incredible women & men of God they are. I truly aspire to have a marriage like that. I love you all so much!! Nicole, you always will be my role model and I love you for being the woman you are. I am so thankful that I have you to look up to and to imitate occasionally. I love you so much! Lauren, you are precious and I love you and little Autumn so much. I'm proud of you. It's been great to be a part of your life for so long now, its been amazing to watch you grow into this amazing Godly woman. You amaze me!!

Something else God taught me this weekend is going to him in the proper manner. My pastor back home spoke Sunday morning about the Lord's Supper and coming to the table with a clean heart. He talked about the way Simon Peter, James, John and Judas came to the table and how we need to avoid such things. Nice little conviction for me... So Simon Peter came with a spirit of arrogance thinking he was so much better than some of those other guys, as if he were Godlier or something. I'll admit there has been a time or two that I have thought my own sin wasn't so bad because well so and so wasn't exactly being Godly either. Wow...what was I thinking? Seriously. I need to come to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and not try to weight my sin as less just because I want to make myself feel better about it. It's natural though, is it not? So then there is James & John who came with spiritual ignorance. I'm pretty sure I probably come with spiritual ignorance every time. Wow really, I can't recall the last time I picked up my bible was. Here I sit writing being blatently honest partially not wanting to because I feel as if many of you will judge me as you read this, but I frankly don't care. I would rather be honest than to try to make myself look better just so that people think I'm doing fine. (reason I've recently switched churches). So here I sit Sunday morning ready to go before the Lord with arrogance and spiritual ignorance, lets see if I can go ahead and be like Judas too. So then there is Judas at the table with vengeance. Here he is ready to turn Christ in for what? To make himself look better maybe? I don't know if any of us will really know. But the fact is that Judas stabbed Christ in the back and went away from him. I don't feel as though I really do this to Christ, but who knows. So as I sit there in my seat I realize that I better get my heart right before I take of Christ. My heart is broken now, Christ has caught my attention. I know that I will still struggle but I want to change, I wanna get back on track. I want God to move me.

Then there is my own spiritual awakening. Roommates. So we all know how the roommate thing goes, sometimes its really hard to have them. There are days you come home and you look at the dishes and you just wanna puke because you wonder why the crap no on else seems to ever do the dishes. Maybe even why the trash is never taken out, the kitty litter never emptied, the carpet never vacuumed, peoples crap always left out...but then if you think about it, how many times is it you that didn't take the trash out when it was overflowing? Or you avoided the dishes because you just don't want to do them because you are tired. I thought about it and one time a friend of mine suggested this be a test of marriage. So I think about my house now as if I lived with my husband. And although I am sure I would be irritated that he never did the dishes I would find joy in being able to serve him by cleaning up his dishes. It's funny that when its the one you will be married to you want to serve them the best that you can. So why is it that we have such a hard time serving our roommates in the same manner? Perhaps its the selfish desires of our evil hearts. I wish so badly I could be more like Christ in the fact that he is 100% self-less. He never thinks oh I shall wash the dishes today because hopefully tomorrow they will. Oh wait, he just does it because he loves the other person so much. So here's to me trying harder to be selfless when my selfish desires want to have myself taken care of just as much as I want to serve others. May I be better at serving those around me. And with that today I want to commit to being a better roommate, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a Godlier woman in general. May I challenge you all to do the dishes for your roommates not because they won't get done unless you do them but because you want to serve them by doing that. I honestly find so much joy in cleaning the house when I know its driving Lexy nuts because I know she is busy with work. I don't care so much about my own room, but something about doing the dishes and taking out the trash and vacuuming is fun for me because I know that Lexy is stressed out enough. I love you Alexis!!!

Now with all that being serious I must share a funny story with you all. Last night I drove out to Euless to see Jon D. and a funny thing happened to me. I got there and he told me where to park and flagged me upstairs to the 3rd floor. I wasn't listening completely as I was trying to park, take my IPOD out, etc. So I hear something about the one on the left. So I get up to the 3rd floor and I walk into the first door on the left. That's right, I just walk in...I always have with Jon plus he just saw me so I know its cool. So I walk in and the first door I see is shut so I turn to my left and I see a bed that looks like Jons old comforter. So I walk in the room and there is some strange guy sitting at his desk and I think to myself, "thats not Jon or Don, who is it?" I continue my journey to find Jon by heading to the kitchen and some woman is standing there cooking..."oh crap, im in some strangers apartment". I turn around and walk out the front door glancing back into the room seeing that the guy has now turned and is faced towards me. I let the door shut thinking it will be quiet since it obviously was when I walked in, but no it slams. So i dart down the hall to the next left. Holy crap, are you kidding me? I was in someones apartment and they didn't even notice. I so could have been shot or something, but nope they didn't even realize I was in their place.

