The Parenting Role

I heard some time ago that we as females often view God in the same way that we view our fathers. If our fathers are very harsh disciplinarians then when we sin we believe that God will make us pay for our sin in the same way our earthly fathers did. I didn't buy into this for a long time because I thought that despite the unhealthy relationship I had with my earthly father I had a pretty good concept of who my heavenly father was and those two people were completely different. In reality I really did view God in some ways the way I viewed my father. My father may have lost his temper with me easily, but not once did I think that God was angry with me. However, the way my father shows me he loves me is through providing for all my needs and a good portion of my wants. I realized a couple of years ago that I had started to view God this way. I believed that if God loved me he would do things for me and make sure everything worked out the way I wanted to and when things didn't I decided God didn't love me. What a screwed up perception of God I had developed. I have recently been reminded of this truth about our view of God and our relationship with our parents.

I have been reading the book The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee for my Approaches to Christian Counseling class and in this book he mentions this occurring. In the book McGee states "Our parents are our models of the character of God." After reading this short sentence my heart became overwhelming distressed. I want more than anything in the world to raise children who love God and desire to live their lives for Him. Therefore I feel a great call on my own life to develop the character of God in my own life in order that they may see that modeled and not have a distorted view of God, but instead be able to see God clearly because of the way they were raised by their own parents.

Today while I was watching the kids I nanny for, the little boy kicked his soccer ball which managed to go over the banister and into a glass vase lined up across a shelf in the dining room. His mother has often reminded him to be careful when kicking his soccer ball in the house because it is highly possible he would accidentally kick the ball into one of her glass vases. As the ball collided with the glass vase the look on Ethan's face was nothing but pure horror. I said "uh oh" as I thought of the shattered pieces laying on the ground beneath us and the words that came from my mouth sent him running into his room to hide. I walked over to the banister to find the glass vase laying all in one piece on the carpet. What a relief! I went into my boys room to find him lying under his bed shaking with freight. I let him know that the vase didn't break and it was safe to come out. He was still terrified as he thought his parents would never forgive him for what he had done. I assured him that everything was okay and gently guided him out from under the bed. His father is home on Fridays, but I felt like he needed time to cool down before we broke the news to dad.

So this afternoon I ask him to go break the news with me. I told him I would hold his hand, but we had to be honest with dad and let him know what happened. My little boy became overwhelmed with fear of his father's reaction. I know that his parents are nothing but loving and I am certain that his father will forgive him and accept him with open arms. I try encouraging him over and over again, but he doesn't want to tell his father but tells me I can. I open the door to his fathers office and he falls to the ground and begins sobbing uncontrollably. I tell his father that something happened, but Ethan is terrified to tell him. His father gently asks Ethan to come talk to him and Ethan runs and hides. His father goes to find Ethan and tries to get Ethan to tell him the story, but Ethan remains terrified. He then asks me the story and after I tell him what happened he walks back over to his son, puts his arms around him and says "I know it was an accident and it's okay". He then leans down and kisses his son on the forehead and says "I love you!" I told his father that one of Ethan's greatest fears was that he wouldn't be able to get the vase back up on the shelf so his father tells him that they will put it back up together. His father leaves the room to return to work, but assures his son that everything is okay and that he is loved.

I crawl up next to Ethan and begin to rub his back to help him calm down as he continues to sob uncontrollably. I remind Ethan that his father is not angry and that he has been forgiven. I remind him that his father loved him. Ethan continued crying for some time and I just continued to remind him that despite his mistake his fathers love for him had not changed.

I think about Ethan's fear in a different light as I think about myself as a child. I think about how if I would have done the same thing I would have been yelled at for coming close to breaking something when I had been reminded not to act like a fool in the first place. I would have been yelled at despite the fact that I had done so accidentally because I should have been smarter than that. This would have been my father's reaction to the same situation. Although my mother very much would have responded in the same manner as Ethan's dad.

What a vital role we play in the life of our children. If Ethan's father would have responded the way that he expected him too, Ethan may have began to develop a poor view of God. That is that his love is conditional and he is unforgiving. However, perhaps because of his fathers gentle and loving response Ethan will grow up to learn that God loves him unconditionally and forgives him when he goofs.

As I continue reading the book a very important statement is mentioned time and time again as a reminder to us where our significance comes from. McGee states, "We are deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted, and complete in Christ." I think about these words and they remind me of the role I need to play in my children's lives. I need to consider how I can show my children that they are deeply loved, completely forgiven, fully pleasing, totally accepted and complete in Christ. Perhaps remembering today's lesson will be a great reminder to me of what I should do as a mother in order to show my children that they are all of these things.

I pray that we all begin to develop these characteristics and that we learned to be like Christ. I pray that I will allow my anger to end with me and that my children will see a loving, caring, and forgiving mother. May we truly be parents that bless our children and shows them the love of Christ through our own actions. May our children grow up to love God and see Him through us. I pray every day that my niece will see God through her parents love for her. I know full well that my sister and her husband show Ellie God's love through their own love for her. Even when she is disciplined for doing something wrong she walks away knowing that she is loved by them and completely forgiven.