so going with the sermon i shared last time...do you ever just feel so lonesome that you could cry? i find it rather amusing that in all the friends that i "have" i often find myself so lonesome that i could cry. sometimes i think it's because its a sat. night and i have no one to hang out with so therefore i am lonesome but even when i am with friends i still feel lonesome. and its because i am lacking with God, my relationship with Him is nowhere close to where it needs to be. i'm so lost that i don't even know how to find my way back. its almost easier to linger on this path that i've been on for so long. torn between two worlds, not knowing which one i really belong to. to think that in one world i feel more loved and actually enjoy life a little more when in the other i feel so lost and alone. which really it should feel the complete opposite. i stand here so broken inside and with no one to talk to, which is definately a good thing because it teaches me that i can't rely on my friends and that i must fall on my knees and let the one person i know will never stop loving me hold me in his arms tonight. man i'm so lonesome i could cry.

so this weekend i went to see my sister in tyler and i had a really good time. friday was a bit rough at the start of the day. my flight was to leave at 6am so I needed to be to the airport by 530 no later. luckily i had this amazing friend, jeff that volunteered to take me to the airport so i was suppose to call him at 430 to wake him up. well i decided at about midnight that i would go ahead and just stay awake all night b/c 4 hrs. would be worthless to me anyway. i got most stuff packed then i headed to walmart with marissa so she could keep me awake. sadly the night before i couldn't fall asleep so i only had 4 hrs. of sleep so by 2am I was ridiculous tired. i got home at about 230 and decided i should take an hour nap. i do this all the time when i am studying and i just leave my light and tv on so that i can't get good sleep. i set 3 or 4 alarms and figured i would wake up...greatest fear is missing my flight. well so i fall asleep and 545 rolls around and my phone rings and i recognize the spanish fiesta as jeffs ring so i jump out of bed and look at the clock. its 545 and i'm definately not going to make my flight. i start freaking out immediately, i hang up with jeff and call my mom in a panic. she seems calm and its okay that i missed my flight she doesnt hate me like i thought she would. so she calls southwest and they tell her that i need to get up there as soon as i can to try to catch the next flight on stand by. so i get dressed in a hurry and finish packing my suitcase i call jeff back and he says he'll still take me. so i get in my car to go over to his house and my anxiety kicks in hard core. i start crying and shaking, i am officially really stressed out. i called my mom and she calmed me down just in time for me to arrive at jeff's. jeff gets in the car and we head to the airport. i sit at the airport till 8 praying that i can make a flight. they suggest i fly to new mexico and then to dallas because i'll be guaranteed a flight from nm back to tx. well i figure might as well try b/c all the dallas flights are sold out b/c of the game. plane is loaded and i am praying pretty hardcore and yay i make the call...i get to fly into new mexico. wow they have mountains...i am jealous. so i should have been in dallas by 7am, but i got there at 11 instead. made it to tyler by 1 so i ate lunch then went to my hair appointment. after that my day turned around. i had a great time this weekend, hanging out with my sister and mommy is always fun. me & my sister got this sisters scrapbook and we did some of it this weekend so we talked about a lot of memories and things we love about each other and stuff, that was really cool. we played a lot of games as we always do. we played frisbee one night which really made me miss playing . she has an amazing dog so that made me want a dog really bad. monday we left right after lunch so we could go shopping and so that i could meet liz for dinner. we ate at this place called buca de geppo or something to that nature and it was amazing. then we headed to cheesecake factory to get some cheesecake...its mine & liz's favorite. i got to the airport a little early which is good because there was trouble with my tickets because of fridays disaster. but then it ended up not mattering and i had to wait for my flight for an hour and a half because well it of course had to be off schedule. flight was really good though, i sat between two people that were really friendly. and at the airport i ran into a girl i use to be in youth group with 4yrs. ago, she decided to come to tech. so needless to say i had a pretty good weekend although i thought it would be a disaster all because friday morning.

