Three Months

Dear Emily,

Wow, another month has come and gone. You are now three months old or as daddy likes to say, "it's your quarter birthday!" Every thing you do is so stinkin' cute. Just here in the last few days you've discovered that your voice can be louder. So you find it very fun to talk at the top of your lungs. You especially like to do this in the car or when we try to watch a tv show. Luckily we think it's super cute!! Guess you are going to be a talker just like your mom & dad.

Just this week you also learned that sitting up is the coolest thing in the world. You can't do it alone yet, but you sure wish you could. When we sit you in your boppy pillow you do crunches until someone assists you into the sitting position and then you just smile. You also love sitting up in your bumbo and checking out the world from a new view. You now sit on the bathroom counter and stare into the mirror while mommy gets ready.

If sitting wasn't enough you also love to stand. You smile so big when we let you stand up like a big girl. You straighten up real tall and adorn your face with the most proud little grin around. You think your big stuff!!

You've also learned to grasp onto your toys now. We have to carry around an extra paci because you normally pull your wubbanub out because you want to hold the elephant. We also have two backup elephants for you to grab onto. When you nap in the swing you like to hold one elephant in one hand and your sleep sheep in the other hand. You sure are awfully cute.

You have been much better in the sleeping department but it sure will be nice when you learn that sleeping through the night is way fun. You still have to come to bed with us around 4am for cuddles as the cradle is no longer an enjoyable place to lay your head. We don't mind the extra cuddles, but your cradle misses you during those hours. When it comes to naps you won't take them unless your in my arms or I get a little lucky for the day. You will take about one nap a day in your swing and the rest in my arms. I spoil you...let's be honest!! Don't tell your future siblings how much spoiling you got because pretty sure they won't have this luxury.

We love you more today than yesterday and this will be true tomorrow and every day after that. You are the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Love,

Mommy

Two Months

Dear Emily,

Another month has passed us already. It's been a fun month with you. You are smiling a lot these days. For a couple of weeks you would smile just because but now some of your smiles seem purposeful. The other day you were crying & as soon as you saw my face you let out a little grin. It pretty much made my day.

You still love playing in your little chair, we call it the poop chair. It has a way of making things happen. If you have a tummy ache we always put you in it because it tends to do the trick plus you love it. You coo, smile & kick your legs. I normally play the Caspar Babypants pandora station when you play, but daddy tends to let you listen to the 80s Throwback station.

You have discovered that we have a TV in the living room so we decreased the amount of times me & daddy watch it. You will throw your head back as far you can so that you can see the TV. Or if you are taking a bottle & the TV is on you can't focus on the bottle because you are entranced by the tv. Now we listen to music a lot!!

Nana says all the doctors & nurses at her office can't seem to stop talking about how alert you are. I guess that means it's a really good thing if you are amazing doctors & nurses with your alertness. Even your pediatrician mentioned how alert you were at your appointment. She also said you have excellent head control and you are a great talker. You talked your entire appointment. She also kept saying how cute you are & well I'd have to agree.

You went to church for the first time last week and all of your teachers just adored you. Ms Evy even said she gives you the Miss Congeniality award. We pray you will come to know Christ at an early age. Your teachers pray over you every week while you are in their room which is just another reason I love our church.

We love you more today than yesterday and this will be true tomorrow and every day after that. You are the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Love,

Mommy

Sleepless Nights

Before we had Emily everyone kept telling us to get plenty of rest which I did occasionally. I didn't really realize just how little of sleep I'd get that first week. The first night Emily was with us in the hospital after a few minute of trying to get her to fall asleep we paged the nursery for them to come take her. It was nice to store up on two nights of okay sleep. She was brought in every 2-3 hours to feed plus I had my vitals checked in the middle of the night too, but other than that we had peaceful sleeping!

The first night we were home I grabbed Emily's swaddle wrap, then got her all nice & snug! I got her to sleep & laid her down in her cradle. Easy! Only 2 minutes later she let me know she wasn't about to sleep in her cradle. My thoughts? Must be too big we will try the bassinet tomorrow. We took turns that night holding her in the living room...me, Cody and then my mom. We were exhausted day 2 home from the hospital.

