My niece is old enough to sit up now. She's pretty stinkin' precious if I dont say so myself. I had a dream last night that we were at dinner and when my sister walked up my niece ran up to me with open arms. What the heck? She can't be walking anytime soon, I will not allow it!

Since I last posted I've turned 23...

I've celebrated Cinco de Mayo...

And I've worked. In fact, all I really ever do is work. I dont do much at night or on the weekends so my life=my work. It sucks, but whatever. Besides working I've applied for grad school at Dallas Baptist University. So thats an update, perhaps I'll come back sooner than later. I dont really enjoy posting anymore. When there is no reward for it, its hard to post.

In honor of Easter I post the lyrics to the song, How Could You Say No? This is by far oone of my favorite songs representing the picture of Christ giving up his life for me...

Thorns on His head, spear in His side
Yet it was a heartache that made Him cry
He gave His life so you would understand
Is there any way you could say no to this Man?

If Christ Himself
Were standing here
Face full of glory and eyes full of tears
Held out His arms with His nail pierced hands
Is there any way you could say no to this Man?

Chorus:
How could you look in His tear-stained eyes
Knowing it's you He's thinking of?
Would you tell Him you're not ready to give Him your life?
Could you say you don't think you need His love?
Jesus is here with His arms open wide
You can see Him with your heart if you'll stop looking with your eyes
He's left it up to you, He's done all He can
Is there any way you could say no to this Man?

Thorns on His head, your life is in His hands
Is there any way you could say no to this Man?
Oh, is there any way you could say no to this Man?

My little ray of sunshine. Every morning when I turn on my computer I see this. Shes such a huge blessing. And she's so stinkin' beautiful!!!  

Little League Tragedy vs. Reckless Driving

This was a show on Oprah not too long ago, and I just want to hear some peoples opinions. I already talked to my sister about this and we have very differing opinions so let's hear yours too.

Little League Tragedy:

As told my Oprah.com: According to eyewitnesses, L.G. was standing in line at the snack bar when Jeremy approached and started to tease and push L.G. Moments later, L.G. pulled his bat from his bag and swung at Jeremy twice: hitting him first in the leg, and then in the head. Jeremy was rushed to the emergency room and was pronounced dead two hours later. L.G.—who had no history of violence or criminal behavior—was taken into police custody and was later convicted of second-degree murder. He was sentenced to 12 years of confinement in a youth detention center. Interview with LG's parents: They say that the reason L.G. pulled the bat out of his bag was that he was scared of Jeremy, who was older and bigger. The Harrises say Jeremy weighed 190 pounds and L.G. weighed 87 pounds. "I think it was more of a fear factor for him with the size difference, and it just escalated," Gigi says. "[The teasing] would not stop; it just kept going and going. And he didn't know how to get himself out of the situation … because he hasn't been in a confrontation [like that]." Interview with Jeremy's parents: the Rourkes made a statement in which they asked that L.G. not be vilified for Jeremy's death. They also stated that they preferred for L.G. to be tried as a juvenile and not as an adult, removing the chance that L.G. would be given a life sentence. "He was a good boy, and he made a bad mistake," Angela, Jeremy's mother, says. Jeremy's parents disagree with the Harrises about the fairness of L.G.'s sentence. "If [L.G.] were tried as an adult," Brian, Jeremy's father, reasons, "he would have gotten 15 to life. "


Reckless Driving:

The man in the show had lost his wife and daughter due to the fact that a teenage boy decided to drag race down the street. Bruce witnessed his wife 's van blow up and experienced the very real death of the people he loved most. While angry at the boy who had killed his family by making one stupid choice, he chose to offer that boy forgiveness and even I dare to say grace. After the death of his family, he spents 3 years looking to convict Justin for the death of his wife and daughter. He even quit his job, hired an investigator and paid thousands to have Justin put behind bars. As stated on oprah.com: "I was outraged," Bruce says. "I was still numb from having lost my wife and my daughter, but I was very outraged. I thought, you know, [it was] over something so stupid and careless that two innocent people were killed." He finally got what he wanted too. He was in a Florida court, face-to-face with the person who had killed his family. Justin was charged with two counts of vehicular homicide. He pled guilty to all charges and was awaiting sentencing when he received an unexpected request. And then a twist... Bruce's heart softened and he decided to meet with Justin to hear what Justin had to say. Oprah.com: "I thought, what good is it going to do putting this kid in prison for 30 years?" Bruce says. "Everyone's going to forget about him. Everyone's going to forget [about] Cindy and Chelsea. And I felt that there was a better way to handle this. I chose to, number one, forgive him for what he had done." For the first eight minutes of the meeting, Justin says he was too emotional to speak. Then, Bruce handed him some tissues, and the words came pouring out. "I immediately asked for forgiveness," Justin says. "I told him I was sorry and that I never intended for any of this to happen." Bruce spoke to his sons soon after the meeting, and they decided to make a plea agreement with Justin. Instead of the possible 30 years in prison, Justin was sentenced to eight years of probation, two years of house arrest, 300 hours of community service and a five-year license revocation. And now... Justin & Bruce travel together to high schools to teach them the dangers of irrational driving.


