Isnt this gorgeous? A picture of what God gave me today.  

Isn't this sweet? It look so old fashioned... 

So can you tell? 

What's wrong with this picture. Incase you can't figure it out let me post another so you can tell what I am eating... 

RANDOMNESS

So today's blog is dedicated to random things that have gone on this week or whatever. And we all know that I am very random so this blog fits me very well.

First, I was in line at the bank the other day and I heard the lady next to me talking and it sounded like a very close family friend so I turn my head to look and definately disappointed that it wasn't Cindi. But it made me happy because I love Cindi.

Second, yesterday we are sitting at work talking and I start talking about my Grandma. I decide to show the girls my GeeMa and Roxy is like where'd she live. I tell her she lived in an assisted living center on 50th and she said "Ventura Place" and I said "ya!" Turns out Roxy use to work with my GeeMa and said she was amazing. Then we both cried...teehee!

Third, in the midst of writing this my roommate just broke our shower door. It was almost me this morning, it wouldn't shut and I was ready to break it off. It's silly anyway, who uses those anymore?!

Fourth, on the way to school yesterday I saw a hurst that was very much so decorated for Day of the Dead. It had all sorts of festive stuff plus lots of skulls. Anyway.

So today it's been one year exactly since my Geema died. And I went home for the weekend because I just thought it would be a great weekend to spend some time with my mommy. So this morning I am sitting in church and this video starts to play that deals directly with the serman. Sermon titled "God is bigger than our grief". In the video they were asking people what has hurt them and it seems as though a lot of people mentionted death and of course my tears start rolling instantly. How crazy is it that Larry's sermon just happened to be on grief exactly one year after I lost the person I cared most about. The hardest thing I've ever had to deal with...crazy! Not only did he preach about it but I was sitting with my best friend who drove up the day my Grandma died...God provided me with her a year ago and today. I love Chelsey soooo much! After the service our benediction song was "Because He Lives" and it even more so reminded me of my Grandma. There was no way that I wasn't 100% suppose to be in Denton this weekend and that was sure proof to me. God continued making me smile all day. As we were driving home I look up and I seriously spent at least half an hour staring at the sun as it changed and set. Trent was asleep and I was just thinking about how gorgeous the sunset was and God's amazing love for me. Then I got pulled over and by the grace of God I only got a warning. Anyway, God is good...very very good. I wanna share the sermon from today with ya'll but I am really tired from staying out so late last night. So tomorrow I will update this a little bit better.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF EMILY BELLE "Bobbie" aka GEEMA!!!

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DUBYA

My contribute to George today was just me wanting to point out what Spencer Ingram said in the UD today. "I respect Bush fo allowing his faith to shape his actions, ideals and decisions. This paints a good picture of what faith is; something you live by, not with. It seems Kerry's religious beliefs go as deep as the ritual and legalisitc aspects of Catholicism and stop before they reach the gospel's deeper truth. I cannot trust the character of a leader who keeps whatever faith he claims to have separate from his actions, decisions and morals." I really enjoyed reading Spencers article as I always enjoy his articles, I think he has a lot of profound things to say. Another thing to share is that last night in the debate I loved what George said, "prayer & religion sustain me." I have to say I love that man Dubya. I am reading the book The Faith of George W. Bush and I absolutely love it and getting to know more about my wonderful president.

My sister sent me this so I figured I would share it with all of you:

Dear Friend, Greetings from Focus on the Family! By now, you've undoubtedly heard about our innovative new voter registration initiative here at the ministry. The outcome of the general election in November will likely influence the direction of our nation for years to come, and our goal is to ensure that all eligible Christians are registered to vote. Whether directly or indirectly, our elected leaders will be making life and death decisions on our behalf over the next four years. Critical issues will be addressed by those in power, including how the war on terror will be fought; whether the youngest members of the human race will be sacrificed in the name of medical research; whether the "right" to kill pre-born children will continue; and whether marriage will be defined exclusively as the sacred union of one man and one woman, as God intended. Without a doubt, you and I and millions of other Christians have a vested interest in how those questions will be answered. Unfortunately, 39 million Christians did not take the time to vote in the last presidential election. In addition, 24 million won't be able to vote in this year's election because they are not registered! With the well-being of future generations at stake, I hope that you can appreciate the critical nature of this coming election and the absolute necessity of registering and then voting for the candidates who represent your values. To streamline the registration process, Focus has developed a Web site, www.iVoteValues.org [http://66.179.18.10/nct?id=496907&urlid=164&aid=184]. I urge you to visit the site and register, if you have not already done so. In addition, please encourage your unregistered family members and friends to log on to ivotevalues.org [http://66.179.18.10/nct?id=496907&urlid=165&aid=184] as soon as possible. I hope that you and your loved ones will do everything you can to make sure that you are fully equipped to make your voices heard this fall. It only takes a few minutes, but the impact could potentially last for generations. Please don't let these opportunities pass you by. Being involved in the public square is the duty of all Christians, and registering to vote is the key to engaging in the democratic process as our Founding Fathers envisioned it. Every voice does matter - don't underestimate the importance of your vote in influencing our country for righteousness! Sincerely, James C. Dobson, Ph.D. Founder and Chairman P.S. Please visit our CitizenLink Web site (www.citizenlink.org) to view additional information on the social issues impacting our culture and to sign up for the CitizenLink Daily E-mail Update, which provides the latest family-related news and offers "take action" steps for personal involvement.

Quotations: "When we withhold our influence and participation, we yield by default to those who promote immoral and destructive policies." James Dobson

"The only thing needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke, British Statesman

"If America is to survive, we must elect more God-centered men and women to public office; individuals who will seek Divine guidance in the affairs of state." Billy Graham, Evangelist

"When the godly are in authority, the people rejoice. But when the wicked are in power, they groan." Solomon (Proverbs 29:2 NKJV) -by far, the best thing in this entire letter!

Remember to Forward this Important Message from Dr. Dobson to Your Family and Friends! Focus on the Family received your e-mail address on family.org or through the mail. We sincerely apologize if someone else has submitted your address without your permission. If you do not wish to receive future e-mail product offers, please reply to this message with 'Remove' in the subject line. Copyright 2004, Focus on the Family. All Rights Reserved. Focus on the Family Colorado Springs, CO 80995 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) Source Code: VP04HEIVV

The memories start...this was sent to everyone in the family a little while after her death. My Granddad died in 1995 so that's why there is a picture of the two of them. I love them both oh so much. 

Here's to the woman I miss most! It's almost been a year since she died and this past week I've been thinking about her a lot. I'll probably go into greater detail next week when it's actually been a full year since her death, but I figured I'd post a picture in memory of her. 10/17/03 

isnt this shirt great? umm the ordering process is over...if you still want one and its not a small then let me know. ashley said she doesnt really have any smalls left.  

CHRISTIANITY

Last night at Midnight I got to hear one of my best friends husbands preach, it was kind of special to me because it let me see the Godly man that he is. And it shows me how absolutely wonderful he is, and how great he is for my friend. Not that I ever had any doubt in Josh before, I always knew he was strong in his faith and that the day Lauren met this boy he was a treasure to be kept. So Josh brought the word and it was good. It was something I keep hearing about, its something God keeps showing me in scripture and through friends...God isn't letting go of this. The scripture we looked at was Isaiah 29:13-16, but verse 13 is what always hits home for me. "The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.' " It's so true, we are in a routine half the time...we know the same 25 praise & worship songs and we can sing them and not have any idea what we are singing about. Sometimes I just have to sit down and really think about the words...do I really mean it? It's not about the motions though...it's not about how many bible studies we are in, or how many good things we do for people, while all those are good...we need our relationship with the Lord to be our main focus. Because when we are spending time with the Lord because we want to grow then that's when those other things will start happening genuinely because of our love for Christ. I need to allow God to be the desire of my heart over everything else, I need to desire him more than I desire taking a nap because I lost sleep or desire him more than desiring to hang out with friends. I must come to a point where I desire God so much more. Anyway, I just thought I'd share my heart with ya'll as I always do. Have a blessed day, time for me to go spend time with the family...FIGHT RAIDERS FIGHT!

So this is for the most part the truck I got to drive today. My boss let me take his truck to lunch and well it's amazing! It's huge and it's a diseal, I've never drove something so big in all my life. I had fun and now I want my own real bad.  

Where God Wants Me To Be

Next time your morning seems to be going wrong and the children are slow getting dressed and you can't seem to find the car keys and you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated; praise God instead because God is at work watching over you.