Well sorry this post was so long, but I had a lot on my mind. I love you all, and if you made it this far I'm proud. You should leave a comment so that I know you actually read it all...no really leave a comment, they make me smile. It can be your special way of "serving" me...dang it, there I am with my selfish desires!

kind of frustrated. i need to learn that when i come home its highly unlikely that i will hang out with people my age. i might as well get over the fact that nearly everytime i come home i have all these great plans to see all my friends and it never happens. so why the crap do i do it everytime i come home? from now my home is family time. maybe i'll go out occasionally, but i sure as hell am not making plans again.

"How can you deny God while holding a new born child, it's a miracle" -Grandpa Scott
 

This is me with Precious Autumn Grace Reeves. Isn't she beautiful? She was born 8/8/05 at 4:41pm. She is 6lbs., 13oz, 20in. long. I love her!!! 

This is me & Lexy drinking the picture she gave me. AMAZING! Happy graduation to me! 

So this is me with Lauren, too bad I could pass as pregnant too. Wow, maybe it's time I loose some weight... 

So yesterday at work one of the guys was a little rude to me and I'm not sure if I am hurt by what he said or not. I was sitting there at my desk and he walked up to me to let me know I looked like crap. He didn't say it nearly as nice. So after telling me how bad I looked he decided to insist that I must have a really low self-esteem. Then he continued talking about how I must hate life and my how parts of my life prove that I have a low self-esteem. Then he tells me that I don't deserve to get married and that no man would marry me anyway. Then he tells me that God wouldn't let me have kids because that would be ruining society. This coming from a man who doesn't love the Lord, right...cuz I really think he knows what the Lord wants. Oh irritation was mine. How badly I wanted to just punch him in the face. Praise God I am done with that crappy job come Thursday. Seriously the men at that place can be so rude. I will never like another car dealor for the rest of my life...no seriously. I don't trust them at all and they treat people like crap. What a learning experience that has been.

Now onto something else that's bugging me. I've began to understand exactly why a lot of peopel never go to church. Why go somewhere that you feel you are judged the second you walk through the door? Or feel as if no one cares for you to be there? Or even where some people hate you, perhaps even someone who is helping lead worship? A place where you feel alone amongst 100's of people. A place where you sit alone in the back and only the pastor acknowledges you, which might I say I do love. Even your so called friends don't talk to you. Somedays it's hard for me to want to be a Christian at all. Why is it so hard to find a good church home where you feel you belong? I wish so badly that I could go to Green Acres or Denton Bible, but that's not offered in Lubbock, TX. So I guess if you want you can pray for me to find a place where I feel that I belong. Anyway, thats enough detail. And I am tired so I'm off to bed.

This is the rest of our pets, and this is Domino... 

And this is Thomas... 

And this is Jake at the park, he is laying down you just can't tell in the picture.  

So this is a glimpse of our household. Here lies Stinky in the tub, Sibbie on the edge and Emma peaking over the side. With 6 pets we are always entertained by their odd behavior. And this week we have a guest dog visiting aka we're dog sitting. So needless to say most of are extra time is spent watching these "kids".

Today Lauren had another appointment and little Autumn now weights 6lbs. 3oz. Oh boy, oh boy, I can't wait till she is born. The doctors told her she will be induced August 9th or 11th. So be praying for her. I can't wait to see precious little Autumn. And speaking of babies, I can't wait to see my sisters little "peanut". I got to see her this weekend and she has a tiny pooch, no bigger than my natural pooch. But theres a baby in hers and not mine. So cute.

So I don't really have much to say. I am headed for Dallas this weekend and its going to be a bit of a hectic trip. I fly in tonight then head to Denton, then tomorrow night I get to drive to Willspoint then to Tyler after that. Then from Tyler back to Dallas Sunday, then catch a flight out of there back to here. Insanity I tell you. But I get to see one of my dearest friends get married, wahoo! And I get to see my beautiful pregnant sister, wahoo! Plus I get to see my parents whom I love a lot. So thats all fun.

So in the next 3 days my friend Alexis shall have a little baby girl, Amelia. Then any day now it's possible that Lauren may have a c-section to have precious baby, Autumn. Because of Laurens small size if at any appointment she goes to the doctor feels they need to get the baby for Laurens own health they will. Autumn is growing and is at a healthy enough state to be born early. Lauren has 3 appointments a week so any day I could get called to tell me she was born, how exciting! But there is the possibility that this may not occur for some time now. Autumn isnt "due" till August 22nd. Anyway, I am so excited about all these little babies coming. Especially since I will be an aunt come Janruary. WAHOO!

Stolen from Emily, thanks.

