A Changing Heart

I recall my freshman year of college thinking my friend, Lauren, was the sweetest girl you would ever meet. She loved everyone and no one could ever do her so wrong that she be angry with them. That wasn't the case for me. I couldn't understand how Lauren could be so sweet and how she could deal with some of the people she did. I didn't get it at all, but I valued her friendship so much and only wished I could be more like her.

I was a bit feisty by nature and was ready to put up a fight. I was wounded and defensive so if you crossed my path at the wrong time or I felt wronged then you would pay. Simple. I was good with my words and knew just how to hit right below the belt. I was pretty good if I don't admit so myself. I kind of enjoyed being this way--it was easy, it was what was known. No one could hurt me this way. Let me clarify by saying that I was sweet and I did have friends, it just wasn't good to be disliked by me. It wasn't good to catch me on a bad day. If I was mad you could guarantee you would know about it.

Wow, the Lord has done a number on me in the past few years. I am still not nearly as sweet as Lauren and am unsure I will ever be that sweet. But now I can look in the mirror and see a sweet girl. I can look in my heart and know that I've changed a lot and also know how I really feel. I feel so guilty about all the people I probably hurt. I love them, each and every one of them. And even though they may have hurt me I wish that I wouldn't have turned around and been hateful back. So if you were one of the ones I hurt then I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I want to be sweet. I want to be that friend you can really count on. I want to be someone that you can see Christ in...I'm pretty sure you were able to see the devil in me back then. But I know God has done a number in my life. If I have hurt you in any way please let me know so that I can apologize to you apart from this general apology. I truly am sorry for any hurt I may have caused any of you. I pray you can see a cahnge in me and that you can trust me again. I love you all very very much!!