The next day came & I laid her in the bassinet, to no avail she had no desire to lay there either. She wanted to be with us. Not to mention she hated being swaddled. She loves her legs to be swaddled, but she likes her hands up in her face. I should have known considering she literally had her hand by her face at birth. This is when we came up with shifts and everyone got a 3 hour block to sit up with Emily while she slept on their chest. I became increasingly sleepy at night as I had to get out of bed every 2-3 hours to nurse, but at least I was getting some sleep between nursings at least twice a night. Once when Cody was on shift & once when my mom was on shift. Our schedule worked for us at least for the time being.

Once my mom left Cody & I worked out our own schedule. I'm blessed that he's so willing despite the fact that he has to get up early to go to work. We average about 6 hours of sleep a night granted it's broken up. I'd like to say things are improving but not yet. It will get there & for now I'll cherish all these cuddles because I know in a year or two I'll be wishing desperately that I could sneak a cuddle in.

Removing the Stress: Nursing

One thing I kept hearing over & over again as I gave my hand at nursing was that if you were stressed out then your baby would know it. It's crazy to me that your baby can be that intuitive. This reason is one of the number one reasons why I decided to remove Emily from the breast. As she would bobble around & scream at my lack of milk supply I'd become increasingly discouraged & frustrated only adding more stress to the matter. It was only a matter of minutes before we were both crying.

I just read a blog post over at Mama and Baby Love called Make Your Boobs a Happy Place. After reading her post I am encouraged to continue giving it a try occasionally to see if perhaps Emily will take to the breast. I love those moments when she latches because there is a bond in that moment that is like no other. Sometimes when she's really fussy I just let her nurse herself to sleep because she will take the breast in those moments and she's completely comforted. In those moments my boobs are a very happy place for her. We still mostly pump & bottle feed but occasionally I still try the breast. I've been on domperidone for a couple weeks now & my supply is up but still not enough to take care of all her needs. My lactation consultant has encouraged me to nurse her from time to time even if I do spend a majority of my time pumping. So I'm going to attempt to continue making it a happy place. And when it doesn't work I'm not discouraged as much & it doesn't end in tears. I take her off & give her a bottle making all well in the world. No stress.

One Month

8 lbs 12 oz 21. 5 in.

Dear Emily,

You are one month old. It's hard to believe that a month ago I was going into the hospital to have you. It feels as though all that happened just yesterday. You are growing up too fast already. You are no longer that teeny tiny baby, but you are starting to get so big. Every time I look at you I am surprised by how much you have grown. You try very hard to hold up your head as long as you can. You have a very strong neck!

You actually love tummy time which I hear is rare. Not to mention you love playing on your play mat. You kick and kick and kick while the music is playing. This is one place you are always happy to spend time. All too often you'd much rather be laying with either me or daddy than swinging or sitting in your chair.

You have brought so much joy to our lives. While we still would like extra sleep the cuddles we get with you make up for the hours we are missing out on. Not to mention nothing is sweeter than the grins & giggles that occur in your sleep. We both love you with everything in us & find you absolutely adorable!

Love ,

Mom

Okay here is your real one month photo. The other one was taken 7 days late but I wanted to trick people into thinking I had it all together.

The Birth Story

Normally I would not be one to share my birth story, but I've been encouraged to share it. If you've ever been pregnant you know just how quickly one wants to share their horror story with you. I personally never let anyone because I didn't care to hear it. Between my sister & my close friends I had a good understanding of what birth looked like, both the good & the bad. So I share my story with you because I want you to know that good stories do happen...

The night of December 7th I didn't get very much sleep after a night of contractions. They would be getting closer together and then just dissipate. I called my doctor on the 8th & went in to be checked. I was at a 2 so she advised me if I started contracting again to be sure to head to the hospital this time. That night I had excellent sleep, but woke up around 6:30 because I had "wet" myself. I called my mom & told her I thought my water had broken but not to come to the hospital just yet in case it was a false alarm (i.e. pee'd my pants).

