Here's to the woman I miss most! It's almost been a year since she died and this past week I've been thinking about her a lot. I'll probably go into greater detail next week when it's actually been a full year since her death, but I figured I'd post a picture in memory of her. 10/17/03 

isnt this shirt great? umm the ordering process is over...if you still want one and its not a small then let me know. ashley said she doesnt really have any smalls left.  

CHRISTIANITY

Last night at Midnight I got to hear one of my best friends husbands preach, it was kind of special to me because it let me see the Godly man that he is. And it shows me how absolutely wonderful he is, and how great he is for my friend. Not that I ever had any doubt in Josh before, I always knew he was strong in his faith and that the day Lauren met this boy he was a treasure to be kept. So Josh brought the word and it was good. It was something I keep hearing about, its something God keeps showing me in scripture and through friends...God isn't letting go of this. The scripture we looked at was Isaiah 29:13-16, but verse 13 is what always hits home for me. "The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.' " It's so true, we are in a routine half the time...we know the same 25 praise & worship songs and we can sing them and not have any idea what we are singing about. Sometimes I just have to sit down and really think about the words...do I really mean it? It's not about the motions though...it's not about how many bible studies we are in, or how many good things we do for people, while all those are good...we need our relationship with the Lord to be our main focus. Because when we are spending time with the Lord because we want to grow then that's when those other things will start happening genuinely because of our love for Christ. I need to allow God to be the desire of my heart over everything else, I need to desire him more than I desire taking a nap because I lost sleep or desire him more than desiring to hang out with friends. I must come to a point where I desire God so much more. Anyway, I just thought I'd share my heart with ya'll as I always do. Have a blessed day, time for me to go spend time with the family...FIGHT RAIDERS FIGHT!

So this is for the most part the truck I got to drive today. My boss let me take his truck to lunch and well it's amazing! It's huge and it's a diseal, I've never drove something so big in all my life. I had fun and now I want my own real bad.  

Where God Wants Me To Be

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong and the children are slow getting dressed and you can't seem to find the car keys and you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; praise God instead because God is at work watching over you.

After Sept. 11 ... I happened to call a man on business that I didn't know and have not, nor will ever, talk to again. But this day, he felt like talking. He was head of security of a company that had invited the remaining members of a company who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin Towers to share their office space. With his voice full of awe he told me stories of why these people were alive and their counterparts were dead .....and all the stories were just 'little' things.

As you might know, the head of the company got in late that day because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident.

One missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start.

One went back to answer the telephone.

One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn't get a taxi.

There were other stories that I hope and pray will someday be gathered and put in a book.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone .... all the little things that annoy me ...I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose.

The day I missed my flight I couldn't help but think maybe there was a reason I missed it. It wasn't because that flight crashed or anything but my mom said there were many wrecks that morning and she could have easily been in one. There are so many days that I get aggrivated because the light turns red for just me, no other cars in sight...but one day I was watching and if I would have had a green light a car who decided to run a red light at the next intersection would have hit me. So it teaches us to not get so agrivated when little things drive us crazy like the phone ringing or someone taking too long to get ready or your jeans not being dried fast enough.

Why Men Are Just Happier People -
what do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood -- all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

so going with the sermon i shared last time...do you ever just feel so lonesome that you could cry? i find it rather amusing that in all the friends that i "have" i often find myself so lonesome that i could cry. sometimes i think it's because its a sat. night and i have no one to hang out with so therefore i am lonesome but even when i am with friends i still feel lonesome. and its because i am lacking with God, my relationship with Him is nowhere close to where it needs to be. i'm so lost that i don't even know how to find my way back. its almost easier to linger on this path that i've been on for so long. torn between two worlds, not knowing which one i really belong to. to think that in one world i feel more loved and actually enjoy life a little more when in the other i feel so lost and alone. which really it should feel the complete opposite. i stand here so broken inside and with no one to talk to, which is definately a good thing because it teaches me that i can't rely on my friends and that i must fall on my knees and let the one person i know will never stop loving me hold me in his arms tonight. man i'm so lonesome i could cry.