Sorry that was so long, but now I want to hear your opinions. Do you think the punishment for scenario one was too strong or perhaps you even feel too weak? Do you think that Justin got off too easy? Whats your opinions on it all? Justice? Grace? Forgiveness? And what would you do in the situation?

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace

The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side...

So if you notice in this picture that on one side of the fence the grass is greener than on the other side. The first time I ever noticed this was on a trip home with my dear friend Trent when we saw that on one side of the road was BRIGHT green grass and on the other side it was completely dead. After seeing that, Trent said "Wouldn't it be awesome to take a picture standing on the dead side and looking over to the bright side. Then caption it 'The grass is always greener on the other side.'"

I couldn't really capture that image going 70MPH, so this is all you get. But now onto what this image says to me...

So the grass is always greener on the other side...or is it? I believe that so many of us often compare our lives to the lives of those around us. Unfortunately this often leads to jealousy and envy. If you have a sibling you know this road all to well. I probably have compared myself to my sister more than anyone else. Here's a list of things I typically say "She had better grades. She's married. She's making more than I'll ever make. She's got it all together. She's better looking." And I've even said "She's perfect." But saying all those things only destroys who I am. I spend too much time trying to be like Nicole, mostly because I admire her but in part because shes got it all together. But why am I trying to live out a life that isnt mine to live out? God put me on this earth for a specific purpose and its not the same for me as it is for my sister. I love my sister so much and I think she is wonderful and she has accomplished so much. She's good at everything she does. I can honestly look at my sisters life and say "I'm thankful that God has blessed her in all of those ways." And not be jealous. And thats saying a lot for me. But seriously, why can't I be happy for all that she has accomplished instead of tearing myself apart for not accomplishing the same things. I have accomplish plenty in my life and will only continue. I am aware that this situation occurs in the other direction too. I think we all need to stop comparing ourselves to those around us so that we can live out the lives God has called us to. May we each truly learn to not care if the grass is greener on the other side, perhaps things arent as wonderfully as we think they are on the other side. And by no means am I saying that things arent that wonderful for my sister, they indeed are and I think that is because God has blessed her because of her faithfulness to Him. Nicole, I think you are amazing and I only hope to be a glimpse of the Godly woman that you are. You are an amazing big sister, an incredible wife to Adam and a loving mommy to my beautiful little niece.

To my faithful bloggers, this is all I have for you.

This is my spoiled little niece. This is the latest outfit I purchased for her. I get to see her in two weeks, and I'm pretty stinkin' excited about it. I have to say I'm really glad I live as close a I do. My niece is so special to me and being far away from her would make me one sad aunt. I love this little girl with everything in me. Love you Ellie!!!

Its funny to me who came out and who didn't. I know of at least 10 other people that read fairly reguarly and have read since I made my last post. But didn't come clean.

im on hiatus. im considering getting rid of the blog altogether. no one really comments, so i kind of feel im just wasting time. the only way i know people even read this is through comments. so if you want me to continue posting let me know you visit. even if you comment anonymously.