We got to the hospital around 6:45 or so & got all checked in. The nursed check me and my water had not broken, but I was indeed in labor. I was dilated to a 3 so she was keeping me there. We called our parents to let them know it was a go. They asked if I was in pain & if I wanted an epidural. I had no pain but knew I wanted the epidural and didn't want to miss out on it because I waited too long.

The anesthesiologist was in with another woman, but would come see me as soon as he had a chance. Pretty sure it was a couple hours and I was dilated to a 5 by the time he came to visit me, but I wasn't experiencing any pain so I didn't mind. I wouldn't have known I was having contractions if it wasn't for the machine telling me so & according to my mother-n-law some of them were fairly severe so I was lucky. Getting the epidural hurt a little, but was totally worth it. It wasn't long before I couldn't feel from my tummy down. I was happy!

We spent much of the day just watching TV & talking. Sometime around lunch my contractions started getting more intense so my mother decided to tell my dad to get to the hospital around 1:30 because that's probably when I'd have a baby. My guess was closer to 3:30, but what did I know? So around 1:30 my contractions slowed down so much so that the nurse decided to put me on pitocin. She had to keep increasing the amount I was getting because I wasn't progressing at all. I was starting to have to push my epidural button to get more drugs because I was actually starting to feel some of my contractions just a little bit. At one point my nurse asked about my pain & when I told her I was feeling them but it wasn't too bad she told me that there was no reason for me to feel anything since I had chosen to get an epidural. So my sweet friend, the anesthesiologist came back to up my dose! Shortly there after the nurse came in to tell me it was go time, she was going to go call my doctor so we could start pushing. However, my doctor was busy so wanted to hold off 30 minutes. Fine by me I couldn't feel a thing ;)

About 10 minutes later the nurse came in to prepare me because my doctor was ready. They told me to pull up my legs and I just laughed because I couldn't do a thing with them. They just lay there motionless even though I was desperately trying to move them. The nurse took one leg & Cody the other. It was time to push. Four contractions & 16 minutes into pushing and we had a beautiful baby girl! My doctor really thought she might come out during the 2nd contraction, but it took just a little longer. Needless to say I was lucky!!

Emily came into this world at 4: 18 pm weighting 8 lbs 2 oz. & measuring 21 inches long. She was absolutely flawless & I was madly in love. As I lay there holding her I thought the sweet little grunts she was making was adorable until the nurse told me it wasn't a good thing. It was only a matter of minutes before they decided to take Emily to the NICU. She never let out a big wail to let loose the fluids so when she started grunting they were concerned especially since I was Group B positive. Hours passed by before I even received an update on my child & one with which I didn't want to hear. She was fine, but they wanted to monitor her for 48 hours. They wanted to definitely keep her in the NICU over night, but maybe even longer. I sobbed. All I wanted to do was hold my sweet baby again. I prayed & called on my closest friends to pray. I wanted her in my arms again. I wanted everything to be okay.

Around 10:30 that night I held my baby again. I went down to the NICU to see her. The nurse told us we could stay as long as we wanted. So as I sat there doing skin-to-skin I prayed over her. I prayed that we would get to have her back with us soon. As it got later in the night I knew I needed to get rest as I wouldn't be getting much of that so we left her even though I could have sat there all night with her on my chest.

Before we left the NICU they told me they would bring her down for feeds in the middle of the night & that I could visit whenever I wanted. I felt better as we headed back to our room. I slept pretty good that night & was so happy to see her that morning even though my sleep was interrupted. When 7am came they released her from the NICU to the regular nursery which meant my baby could be with me. God had answered our prayers! Our parents (aside from my mom) got to see her for the first time on Saturday morning. We were released Sunday morning which was a blessing because they originally weren't sure if they would be willing to release Emily until late Sunday afternoon.

Emily's 1st Christmas

Emily's 1st Christmas was wonderful! We are so blessed to be given such a sweet gift this Christmas. Our little girl was more than enough for me!

I was a little nervous to visit Santa because of the germs, but decided I just had to. We got up early on a Sunday morning & headed to Bass Pro Shop to get our picture. I handed her over in her blanket so he didn't touch her. We all survived!!

Here is me & Emily on her small little family Christmas.

I'm reading her the book we got her for Christmas, I Love You Through and Through.