so this weekend i went to see my sister in tyler and i had a really good time. friday was a bit rough at the start of the day. my flight was to leave at 6am so I needed to be to the airport by 530 no later. luckily i had this amazing friend, jeff that volunteered to take me to the airport so i was suppose to call him at 430 to wake him up. well i decided at about midnight that i would go ahead and just stay awake all night b/c 4 hrs. would be worthless to me anyway. i got most stuff packed then i headed to walmart with marissa so she could keep me awake. sadly the night before i couldn't fall asleep so i only had 4 hrs. of sleep so by 2am I was ridiculous tired. i got home at about 230 and decided i should take an hour nap. i do this all the time when i am studying and i just leave my light and tv on so that i can't get good sleep. i set 3 or 4 alarms and figured i would wake up...greatest fear is missing my flight. well so i fall asleep and 545 rolls around and my phone rings and i recognize the spanish fiesta as jeffs ring so i jump out of bed and look at the clock. its 545 and i'm definately not going to make my flight. i start freaking out immediately, i hang up with jeff and call my mom in a panic. she seems calm and its okay that i missed my flight she doesnt hate me like i thought she would. so she calls southwest and they tell her that i need to get up there as soon as i can to try to catch the next flight on stand by. so i get dressed in a hurry and finish packing my suitcase i call jeff back and he says he'll still take me. so i get in my car to go over to his house and my anxiety kicks in hard core. i start crying and shaking, i am officially really stressed out. i called my mom and she calmed me down just in time for me to arrive at jeff's. jeff gets in the car and we head to the airport. i sit at the airport till 8 praying that i can make a flight. they suggest i fly to new mexico and then to dallas because i'll be guaranteed a flight from nm back to tx. well i figure might as well try b/c all the dallas flights are sold out b/c of the game. plane is loaded and i am praying pretty hardcore and yay i make the call...i get to fly into new mexico. wow they have mountains...i am jealous. so i should have been in dallas by 7am, but i got there at 11 instead. made it to tyler by 1 so i ate lunch then went to my hair appointment. after that my day turned around. i had a great time this weekend, hanging out with my sister and mommy is always fun. me & my sister got this sisters scrapbook and we did some of it this weekend so we talked about a lot of memories and things we love about each other and stuff, that was really cool. we played a lot of games as we always do. we played frisbee one night which really made me miss playing . she has an amazing dog so that made me want a dog really bad. monday we left right after lunch so we could go shopping and so that i could meet liz for dinner. we ate at this place called buca de geppo or something to that nature and it was amazing. then we headed to cheesecake factory to get some cheesecake...its mine & liz's favorite. i got to the airport a little early which is good because there was trouble with my tickets because of fridays disaster. but then it ended up not mattering and i had to wait for my flight for an hour and a half because well it of course had to be off schedule. flight was really good though, i sat between two people that were really friendly. and at the airport i ran into a girl i use to be in youth group with 4yrs. ago, she decided to come to tech. so needless to say i had a pretty good weekend although i thought it would be a disaster all because friday morning.

so sunday i went to church with my sister and their pastor is pretty amazing. before church even went around my sister was telling me that he is doing a country music theme this month and this weeks title was "I'm so lonesome I could cry" and I thought what a perfect weekend for me to come visit. his sermon was great and he does all this stuff that really keeps your attention and he's way funny too. So the passage was on John 16:28-33 where Jesus talks about overcoming the world and returning to the Father. So I am just gonna share with you what I learned.
I. You can be lonesome even in a crowd.
1. Caused by a mobilized culture.
-we're in the culture in which you have places to be all the time that sometimes you forget to stop and say hey to people and so we just become a lost face in a crowd.
2. Caused by a despersonalized culture.
- you are no longer a person, you become just another number
II. You can be alone and not be lonely.
1. Solitude is not loneliness.
-solitude is a time for spiritual renewal and it's something we need. We need a time to be alone with God as did Jesus...
-Mark 1:35 "Very early in the morning, white it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went to a solitary place, where he prayed."
2. God's presence is real and personal.
-Hebrews 13:5 "never will i leave you, never will i forsake you"
-Pslams 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
-John 16:32 "You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me."
(he mentioned a story of a little boy who was scared when in his bed at night and yelled out to his father "daddy i am scared" and his daddy yelled back "don't be scared God is in there with you" and the boy was silent for a little while then he yelled "daddy i need someone with flesh" the story reminded me of my own life because there are so many times when i realize that God is all i have and i just wanna yell out "i need someone with flesh" but i must remember God is truly the only one that can make that loneliness go away)
3. You can conquer lonliness by reaching out to others.
-Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother."
(because I am psych minor, the other day i was listening to a lecture and my prof said that once we have so many friends we have the tendency to stop allowing more relationships to enter our life till we loose a friend then we look for someone to replace that person and as a Christian we should try to overcome that silly cycle and we should always be looking for another person we can be friends with. there are so many people out there that are lonely and just need someone to love on them and who better than a christian who can share with them how God can make you not so lonely.)

So that was the sermon, I thought it was great. Another thing that got brought up was how the only time Jesus was alone was when he was dying for our sins and God had to turn away from him and let him take upon all of our sin. I had never heard it put this way before but the entire reason Jesus was with out God was because he actually had to go to hell to take on all of our sin and God couldn't go with him. Thats why he said "why have you forsaken me" it wasnt just because God didn't remove him from the cross but because he actually took my sin for me. That kind of makes my outlook on the entire thing way different. I mean seriously God loves me so stinking much...amazing!

Well, I didn't take the job. Sorry for letting ya'll hang but I thought about it after talking to the pastor and the job just isn't right for me. It would have required me to transfer my membership to Trinity Baptist Church and I know that God called me to Southcrest for a reason. Although this oppurtunity seemed so amazing it was actually going to end up taking up a lot of time. I would have started having to attend BSM activities which I just can't do this year because my main focus is graduating. I would have work everyday 2-5 then Wed. nights, Sun. morning & nights and I just didn't feel that I was right for the job. It was awesome that I got offered the job, but it just didn't seem right for me. I was so excited about it and I thought it was the perfect job but it just ended up not working out. Anyway, Coldstone isn't that bad of a job I was just excited about getting paid better and the ministry I could have been involved in and how that would have looked on seminary applications. That's how the pastor tried to steer me in, he told me he wrote great letters of recommendation and that he wanted to have me because I was Vernon's granddaughter. He tried so hard to make me do it, but I for one don't like feeling pressured to do something anyway so that method doesn't work for me. Hope everything is going well for everyone. Hope ya'lls first day of classes weren't too rough. I don't start till tomorrow, praise God for TR only classes.

GOD IS SO AMAZING!!!!!