I spent my Valentines with this beautiful little girl. If you want to see her in her valentine's get up you will have to visit her blog: http://ellison.ellisonfaith.com

Anyway, back to story time. Last night was fun, I got to spend some time with little Ellie alone. When Nicole & Adam first left she was so fun. We were just giggling and playing but then suddenly she decided that wasnt so fun. She started crying and I felt bad because I knew she was fighting sleep but I just couldnt get to her to fall asleep. I put her in what I call the "magical" swing and she was out cold. Today I stayed for awhile to hang out with my sister and niece. We put Ellie down for a nap and put on this Praise Baby cd. Listening to the cd brought me to tears thinking about God's love. How fearfully and wonderfull made this little girl was and too think about that, to really think about it touches my heart. Ellie had moved her hands up a little and I said she was praising Jesus and thinking about that made me tear up. "Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that you're my God. You're altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me." Maybe this seems odd to someone else, but I could see in my mind Little Ellie like literally worshipping Jesus...maybe thats not possible, maybe it is. Id just like to think that God created us and we could know at that age and really be worshipping him. Like really I am in awe of how I am God's. Like God owns me. I am His vessel. I am His creation. I am His everything. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And each little tiny detail about me is planned and has always been planned. AMAZING!!! Isn't it weird how God chooses to catch our attention with such simple truths? Just some worship music and a baby I love. I love being God's. And I love that God has blessed me with such an amazing earthly family. I am soooooooo blessed!!!

So this weekend I made a journey to Lubbock. And I got to see this beautiful pair...Little Autumn & Her Wonderful mother, Lauren. Autumn was so much fun to be around and I had a blast playing with her. And on top of that I had great conversation with Lauren, I sure do miss being able to hang out like that. I love you both and can't wait to see you again. And Autumn, come and meet your new friend Ellie...you will surely love her:)  

The love I have for my niece is unlike any other love I've ever felt. Its crazy how you can love in so many different ways. Three years ago Caleb Laten was born and I love that kid. He is so sweet and great. He is a part of my best friend. Then in August, Autumn Grace was born and shes very precious to me, and I love her lots. And in both experiences I was ecstatic about their birth and now watching them grow is amazing to me. I couldn't wait till my own niece was born because I knew that my love for her would be even stronger than the love I have for those other two children. But I didn't know I would love my niece this much. I love my niece more everyday and I don't even see her everyday. Everytime I look at her picture I fall in love with how amazing she is. I tear up at the very thought of her being. There's just something about it, its unexplainable. I sat there talking to Chelsey about this last night and she was just like wait till its your own. Wow, I can't even begin to imagine what it will be like to one day hold a child that is your own. Amazing. To see how much I love Ellie, and knowing that I will actually love someone more than that...incredible to me. Its so fun to be such a special part in all three of these lives. I am soooo lucky!!!

Ellison Faith is finally here! Isn't she beautiful? She was born at 1:29 pm weighing 8lbs. 14oz. and 20 1/2 in. long. I love her lots.
 

Me and my precious little niece... 

Check out that hair:) Okay comment away on all three pictures... 

Happy 3rd Birthday to this little man! Today my best friends son turned 3. I can't believe he is already 3. You like that he's wearing cowboy boots with his cowboys uniform? His birthday was fun...and these pictures are what he got. 

This is Caleb all decked out in his Spiderman costume. I don't think Chelsey will be able to get him out of this for awhile... 

This is Caleb as Spiderman on his new Spiderman bike, he loved it!! 

Well here it is 6 days after my nieces due date and I still have no niece. My mom & I went to Tyler this weekend to see my sister. We were hoping that little Ellie would go ahead and come while we were there but nothing. Well I shouldn't say nothing because there are some signs of her being on her way. Like her belly dropped, and possibly a sign of contractions. Nicole calls them twinges, but just maybe they are contractions. Some other things have occured as well but one of the things is something that can occur an hour before she is born or like 2 weeks before she is born. Nicole will be induced Friday morning if little Ellie hasn't come by then. I can't wait to see my little niece, she's going to be beautiful! Anyway, we are waiting as patiently as possible. But we pray that Ellie can be born soon because its better for Nicole to go into labor than to be induced. So be praying for Ellie's safe arrival as well as the families safe travel.

This is little Autumn Grace. She's so beautiful! I love seeing this picture with that big ole' grin-makes your wanna smile huh? I love this little girl so much and can't wait to see my own niece. Aut is practically my niece. I love her very much!! Lauren, thanks for always sending my new pictures of little Aut.  