so sunday i went to church with my sister and their pastor is pretty amazing. before church even went around my sister was telling me that he is doing a country music theme this month and this weeks title was "I'm so lonesome I could cry" and I thought what a perfect weekend for me to come visit. his sermon was great and he does all this stuff that really keeps your attention and he's way funny too. So the passage was on John 16:28-33 where Jesus talks about overcoming the world and returning to the Father. So I am just gonna share with you what I learned.
I. You can be lonesome even in a crowd.
1. Caused by a mobilized culture.
-we're in the culture in which you have places to be all the time that sometimes you forget to stop and say hey to people and so we just become a lost face in a crowd.
2. Caused by a despersonalized culture.
- you are no longer a person, you become just another number
II. You can be alone and not be lonely.
1. Solitude is not loneliness.
-solitude is a time for spiritual renewal and it's something we need. We need a time to be alone with God as did Jesus...
-Mark 1:35 "Very early in the morning, white it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went to a solitary place, where he prayed."
2. God's presence is real and personal.
-Hebrews 13:5 "never will i leave you, never will i forsake you"
-Pslams 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
-John 16:32 "You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me."
(he mentioned a story of a little boy who was scared when in his bed at night and yelled out to his father "daddy i am scared" and his daddy yelled back "don't be scared God is in there with you" and the boy was silent for a little while then he yelled "daddy i need someone with flesh" the story reminded me of my own life because there are so many times when i realize that God is all i have and i just wanna yell out "i need someone with flesh" but i must remember God is truly the only one that can make that loneliness go away)
3. You can conquer lonliness by reaching out to others.
-Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother."
(because I am psych minor, the other day i was listening to a lecture and my prof said that once we have so many friends we have the tendency to stop allowing more relationships to enter our life till we loose a friend then we look for someone to replace that person and as a Christian we should try to overcome that silly cycle and we should always be looking for another person we can be friends with. there are so many people out there that are lonely and just need someone to love on them and who better than a christian who can share with them how God can make you not so lonely.)

So that was the sermon, I thought it was great. Another thing that got brought up was how the only time Jesus was alone was when he was dying for our sins and God had to turn away from him and let him take upon all of our sin. I had never heard it put this way before but the entire reason Jesus was with out God was because he actually had to go to hell to take on all of our sin and God couldn't go with him. Thats why he said "why have you forsaken me" it wasnt just because God didn't remove him from the cross but because he actually took my sin for me. That kind of makes my outlook on the entire thing way different. I mean seriously God loves me so stinking much...amazing!

Well, I didn't take the job. Sorry for letting ya'll hang but I thought about it after talking to the pastor and the job just isn't right for me. It would have required me to transfer my membership to Trinity Baptist Church and I know that God called me to Southcrest for a reason. Although this oppurtunity seemed so amazing it was actually going to end up taking up a lot of time. I would have started having to attend BSM activities which I just can't do this year because my main focus is graduating. I would have work everyday 2-5 then Wed. nights, Sun. morning & nights and I just didn't feel that I was right for the job. It was awesome that I got offered the job, but it just didn't seem right for me. I was so excited about it and I thought it was the perfect job but it just ended up not working out. Anyway, Coldstone isn't that bad of a job I was just excited about getting paid better and the ministry I could have been involved in and how that would have looked on seminary applications. That's how the pastor tried to steer me in, he told me he wrote great letters of recommendation and that he wanted to have me because I was Vernon's granddaughter. He tried so hard to make me do it, but I for one don't like feeling pressured to do something anyway so that method doesn't work for me. Hope everything is going well for everyone. Hope ya'lls first day of classes weren't too rough. I don't start till tomorrow, praise God for TR only classes.

GOD IS SO AMAZING!!!!!

So let me just tell you how amazing God is and what he did in my life today. I guess first I should tell you what I've been wanting and praying for and you can see how God totally walked through the doors of Coldstone today. So I've been thinking about how it would probably be good to have a job that gears more towards what I wanna do in the future and probably get plugged into the ministry somehow before I head off to seminary. But I've pretty much been chicken to leave Coldstone so haven't even tried to look for a new job. But seriously am not making enough at Coldstone and they aren't giving me the hours I set my school schedule for so I was going to try and get a second job as a sub so that I could kind of choose if I wanted to work or not. So today I am working and I am serving this couple and I am charming them because well that's what I do at work. They sit down and are eating their ice cream and start asking about me. So I tell them that I am a senior and my major is Human Development & Family Studies. They asked me what I wanted to do with that and I said Marriage & Family Therapy, preferably premarital & marital counseling. Then without thinking I shouldn't tell them too much more my mouth flys open and all sorts of stuff starts flowing out of my mouth. I tell them I want to get my masters at either Southern or Southwestern. They ask where I go to church and why I left FBC and I just tell them everything about how God took me to Southcrest and how I knew I was suppose to be there. I told them about how I wanted a second job because I didn't make enough. Then he asked me if I liked children and I told him about how I worked at a day care for 3 1/2 years but then I quit because they weren't paying me enough. And before I know it the guy hands me his business card and offers me a job as a children's intern at his church. He tells me to stop by and as I glance down at the card I see that it says "Trinity Baptist Church" and he says it's located at 34th & Boston. And at this time my heart might have skipped a beat and I said "my granddad use to be the associate pastor there". We talked about that for a few minutes and when he left I went to the back and I looked down to notice that I was shaking and then I started crying. It was like God totally put Pastor Robert in Coldstone and had me be that open with him. Anyway, so I am gonna call him tomorrow and go talk to him about a job. Pray for me please! Well God is good! And I forgot to tell you he offered me a better pay than I am getting now...ya that's right I told him what I made now and he offered me better. AMAZING!