So let me just tell you how amazing God is and what he did in my life today. I guess first I should tell you what I've been wanting and praying for and you can see how God totally walked through the doors of Coldstone today. So I've been thinking about how it would probably be good to have a job that gears more towards what I wanna do in the future and probably get plugged into the ministry somehow before I head off to seminary. But I've pretty much been chicken to leave Coldstone so haven't even tried to look for a new job. But seriously am not making enough at Coldstone and they aren't giving me the hours I set my school schedule for so I was going to try and get a second job as a sub so that I could kind of choose if I wanted to work or not. So today I am working and I am serving this couple and I am charming them because well that's what I do at work. They sit down and are eating their ice cream and start asking about me. So I tell them that I am a senior and my major is Human Development & Family Studies. They asked me what I wanted to do with that and I said Marriage & Family Therapy, preferably premarital & marital counseling. Then without thinking I shouldn't tell them too much more my mouth flys open and all sorts of stuff starts flowing out of my mouth. I tell them I want to get my masters at either Southern or Southwestern. They ask where I go to church and why I left FBC and I just tell them everything about how God took me to Southcrest and how I knew I was suppose to be there. I told them about how I wanted a second job because I didn't make enough. Then he asked me if I liked children and I told him about how I worked at a day care for 3 1/2 years but then I quit because they weren't paying me enough. And before I know it the guy hands me his business card and offers me a job as a children's intern at his church. He tells me to stop by and as I glance down at the card I see that it says "Trinity Baptist Church" and he says it's located at 34th & Boston. And at this time my heart might have skipped a beat and I said "my granddad use to be the associate pastor there". We talked about that for a few minutes and when he left I went to the back and I looked down to notice that I was shaking and then I started crying. It was like God totally put Pastor Robert in Coldstone and had me be that open with him. Anyway, so I am gonna call him tomorrow and go talk to him about a job. Pray for me please! Well God is good! And I forgot to tell you he offered me a better pay than I am getting now...ya that's right I told him what I made now and he offered me better. AMAZING!

I took the time to get to know someones heart tonight and I am glad I did. It's sad but we are all guilty of it, but we hear something about someone and we judge them based on what we hear but we never take the time to get to know that person. I sat here in my room tonight and watched this person worship God and I knew it was genuine and someone was cruel enough to make up all sorts of crap about this person and their walk with God. Who are they to speak anyway? I mean really. Who am I to speak even? I am just as guilty as the next I am sure of it. It's so sad but I know that we're all guilty of doing it. Seriously, take the time to get to know someone's heart. Love them for who they are and where they are. We've all screwed up and we're all gonna continue screwing up. Tonight I sat there listening to my friend play the guitar and I kept rereading this verse over and over again "There is not a righteous man on earth that does what is right and never sins." (Ecclesiastes 7:20) I meditated on this verse for awhile and I can't get it off my mind...we always sin. Simply put, we always sin. It's never gonna go away, not until one day I come face to face with my Savior and then finally I can be free of sin.

Last night I went over to Jeff's for a little worship session and I sat there and I felt so guilty for running from God all summer and I became so broken. I sat there and felt so unworthy and really empty and I realized how far I had ran and how God was calling me back and it was time for me to coming running into his arms again. How sweet is it that I get to fall in love with Him over and over again? Afterwards I sat here at home and thought about worship and if I really worshiped or not or if everything I put forth was just me singing because I knew the song.

Now what is it that you think I needed to hear this morning? So Dusty gets up to speak and his first question is "How would you define authentic worship?" then "What is worship not?" Wow, could this sermon seem any more perfect to me? Oh but it only got better. Key verse, Isaiah 29:13 "The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.' " All summer that was me...I would draw near to him with my mouth & lips but my heart was nowhere near. Then Dusty said something which made me realize my worship was real this morning for the first time almost all summer and it's because this morning I longed to be fed, I longed to drink from the fountain. And Dusty said that worship is equally worthy to God when your drinking or longing for a drink from His fountain. And that we should pray to God "God I've drank from you before and I'm thirsty for you now."

Lessons learned: I may have been so far this summer but all that matter is that now I long to be closer to him. I shouldn't be down on myself just because I had a hard summer and I sinned and I ran from God because I sin, it's natural. And thankfully God has given me grace and it has set me free from that sin. Man God is so good to me even when I am so undeserving.

This is the wedding party at Lauren & Josh's wedding... 

okay okay...by popular demand i will post.


so your probably wondering what's going on in my life so let's find out...see i moved and so we don't have internet yet so if i want to use the internet i pack up my laptop and head to daybreak. so here i sit updating my blog at daybreak just for you guys. hopefully sometime this week i will get internet though and it will all be okay. i now live with this girl alissa and my friend, britt. I didn't know alissa before i moved in, but she's way cool and we get along great so thats good. britt moves in either tonight or tomorrow night and i can't wait. i have a feeling we'll stay up late and talk the first night shes moved in.