So for the last month I had the best time hanging out with this here friend Catherine. And I am sad to know that on Tuesday she heads back to Lubbock. God has blessed me so much over the past month having Catherine here and in my life and we have grown very close to one another. But in a few weeks I will make my way to Lubbock and get to see her then. And in August she will be moving to Dallas and just possibly we may be working near one another. We tried to spice things up and do a lot of different things over the past month and I think we did a good job...
1) Listen to Tommy Nelson(not that I dont do that every week)
2) Listen to Matt Chandler and laughed a lot, he's hysterical!
3) Bennigan's where we got free food for waiting for an hour
4) Watched Fever Pitch!
5) Played Nintendo 64 and I kicked her butt!!
6) Taught her to play Mancala and then she beat me
7) Browsed Barnes & Nobles
8) Saw Chronicles of Narnia
9) Read at Starbuck's and then talked about starting a book club
10) Experienced local restraunts: Frilly's, MG's & El Zarape's
11) Went country dancing-haha, good times!
12) Reunion Tower with Nikki & Shawna
13) Lunch with the beautiful Mrs. Ashley Ingram and her little peanut:)
14) Went bowling and laughed hysterically at the misfortunes of others
15) Experienced dorkball!!!!!
16) Lots of great conversations!!!

I am going to miss her greatly!:(

My 2006 Theme Song: I Surrender All

All to Jesus I surrender
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me Jesus, take me now.

I surrender all, I surrender all;
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

Okay, so today I decided I would go for a new look. I called Chelsey and said let go get hair color. I picked up a box called "Medium Brown" and then we went home. And now this is what I look like...

So anyone else think it doesnt really look like a Medium Brown? Its practically black. I realize that in a few days it will be a lighter color but for now I will remain dark haired. So let me know what you think even if you hate it...

This is Nicole & her hubby. I think this picture is just precious. I caught them between pictures just loving on each other. Its amazing to see how much they truly love one another.  

So this is me & my sister Christmas day. She's 9 mos. pregnant and somehow manages to look just as skinny if not skinnier than me. Infact, I may even look like the pregnant one in this picture. Pathetic!  

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I hope that all of you had a very Merry Christmas! I also hope that you didn't forget the bestest gift of all, and that is the birth of Christ. It was nice to wake up this morning and go to church and be reminded of the coming of our King. What a blessed thing we get to celebrate not only at Christmas time, but all year long. This Christmas was a good one, and not as weird as I thought it might be. Somedays I still don't even realize that my Grandma is really gone. Christmas in Tyler was good though.

On Friday we painted the letters for above the crib...ELLIE! They turned out soooo cute! Her room is just adorable. I'll show pictures later once all the decorations are up. The room is almost done, just needs the wall hangings, mobile for the crib, bedskirt for the guest bed and a few throw pillows too. Ellie will be here sometime with in the next 2 weeks probably. Her due date is January 10th, and Nicole's doctor said if she wasn't born by then, then they would set an induction date for the following week. I can't wait to see what my little niece looks like, and to hold her for the first time. I experienced all sorts of excitement when little Autumn Grace was born in August. But this time its my niece, my very own niece...its going to be times 10 what it was when Aut was born, I didnt know that was possible. Anyway, I'm pretty excited as you can probably see. I love looking at my sisters belly knowing that inside her is this little baby who is my niece, its so neat. Its fun to watch her kick and move around. We took a picture this morning and yet again I look pregnant and my sister doesnt just because of the angle.

Last week was great and I hope that this week will be good too. Its fun when out of town college friends come home for the holidays. I spent practically all last week hanging out with Catherine and we had a blast. And Johnny even tagged a long twice. Chronicles of Narnia was amazing! I look forward to more hang out time this week. Hope you are all having an enjoyable Christmas vacation.

Haha. That's really all i can say to this... 

List the first 20 people that come to your mind, in no particular order:

1. Chelsey Ellis
2. Lauren Reeves
3. Lexy Sanchez
4. Russell Stone
5. John Reed
6. Mik Stearns
7. Tory Roberts
8. Shawna Flanagen
9. Nikki Drought
10. Zach Vitek
11. Catherine Harvey
12. Katie Hepburn
13. Nicole Bush
14. Heather Johnson
15. Emily Bryant
16. Carrie Brazell
17. Benjamin Zamora
18. Ashley Howard
19. Scott Gray
20. Stephanie Gibbs

How did you meet 13? Well its kind of special how we met. See April 17th, 1983 I was born into this world and later that day I met my older sister and her name is Nicole:)

What would you do if you never met 5? Wow, I can't imagine what my life would be like if I never met Johnny. I probably wouldn't have passed algebra in high school for one:) But more importantly I wouldn't have an incredible friend like him. He has been there for me in ways that most people havent even come close to being there for me. Johnny means the world to me, and this past year has been easier thanks to him. Thanks for everything friend, you mean more than you will ever know.