Here is a great picture that shows just how our photo shoot of the cousins went. I think we got a half way decent photo, but for the most part they are full of chaos!

My nieces & nephew just adored Emily. It was so sweet to see how caught up in her they were. This moment was such a special moment for me.

Christmas morning we all headed to church. All of the girls wore matching dresses so this was our attempt to get a cousin picture yet again!

Christmas morning dress!! :)

Our little family...

Little Santa baby!

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!!

Nursing Blues

Before having Emily if I were asked if I was going to breastfeed I would have said, "yes as long as it works out for us." I didn't know why it wouldn't work out, but knew several friends had said it just didn't work out. I didn't realize it could be challenging since after all it is "natural".

Let's just be honest in saying had I known what I do now I think things would have gone a lot differently which is why I am writing this post. I write this so that if there is someone like myself out there looking for hope or wanting to figure things out they can find it here.

Right after Emily was born I was able to hold her for a few minutes before they decided they were concerned about her grunting & the fact that she didn't let out a big wail (to clear her lungs) so they whisked her off to the NICU. Had I known what I do now...I would have made sure in those couple minutes I had with her that I attempted to breastfeed for the first time. Unfortunately I didn't get that chance so it wasn't until 6 hours later that I would for the first time breastfeed my baby. And can I just say that they gave her a bottle during those 6 hours away which I really wish wouldn't have been done. They said she needed it because her blood sugar was low, but from everything I've learned now her blood sugar was actually fairly normal for a newborn & I could have supplemented at the breast allowing her to familiarize herself with that region. Again...had I known what I do now.

The day the lactation consultant came to my room I had visitors & so she she briefly gave me a run down and left. Had I known what I do now I would have told my visitors to leave.

We headed home & I thought things were going great. We went to our first pediatricians appointment and Emily had lost too much weight. At birth she was 8 lbs 2 oz, at discharge she was 7 lbs 11 oz & at our appointment she was 7 lbs 5 oz. The pediatrician was nervous that she had lost too much weight and wanted me to supplement 10 cc's after every feeding. Had I known what I know now I would have known she hadn't lost too much weight & was fine. I would have disregarded my pediatrician & kept trying to nurse her more frequently to help with the weight gain. After starting to supplement the 10 cc's Emily hated to nurse so I scheduled an appointment with the lactation consultant at the doctor's office. Emily wouldn't nurse because she wasn't hungry so we didn't get a lot of help. She gave me a device to to supplement with at the breast since the pediatrician hadn't done so. Things got worse not better. We went in for another weight check & Emily had lost again and weighed in at 7 lbs 1 oz so I was then instructed to supplement 1 oz after every feeding. Supplementing that much at the breast with the device given to us was an absolute pain in the rump. I had two hands full & had to always have my mom or husband assist. It quickly became easier to just give her the supplemented amount via a bottle. Before I knew it she hated nursing & so did I. Most feeds ended with both off us crying, but she had gained!! :0) After she gained weight it was back to breastfeeding except she wouldn't so I had to give her formula or she would have screamed at the top of her lungs. I couldn't give her what she wanted fast enough & this is when I realized my supply was low. (Had I known what I do now my supply would have never got low).

I realized I still needed help so I got information on another lactation consultant. I emailed back & forth with her but she wasn't a lot of help. Really just kind of helped me learn how to increase my supply via pumping which wasn't working out too well either. So I was trying hard to at least pump breastmilk for Emily, but couldn't keep up with her feedings. I was only able to provide her with 2-3 feeds a day & the rest had to be formula. I read up & talked with friends and found out about a herb called fenugreek so I started it right away. After 48 hours it hadn't been working & my supply was remaining the same. Nothing seemed to help!