this weekend lauren got married. i flew to austin thursday and she picked me up at the airport. i spent the entire day with her and stayed the night with her. we had her bachelor party thursday night too. we rented a limo and drove around downtown austin in the limo. had dr. pepper in wine glasses and opened up gifts. then we went to bev's house to go swimming but the entire neighborhoods electricity was out. i thought her parents just had the house all romanticized for us, but they lit candles so we could see not to set the mood. we played a couple of games and hung out, i had a really good time. friday morning we woke up early to go to the bridal breakfast at colleen's house. we hung out there for awhile, but we couldn't stay there too long because we had to get to the church to set up the reception area. we spent most of the day there putting up decorations and making that room look wonderful. it's amazing how transformed it was after we finished. we had the dress rehersal at 6 and things went smoothley. then off to dinner in hutto...i rode with zach since i couldn't find lindsey. it was good to see him since i hadn't seen him all summer. it was an amazing time of fellowship, i sat with katie, becky, jeff, marissa and marissa's daddy. after we finished eating everyone went around and told lauren & jeff what they loved about them and everyone sat there crying. it was a really great thing, i personally couldn't say anything because i knew i probably would make it past "lauren you..." josh's mom also had these papers for everyone to write letters to josh & lauren and she was gonna make them a book. they will have many memories to go with there wedding b/c pretty much everything we did was on camera and a lot of things were made with stuff. they'll really enjoy that too. afterwards beverly had to take me, becky & colleen all over round rock but she was a real sport about it. went to bed fairly early because we were all exhausted and had to wake up fairly early to get to the church. needless to say laurens married now. lauren looked so beautiful, after she got dressed she walked up to me and i just started crying because she looked so gorgeous. the wedding was amazing. i always start crying right when the doors open and the wedding march starts. to see the bride and her father standing there, it gets me everytime even during the rehersal. so thats one of my all time favorite part of any wedding but two other moments stuck out to me during laurens wedding. right after scott gave lauren away we sang a praise song and standing there watching josh & lauren hold hands, close there eyes and worship their father was amazing. one i couldn't do it because i'd be too nervous and teary eyed. but to see them stop and to turn their eyes to the father was just amazing. i could barely sing as occasionally i would get a little choked up. my other favorite part was when they went and lit the unity candle, lauren & josh started praying together and it was so cute. you can tell that they are a couple running after God and pursuing Him always. i love to see a couple like that together and to know that because God is at the center of their relationship it's meant to be and it will last. i love lauren so much and it was just great to be apart of her day. after the wedding we went to dinner with some of bev's friends then got in the hot tub. it was a good time and bev is like my new fav. person. we left at 5:45 am so we got back to lubbock pretty early.

anyway. i hope this update is good and to your liking girls. sorry it didn't come sooner. yay carrie comes back tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's my favorite president, brother & uncle...(okay not real sure on the Uncle thing, I know we're related and all. But I don't remember how distant it is. So for now he's my uncle) 

GEORGE W. BUSH
 
Okay, so now it's my turn to show my support for Bush and to state my opinion with out arguing with anyone about it. I was reading Casey's blog today and was real impressed with the words she had to say about Bush and God's perfect plan in putting him in presidency. God was real aware of what he was doing when he allowed for Bush to win presidency, don't you think that God is powerful enough that if he wasn't suppose to be president then maybe those stupid Florida votes wouldn't have been recounted or whatever. Maybe I am just an avid supporter of Bush because he's my uncle and brother in Christ, but none the less I think Bush is amazing. He's doing a lot of things that in the long run are going to count for something. I was talking to my sister a few days ago and she was stating how he may have made a few not so good politcal decisions but on things that should matter to us believers he's made pretty good decisions about...gay marriages, abortion, etc. I fully support Bush and all the decisions he has made and will make. And I think that Bush should be president again, but ultimately God is in control and the right president will be picked for the job even if that means Kerry should be president. Sunday in church Dusty gave a sweet message about how history is God's and God will use unbelieving nations to His benefit. And so if we think about that first statement that History is God's don't you think that God kind of knows what he is doing by making Bush president? I mean I would think so b/c ultimately God is completely in control. Concerning the war, God wanted that war to occur if he didn't then he would have stopped it already. God has the power to end it, but He isn't ready to yet...he still has something to accomplish that we can't seem to understand but He's doing something far better than any of our weak little minds can imagine. One thing Dusty said was 'God is always up to something' and I think that through Bush's presidency God is accomplishing something. And ya maybe God can use Kerry, but we know for sure God can use Bush because Bush is willing to listen to God over man. And that is pretty darn important. Well there's my opinion, I've stated it...BUSH ROCKS MY SOCKS OFF!

Now for a funny to take your mind off things, its a bush/kerry video and I love it...
www.jibjab.com

I thought these were really funny, if they offend you in anyway then sorry. But I personally couldn't stop laughing when I read these so I figured why not spread some cheer...
 
CHINESE PROVERBS

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. 

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

soapbox
 
so i've been thinking a lot lately. and been discussing these things with many of my friends. i've realized lately that there seems to almost be no difference between the person i meet in the church verses a person i meet anywhere else. i think i could meet someone in a bar that would be more honest with me than my own 'brothers & sisters'. i know the life the kid in the bar lives, its pretty obvious. and when i get to know that kid he tells me how he was done wrong in the church and how he knows that where he is might not be the best of places but he's honest with me about where he stands. then theres my brother who i hold in such high respect and i find out that he's no different from the guy in the bar. he acts as if he is so much better, then by word of the mouth i hear all these things about him and when i ask him about them he tells me they are true but has been hiding them from me for so long. he didn't want me to judge him or something, i dunno. i mean we all sin, it's not like one of us live this perfect life free from sin. but i think that sometimes we think that just maybe we can get people do believe we do. i love the guy that's honest about himself and where he stands, he doesn't try to hide who he really is. but then there is the person who hides from who he really is and it's sad. i'll gladly tell anyone who i really am. by no means have i got this all figured out, i am just as lost as the next person. i won't lie, i'm in the valley. i'm lost, i'm confused, i'm hurt but at least i can be true to those feelings.
 
for more on this check out sarah's blog.
 