After Sept. 11 ... I happened to call a man on business that I didn't know and have not, nor will ever, talk to again. But this day, he felt like talking. He was head of security of a company that had invited the remaining members of a company who had been decimated by the attack on the Twin Towers to share their office space. With his voice full of awe he told me stories of why these people were alive and their counterparts were dead .....and all the stories were just 'little' things.

As you might know, the head of the company got in late that day because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident.

One missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change.

One's car wouldn't start.

One went back to answer the telephone.

One had a child that dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have.

One couldn't get a taxi.

There were other stories that I hope and pray will someday be gathered and put in a book.

The one that struck me was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took the various means to get to work but before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone .... all the little things that annoy me ...I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose.

The day I missed my flight I couldn't help but think maybe there was a reason I missed it. It wasn't because that flight crashed or anything but my mom said there were many wrecks that morning and she could have easily been in one. There are so many days that I get aggrivated because the light turns red for just me, no other cars in sight...but one day I was watching and if I would have had a green light a car who decided to run a red light at the next intersection would have hit me. So it teaches us to not get so agrivated when little things drive us crazy like the phone ringing or someone taking too long to get ready or your jeans not being dried fast enough.

Why Men Are Just Happier People -
what do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this
one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood -- all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

so going with the sermon i shared last time...do you ever just feel so lonesome that you could cry? i find it rather amusing that in all the friends that i "have" i often find myself so lonesome that i could cry. sometimes i think it's because its a sat. night and i have no one to hang out with so therefore i am lonesome but even when i am with friends i still feel lonesome. and its because i am lacking with God, my relationship with Him is nowhere close to where it needs to be. i'm so lost that i don't even know how to find my way back. its almost easier to linger on this path that i've been on for so long. torn between two worlds, not knowing which one i really belong to. to think that in one world i feel more loved and actually enjoy life a little more when in the other i feel so lost and alone. which really it should feel the complete opposite. i stand here so broken inside and with no one to talk to, which is definately a good thing because it teaches me that i can't rely on my friends and that i must fall on my knees and let the one person i know will never stop loving me hold me in his arms tonight. man i'm so lonesome i could cry.

so this weekend i went to see my sister in tyler and i had a really good time. friday was a bit rough at the start of the day. my flight was to leave at 6am so I needed to be to the airport by 530 no later. luckily i had this amazing friend, jeff that volunteered to take me to the airport so i was suppose to call him at 430 to wake him up. well i decided at about midnight that i would go ahead and just stay awake all night b/c 4 hrs. would be worthless to me anyway. i got most stuff packed then i headed to walmart with marissa so she could keep me awake. sadly the night before i couldn't fall asleep so i only had 4 hrs. of sleep so by 2am I was ridiculous tired. i got home at about 230 and decided i should take an hour nap. i do this all the time when i am studying and i just leave my light and tv on so that i can't get good sleep. i set 3 or 4 alarms and figured i would wake up...greatest fear is missing my flight. well so i fall asleep and 545 rolls around and my phone rings and i recognize the spanish fiesta as jeffs ring so i jump out of bed and look at the clock. its 545 and i'm definately not going to make my flight. i start freaking out immediately, i hang up with jeff and call my mom in a panic. she seems calm and its okay that i missed my flight she doesnt hate me like i thought she would. so she calls southwest and they tell her that i need to get up there as soon as i can to try to catch the next flight on stand by. so i get dressed in a hurry and finish packing my suitcase i call jeff back and he says he'll still take me. so i get in my car to go over to his house and my anxiety kicks in hard core. i start crying and shaking, i am officially really stressed out. i called my mom and she calmed me down just in time for me to arrive at jeff's. jeff gets in the car and we head to the airport. i sit at the airport till 8 praying that i can make a flight. they suggest i fly to new mexico and then to dallas because i'll be guaranteed a flight from nm back to tx. well i figure might as well try b/c all the dallas flights are sold out b/c of the game. plane is loaded and i am praying pretty hardcore and yay i make the call...i get to fly into new mexico. wow they have mountains...i am jealous. so i should have been in dallas by 7am, but i got there at 11 instead. made it to tyler by 1 so i ate lunch then went to my hair appointment. after that my day turned around. i had a great time this weekend, hanging out with my sister and mommy is always fun. me & my sister got this sisters scrapbook and we did some of it this weekend so we talked about a lot of memories and things we love about each other and stuff, that was really cool. we played a lot of games as we always do. we played frisbee one night which really made me miss playing . she has an amazing dog so that made me want a dog really bad. monday we left right after lunch so we could go shopping and so that i could meet liz for dinner. we ate at this place called buca de geppo or something to that nature and it was amazing. then we headed to cheesecake factory to get some cheesecake...its mine & liz's favorite. i got to the airport a little early which is good because there was trouble with my tickets because of fridays disaster. but then it ended up not mattering and i had to wait for my flight for an hour and a half because well it of course had to be off schedule. flight was really good though, i sat between two people that were really friendly. and at the airport i ran into a girl i use to be in youth group with 4yrs. ago, she decided to come to tech. so needless to say i had a pretty good weekend although i thought it would be a disaster all because friday morning.