What do you honestly think of 10? Zach, haha. I think Zach is a pot head in secret. I also think that hes not as angelic as he makes me think he is. Okay, in all honesty I think hes a punk because he hates country music. Love yah Zach!

Would or did 19 and 18 go out? Nope, they wouldn't like each other even if they did meet.

Have you ever liked 3? She's my best friend so of course I like her, but not romantically if thats what you mean.

If 1 died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? Wow, I don't know what I'd do with myself. Chelsey and I have been best friends for over 10 years now and I can't imagine what it would be like to not have her as a part of my life. While our friendship has had its ups and downs and there has been times we havent been close, I can't imagine losing her in such a way. Chelsey means the world to me, she's just like a sister to me. Me & Chelsey have been through so much in life together and it would be a very difficult thing to experience. I would want her to know that I love her and always will. That I think she is incredible and that I am more than blessed to have her as a friend. But she knows all that, so I don't have to tell her.

Would 2 and 11 make a good couple? well, Lauren is sweet and Catherine is great. But Lauren is married and Catherine likes boys too...so I'll go with NO!

Who is 16 going out with? Chad Larsh

Describe 7 in 3 words: One Crazy Dude!!

Do you think 12 is hot? Yep, KT is one hot mama!!

Would 1 and 8 make a lovely couple? umm, man all these questions would pose that my friends be lesbians...but Chelsey is happily married and Shawna likes boys a lot!

What do you think when you see 17? man, i love that guy.

Tell me something humiliating about 11? hmm, Catherine...I can't say that I have anything humilating on her. I am sure if I thought long and hard I could think of something that would make people laugh, but she'd laugh too.

What's 20's favorite color? PINK! I think...

On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14? we'll go with a 10!!!

What would you do if 4 just professed their undying love for u? Russell, haha. Since he won't ever see this...umm, Id wet myself. And I'd be more than ecstatic!!

What language does 19 speak? Scott, umm he speaks English well.

Who is 9 going out with? well she recently went on a date with Brian, we'll see how that goes;)

Is 8 a boy or a girl? a girl!

Would 18 and 4 make a cute couple? Ashley & Russell, finally opposite sex...but umm, I wont say yes b/c well its Russell and I dont wanna imagine him with someone else

What grade is 17 in? busted filling out silly junior high/high school surveys! ben's already graduated from college

When was the last time you talked to 12? umm a couple days ago.

What is 6's favorite band? of all time? some Jesus loving group, maybe Switchfoot!

Does 1 have any siblings? yes, a sister named Kristen.

Would you ever date 7? I'd make out with him, not sure we'd date though:)

Is 13 single? nope, she's happily married to my brother-n-law Adam and they are having a little girl in less than a month!!!!

What would the child of 15 and 6 be like? Emily & Mik, I can't even imagine that. They would have dark hair and probably be a goofball. They'd love Jesus a lot...but I dunno what else.

How old will 14 be if they get married? well she's 25 now, so I'm going to go with 27.

What do you really think of 2? Lauren, I think she is an incredible friend, an amazing wife & mother! And I love her dearly!!!

Shawna, Me & Nikki at Main Event. We had a blast. And in our last game I bowled a 108 which is amazing!! I'm pretty sure my first game was like 79...haha, pathetic.  

So after we went bowling we went to Taco Bell/Long John Silvers and this is what we received. We all had balloons, but we were driving to Dustin's with them out the window and Nikkis & Shawna's string couldnt hold on long enough. But mine survived. 

So this is Nikki, me & Shawna over at Dustin's after bowling. We pretended to play Risk and then didn't. We played half a game of Life before I started handing myself & Nikki lot's of money and we started to realize we couldn't play another minute longer. Fun night! 

