Job Hunting Blues.

I have decided that job hunting is the most frustrating, exhausting, depressing, discouraging and spiritually trying event that has taken place in my life thus far. I am sure there are other things that suck far more than this...but seriously I hate this more than anything.

I am so tired of endlessly searching for a job. Why the crap did I waste 6 years of my life getting an education? They serve no purpose. The end.

So Proud!

I've previously mentioned how much I love Cody's family so today this post is a tribute to his sister. Carly participated in the regional qualifier for the State Track Meet last week and she did an awesome job!!! Congratulations Carly on successfully placing 1st in both the 3200 & 1600. You are such an amazing athlete!! Excited to see whats to come for you in the future!!!

To Cody...

Dearest Cody...Every day I fall more and more in love with you. After a great weekend of celebrating Mother's Day with our families I can't help but realize just how much I do love you. Enjoy this video that I made for you. I think Brad Paisley did a good job of writing the lyrics of my heart...and I thought I loved you then!

Up & Down

I am pessimist by nature and my mother is an optimist. I have tried very hard over the years to become more like her and to have a more positive outlook on life. There are times that it is much easier for me to do this. I feel very guilty as a believer when I am pessimistic because I feel like I am putting God in a box...a box He does not deserve to be put in.

Yesterday I found out a job that I was excited about starting fell through. I was back to square one and have been feeling very hopeless. I know that God will provide for me a job as well as finances in the meantime. I know that he will provide for me a roommate. I know that there is a reason it did not work out. I know that His plans are better than my own. I know that all things happen for a reason. I know that it will all work out in the end. But...

I cannot seem to help be down on myself. The natural pessimist in me has torn myself to shreds and has grown very frustrated with God. I have shaken my fist at him and cried out to Him. I have wondered what I did wrong. I have been curious to why He would put something in front of me only to take it away. I have asked numerous why questions in my head. And...

I have prayed for peace. I have prayed for comfort. I have prayer for patience. I have prayed that I would find another job. I have prayed that God would place me where he wants me to be. I have prayed for his provision. I have prayed that I would trust Him even though I don't really want to. I have prayed and prayed...I've even prayed an angry prayer. I've asked the why questions and I've thrown my fist at Him in frustration.

As I typed up all of that I caught myself in not thanking God for His provision thus far. I should be thankful that I didn't get the job because His plans are better than my own. I should be thankful that He will take care of me and He will find me a job. I should just be thankful for the needs he provides for me, that I have a roof over my head, a car to drive, clothing to wear, food to eat, clean water to drink and the list goes on and on.

These past two days have been tough and trying for me. My emotions have gone up and down as I go from having peace to being extremely frustrated. I know He will provide for me, but I can't help but worry. I know He has something else in store for me, but I can't help but wonder why this job couldn't have worked out. I grow angry with myself that I can't just trust and be at peace but that I really battle with this as a pessimist.

Thank you Lord for an optimistic mother who leaves me a message that says "sorry about that, but maybe there is something else out there. I'm like you in that I hoped this was the one, but God has something out there for you."

Thank you Lord for a loving boyfriend who wants nothing more than for me to be happy. Who brings me roses and a sweet card to let me know he loves me. Who prays over me and for me regarding the situation. I am so lucky.

Thank you Lord for a supportive family, loving boyfriend and awesome friends. I am so lucky to have a group of people covering me in prayer and encouraging me to not be the pessimist I so naturally become. I am also lucky enough to have the encouragement of Cody's family who I have grown to love as my own, thanks Lindsey, Katie & Ruth!

Enjoying His Family

One of the things that has attracted us most to one another is our love for our families. I am very close to my family and love them with all my heart. I love spending time with them and am very involved in their lives. Cody is this same way with his family.

We have not only fallen in love with one another but we have fallen in love with each others families. We both knew it was love when we saw one another with our families. He met my parents and spent some time with them and then I met his. It was those moments that made us realize just how in love with one another we were.

And now we have both come to a place where we are starting to love each others families. I love that Cody cares about my family and loves them. And I love loving his family as if they were my own family. I am blessed to be loved by his family and am glad that my family loves him.

Me & Cody after Lindsey's Bridal Shower
Grapevine Botanical Gardens

Momma Kitts & the girls...

With the sisters!!
Carly & Katie!