10 bands(musicians) I've been listening to lately
01: the beach boys
02: incubus
03: 50 cent
04: george strait
05: jessica simpson
06: ella fitzgerald
07: howie day
08: gavin degraw
09: martina mcbride
10: coldplay

09 things I look forward to
01: heaven
02: graduation
03: a real job
04: marriage
05: sex
06: being an aunt
07: seeing laurens baby when its born in a month
08: my roommates being back
09: my friends being back in lubbock

8 things I like to wear
01: flip flops
02: comfy shorts
03: my ring
04: chapstick
05: chandelier earrings
06: tshirts
07: jeans
08: socks to bed

07 things that annoy me
01: lubbock drivers
02: skinny people who think they are fat
03: fat people who show too much skin
04: headaches
05: stereotypical sorority girls
06: high pitch voices
07: people who interrupt others when they are talking

06 things I love
01: jesus
02: my family
03: kisses
04: Dr. Pepper
05: margaritas
06: good mexican food

05 things I do everyday
01: poop
02: call my mom
03: play with the cats
04: check my email, blog, xanga, facebook, and myspace
05: wake up/go to sleep

04 people I want to spend more time with
01: lauren & baby autumn
02: mystery man
03: my family
04: sarah crim

03 movies i could watch over and over again
01: simply irresistable
02: super troopers
03: the incredibles

2 of my favorite songs at the moment
01: collide by howie day
02: just a little bit by 50 cent

i made a random trip home today and now i have random things to say:
- my dog is nuts!!! she carries a mouth full of food from her bowl to underneath the dining room table where she spits it out and then eats it piece by piece
- my parents are amazing!!
- my family makes me laugh a lot!
- driving home isn't that bad of a drive
- i can't wait to live in dallas again
- i havent seen the really cool man from seymour in a long time and i saw him today
- i listened to cassettes on the way back
- bowling is so much fun, i dont know why i dont do it more

I just finished reading "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper, it was a really good book. I don't know exactly how I feel about his actual experience in Heaven. I learned a lot about the power of prayer though, and I don't think I ever realized just how powerful it is. At one point Don is talking about how hard it was for him to eat and it was at that time that I began to understand just what my Grandma was going through when she gave up eating and it made me understand it more. I realize how much her condition sucked and how much pain she was in, and taht at her age it just was too hard to keep on trying to live when she had Heaven to look forward to. This book really taught me a lot about death & dying. It also sparked an interest in me to counsel in the medical field after seeing the depression Don suffered due to his trauma. Anywho, it was a fabulous book and i suggest you read it...I also suggest you grab a kleenex box if you choose to read it, because I cried several times through out the book.

Well, its official I am moved into the new house and out of the old one. I'm so glad I'm done moving and everything is over with. I still have a lot of unpacking to do, but its cool because I love it here. I've got most of the easy stuff done with, but I can't get to some stuff till I hang my shelves and get the book shelf I'm painting back into the house. Then I have a few boxes to unpack that I'm really not looking forward to because we just took everything and dumped it into those boxes because I was in a hurry it get out of my old house. Anyway, so I'm moved now...wahoo! I have the best roommates in the world. Come visit me...

My sisters little peanut...


So it's official, here's proof that I'm going to be an aunt. Look how precious that little Bush is, oh I can't wait to be an aunt. I'm gonna seriously be the world's best aunt, and I will spoil the crap out of that little one. Oh how precious...a tear!

Well I've decided that I'm going to walk for graduation after all because I realized that I am very Tech proud. I am a proud Red Raider! I saw a friend's graduation pictures and something about that black gown and the red tassel that made me just wanna go for it. If I would have graduated in May I wouldn't have walked because the ceremony would have been way too long for me, but August shouldn't be bad and I'm definately pretty proud of myself...I can't believe I survived college. I like that I'm confident that I will do well in my math and english class this summer. Well I just thought I'd let you all know I plan to walk August 6th, wahoo!!!

Okay so I've been told I needed to update, but I don't really know what to talk about. I went home this weekend for my friend Liz's lingerie shower and bachelorette party, it was pretty fun. We went to Dick's Last Resort where pretty much everyone there was celebrating the same thing. Funny thing happened to me there too...we went downstairs because Liz wanted to dance and I was standing there not dancing because I don't dance. And I glance over and see this girl who looks familiar...she keeps staring at me then whispering to her friends and then staring at me some more with these evil glares of hatred...suddenly it clicks 'Michelle Darby'. She hated me in high school because I was friends with her boyfriend, and by hate I mean like wanted me dead kind of hate. Funny how her and Tony aren't together anymore and me & Tony are friends again...haha. She is a prime example of why I hate going back home when I go, I'd rather not see people like her.

The rest of my weekend was spent just hanging out with my family. I helped my dad take the hard-top off his car and I went shopping with my mom. We ate at one of my favorite Mexican restraunts and one of my favorite Italian restraunts. My mom cooked one of my new favorites meals...steak, baked potatoes and sauted mushrooms. YUMMY! My mom is by far the best cook in the entire world. I was suppose to see Britt this weekend but I didn't which kind of sucked and I didn't get to see Chelsey either...and I didn't get to go to DBC either. Oh well, it was a good weekend.

I am trying to pack so that I can move, but I got sick while i was home...thanks to my mom. So everytime I go to pack a box I start wheezing really bad and have to sit down again. This could be a very long packing process. It would help if my room was cleaned out so I could start moving stuff over there and getting that crap out of my way to finish packing...argh! Anyway, thats it for me.