I got a hold of yet another lactation consultant one that came highly recommended. I was greatly encouraged after hanging up the phone with her, but it would be several days before we could meet because the holiday weekend had occurred. I was supposed to meet with her when she returned, but we couldn't get our schedules to work out until a full week later. She encouraged me to take more fenugreek & get a hold of Mother's Milk Plus. My supply still remained low & nothing seemed to be changing. Emily sometimes nursed & other times refused. We did what we could. The time to meet her finally came & things went well. Emily latched well & got 1.5 ounces from me. So the consultant showed me an easier way to supplement at the breast so that she would be increasing my milk supply as she supplemented. She received her extra 1.5 ounces this way. The next feed came & it wasn't as easy as I thought. And it seemed as though each feed after that only got worse. It was very evident from my conversation with her that a lot had gone wrong from the very beginning which is why I was having so much difficulty. She had hope for me, but I was left feeling pretty hopeless still. But I wanted to persevere.

With all that said, had I known then what I know now...

I would have nursed Emily from the start. I would have refused her to be given a bottle in the NICU. I would have met with the lactation consultant at the hospital. I would have refused the first recommendation to give her 10cc's after each feed. I would have met with a lactation consultant then to help increase my supply to help her gain. When recommended to start giving her even more formula I would have rented a hospital grade pump to increase & help keep up with my supply. And had I met with those lactation consultants early on I would have had an increased milk supply & likely things would have worked out a lot better.

My encouragement to you if you are struggling with nursing is to seek help right away!! There are so many resources & if you are cheap like me don't be because the money is worth the investment. Read as much as you can so you can be ready! Every book or blog I read said the funny things about breastfeeding is it isn't as natural as you would think. Almost every mom I talked to told me how hard it was. Had I known all of that before this started I think things would have gone differently.

So today I am throwing in the towel. After 3 1/2 weeks of giving it all I got it's time for me to stop. The stress it's causing me & Emily is making it not worth it. She is much happier taking a bottle & therefore I am much happier when she is taking that bottle. It's hard because I wanted to be able to provide for her in this way, but it just didn't work out for us. To think before she was born I didn't even care about nursing & now I long for it. I prayed day in and day out that things would click. I prayed often that my supply would increase. I will continue too pump for as long as I can, but for us the bottle is the way to go. I am so thankful to those who have prayed with me & for me along this journey. I am also extremely thankful for those who have encouraged me when it's been tough especially during those late night hours. I am thankful for those who told me I was still a good mom even if I didn't breastfeed. I am blessed beyond measure for each & everyone of you who has walked with me in this journey. Thank you for all your kind words & your prayers! Now my hope is that God will bless me with my second child & I will get to nurse them. But for now...me & Emily will just enjoy bonding over a bottle & some snuggle time! :)

She's Here!!

Emily arrived a week ago today. I can't believe my sweet little girl has been here a week already. She entered the world at 4:18 pm 12/9/11 weighing in at 8 lbs 2 oz & 21 in long! I am blessed beyond words. Here is a small glimpse into our first week together...

The second I held my baby for the first time...

Just hanging out...

Emily meeting her boyfriend, Aiden. I had the pleasure of being pregnant with a dear friend of mine. We both struggled to get pregnant & ended up being two weeks apart in our pregnancy. What a sweet journey we got to take together.

Our family headed home...

Emily's going home outfit. Check out her sweet boots from Jacqui at CrafteeMcGee!!

Our little Red Raider...
(onesie made by me)

Reading with daddy...

Posing with her friend...

The Bump: 37 Weeks

Sorry it's been 7 weeks since I've updated the bump. So here it is...

Don't worry...Mikey still has to be in my pictures. He just loves to get right next to me.

Nothing really happening as of now. Emily likes the incubator as of this point and hasn't made her decent yet. My doctor is out of town this week so I haven't started doing anything to get her out of here. But starting Sunday it's all about squats & pedicures! :)

I can't believe little Miss Emily will be here in the next 3 weeks...

The Bump: 30 Weeks

I feel gigantic! Too bad I still have lots of growth to go...

Hoping the cooler weather will help lessen the swelling I am experiencing. I'm down to a few pairs of shoes thanks to the swollen nature of my feet. Headed out to Canton tomorrow with my mom & hoping I survive.

We went to a football game last night and the combination of bleachers, broken tailbone & a huge belly made for a very sore momma. I crashed as soon as we got home and could barely walk. I'm getting good at the waddle.