So this is in honor of mine & Renee's day in! We were going to have a "date night" tonight where I was going to drive to Lewisville and were were going to order pizza and watch a movie like we use to when we were roommies. But turns out the weather is pretty bad, and there is no way either of us are crossing the bridge at Lake Lewisville. So instead we are doing the same thing but at seperate houses and sharing our experience online. Make fun of us if you wish, but we're talking online and everything. Turns out we would have done this when we lived at home too. She would be in her room and me in mine, haha we're dorks. We finally after two months of me living here have gotten around to hanging out and we're trying to make sure we don't let that not hanging out crap happen to us again.  

So today me & Nikki went to the mall to see Santa Claus. He told Nikki that she could get a new car and an iPod and told me he would get his elves to make me a house. So looks like my Christmas is gonna be pretty sweet. Hmm, I look extremely dark in this picture and I'm definately not. HO, HO, HO!!!!

I have this list with in my mind of things I'd like to do this holiday season and getting a picture with Santa was one of them. So I'm excited that I can mark that off my list. And on top of that exciting news I get to go to the Nutcracker this weekend which was another thing I wanted to do. Still on my list is, find a good place to see Christmas lights and drive thru while enjoying some Christmas music. And enjoy other random wintery/Christmas fun!!

This picture is a little random picture of happiness for myself. The lady on the left is my Great Aunt Carol, shes my Grandmas sister. They look a great deal alike. Then the man in the photo is my Great Uncle Paul, he's my Papaw's brother. And they also look a great deal alike. In fact, after my Papaw died I use to have reoccuring dreams that I would run into Paul in the mall and I would call out to him, "PAPAW" and he would look at me and say "I'm not your Papaw. Thats how similar they look. Minus the fact that Paul is a great deal taller than Papaw. I'll try to post a picture of my Grandma & Papaw soon, I just got to locate a good one that isn't too big to scan. So basically this picture was taken because I am a goof and wanted a picture of Aunt Carol and Uncle Paul since they look so much like my own grandparents. Now there is my cousin in the pink sweater and my sister on the outside. You can barely see my sisters belly, but thats my little niece Ellie up in there. My sister is now 34 weeks pregnant, she's small for how far along she is. Cute little mama & baby Ellie! Okay now may I direct your attention to the red bracelet or 'Armstrong' like band around my cousins wrist. This band is for leukemia, I bought them for the family about two weeks ago as Grandmas battle got harder. It was a personal reminder for me to pray for her plus it supports the LLS. Anyway, so I sent my dad to Lubbock with 3...1 for my aunt, 1 for my uncle and 1 for my Grandma. I wanted my Grandma to know I was thinking about her. So this little band is what made me cry the most when I saw my Grandma laying there in the casket. I look at her all dressed up in that purple suit and then I see her wrist there with the band around it. I wear my bracelet still, this is the 3rd loss I have experienced due to leukemia. First my 2nd grade teacher Mrs. Graham, then my Papaw and now my Grandma. I wear my band everyday as a reminder of those three people whom I loved dearly.  

Tonight is the most exciting night of the entire year because tonight Santa will come. I'm laying here in bed next to my sister. Every year is the same ole story, we get sent to bed so because as you know Santa comes once your asleep. But what little kid can fall asleep when they are as excited as I am? My sister and I will talk for hours trying to keep each other up so we can peek and see if Santa has come yet. My grandparents have a grandfather clock so we hear every hour arrive.

DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING

"Jana, its 11, go see if Santa's come!!!" Nicole anxiously demands me to go check. I creep out the door and around the hall and...NOTHING! I creep back to the room and crawl in bed only to tell my sister the disappointing news. We continue to talk and goof off.

DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING

"Okay, its your turn!" I say to my sister. Nicole hops out of bed and heads for the door. She slowly opens the door and peaks around the corner. And again, NOTHING! She crawls back in bed only to disappoint me this time. We keep talking because we can't fall asleep as excited as we are about Santa's arrival.

DING!

"Jana, go hurry!" I creep around the corner yet again, and yep your right still nothing. But now we're actually starting to get tired. We both start to doze off, but we know that when the clock strikes two Nicole has to check the living room. We're both fading quick...

DING-DING!

I roll over and give my sister a little nudge, "your turn." She slowly gets out of bed this time, our energy is dwindling. Around the corner, and still nothing. She crawls in bed and tells me the news, I'm barely hanging on and after she says theres nothing I roll over and doze off. Shes out in no time.