The Female Kitts Cousins.
Katie, Lindsey, Kelsey, Me & Carly.
Haley was hiding from the camera.

With the future Mrs. Lindsey Avery.
We've become such close friends since me & Cody started dating.
I am so lucky to call her a friend.

Jana needs...

INSTRUCTIONS
1. Go to Google.com
2. Including the quotation marks, type in “[YOUR NAME] needs” (in my case, it’s “Jana needs”)
3. Take the top 10 results and post them.

————————————————————–

1. Jana needs a home.
   
2. Jana needs to select 3 properties.
3. Jana needs your help.
4. Jana needs a 30-minute block of time to set up her equipment and do a sound check with the sound engineer at least 90 minutes before the program
5. Jana needs time.
6. Jana needs to get her @$$ back to New York.
7. Jana needs some extra educational services through school.
8. Jana needs to find that peace and soften her anger towards her Father.
9. JANA needs at least version 1.4 of Java®.
10. Jana needs to stand up for herself if she feels someone has said or done that is inappropriate or that crosses a boundary.

What's funny about this to me is that #7 and #10 because they are service plans for a mental health patient of some sort. Wow--simply amazing. This is probably only fascinating to me as a Counselor. The "Essential Life Plan" I found as #10 has been rather entertaining to read over.

He Amazes Me.

Cody treats me so well and I am seriously the luckiest girl in the world. He made sure my birthday was extra special and for that I am truly grateful. He continues to amaze me on a daily basis and I am so thankful for his blessing in my life. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Yes, after two months I am full confident that I will be spending my life with him. I was fully confident of this after two weeks. Here are some pictures of us over the past month since I last posted.

April Fool's when we pranked our friends at the Mavs Game. We posted on facebook that we were engaged and enjoyed watching it unravel over the hours.

We visited my sister for the weekend and had a blast. Ellie was our photographer.

We spent an evening on the couch taking pictures of our emotions. I've never laughed so hard in my life...you should see his scared face. Wow.

We went to the Rangers game with Cody's cousin and her fiance'.


We celebrated my birthday several times, but this one is at La Hacienda Ranch after church last night. I absolutely love this man!!!

Happy Birthday Cody!!

Happy Birthday Cody! I love you!!

Astonished.

I have recently started dating a guy and couldn't be any happier. I am daily amazed by him and our relationship. When Cody started pursuing me I was a little scared at first since my last relationship was completely not glorifying of Christ and a little heart breaking. I wasn't treated the way I deserved to be treated, but really didn't know how I deserved to be treating. I mean I had an idea in my head of how I felt I should be treated, but I'd never been treated well. Cody has treated me far better than I could ever have imagined. He has assured me when my insecurities have come up because of the past relationship. I truly stand in awe of the way he treats me and often feel it's too good to be true. I can say I'm elated, that it is most definitely true and I can tell that Cody will never stop treating me this way. He truly is one of the greatest blessings.

He has taught me a lot about the way I deserve to be treated and not just by him, but by others as well. In high school I would have had no trouble writing someone off for treating me some way I didn't like, but now I have a hard time walking away from relationships. I have recently found myself having a hard time letting go of a friendship that has for the most part always been a one-way street. I have spent much of my time bending over backwards for this person and trying to gain the same friendship in return. I am hurting myself by trying to remain friends with this person because I am allowing them to continually disappoint me. I love this person and always will and if tomorrow they called me I'd be there for them in a heartbeat, but at the same time...I am done pursuing their friendship. If the last time I saw them was genuinely the last then so be it. I deserve a better friend than that. Am I making the wrong decision?

So while I remain completely heart broken over this friendship, I can't help but cover the heart break with the excitement and happiness that Cody brings me. I am so lucky!

I'll be raw...

When people ask me what I do I always laugh and respond with nothing. I am a substitute teacher who doesn't get enough hours to live off. I randomly dog sit as a mean to make extra money. I have recently started doing temp nanny work as well as working Kids Keepers at church. I don't know how I pay my bills or afford to spend time with my friends. God totally provides for me and I know that it's completely God that makes this work. Sometimes I wonder why this is what I do and why I can't find a full-time job. I probably am not looking hard enough and honestly really don't want to look at all. I'd much rather continue having the flexibility that I have. I want to teach next year, but until then I don't want to do anything.