The Bump: 27 Weeks

Well...I've made it to 27 weeks! It's crazy to me that next week I will officially enter my 3rd trimester meaning I'm 2/3 finished with my pregnancy. I am very excited about Emily being here, but of course we still have a lot to do. And there is something a little strange to me about how one day you don't have a baby and then you do.

Yesterday we went to Sam's to pick up some dog food & I found this beauty for Emily's room! Cody thinks she will be walking around carrying it at 3 months. I have much to teach him in regards to developmental milestones. Not to mention his mom said most of her kids didn't walk until around 15 months so it's possible we will have a late walker...

Our photo shoot time is always entertaining...

Here I am trying to show you how my belly button wants to pop. Hard to see but it's trying so hard to pop on out there. It's about 1/2 popped which makes me feel lopsided.

The Bump: 24 Weeks

I popped at 23 weeks. I went to put on my usual Sunday morning t-shirt and it was suddenly a little smaller. I just knew Cody had given me the medium I used to wear but it was the large.
Little Miss Emily is taking over the belly! Cody got to feel her move at 23 weeks which was very exciting. It was also neat for me because I finally got to see her move. I catch myself staring at my belly waiting for her to move around.

I had an appointment this week with the doctor. I was shocked by my weight, but she didn't seem to be so I guess that's a good thing. I have to remember that I'm carrying a baby.

And here's a cliche' picture just for kicks and giggles...

The Bump: 22 Weeks

We've managed to make it to 22 weeks! I can't believe how much I've grown in the last 3 weeks. Okay well maybe I can believe it a little because I sure can't fit into a good portion of my clothes. I wish I could wear yoga shorts to work, but I can't. It's too hot for jeans but I don't have too many options. Longing for fall!!

Emily is kicking around like crazy, but not enough yet for Cody to feel or see. She was really active in church this morning so I guess she likes Matt's preaching just as much as we do. That or he was too loud and she was begging for silence! :)

Saturday I will finish cleaning out the nursery with my mom and then we can start putting it together. Excited to see what's to come of that room!!

The Bump: 19 Weeks

Starting to really feel like I look pregnant which is a nice change. I'm definitely starting to run out of clothes to wear and not sure how much I want to invest in. I've got a bunch of fall/winter clothes but nothing for this ridiculous heat!

Crazy enough my slurpee addiction has curbed for the time being. I had one yesterday and it was pretty good, but no need to have one every day any more. Still loving the root beer, but also not nearly as severe. I have had a pretty good sweet tooth this week though.

Potentially felt the baby move a couple times now, but still can't be 100%. The first time was last week but I wasn't real sure. Felt that same type of feeling twice since then, but not regularly.

We find out the sex of this sweet baby next week!! I can't wait! Vote to the right...

Trusting In Him

I've come across these lyrics on numerous occasions in my life in which they have deeply encouraged me. I really wish I'd think on them more often.

Unashamed Love by Ten Shekel Shirt

You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

chorus:
Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love

We've recently discovered that our house needs some serious foundation repair. We have been saving up for a car so to find out we had a need arise that could possibly take away all that has caused a great deal of stress and frustration for me. Sometimes I just need to remember to lay aside the worries of my day...

The Bump: 17 Weeks

Please forgive me for looking awful! One of these weeks my goal will be to look pretty in my picture. My husband takes the photos so he wouldn't dare tell me I look like I fell asleep mid picture or that I could use some makeup.

I am still craving slurpees like you wouldn't believe. I pretty much have one almost every day if possible. Soooo good!! Yesterday I desperately wanted a mug root beer, but couldn't find a place that had them. Sad day! I settled for a Barq's but only got to enjoy half so I didn't over indulge in caffeine.

Starting to really feel pregnant! Still haven't felt that baby move, but was lucky enough to get an ultra sound at my last appointment. We are really growing a baby in here!

3 weeks until we find out the gender!!! Vote to the right...

His Perfect Plan

Sometimes it's so hard to see his perfect plan for our lives. I know there have been many instances in my life where I've wondered what in the world God was up to. Why did it take so long for me to meet my husband? To find a job? To get pregnant? Some of these things I still don't know the answer to.

