Sunday, February 27, 2011

I Will Be Happy When...

A week later, another sermon and another conviction.

We were very lucky to have JR Vassar from Apostles Church in New York preach at our church today. I very much needed to hear this sermon. I have been very discontent lately especially at work. I've had a very heavy heart for awhile now.

Hyperreality, an exaggerated life, an embellished vision of life. Defined on wikipedia as a means to characterize the way consciousness
defines what is actually "real" in a world where a multitude of media can radically shape and filter an original event or experience. Vassar talked about how we buy into a cultural standard of something. For women it is often a cultural standard of beauty.

I recall a friend of mine from college speaking on this issue as he told us just what he could make our bodies looking like after a few hours of editing. And to think that we focus on those images when we choose what we would like to look like and they aren't even real. Beyond this I could bet to say that women probably also have a hyperreality as to what they think their lives should look like. I know for me it's to have children and to be a stay-at-home mom. I think this has a lot to do with my current discontentment.

I so desire to be a mother and really didn't imagine it to take this long. When we started trying I actually saw myself leaving my job close to my year anniversary at the place I currently work. I do love my job and am so grateful for it, but I am most definitely longing for something else. I am longing to be a mother.

Vassar said something that really struck me today, "we live in a constant state of I will be happy when..." I relate to this. I don't know how often I have thought what will make me happy. I will be happy when I get married. I will be happy when I get a new car. I will be happy when we have our first kid. I will be happy when I have a job I love. I will be happy when I buy this outfit. I will be happy when...

The truth of the matter is nothing seems to ever satisfy me, I am always discontent. I have traded contentment for consumerism. I have chosen myself over Christ. I have chosen to be satisfied by my own sinful desires and not those of Christ Jesus, my Lord & Savior. He is indeed working all things together for His good. I need to be in covenant with Christ and not longing for something else to feed my needs.

Not my will, but your will be done.

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