so sunday i went to church with my sister and their pastor is pretty amazing. before church even went around my sister was telling me that he is doing a country music theme this month and this weeks title was "I'm so lonesome I could cry" and I thought what a perfect weekend for me to come visit. his sermon was great and he does all this stuff that really keeps your attention and he's way funny too. So the passage was on John 16:28-33 where Jesus talks about overcoming the world and returning to the Father. So I am just gonna share with you what I learned.
I. You can be lonesome even in a crowd.
1. Caused by a mobilized culture.
-we're in the culture in which you have places to be all the time that sometimes you forget to stop and say hey to people and so we just become a lost face in a crowd.
2. Caused by a despersonalized culture.
- you are no longer a person, you become just another number
II. You can be alone and not be lonely.
1. Solitude is not loneliness.
-solitude is a time for spiritual renewal and it's something we need. We need a time to be alone with God as did Jesus...
-Mark 1:35 "Very early in the morning, white it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went to a solitary place, where he prayed."
2. God's presence is real and personal.
-Hebrews 13:5 "never will i leave you, never will i forsake you"
-Pslams 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."
-John 16:32 "You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me."
(he mentioned a story of a little boy who was scared when in his bed at night and yelled out to his father "daddy i am scared" and his daddy yelled back "don't be scared God is in there with you" and the boy was silent for a little while then he yelled "daddy i need someone with flesh" the story reminded me of my own life because there are so many times when i realize that God is all i have and i just wanna yell out "i need someone with flesh" but i must remember God is truly the only one that can make that loneliness go away)
3. You can conquer lonliness by reaching out to others.
-Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother."
(because I am psych minor, the other day i was listening to a lecture and my prof said that once we have so many friends we have the tendency to stop allowing more relationships to enter our life till we loose a friend then we look for someone to replace that person and as a Christian we should try to overcome that silly cycle and we should always be looking for another person we can be friends with. there are so many people out there that are lonely and just need someone to love on them and who better than a christian who can share with them how God can make you not so lonely.)

So that was the sermon, I thought it was great. Another thing that got brought up was how the only time Jesus was alone was when he was dying for our sins and God had to turn away from him and let him take upon all of our sin. I had never heard it put this way before but the entire reason Jesus was with out God was because he actually had to go to hell to take on all of our sin and God couldn't go with him. Thats why he said "why have you forsaken me" it wasnt just because God didn't remove him from the cross but because he actually took my sin for me. That kind of makes my outlook on the entire thing way different. I mean seriously God loves me so stinking much...amazing!

Well, I didn't take the job. Sorry for letting ya'll hang but I thought about it after talking to the pastor and the job just isn't right for me. It would have required me to transfer my membership to Trinity Baptist Church and I know that God called me to Southcrest for a reason. Although this oppurtunity seemed so amazing it was actually going to end up taking up a lot of time. I would have started having to attend BSM activities which I just can't do this year because my main focus is graduating. I would have work everyday 2-5 then Wed. nights, Sun. morning & nights and I just didn't feel that I was right for the job. It was awesome that I got offered the job, but it just didn't seem right for me. I was so excited about it and I thought it was the perfect job but it just ended up not working out. Anyway, Coldstone isn't that bad of a job I was just excited about getting paid better and the ministry I could have been involved in and how that would have looked on seminary applications. That's how the pastor tried to steer me in, he told me he wrote great letters of recommendation and that he wanted to have me because I was Vernon's granddaughter. He tried so hard to make me do it, but I for one don't like feeling pressured to do something anyway so that method doesn't work for me. Hope everything is going well for everyone. Hope ya'lls first day of classes weren't too rough. I don't start till tomorrow, praise God for TR only classes.

GOD IS SO AMAZING!!!!!