take me by hawk nelson

can you hear me?
does anyone around me
feel the way that i feel now?
cause from the window where i sometimes cry
i just want to see Your face tonighht
and i'm willing to loose everything i am
cause i need you more than ever
i need your help to know where i've been going wrong so far
take me under Your wing tonight
make me so perfect in Your eyes
hold on cause it will be alright
you're not alone anymore
when you're near me i feel like i just found me
in the traces of the boy from yesterday
but in a world that is so black and white
i will take the steps to change my life
and i won't be coming back to here again
i need Your loving hand to guide me
through the maze of all the things inside me
then i'll know that i'm alright
cause i need you more than ever
i need your help to know where i've been going wrong so far
take me under Your wing tonight
make me so perfect in Your eyes
hold on cause it will be alright
you're not alone anymore
please help me get from worse to better
before these tears soak through this lonely sweater
and let me know that i'm alright
i still have one strike of this match left
and i'm holding onto my last breath
and it's getting a little dark around to see here
take me under Your wing tnight
make me so perfect in Your eyes
hold on cause it'll be alright
you're not alone
 
i love this song. i sit here and i look at the words again & again and they ring so true for me. i can't stop listening to this cd. i will probably post more lyrics. but tonight these ones really hit home. not that 4 others don't too but i can't type them all up.

this is caleb with beaus mom...isn't he so darn cute? 

So today my cousin is eating wheat thins & easy cheese and she comes across these rather funny directions...for best results, remove cap. Are you serious? It wouldn't even come out if you didn't remove the cap. Amazing directions, huh? 

i figure it's time i do an update but not a lot is really going on in my life. i work 40-45 hours a week and if i am not at work i am either sleeping, hanging out with chase, or hanging out with some of my girls. i made it on the news two nights ago, and katie called to laugh at me. then tonight i was at work and matthew decides to make fun of me for it too. my answers to the questions were kind of corny, but the questions they ask just suck. so i am a lubbock celebrity, i made abc news and i am in a commercial what more can i do to make myself famous? unfortunately i can't be quoted in the paper because me & katie are friends, thats stupid. i think i should be quoted anyway. maybe i should run for miss lubbock, surely i could win. haha, who am i kidding?

last night i went to watch chase play softball. during the second game amanda & missy came out and we were having a good time laughing and talking. we're not really paying that much attention then suddenly we hear "BALL, BALL, BALL, WATCH OUT!" i look up and the ball is coming right at me, no lie. but instead of trying to move i lean in towards amanda and megan leans the other way and it zips right between us. i could have been pegged pretty hard. too bad i didn't even try to move really. and then it almost happened again, but people didn't really warn us the second time.

on these quizzes i post, do ya'll believe what they say about me?

Take the What Fruit Are You? test by Ellen!

You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


It's a new candy quiz...

This makes this picture ten hundred times cuter, or maybe I am just a dork 

This is me & Sarah at my Mom's 50th Birthday Party, hints the 50's glasses... 

This is me & Chelsey! I love that girl like crazy...this is it for now from her wedding she is suppose to be sending me more pictures so maybe I will post some of those. The ones my mom took with my camera aren't all that great. 

This is me & Caleb! Isn't he so precious? Sorry that I am making a retarded face... 

Tonight was pretty amazing, it could have been a little more enjoyable had someone been there. We went to my aunt & uncles to grill hot dogs and they were yummy. After dinner I headed outside to sit and enjoy the weather...it felt great to me. I just sat there in amazement of how good it felt. Eventually my family all joined me and that made it even more enjoyable. I love the way summer nights in Lubbock feel, I love sitting out and watching nature play its role. I can't help but sit outside and be thankful for all that God created out there for me to enjoy. We sat outside for a good long while, played with the dog a lot and that's pretty much what entertained us the entire time we were out there. Finally the sun started to go down so the fireworks we'd been hearing for hours started being visible and I loved it. My favorite ones are the white ones that kind of just trickle down after a bright flash and this house did a few of those. I love fireworks! Then on top of the fact that there were amazing fireworks the air started getting cooler and we look up to see a thunderstorm rolling in, yay a storm to watch! So tonight was incredible and I got to truly enjoy nature. Today at lunch we went to the County Line and I sat at the table thinking how gorgeous it was out there. Me & my mom walked around for a little bit, I took a picture of a peacock with my camera phone. Then we went in and ate, after dinner we had some bread left so me, my aunt & cousin went out to feed the duckies. We went and fed these little baby ones and I was just in love with them, they were so cute. There are some truly beautiful things in this world, today was a good nature day for me and I really enjoyed seeing everything that I did. God has been so good to me this week, I stand in awe of Him. AMAZING!

i am at a point in my life when i don't know what i want. i don't know whats next. i feel so lost. who am i?

Can't think of anything to post about...any suggestions?

So I watched 50 First Dates last night and now I wonder...

would you still love me if you knew that tomorrow i would have no idea who you were? if tomorrow you had to teach me to love you again...would you still love me if we really couldn't create memories together, if everyday you had to tell me what we had done the day before.

man i watch that movie and it makes me think of old couples in which one of them gets alzheimer's and the other sticks beside them and does not ever leave them, just loves them in the moment even though their spouse may wonder who in the world they are. now that's love...to love when the other doesn't even know who you are.

i collect those love is cartoons by Kim Casali and today i think maybe love is...loving them when they forget you.