I have struggled with this a lot since I graduated from college in August 2005. I have no desire to work to be absolutely honest. My heart's desire is to be married and have children at home that I am caring for. I want to be having play dates with friends and their babies. I want to meet with some girls for coffee to talk about Jesus. I want to vacuum the house and put away the dishes. I want to make sure dinner is on the table when my hubby gets home. There are days that I feel like I am living my dream just with out the husband and the kids. I rush from coffee with a friend to lunch with another friend then run to the church to fill out some paperwork then off to coffee with another friend just in time to make it home for dinner with the roommate. I love it--I love the idea of getting to just do life with people and not having to worry about a job. I feel blessed that at times I can run to the rescue of a friend who desperately needs a break from her own children.

I just wrestle with the blessing of getting to enjoy this time that I don't have a full-time job to steal all my time. I think that I am supposed to go find some job and work full-time, but I hate the idea of it. I honestly just want to do life with people and not have to worry about money at all. But the fact of the matter is I just can't keep living like this and I have to do something, but then comes the wrestle of what to do.

I have two degrees: BS in Human Development & Family Studies and a MA in Counseling. I want to teach middle school for a couple years and then do counseling, but until then...what? Nanny? Social Services? Administrative? Secretarial? I have no idea. I'd like to nanny...for the right family. I'd love a social service job...for the right organization. But where is the job that I can love to be at? Do I have to settle for something that I am going to be miserable at? Ugh. My heart is heavy. I don't want a job. I don't feel good enough to do anything. Can I be a teacher? Will I even be any good? Will I even pass the test to get certified? Do I really have to waste more money on taking a test I may fail again? Should I give up my dream to teach and just pursue Social Services? Should I go ahead and try to take my Counseling exam? Should I just say screw it and commit a year to nanny? WHAT DO I DO????????? I can't hear His voice. His he telling me what to do? Am I so far from him that I can't hear his voice? Is he letting me decide on this one? Did he hear me?

And now you know why it's 1:38am and I am blogging instead of sleeping. Now you know that my mind can't seem to slow down. I lay here in my bed listening to these lyrics over and over again..."Come, ye weary, heavy-laden, Lost and ruined by the fall;If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all." I want to rest in His arms and give it all to him. I don't know how many times I've tried to lay it all at his feet only to pick it up again. But here I am again...trying my hardest to truly give it all to Jesus. I don't want it!!!!

Scripture Memory

Spiritual disciplines have been on my heart for awhile now. I think we can all be honest in saying that we could pray more or read the bible more or spend more time alone with God. I am excited to start studying the Spiritual Disciples with my sweet small group girls in about two months. I am excited about accountability groups that are starting too because then we have accountability as we start an in-depth study of the disciplines. I found this video tonight and it makes me feel pathetic for my lack of scripture memory...

Happy Birthday Ellie!

My niece is 3 today! I remember the day I found out that my sister was pregnant like it was just yesterday. I was so excited that I would soon have a niece or nephew. I began praying for her that day and will continue to pray for her throughout her life. When she was born I gave her a card with a prayer that I hope my sister will keep for her so when she is 16 she can see just how much I have loved her. I never want a day to go by that my little niece doesn't know how much I love her. I absolutely love and adore her and want the best for her. I pray that God will protect her nad provide for her. I pray that she will come to know the Lord and worship him the way that I do. I pray that she will be healthy and active. I pray that she would love the Lord more than the world. I pray that she would be the best big sister. I pray that she does well in school. I pray that she will marry an incredible man. I pray that she will be protect from harm. I look forward to many more birthday celebrations and thank God for the three years I've spent with her so far. I can't wait to see the little girl she will blossom into.

I love you so much Ellison Faith and pray God's blessings in your life!! Here's a video of her life thus far, what a blessing she has been to our family!

irresistible.

I will be the first to admit that this will be a very shallow post, but lately I've been thinking about some irresistibles. There are just certain things about males that I can't seem to resist...

A man who loves the Lord passionately
A guy who wears nice smelling cologne
A man who has a sense of style from head to toe
A guy that drives a big truck and not to make up for anything (if you know what I mean)
A guy who can play the guitar
A man with sexy calves, I know it's weird.
A guy with a nice tan and shaved legs (another weird one)
A guy that is taller than 6'1"...
A man who is chivalrous
A guy who loves his family a lot and wants to be involved in their lives

These are not a list of musts--well minus the loving the Lord passionately of course. However, these are just random things that I really find attractive.

