Differences Among Us

In the past year I have noticed a lot more about relationships than ever before. It may have something to do with a particular relationship in my own life or perhaps the counseling, but none the less I have made some observations.

I'd have to say the number one problem is our inability to communicate with one another. I find this to be true time and time again. The sad part is that we may have really good communication with one person but then with someone else it just doesn't seem to work out that way. I find that I have certain friends that I am completely okay with critique while others completely hurt you when they try to recorrect. The reason for this is because of communication. One person may be able to tell you something in a manner that is beneficial and even uplifting while someone else may tear you apart to the core. We must learn how to communicate effectively with one another in order to maintain healthy friendships.

I once was not someone who wanted to work through things. If you were mad at me or upset with me then I just let you be and I could have cared less. I didn't need you any way. Wow--I sure was prideful! But now I am someone who wants to sit down and figure out exactly how we can do life together, just exactly how we can get along better and really truly be friends. An issue came up this week between me and one of my roommates. I had hurt her feelings through my actions which had not been my intention. So we talked it through and I discussed with her exactly what it is she needed from me and what I needed to do to change. I then told her areas where I had been hurt and she apologized and learned from me what I needed. If we wouldn't have had this open communication we would have just destroyed our friendship, but instead we made it stronger. I encourage you all to set aside your differences with people and figure out a middle ground.

This brings up the second reason I think we have such a hard time interacting with others, we grew up differently so our value systems are different and our insecurities are different as well. I have seen this time and time again as I set up expectations for people based on my system of beliefs. Perhaps I expect a man to hold the door open for me and when one doesn't I get mad, but perhaps that man was never taught that was respectful in the first place.

In my last dating relationship the guy had a tendency to not call when he said he was going to which irritated me because I was raised in such a way that you at least made contact just to say you were busy or you would get back to them later. But he was raised in such a way that you just got back to that person whenever you could, whenever you were done with whatever it is you had to finish even if it meant not calling that person until the next day. I had to learn to forgive him when he would forget to call and he had to learn to try harder to call when he said he would call. I just encourage you to be open in communication so that when something comes up you can come to an understanding with one another so that you can strengthen your own relationship. If I would have continued to get frustrated with him and he continued not to try then our relationship would have been destroyed because both of us were too selfish to change a little.

The insecurities bit is another problem I've seen in relationships as well. One of my insecurities is that I don't belong or that people don't like me because I'm not "cool" enough. This comes from high school and being severely rejected by the "in" crowd. So I have a tendency to get my feelings hurt when I perceive someone "cool" as rejecting me. This often times happens with my own friends and I will become upset because I feel like they are choosing my more "cool" friends to hang out with and forget about me. While this might be the case sometimes, in most cases this is not the case and it was completely not related at all.

Each of us has our own insecurities that now cause us to react in certain ways in current relationships. Perhaps you were once cheated on so you don't trust the next guy you date because you just know that he too will break that trust. Maybe you've been betrayed by friends many times in the sense that they always end up dating the guy you liked so then you never tell anyone who you like so they can't steal him away. This week alone I told one of my friends that I understood if they didn't want to be friends any more because they started dating someone because I am used to people saying goodbye to friendships when they start dating. Yet this isn't always the case. Not only did I try to tell a friend goodbye, but I also withdrew from another friend who started dating just so I didn't have to be rejected. Be cautious of your insecurities and the affect they have on your life. Not only should you be aware of them, but you should make an effort to get rid of them. I know that's my goal because by having them I am allowing Satan to have a hold in my life.