So I haven't really had time to post because I've been working insane hours at work. I open & close and during the day I nromally try to go to the pool so really I am not home but for 30min. to shower and turn around to leave again. The other night I stayed at work till 5:30am making cakes because we had tons of orders put in for Father's Day, it was crazy! It was just me & Oscar and we listened to his music, we had fun but when it was all said and done with we were beyond exhausted. So last night I closed the store yet again and I worked with this guy Bob. He told me to sleep in today and when I said that I wouldn't miss church he was just in awe...he didn't understand how I could love church so much. I told him he should go with me, but he said the only getting him into a church is lots of food. I think I recall someones testimony as they went to a youth event because there was free food then they started going after that and well today I believe they are a pastor or something to that nature. So if I could just get good ole Bob in the doors maybe some miraculous could happen. My eyes have been opened a lot now that I am getting to know Bob pretty well. Although I am not at a camp, or doing missions in Cali this summer I am pretty sure I have a purpose at work. Pray for me & Sarah, pray that we could be vessels in our workplace. I've been getting to know a lot of people at work really well and one of the high school girls really looks up to me and I take her out all the time. Sometimes I think I am not doing missions this summer liek everyone else, I am just working and being useless...but then you have to realize that sometimes the place where you are needs just as much help. And if you ask me looking around this town it could use a lot of help. Comment and tell me what God's been showing you wherever you are this summer: Cali, Chicago, Lubbock, or a camp. I wanna hear it all!

So it's 5am and I am just getting home from a fun filled night. I first went out to chill with Kylee at Daybreak and go over the book we are reading this summer. Then I took Sarah dinner and as I was leaving Oscar told me to come over so we could go to dinner not that I was hungry. So I get over to his house and we decide we want IHOP but we must wait for Sarah & Linda to get off so we go back to Coldstone so Oscar can get ice cream to hold him over. Our boss is there and talks to us about all sorts of stuff then we get some ice cream, the store closes and we peace out. Me & Oscee just drive around eventually ending up at Wal-Mart. We're bouncing balls to each other and hoola hoopin', having a grand ole time. We buy some kites to go fly after IHOP which by the way is a surprise for Sarah. Oscee gets Batman, Superman & some other dude, while I get Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and we buy Sarah Yugioh?!? He's a topping for our cakes at work, sounded good to us. Dinner is good and fun as always, but here comes the real fun...you ready for this?! We go to the park and assemble our kites and we fly them for awhile, eventually we end up lying on the ground staring at the stars. Man what a gorgeous night! So after kites we decide to head back up to Walmart to buy TWISTER! So we're walking around looking at all sorts of stuff. I decide I need to buy a new frisbee because my old one disappeared and then we get into some stuff. We haven't even began to do anything destructive when Mrs. Walmart starts staring at us. So I assume she thinks I wanna still something...what the crap am I gonna do with a huge frisbee & a Twister game board, seriously?! Shove it where the sun don't shine? So after she's completly stopped doing her shipment and is just completly staring at us, I decide I should ask what she wants. I am the outspoken one: "ma'am what the crap are you staring at us for?" Lady: "you can't bounce balls because one time a kid did it and knocked over a bunch of stuff" Sarah: "sorry ma'am". So where the crap is this ball we are bouncing anyway, what a Walmart Stickler. Then we go to the next aisle where the hoola hoops are, mind you we just hoola hooped two hours ago. We are doing our thing when little Mrs. Walmart says "ya'll are going to break something" Jana mumbles: get a life! Then we leave...stupid Walmart Sticklers! So we dislike the Walmart woman very much so. We leave Wally World and head to Oscee's to play Twister. Twister turned out more exciting than I expected, infact it was amazing! I won't lie some of those possessions were a little awkward, but it was fun none the less. So this week is dedicated to hopping back to my childhood memories: hoola hoop, Twister & kites. I wanted to buy a Skip-It & Carebear, but I think that might have been taking it too far. I wish I could be a kid forever, anyone else miss being a child as much as I do? I miss riding my bike around the neighborhood all the time and building forts or just hanging out in our secret clubhouse. I miss walking around in the sewers and playing with legos and teenage mutant ninja turtles. (See even my kite design brought back childhood memories) I miss not having any responsibility! Man I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid!!!!!!

So today after church me & Sarah went and had pizza at Ashley's and after lunch we went into the garage to look at a "junk" box. While we are out there I spot three amazing hoola hoops so I grab one and have at it. Of course Ashley & Sarah grab one too, little did we know Sarah can't hoola hoop. So today we taught Sarah how to hoola hoop. Congrats on your new ability Sarah! You'd be right if that's all I have to say...

Ghetto fabulous! 

Sarah is gonna get you... 

This is me in evil thought for the nights plans... 

Now that we've confessed to everyone, this is me, Sarah & Linda the night that we went out and toilet papered Jeff Turtons house and shoepolished Jon & Keith's cars! Sorry guys, but it means we love you... 

Another funny picture of me & Sarah! We have too much fun when we're together...
 

This is for you Kelsey, I found this on the back of my Kellogg's Fruit Twistables...it made me think of you! 