I have no idea why I didn't meet my husband until 2008 when we lived in the same city and had the same friends in 2005. I know that what we have now is perfect for us, but I don't understand why. I can't seem to grasp why I owned a house yet was unable to find a job to provide suitable income for me until after we got married. I searched long and hard for a job before I finally received such a blessing. And now I don't understand why God has me at a job I dislike so much. I used to think it was the perfect job until the last 5 months or so when I saw things that disgusted me about it. And I have no idea why I longed so badly to become a mother and had to wait 11 months to conceive. These things for me I may never know, but I trust in my God that each of them are all a part of his perfect plan for my life.

Yesterday we spent time with family viewing the body of Cody's younger cousin. None of us can grasp at this time what God's perfect plan is for this situation and for David's life. His parents long to understand why he had to go so early, he was only 21. They long to know what God's plan is in all of this. My prayer is that they would receive answers very soon. I really hope they do. I hope they receive peace in knowing that his life has made the difference in at least one other life. That one other young man or woman will see what happened in David's life and make a change for the better. That they will grasp the love of Christ and run open armed into his loving arms. It's so hard to understand his perfect plan and just why things pan out the way they do. But we have to trust in that in these difficult days. We have to put our faith in knowing that God has just the perfect plan for this situation.

I didn't know David well. But I know one thing, he was very very loved by his family. And I love his family to pieces. I hate to see them hurting. I've grown to be so in love with this family. They are my family now. I hate to see them hurting. Last night I drew peace from knowing a part of the picture. Seeing sweet Baby Everett and the joy he's bringing to David's sisters and parents makes me know that sweet Everett was all apart of God's perfect plan. I thanked God for Baby E's life last night. I thanked God knowing that Everett was born exactly when he was because he was all a part of His perfect plan.

And now I see more of the picture. Experiencing Lindsey's pregnancy and the birth of Everett was a source of pain for me as I longed for motherhood. Yet last night, as I sit reflecting on God's perfect plan for Everett's life I realize just how selfish I had been. God knew just what he was doing when he created life in Lindsey. He knew just when Everett needed to be born. He knew despite my own circumstances that Everett indeed needed to enter this world when he did. And knowing his perfect plan reminds me just how selfish I had been to experience pain in something I should have been rejoicing in. Lindsey deserved better from me, but I was distant and for that I am truly sorry.

God, only you know the perfect plan for our lives. Only you can see it through. We may or may not ever understand what it is you are working out to completion. But we trust in knowing that you have the perfect plan.

I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in us.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:6

until the day of Christ Jesus. This isn't even about an ending date. This is about until the day of Christ Jesus. He's still carrying out his plan for David's life.

The Bump: 15 Weeks

The 15 Week Bump! Starting to feel a little more pregnant and a little less chubby.

This is the dress I've worn to the last two weddings I've attended. Pretty sure it might be the only nice dress that fits me this summer. It's possible I'll wear it to the next 3 weddings purely to see the belly grow.

I am totally craving frozen goodness!! Slurpees and snowcones are the best thing in the world. My water has to be extra cold in order for me to drink it too.

Hives are the devil. I've never had them in my life but in the past week I've had them a lot. Can't pinpoint why they are happening, but a preggo friend told me she has unexplainable hives around this same time in her pregnancy. We shall see...

What Freaks Me Out...

Bringing baby home from the hospital doesn't necessarily freak me out. I've got my sister on speed dial already and fairly confident if anything comes up the phone call will solve all my problems. I've been around babies and children enough that this part doesn't phase me not even a little. I love kids! I've been longing for motherhood.

What freaks me out...

1) Breastfeeding. No one talks about this.
2) Giving birth...a little bit, but breastfeeding scares me more.
3) Finding a pediatrician. I am not qualified to find a good pediatrician. Where is my sister now? Maybe she can come down & research all the peds for me! Oh wait, maybe Ruth can go with me since she's a peds nurse. Or maybe I'll just drive an hour to see a good pediatrician. Oh wait, I want a local doctor. But whose any good? Ahh!
4) Registering/Buying the right products! My sister isn't here to go register for everything with me. What if I pick bad bottles? What if those "safe" things aren't so safe? Do I let things like price influence my purchases? What is the best of the best? Oh geez!!