I took the time to get to know someones heart tonight and I am glad I did. It's sad but we are all guilty of it, but we hear something about someone and we judge them based on what we hear but we never take the time to get to know that person. I sat here in my room tonight and watched this person worship God and I knew it was genuine and someone was cruel enough to make up all sorts of crap about this person and their walk with God. Who are they to speak anyway? I mean really. Who am I to speak even? I am just as guilty as the next I am sure of it. It's so sad but I know that we're all guilty of doing it. Seriously, take the time to get to know someone's heart. Love them for who they are and where they are. We've all screwed up and we're all gonna continue screwing up. Tonight I sat there listening to my friend play the guitar and I kept rereading this verse over and over again "There is not a righteous man on earth that does what is right and never sins." (Ecclesiastes 7:20) I meditated on this verse for awhile and I can't get it off my mind...we always sin. Simply put, we always sin. It's never gonna go away, not until one day I come face to face with my Savior and then finally I can be free of sin.

Last night I went over to Jeff's for a little worship session and I sat there and I felt so guilty for running from God all summer and I became so broken. I sat there and felt so unworthy and really empty and I realized how far I had ran and how God was calling me back and it was time for me to coming running into his arms again. How sweet is it that I get to fall in love with Him over and over again? Afterwards I sat here at home and thought about worship and if I really worshiped or not or if everything I put forth was just me singing because I knew the song.

Now what is it that you think I needed to hear this morning? So Dusty gets up to speak and his first question is "How would you define authentic worship?" then "What is worship not?" Wow, could this sermon seem any more perfect to me? Oh but it only got better. Key verse, Isaiah 29:13 "The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.' " All summer that was me...I would draw near to him with my mouth & lips but my heart was nowhere near. Then Dusty said something which made me realize my worship was real this morning for the first time almost all summer and it's because this morning I longed to be fed, I longed to drink from the fountain. And Dusty said that worship is equally worthy to God when your drinking or longing for a drink from His fountain. And that we should pray to God "God I've drank from you before and I'm thirsty for you now."

Lessons learned: I may have been so far this summer but all that matter is that now I long to be closer to him. I shouldn't be down on myself just because I had a hard summer and I sinned and I ran from God because I sin, it's natural. And thankfully God has given me grace and it has set me free from that sin. Man God is so good to me even when I am so undeserving.

This is the wedding party at Lauren & Josh's wedding... 

okay okay...by popular demand i will post.


so your probably wondering what's going on in my life so let's find out...see i moved and so we don't have internet yet so if i want to use the internet i pack up my laptop and head to daybreak. so here i sit updating my blog at daybreak just for you guys. hopefully sometime this week i will get internet though and it will all be okay. i now live with this girl alissa and my friend, britt. I didn't know alissa before i moved in, but she's way cool and we get along great so thats good. britt moves in either tonight or tomorrow night and i can't wait. i have a feeling we'll stay up late and talk the first night shes moved in.

