My friend, Magen, responded to my last blog with something very profound. Her response, “He loves a heart that truly desires Him, which is what I think your struggle comes down to. You truly desire more of Him, but fail in your flesh.”
She hit it right on the target. My heart desires Christ so much, but I continue to fail in my flesh. My heart grows heavy at the very thought of this. Saying that out loud just now brought me to a place of tears as I am so frustrated with it all. Over the past several months I have to come to a place where I throw myself to the ground and beg for God’s mercy and love time and time again. I thank Him for bringing me to a place where he pulls me back in line, but beg for his mercy as I continue to fail Him.
I almost become overwhelmed by being more like Christ. I desire so much to be like Him and for a short time I run and chase after Him, but then I become frustrated and I give up. I’ve laid in my bed or on my floor on more than one occasion begging for forgiveness as I manage to go astray. The best part of going astray is when God pulls us back in. He continues to love us and continues to chase after us despite the fact that we continue to go astray.
My prayer is that this time I won't just run after him for a short time, but that I will truly desire to pursue a relationship with my Savior. I desire so much to become disciplined in my pursuit of Christ. I can't help but think of the lyrics I hung onto at church last night..."I Surrender All!" I truly desire to surrender my all and my everything to run and chase after my Lord and Savior!!
2 comments:
I guess I'll continue responding. :) I thought of something else as I read this post. The most freeing part of us being sinful and imperfect and Him being glorious and strong is that we do not have to live in condemnation. You do not have to spend time being down on yourself for failing in your flesh. The gift is that we humbly confess to Him that we are weak, ask for His mercy, and then rejoice in the fact that He is forgiving when we are not perfect. It takes the glory off of us, sheds any pridefulness in thinking for any length of time that we should have 'had it together,' and places our hope back on the One who is worthy of hoping in. There is no condemnation in Christ!
Thanks for your input Magen! It's certainly encouraging and a great reminder.
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