So I went to Denton for a few days for my best friend, Chelsey's wedding. Wednesday night she decided to call me at 10 to tell me that I needed to be at lunch at 12:30 the next day which meant I had to leave at 7am...SICK! So I wake up and get out of here, unfortunately my first hour of driving was in the rain and I HATE DRIVING IN THE RAIN! I made it in town just in time for the bridal lunchean and things went great. After lunch I went to Lewisville to find me a new outfit to wear to the rehersal dinner. I made it home in time for dinner so I went out with my parents then I came home and took a nap then I headed over to Chelsey's new house and we had a party over there. First we just put together the party favors for the wedding then we had fun! The guys all came over and we hung out with them, but I eventually had to go to bed because I had to wake up early Friday morning too. Friday I had my very first spa treatment and now I've been spoiled! My mom boyght me the spa treatment for my birthday and she got me the full package. So I had a facial, a full body massage, and a spa manicure & pedicure. After my treatment I went to my moms office and told my mom how smooth I felt and made her feel my baby butt smooth arms. Man I could handle that everyday, too bad that won't ever happen. Friday afternoon I napped all afternoon and woke up just in time for the rehersal. My pastor gave me greif as he always does, I love my pastor! After rehersal I took Kristen with me to the dinner, that's Chelsey's little sister. Dinner was good except our waitor sucked at getting us our drinks so I got one Dr. Pepper for the entire Wedding Party to share. After dinner we headed to Beau's parents house to finish wedding announcements. I had fun talking to Lori & Phyllis. Too bad Beau's taken because I could enjoy having Lori as my mother-n-law. After we finished the announcements we went over to Chelsey's to finish the favors. Me & Kristen got there and just sat and talked while we waited for Chelsey & Britney, we talked forever then there was a change of plans. It was after midnight so I had to go get something from Beau because Chelsey was no longer allowed to see him. Then we headed up to the church to help her parents decorate. We touched up Chelseys slide show and put out all the party favors then went home to get some rest so we weren't sleepy during the wedding. Woke up bright and early Saturday morning to get my hair done, then I went to Chelsey's to talk with her & Kristen for a bit. Then ran some stuff up to the church and helped out for a few minutes, but had to run back to the hosue to get my stuff and to eat some lunch. Back to the church at noon to get ready for pictures. I'll have to show ya'll pictures when I get them, especially now that I know how to post pictures. There was one point that we were taking pictures and I started to get teary eyed, I knew I wouldn't survive the wedding. Forgot to mention I cried in rehersal too, but that's okay because me & Lori (Beau's mom)both cried. We had a bet to see who would cry the most, she ended up winning because I was actually able to gain control over myself. So the wedding starts and I am doing fine, I make it down the isle suprisingly enough. I made sure to smile big because pictures were being taken like crazy. Then I get on stage and the flower girl & ring boy make it up then here comes Caleb, Chelsey's son. And I start crying, dang it...I was doing so good. So I get myself cleared up and then here come's the bride and I completely loose it. Don't worry I gained control again and then it was just an occasional weep. Good thing there is prayer during a wedding because it gives the bridal party a chance to wipe our noses and eyes clear. I kept trying to make Lori smile so I stopped crying and was smiling at her, but it didn't help any. Too bad my mother was balling hysterically...you would have thought it was me getting married up there. Everything went well and the wedding was over in a flash! Beau's family kept telling me that when they were looking at me and I started crying they all started to cry, my bad...I guess I have a contagious cry. Pictures finished quickly then it was reception time. I had to make my toast, I was ready for it and I figured I wouldn't get choked up which is great. Then Chelsey's dad made his little toast and he got really choked up and I lost it and new there was no way I could regain control. Beau's dad, the Best Man went and then it was my turn. So I get up there and tell everyone I thought I could make it till Doug got choked up so they would just have to forgive me. My mom said she turned her head away from me so I wouldn't see her crying because she knew it would get me. So I looked right at Chelsey & Beau as I talked to them about perseverance, me stuttering trying not to cry and Chelsey looking right at me crying...I could hardly make it. Afterwards everyone told me I made them cry again, what's this with me being able to make people cry like that?! I survived my toast, wahoo! We went outside to put Chelsey's stuff in the getaway car...which was a corvette, it was amazing!!! Russ let us shoepolish it too, so that was awesome! We didn't have much space so it just said Just Married! Congrats! And there was a heart around Beau's space. I stayed afterwards and cleaned up with Chelsey's parents. I took a lot of fruit and some cake home. Then I took fruit over to Lori's house and Beau & Chelsey were there so I stayed and hung out. Beau's grandma & Chelsey took down my hair for me. I spent all night over there. Lori adopted me, yay!! I was going to have to marry her younger son if I wanted in the family, so she adopted me instead. I stayed over there till about 10:30 then I went home to hang out with my mommy. Sunday I slept in, then went to lunch with my daddy then came home and took a nap. My mom was sick Sunday so we didn't get to hang out. So really I didn't get to see much of my mommy, but she's coming up July 4th, wahoo!!!!! So the wedding was wonderful, I love Chelsey and sharing her wedding day with her was amazing. I did a lot of reflecting on our friendship and man how I love that girl. Sometimes I wish I lived near Denton so I could see her & Caleb more. I loved being a part of her family again, I always feel so loved by her family when I am with them. And then Beau's family was so great too. It was amazing! Makes me miss my family, and when I say that I mean the entire family. The only thing that gets us all together is funerals and well I wish that wasn't what it took. Anyway, long blog but it's the only thing thats gone on in my life lately.

This is one of my favorite cartoons, I found it one day and I laughed forever...hope you like it! 

This is our Final Destination faces...kind of scary! 

We're riding a roller coaster in this one... 

More IHOP pictures: I can't really explain this picture...we're weird!  

This is one of my favorite pictures of me & Sarah. Ya we're in the same shirt.... 

This is me & Sarah at IHOP!  

So late night IHOP runs are always fun! I won't lie, we ate a lot of food. Our table: two large omlets, one child sized omlette, a club sandwhich and three pancake stacks. Me, Linda & Sarah can sure eat our food! So if your a IHOP person and you've been to the loop at night then you probably know Fatimah, I met her my first late night IHOP adventure. She knows how to say thank you in a 143 languages...ring a bell? She's amazing! So Fatimah is by far the best waitress ever. She said she was proud of us for eating like we did, nice! So Fatimah told us this joke, I think Sarah might have wet her pants she was laughing so hard...ready? Are you sure your ready for this?? "What happened when the indian drank too much tea? he drowned in his teepee!" Okay here's another one, that Fatimah is one funny woman. "Hey did you hear about the naked ghost? No Sheet!" Ya, that one made me laugh pretty hard. Then me & Sarah were doing Austin Powers stuff and we were doing the Macarena like Dr. Evil and Fatimah was like, "ooo i like that teach me". She's amazing, seriously! So if your feeling a late night IHOP run make sure Fatimah is there and you'll have a good time. Then again anywhere me & Sarah go we have a lot of fun! You should see the pictures we took on Linda's phone, stinkin' hysterical!!!