this weekend lauren got married. i flew to austin thursday and she picked me up at the airport. i spent the entire day with her and stayed the night with her. we had her bachelor party thursday night too. we rented a limo and drove around downtown austin in the limo. had dr. pepper in wine glasses and opened up gifts. then we went to bev's house to go swimming but the entire neighborhoods electricity was out. i thought her parents just had the house all romanticized for us, but they lit candles so we could see not to set the mood. we played a couple of games and hung out, i had a really good time. friday morning we woke up early to go to the bridal breakfast at colleen's house. we hung out there for awhile, but we couldn't stay there too long because we had to get to the church to set up the reception area. we spent most of the day there putting up decorations and making that room look wonderful. it's amazing how transformed it was after we finished. we had the dress rehersal at 6 and things went smoothley. then off to dinner in hutto...i rode with zach since i couldn't find lindsey. it was good to see him since i hadn't seen him all summer. it was an amazing time of fellowship, i sat with katie, becky, jeff, marissa and marissa's daddy. after we finished eating everyone went around and told lauren & jeff what they loved about them and everyone sat there crying. it was a really great thing, i personally couldn't say anything because i knew i probably would make it past "lauren you..." josh's mom also had these papers for everyone to write letters to josh & lauren and she was gonna make them a book. they will have many memories to go with there wedding b/c pretty much everything we did was on camera and a lot of things were made with stuff. they'll really enjoy that too. afterwards beverly had to take me, becky & colleen all over round rock but she was a real sport about it. went to bed fairly early because we were all exhausted and had to wake up fairly early to get to the church. needless to say laurens married now. lauren looked so beautiful, after she got dressed she walked up to me and i just started crying because she looked so gorgeous. the wedding was amazing. i always start crying right when the doors open and the wedding march starts. to see the bride and her father standing there, it gets me everytime even during the rehersal. so thats one of my all time favorite part of any wedding but two other moments stuck out to me during laurens wedding. right after scott gave lauren away we sang a praise song and standing there watching josh & lauren hold hands, close there eyes and worship their father was amazing. one i couldn't do it because i'd be too nervous and teary eyed. but to see them stop and to turn their eyes to the father was just amazing. i could barely sing as occasionally i would get a little choked up. my other favorite part was when they went and lit the unity candle, lauren & josh started praying together and it was so cute. you can tell that they are a couple running after God and pursuing Him always. i love to see a couple like that together and to know that because God is at the center of their relationship it's meant to be and it will last. i love lauren so much and it was just great to be apart of her day. after the wedding we went to dinner with some of bev's friends then got in the hot tub. it was a good time and bev is like my new fav. person. we left at 5:45 am so we got back to lubbock pretty early.

anyway. i hope this update is good and to your liking girls. sorry it didn't come sooner. yay carrie comes back tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's my favorite president, brother & uncle...(okay not real sure on the Uncle thing, I know we're related and all. But I don't remember how distant it is. So for now he's my uncle) 

GEORGE W. BUSH
 
Okay, so now it's my turn to show my support for Bush and to state my opinion with out arguing with anyone about it. I was reading Casey's blog today and was real impressed with the words she had to say about Bush and God's perfect plan in putting him in presidency. God was real aware of what he was doing when he allowed for Bush to win presidency, don't you think that God is powerful enough that if he wasn't suppose to be president then maybe those stupid Florida votes wouldn't have been recounted or whatever. Maybe I am just an avid supporter of Bush because he's my uncle and brother in Christ, but none the less I think Bush is amazing. He's doing a lot of things that in the long run are going to count for something. I was talking to my sister a few days ago and she was stating how he may have made a few not so good politcal decisions but on things that should matter to us believers he's made pretty good decisions about...gay marriages, abortion, etc. I fully support Bush and all the decisions he has made and will make. And I think that Bush should be president again, but ultimately God is in control and the right president will be picked for the job even if that means Kerry should be president. Sunday in church Dusty gave a sweet message about how history is God's and God will use unbelieving nations to His benefit. And so if we think about that first statement that History is God's don't you think that God kind of knows what he is doing by making Bush president? I mean I would think so b/c ultimately God is completely in control. Concerning the war, God wanted that war to occur if he didn't then he would have stopped it already. God has the power to end it, but He isn't ready to yet...he still has something to accomplish that we can't seem to understand but He's doing something far better than any of our weak little minds can imagine. One thing Dusty said was 'God is always up to something' and I think that through Bush's presidency God is accomplishing something. And ya maybe God can use Kerry, but we know for sure God can use Bush because Bush is willing to listen to God over man. And that is pretty darn important. Well there's my opinion, I've stated it...BUSH ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF!

Now for a funny to take your mind off things, its a bush/kerry video and I love it...
www.jibjab.com

I thought these were really funny, if they offend you in anyway then sorry. But I personally couldn't stop laughing when I read these so I figured why not spread some cheer...
 
CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. 

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

soapbox
 
so i've been thinking a lot lately. and been discussing these things with many of my friends. i've realized lately that there seems to almost be no difference between the person i meet in the church verses a person i meet anywhere else. i think i could meet someone in a bar that would be more honest with me than my own 'brothers & sisters'. i know the life the kid in the bar lives, its pretty obvious. and when i get to know that kid he tells me how he was done wrong in the church and how he knows that where he is might not be the best of places but he's honest with me about where he stands. then theres my brother who i hold in such high respect and i find out that he's no different from the guy in the bar. he acts as if he is so much better, then by word of the mouth i hear all these things about him and when i ask him about them he tells me they are true but has been hiding them from me for so long. he didn't want me to judge him or something, i dunno. i mean we all sin, it's not like one of us live this perfect life free from sin. but i think that sometimes we think that just maybe we can get people do believe we do. i love the guy that's honest about himself and where he stands, he doesn't try to hide who he really is. but then there is the person who hides from who he really is and it's sad. i'll gladly tell anyone who i really am. by no means have i got this all figured out, i am just as lost as the next person. i won't lie, i'm in the valley. i'm lost, i'm confused, i'm hurt but at least i can be true to those feelings.
 
for more on this check out sarah's blog.
 

take me by hawk nelson

can you hear me?
does anyone around me
feel the way that i feel now?
cause from the window where i sometimes cry
i just want to see Your face tonighht
and i'm willing to loose everything i am
cause i need you more than ever
i need your help to know where i've been going wrong so far
take me under Your wing tonight
make me so perfect in Your eyes
hold on cause it will be alright
you're not alone anymore
when you're near me i feel like i just found me
in the traces of the boy from yesterday
but in a world that is so black and white
i will take the steps to change my life
and i won't be coming back to here again
i need Your loving hand to guide me
through the maze of all the things inside me
then i'll know that i'm alright
cause i need you more than ever
i need your help to know where i've been going wrong so far
take me under Your wing tonight
make me so perfect in Your eyes
hold on cause it will be alright
you're not alone anymore
please help me get from worse to better
before these tears soak through this lonely sweater
and let me know that i'm alright
i still have one strike of this match left
and i'm holding onto my last breath
and it's getting a little dark around to see here
take me under Your wing tnight
make me so perfect in Your eyes
hold on cause it'll be alright
you're not alone
 
i love this song. i sit here and i look at the words again & again and they ring so true for me. i can't stop listening to this cd. i will probably post more lyrics. but tonight these ones really hit home. not that 4 others don't too but i can't type them all up.

this is caleb with beaus mom...isn't he so darn cute? 

So today my cousin is eating wheat thins & easy cheese and she comes across these rather funny directions...for best results, remove cap. Are you serious? It wouldn't even come out if you didn't remove the cap. Amazing directions, huh? 

i figure it's time i do an update but not a lot is really going on in my life. i work 40-45 hours a week and if i am not at work i am either sleeping, hanging out with chase, or hanging out with some of my girls. i made it on the news two nights ago, and katie called to laugh at me. then tonight i was at work and matthew decides to make fun of me for it too. my answers to the questions were kind of corny, but the questions they ask just suck. so i am a lubbock celebrity, i made abc news and i am in a commercial what more can i do to make myself famous? unfortunately i can't be quoted in the paper because me & katie are friends, thats stupid. i think i should be quoted anyway. maybe i should run for miss lubbock, surely i could win. haha, who am i kidding?

last night i went to watch chase play softball. during the second game amanda & missy came out and we were having a good time laughing and talking. we're not really paying that much attention then suddenly we hear "BALL, BALL, BALL, WATCH OUT!" i look up and the ball is coming right at me, no lie. but instead of trying to move i lean in towards amanda and megan leans the other way and it zips right between us. i could have been pegged pretty hard. too bad i didn't even try to move really. and then it almost happened again, but people didn't really warn us the second time.

on these quizzes i post, do ya'll believe what they say about me?

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by Ellen!

You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


It's a new candy quiz...

This makes this picture ten hundred times cuter, or maybe I am just a dork 

This is me & Sarah at my Mom's 50th Birthday Party, hints the 50's glasses... 

This is me & Chelsey! I love that girl like crazy...this is it for now from her wedding she is suppose to be sending me more pictures so maybe I will post some of those. The ones my mom took with my camera aren't all that great.