Happy Birthday Caleb!!

Happy 6th Birthday Caleb!



It has been such a blessing to watch you grow up over the past six years. You are such an amazing little boy and I love you so much! I am proud of all that you have become!!

not about me

In small group we often remind each other "you are not that important." Maggie reads this to us from her bible often Galations 6:3 NLT "If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important." It really is a great reminder for us that our problems really just aren't that important. I often find myself sharing something in small group and about mid-way through remembering that it's not about me. For example, last night we were sharing with one another ways in which we need to be more a part of the body. I feel a strong conviction to get over myself and my fear of man and meet new people at church. Again I am reminded that it's really not about me.

Sunday night I was talking with a very dear friend of mine and he reminded me of this. He was telling me that when he's not being self-centered he's happy, but often times when it's about himself he can get struck in a rut of depression. He was reflecting on times in which he had been depressed and remembered it was just about him during those times and he was all he was thinking about. Yet when he directs his attention and his thoughts elsewhere he seems to be happy. I heard what he said and partially agreed. Then last night I laid in my bed stressed out about my current situation. I began to weep because of frustration and because of God's provision. I started to think about myself and what I wasn't experiencing and what I was missing out on. I was sulking in selfishness and honestly I became depressed. I thought about what my friend had told me and started thinking about others.

My situation is far from ideal right now and I'd really prefer not to be in it, but if I would think about someone or something bigger than myself I'd soon forget about my problems. Last night I sat in small group listening to the prayer requests of my sisters and realizing that I'd much rather pray for their needs than my own. I'd much rather see them find the job of their dreams, to see their uncles and cousins come to know the Lord, to see their family protected. I'd much rather see the homeless people we talked about with food in their tummy's and coats on their backs. I'd much rather set myself aside to make sure the person alone at church feels welcomed. If for just a minute I'd stop thinking about all my needs and wants and focus on others I'd be much happier and far more satisfied with my own life.

I have another blog all about my situation and how God's provided for me beyond measure. How much I've grown by depending on him. But today...I don't want to focus on me. It's not about me. What's your prayer requests? What stirring in your heart? Let me pray for you! Fell free to email me your prayer requests.

Trashy TV

Am I the only person that watches Desperate Housewives? If I am then I am truly ashamed of myself, but most definately won't stop watching it. Thanks for the addiction Catherine! Every week I grow frustrated with the wives, but this week I felt more frustrated with them than other weeks. You will probably all think I am out of control by the end of this blog but it got me thinking.

These women treat their husbands like absolute dirt. They all have them "whipped" and they most definately wear the pants in the home. I have grown very frustrated with Gabi, Bre and Lynette this season. I actually used to kind of like Gabi, but not at all any more. The three of them frustrate me to no end. It's actually really hard for me to watch them treat their husbands as if they are just some random man. They show them no love and the men are completely submissive to their wives. Whatever she does goes. Yet these men love these women and continue to stay in these abusive relationships. Is this the way society views women? Are we just women on power trips taking the balls away from our men? Sadly I believe this is the way that society sees women which for me is heart breaking.

Biblically speaking my role as a wife is so polar opposite of that relationship displayed each week. But unfortunately I think that there are probably some Christian women out there that do treat their husbands like dirt and totally control their every move. It just breaks my heart that any woman could treat her husband that way. To be so unappreciative of everything he does for her, to care less about how he feels about a situation and to make decisions regardless of his opinion. Each week I think I go away from the episode a little more agitated but also with more appreciation for what husbands do for their wives and how often it probably goes unnoticed. To my friends with husbands, go love on your husband tonight and tell him how much you appreciate all that he does for you and your family. Who am I kidding? I know you all do that already, but why not go do it again. What a sweet reminder it would be to know how appreciate you are. Go watch an episode and you will truly appreciate your adorable husband.

2008 Single Ladies

This is the video I made as a tribute to all my single ladies! I love you all very much and enjoyed all the fun we had in 2008. I look forward to another great year with tons more fun! I love you all very much. Now please enjoy...

Seven Pounds

Disclaimer: If you haven't seen Seven Pounds and want to then don't read this post until after you have seen it. If you are not this person then read on...