In honor of Shrek 2, my new favorite movie!


you are DONKEY! you are outgoing and genuinly
loving life. you're hilarious and tell it like
it is


what shrek character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wahoo, wlecome back 80's!

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

So I just started this women of character study and so far I am blown away. I love that God knows exactly what you need to hear and exactly when you need to hear it. I love that you could have a devotional and you skip a week and the day you start back, it's the exact day you needed to read. God knew that you would take a week break and he knew that day 3 would be perfect for you to read although really it should be day 10. That was kind of a random side note, but I'm sure you've all noticed it too. So the first day I started my new study we studied Eve. I tend to leave Eve out when I study women of the bible because all I can think about is the pain she caused me. When I think of women to study I typically think of Ruth, Mary & Martha, Esther and of course the Proverbs 31 woman. I haven't really gone much farther than that. (Wow I am a hick) Some things I learned from the study on Eve:

1) Satan finds the one sin that get us everytime and he uses that one to keep attacking us.
2) Therefore, know when he is going to strike and be able to defend yourself.
3) Although we are happy where we are and everything is going right, Satan can convince us that there is something far better just like he did with Eve.

No my own personal comment to each of those:

1) I know for a fact that there is that one sin that is always tempting to me. I know that Satan knows that he can really get me down if he works at it. If something upsets me Satan always uses that and then I start getting other crazy ideas in my head till I just can't take it anymore. I know that when my Grandma died my life was going good, but because I was down about her death Satan decided that he could use that to really get me.
2) Watch for the signs that he will strike: depression, loneliness, etc. I just watched Final Destination 2 last week and the girls advice for ending the death list was to watch the signs. And that's exactly what we should do here: Watch the signs for when Satan will attack. If I was to know that at 6pm tonight some guy was going to try to kill me then I could figure out ways to defend myself or even avoid the attack. That's how we should be with Satan, we know that he will attack us when we get lonely so don't let him. Go to God for strength to fight him off and to be able to defend yourself when you're vulnerable.
3) Just as Adam & Eve were happy where they were, they had everything they could have needed as far as they knew. Then Satan came along and offered them wisdom and they took up the offer because it was something better. I know we all do it too. We are just fine where we are then we are offered something better and we have to have it. Cell phones are a great example, the new pictures phones were a must have...a lot of people got rid of the phone that made them happy before because something better was offered.

I just thought I would share something deep instead of just ramblings...have a good day, stand on guard.

I am Mario. I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?

So Thursday was my moms 50th Birthday and we had a surpise party that night. Me & my sister had to tell a story or say something nice to my mom so I wrote it and I figured I could read it with out crying...seriously what was I thinking?! As my mom entered the building I started to cry, yep it was then that I knew there was no way I would make it through a speech. So Sarah had to deliver our speech for us, and even she got choked up...I guess I have a way with words. Anyway, it was a tear filled night with memories gallore and of course just people saying sweet things about my mommy. I love getting to see my moms friends because they all make me feel so special.

So yesterday began my summer of weddings, it was some of my high school buddies Jane & Jeff. I've known Jane for like ever, and Jeff was one of my best friends cousins. So I knew him fairly well too. I am one of the only girls left in my graduating class from my church that isn't married or engaged. I guess I better get on it...So then we are at the reception and I am talking to my old youth minister and his wife, Kris & Amy. Amy and I are just talking and she is like well you'll get married soon and I was just like are you kidding? I always love talking to Amy, I always leave conversations with her feeling pretty good. Too bad we never get to talk anymore though. The next time I will see her will probably be at my friend, Michaela's wedding. Chelsey's wedding is in two weeks and Stephanie is aleady married. Speaking of Chelsey's wedding, I have to make a toast...I hope I can survive it. Anyone have any good ideas for a good toast?

So yesterday morning at 4am, some freshman from my old high school were out most likely drinking not for sure yet but the car had a 30 pack of beer in it. The boys were all too young to drive, they were at a light and it was green but unfortunately so was the 18-wheelers and wqhen they went to turn it wasn't possible for the truck to stop. It killed two of the boys instantly. One of the boys went to my church and the other one was the brother of a guy I graduated with. Adam is the guy I graduated with and God really put him on my heart to pray for because he just lost one of his good friends this year in a motocross accident. So pray for him if you have a chance and well of course all the families and friends of the two boys killed. Two of the boys are in critical condition and the driver has a broken arm & leg. Be in serious prayer for all of the boys because this is an insanely hard time for them all. None of their parents even knew the boys were out this late, they thought they were in bed sleeping. Kind of makes me sad, because I didn't once think about disobeying my parents but I know that kids do it all the time. I wish that some teens would just realize the consequences that sometimes come with the decisions they make. Looking at it now as a college student, things are so different. Take time to poor into a high school student if you have the chance, teach them something about life. Anyway, I've talked a lot today so I guess I will go now. This link is the article about the accident:
http://www.dentonrc.com/sharedcontent/dws/drc/localnews/stories/DRC___DHS_freshmen.1ed2736c3.html