So let me just tell you how amazing God is and what he did in my life today. I guess first I should tell you what I've been wanting and praying for and you can see how God totally walked through the doors of Coldstone today. So I've been thinking about how it would probably be good to have a job that gears more towards what I wanna do in the future and probably get plugged into the ministry somehow before I head off to seminary. But I've pretty much been chicken to leave Coldstone so haven't even tried to look for a new job. But seriously am not making enough at Coldstone and they aren't giving me the hours I set my school schedule for so I was going to try and get a second job as a sub so that I could kind of choose if I wanted to work or not. So today I am working and I am serving this couple and I am charming them because well that's what I do at work. They sit down and are eating their ice cream and start asking about me. So I tell them that I am a senior and my major is Human Development & Family Studies. They asked me what I wanted to do with that and I said Marriage & Family Therapy, preferably premarital & marital counseling. Then without thinking I shouldn't tell them too much more my mouth flys open and all sorts of stuff starts flowing out of my mouth. I tell them I want to get my masters at either Southern or Southwestern. They ask where I go to church and why I left FBC and I just tell them everything about how God took me to Southcrest and how I knew I was suppose to be there. I told them about how I wanted a second job because I didn't make enough. Then he asked me if I liked children and I told him about how I worked at a day care for 3 1/2 years but then I quit because they weren't paying me enough. And before I know it the guy hands me his business card and offers me a job as a children's intern at his church. He tells me to stop by and as I glance down at the card I see that it says "Trinity Baptist Church" and he says it's located at 34th & Boston. And at this time my heart might have skipped a beat and I said "my granddad use to be the associate pastor there". We talked about that for a few minutes and when he left I went to the back and I looked down to notice that I was shaking and then I started crying. It was like God totally put Pastor Robert in Coldstone and had me be that open with him. Anyway, so I am gonna call him tomorrow and go talk to him about a job. Pray for me please! Well God is good! And I forgot to tell you he offered me a better pay than I am getting now...ya that's right I told him what I made now and he offered me better. AMAZING!

I took the time to get to know someones heart tonight and I am glad I did. It's sad but we are all guilty of it, but we hear something about someone and we judge them based on what we hear but we never take the time to get to know that person. I sat here in my room tonight and watched this person worship God and I knew it was genuine and someone was cruel enough to make up all sorts of crap about this person and their walk with God. Who are they to speak anyway? I mean really. Who am I to speak even? I am just as guilty as the next I am sure of it. It's so sad but I know that we're all guilty of doing it. Seriously, take the time to get to know someone's heart. Love them for who they are and where they are. We've all screwed up and we're all gonna continue screwing up. Tonight I sat there listening to my friend play the guitar and I kept rereading this verse over and over again "There is not a righteous man on earth that does what is right and never sins." (Ecclesiastes 7:20) I meditated on this verse for awhile and I can't get it off my mind...we always sin. Simply put, we always sin. It's never gonna go away, not until one day I come face to face with my Savior and then finally I can be free of sin.

Last night I went over to Jeff's for a little worship session and I sat there and I felt so guilty for running from God all summer and I became so broken. I sat there and felt so unworthy and really empty and I realized how far I had ran and how God was calling me back and it was time for me to coming running into his arms again. How sweet is it that I get to fall in love with Him over and over again? Afterwards I sat here at home and thought about worship and if I really worshiped or not or if everything I put forth was just me singing because I knew the song.

Now what is it that you think I needed to hear this morning? So Dusty gets up to speak and his first question is "How would you define authentic worship?" then "What is worship not?" Wow, could this sermon seem any more perfect to me? Oh but it only got better. Key verse, Isaiah 29:13 "The Lord says: 'These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.' " All summer that was me...I would draw near to him with my mouth & lips but my heart was nowhere near. Then Dusty said something which made me realize my worship was real this morning for the first time almost all summer and it's because this morning I longed to be fed, I longed to drink from the fountain. And Dusty said that worship is equally worthy to God when your drinking or longing for a drink from His fountain. And that we should pray to God "God I've drank from you before and I'm thirsty for you now."

Lessons learned: I may have been so far this summer but all that matter is that now I long to be closer to him. I shouldn't be down on myself just because I had a hard summer and I sinned and I ran from God because I sin, it's natural. And thankfully God has given me grace and it has set me free from that sin. Man God is so good to me even when I am so undeserving.