I was enthralled by Seven Pounds from the very first time I saw the preview. The trailer had me on the edge of my seat as I anxiously awaited seeing what this movie was truly about. As we left the theater tonight Daniel asked "so what's the moral of the movie?" To which the answer for most was to not text while driving, but for me it was far more than that.

I often find myself relating nearly anything to the gospel. I was quickly reminded of the gospel at the very beginning of the movie, as it starts with "In seven days God created the world and in seven seconds I shattered mine." Will Smith aka Ben Thomas aka Tim, chooses seven people to "drastically" change their circumstances. As you watch the trailer you will see these words appear near the end: one man, one chance. I personally can't help but think of one man that changed many lives by his sacrifice.

Ben Thomas (Tim) decides to give of himself to people he doesn't know one bit. He decides to give to them a new life, a new hope. At the beginning of the movie he gives his beach home to a woman in order that she may escape an abusive relationship. This portion of the movie made me wonder what it is that I may have or can do that would help someone desperately in need. How could my resources be used to help save someone else? My stuff, my money is not my own but Christ's. How might God be telling me to use what he as blessed me with to bless others?

The movie continues and he meets a woman who won't live with out a heart transplant. He chooses to commit suicide in order for her to have his heart because she had a 3-5% chance of receiving the right heart. He chooses to die in order to save someones life, a sacrifice most of us will probably never consider. A sacrifice one has already made for all of us. Yes, I am talking about Christ choosing to live only to sacrifice his life for my own. He gave his life so that I could live mine. I think that what Ben Thomas did was very noble and reminded me much of Christ's sacrifice for me. I was truly touched by this movie and feel as if I need to think about what sacrifices I can make in order to bless others today.

Love me some Lauren!

This week I'd like to recognize my dear friend, Lauren.

This is her sweet precious family.

I met Lauren back in our freshman year of college. Hardly knowing one another at all we decided to take a random road trip to Denton to visit my family and see the Texas Tech vs UNT football game. We had a blast on the way down and became great friends. Who would have known my randomness would cause me to find a life long friend? Lauren and I grew closer as the years went by and continue to be dear friends. I don't get to see her very often as she still lives in Lubbock, but I cherish the moments I do get to spend with her. My favorite thing about our friendship is that no matter where we left off we pick right back up at that same place. We don't get to talk as often as I wish, but I will always consider Lauren one of my very bestest friends!!

I had the honor of being a part of Lauren's wedding and her first daughters birth. These are memories that I will hold onto forever. I loved being able to be a part of both of these very special days. I felt welcomed into both of her families and continue to feel the love and support of her parents and sister. I have never felt more welcomed by a family in all my life! I have loved Autumn as if she was my own niece since the very day I heard Lauren was pregnant. I love this little girl so much and have enjoyed watching her grow up over the years. The last time I visited Lubbock I cried when she started talking because I could tell how much she had grown up. I love little Autumn Grace very much and am excited to watch her grow!

The family that has loved me as their own!!


I have yet to get to meet little Emily Kate, but can't wait until I do! I love her just as much just haven't had a chance to hold her in my arms yet.

Two of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my entire life, Autumn kissing Emily!!

I love you Lauren, Josh, Autumn & Emily!!

Christmas Tour of Homes 2008

Welcome to the Christmas Tour of Homes 2008--enjoy your tour of my home!!

This is the doormat my mom bought for my house last year--I love it! I know I still believe...

I adore my tree! It's decorated in all black and silver. My tree is in my entry way and is the first thing you see when you open the front door to my house! My favorite is probably the black star at the top--I thought I would never find a good tree topper for an all black and silver tree!

My entire tree is black and silver except for this one ornament--but it has to be on my tree!!

My mom gave me this joy sign last year--I think it started a trend as you will soon see. This is on the wall facing the tree.

This joy sits above my t.v.--its probably my favorite one!

This used to be my work tree, but now it sits in my living room instead of a lamp. My mom made me the lighted Christmas present that is sitting under the tree.

My stockings match my tree skirt, so now you know what my tree skirt looks like.

The little red boxes spell out JOY!

This bowl is the center piece for my kitchen table!

I have far more decorations that I never got around to putting up this year. I normally decorate my bathrooms and change my sheets, but I just didn't do it this year. And I have yet to brave trying to put up Christmas lights outside.