DING-DING-DING!

I feel a nudge in my back, "Jan, your turn!" And you guessed it, NOTHING! This time we're officially gone. We miss the 4:00 & 5:00 chimes. But we're waken by the 6th...

DING-DING-DING-DING-DING-DING!

We both jump to our feet and head for the door, and guess what? SANTA CAME!!!!! We jet to the stockings and the presents. We ooo and ahh! Then we head off to our parents room, its time for everyone to wake up. "Mom, Dad, Santa Came. Wake up, wake up!!" We get to open our stockings from 'Denton' but not the 'Lubbock' stockings. Thats right, Santa knows that we were in Lubbock and still dropped stuff off in our Denton stockings in Lubbock plus we got our Lubbock stockings too. My sister and I sit down on the floor pulling one thing after the other out of our stockings. When we finish we head for the kitchen for breakfast. We're trying so hard to be patient as we wait for my aunt, uncle & cousin to come over so we can start opening the Lubbock stockings then gifts. Finally they arrive and we get to open all of our gifts. We rip present to present open and our faces fill with glee. Christmas truly is the best time of the year.

Now that you realize all of that was a story, I can now talk as Jana the 22-year-old. I have to say me & my sister don't exactly check for Santa every hour anymore. But I still have trouble falling asleep Christmas Eve and I'm stoked when I finally make it downstairs to see my stocking full of surprises. Now let's stop for a minute and consider the story of my childhood, the excitement of Santa arriving! Now lets for a minute think about the reason for the season...Christ's coming! So now that I've pointed that out, how many of us feel a little bad about the fact that we don't get that excited about Christ's coming. I can't say that I've ever stayed up most of the night because I was so excited about Christ's coming! The other night I heard on the news that they are trying to change it from Christmas tree to Holiday tree, what the crap? As if people don't use, Merry X-Mas instead of Merry Christmas or even now we just say Season's Greetings or Happy Holidays. I remember when I worked at Old Navy and we had to say Happy Holidays and not Merry Christmas for it might offend someone. How dumb, the reason for the season is Christ's coming. Its not Santa's coming. I kind of like that Christmas is on Sunday morning this year, kind of exciting. I just hope that we can all remember the reason for the season this year. And maybe think about how excited we use to get about Santa's arrival or maybe even how excited we still are and be able to have some of that same excitement for the arrival of our King.

So I'm gonna go ahead and say it...the church is pretty darn pathetic. (myself included) Isn't it sad that we can often find things outside of the church to comfort us in our mourning or to befriend us when all we want is to be loved. Why can't we find those things with in the comfort of our own church? Are we missing some piece? I've heard it a lot from many people, and I feel it myself. My dearest friend, Mik told me to listen to Stained Glass Masquerade by Casting Crowns so here I am listening to it on repeat. And wow how pathetic we are as a church. Here's the lyrics:

Is there anyone that fails?
Is there anyone that fails?
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?
'Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitations open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind ht person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

It's sad to me that this morning when I was hurting I felt the need to put on my 'Happy Face' and pick myself up because if I didn't no one would have the desire to talk to me. This morning tons of people asked me this question, "How was your thanksgiving?" Which to most everyone responds, "Great, how was yours?" But my answer wasn't what most wanted to hear. My response to such a question is..."it wasnt so great, I lost my Grandma on Monday." They pause and stare at me as if I said something wrong. For crying in the mud people, I lost my Grandma give me a break. I'm sad, its a normal response to death. I felt as if I needed to be more positive and respond, 'oh my thanksgiving was great.' While yes I do realize its good to pull the positive out from the week. Praise God my Grandma is with Him in Heaven now, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt. And yes I'm thankful that I got to spend time with my family for a week. But still with all the praises from this week, my overall view of the week is that it wasn't that great. Maybe I should be more optimistic about the situation, but I'm hurting so let me hurt. Just be my friend and stop running scared. We as a church have forgotten what its like to love one another.

Another note on the song. Above the song is this little response about the song:

I don't think it bothers the world that we sin. I think it bothers the world that we act like we don't. There are times that instead of being myself and exposing my own weakness and hurt, I portray a character of the person that I know I should be. But when I expose myself as weak and frail at times, it frees the Body of Christ to restore me as it should and invites other to unmask as well.

So true, so true. Not only with sin, but me today being upset and having to mask that so that people think I am one way. Let's be real with one another. I know I'm not scared. I desire it more than anything that when someone says "how are you?" I can respond, "I'm not doing so great." And then that person is able to pray for me and help build me up. What a blessing we could be to one another if we were willing (1) to be honest and (2) to use such a response to bless that person. I'm not afraid to say I'm hurting, but no one knows how to respond to that. Maybe its time we learn how to respond.

So this morning we went to the Funeral Home to see the body and I thought I would be fine. But then I noticed that she had her 'Relentless' bracelet on. I ordered our entire family those livestrong like bracelets but they are ones for leukemia. So when I saw the bracelet around her wrist I lost it. It's cool because my entire family has them on, I'm glad I bought them. I wish I was older, its amazing what people do for one another concerning death. My family has got so much support from their friends and work crews and its nice. I wish that people my age understood how to be there for someone through death. Really it doesn't take much... I wouldn't mind a "Hang in There" or a "I'm Praying for You" or "I'm sorry about your loss", but I think people get too scared and I frankly think its crap. I have had some very good friends through this though, as if they haven't always been really good friends. Johnny & Mik have checked on me lots which is such a blessing. And my best friend back home Chels has been great too. Then of course Lexy has been great, I stayed with her last night and tonight. And she took off work tomorrow so that she can go to the funeral which means A LOT to me! But outside of those 4 people everyone else just doesn't know how to react. I did get a text message from Nikki which was nice. And I called Shannon to let her know what had happened. And I'm sure I'll get more support from them once I'm back in Denton. But I have several friends in Lubbock that really haven't done much and its kind of hard to take in. I shouldn't care, but I do. Oh well... Anyway, my Grandma has an online memorial. So check it out, http://www.mem.com/display/Biography.asp?id=1083201

So my Grandma died around 7am this morning. It's kind of weird. The funeral is going to be Wednesday morning which is nice because it will be before Thanksgiving. I'm not so much looking forward to Thanksgiving itself. I'm trying to be positive about it, and while its amazing that my Grandma is now in Heaven. It's just hard to loose someone especially around the holidays. I am glad that I get to be with my entire family for the holidays though, its been awhile since we've done that. So its good. That I am thankful for. Plus I am in Lubbock for the week and my closest friends are all staying the entire week so I get to see my dearest friends. I love it!! Anyway, thats enough update for me...

Little Grandma Update...

My Grandma has been moved out of the hospital and into Carillon's. She has been taking off the IV's and the doctor says she has about 24-48hrs. remaining in her life here on earth. I'm not so sure I believe that because they told us that about my Grandma Gee and she lived for a while longer. But it would be good if Grandma passed on. My sister can travel better now than she will be able to in a month or even after that. With little Ellie coming this probably would be the best time for this to happen. Although, it would be great if Grandma could see her first Grandbaby. I'm doing pretty good right now, occasionally I'll shed a few tears. It's exciting that Grandma gets to join the rest of my dearly loved ones soon, and she gets to be with Jesus. But I'll miss her here on earth. I think one of the biggest heartaches that comes with death is holidays, I'm sure all of you that have lost someone realize how hard that is. But with the holidays just around the corner it seems to add a little sense of pain. It's weird to think that in a month I'll be celebrating Christ's birth with my family and my Grandma won't be here. Weird. I mean, really really really weird. I am trying to look at this all so positively, and what really helps is knowing that in a little over a month we will have a new addition to our family. So here's my weekend/week at a glance. Tonight pick up Heather from the airport, tomorrow drive to Tyler, Sunday baby shower in Tyler then sometime Sunday night head back to Denton. Monday morning head to Lubbock with Heather. Then that part is kind of fuzzy as of now, if Grandma does die I may be there all week if not I may return Wednesday to spend Thanksgiving in Tyler then perhaps back to Lubbock. Who knows at this point. So pray for our family as we will be doing lots of traveling over this next week or so and also for the death of our Grandma. Thanks!!

Okay, so yesterday me & Nikki went on a shoe shopping excursion and this my friends is how the little event ended. Go ahead guess which shoe is mine... 

Nothing like driving out to Forestburg and finding the best street sign in all of Texas, 'Seldom Seen Rd' and thats definately the ghost of Nikki walking near the sign...