Genesis 6:5--8 "Now the Lord observed the extent of the people's wickedness, and he saw that all their thoughts were consistently and totally evil. So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them. It broke his heart. And the Lord said, 'I will completely wipe out this human race that I have created. Yes, and I will destroy all the animals and birds, too. I am sorry I ever made them.' But Noah found favor with the Lord." For the longest time after reading these scriptures I thought why in the world hasn't God ended this world again and today I ran across the answer to that. Genesis 8:21 "And the Lord was please with the sacrifice and said to himself, 'I will never again curse the earth, destroying all living things, even though peoples thoughts and actions are bent towards evil from childhood. ' " and Genesis 9:12-13 "And God said, 'I am giving you a sign as evidence of my eternal covenant with you and all living creatures. I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is my sign of my permanent promise to you and to all the earth.' " So now everytime I look at the rainbow I will think about God's promise to His people and know that no matter how bad we keep screwing things up he won't destroy the land again. Makes you think doesn't it?

Random Bible Trivia: Who was the first musician in the bible?
Answer: Jubal, he was the first musician, he invented the harp and the flute... Genesis 4:21

So tonight I sit in Sugar Brown's and the loudness of the coffee shop suddenly finds a silence in my mind and I feel a since of peace and quiet among all the craziness of this world. The voices are definately still there and the door keeps making that wonderful ding noise and SB's begins to fill more and more with people. But somehow in the midst of it all I find myself journaling at my table with a light right on my journal and my mind focused right on God. I start praying for my semester as last semester was rather tough on me and I took some shady paths. I pray for accountability in my life and thank God for the little accountability I do have. Then I realize just then that a certain guy that I'm real good friends with is an accountability partner and he doesn't even know it. He's that to me because of the way he lives his life and his passion for God. Seeing him and his zeal for the Lord encourages me and is in a way keeping me accountable in my own walk with God. I have a real hard time being good about spending time with the Lord with out serious accountability and I realized tonight that I don't necessarily have to have "Sue" there to ask me everyday "did you read your bible today?" but to have myself surrounded by Godly people that are always pushing me to go further in my walk with God. So thanks to you Brandon, I have accountability because your passion encourages me. I can't help but think of yet another Godly guy in my life who has also had a great influence in my recent change of heart and my guidance back onto the right path...my dear friend, Johnny. This past semester was a bit rough, but I would always talk to Johnny about things and he was always there to encourage me and to spur me on. It was Johnny who talked to me and made me realized that I had really changed a lot and I needed to get back into the word hard core and just start living my life the way I use to. Since I was too stubborn to listen to God on my own, God was willing to send Johnny into my life to talk to me. I knew what I needed to do, and I could hear God's voice telling me but I was being stupid. So thanks Johnny for helping me out and kind of guiding me back onto the right path. So here's to a fresh start...I wanna start this semester off right, and I really don't wanna fall off track again. So may God be with me through this journey and may I continue to surround myself with other Godly people who will spur me on, and who maybe I in turn can spur on too. I love you all and thanks for being there for me!

P.S. My sister bought me a prayer journal for Christmas and some of you I have already assigned to a day a week that I will be praying for you specifically and the things in your life. So if you want me to be praying for you let me know, I got a monthly calender of events and daily, so you let me know when to pray for what and I'll be sure to pray. And if you do something every week at the same time and you want me to pray for it, let me know about that too. Love you all!

Here's to randomness...

So last night Brandon is talking to me and tells me to come to Roswell to hear him speak, I briefly consider it but there is no way I can make it. I mean I'd have to stay at someones house that I don't know in Roswell because I wouldn't have wanted to head back tonight alone. So late last night I IM Abe and ask him if he wanted to go, and he of course kind of hesitated but today...Abe's in! So today I figure I should invited Brandons best friend, not me but the other one...Jeff Conn and he says maybe. So then I ask Chavon for directions because Brandon doesn't answer his phone and well she decides to go too and then of course she invites Joe. Jeff ended up not being able to go, but still the rest of us hopped in my car and headed for Roswell, NM to hear my little Napolean speak. The trip was great and its about as spontaneous as I'll ever be. It was so worth it for our wonderful friend, Brandon. Then Brandon being the amazing guy that he is bought us all dinner. Somehow I'll repay him, even if I have to cook him 20 homecooked meals. Thats right I'm repaying you Brandon!

So as I sit here writing and rewriting my blog I decide to take a brief break to read todays small little devotion out of this devotional book my mother gave me, it's by Joyce Meyer. The verse is Psalms 91:1-2, the word that gets me is found in verse 2: "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I TRUST!" My future lies in Gods hands and at this time I truly just have to trust in Him. Joyce says "Trusting God requires knowing Him-knowing His character and having experience with Him. Going through trials with God by your side builds your faith." I can't help but think of the past 6 months and think of the many trials I've gone through and now to stop and look at what could be next year when I didn't expect it at all. All I can do write now is pray and trust God with my future. This semester I must get my life straight and I almost don't think that I'm ready for seminary just yet, but I definately wanna get my masters in counseling eventually. But I must work my way up to where i wanna be and if I teach for three years then I can be a counselor in the school system. And for some crazy reason God has been giving me a passion for youth lately and while my passion for marriage counseling is still there, I may be starting off my career with youth first. I don't know for sure, but my mind is running at a 100 miles an hour and I'm ready to see what God has in store for me. So if you run across this then please be sure to pray for me, at least right now so I've been covered in prayer at least this once. I wanna take this semester to change my life and get back to where I use to be. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this semester, yay I can't wait!

I had interview numbero uno today with Frenship ISD and I definately got the job. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I had a lot on my mind concerning the next year. Yesterday as I sorted through emails regarding my church endorsement things began to show a really really negative turn. I stayed up thinking about stuff: looked at other seminaries, contimplated the thought of staying a year and getting my teachers certification and lastly doing an intern in Tyler to take a year off of school. So these thought circulate my mind for hours on end, but I finally make myself fall asleep because I have an interview to attend. So I'm at my interview and one of the first questions I'm asked is "What do you plan on doing with your degree?" I respond, "well actually I had planned on attending seminary, but some unfortunate things are going on...blah blah blah, yada yada yada." Well turns out his daughter wanted to do the same thing as me, she graduated from Hardin Simmons with a Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy. She went to find a job and after a year found nothing. Only big churches can afford to have counselors on staff and they choose to seek counselors who are really experience...so his daughter is now living in San Antonio working for the CPS. So I explain to him how I actually came to Tech planning on getting my education degree and of course he encourages it since I am wanting to take on as subbing job. So stay a year get my teaching certification and then work for three years as a teacher then I am certified to be able to be a counselor in the school system. Then just work my way up, and if all else fails...I got that to fall back onto at anytime. So what am I gonna do? Hit my knees and start prayin'! So please please please pray for me and my decision. Thanks!

So today I got the answer to my questions about why friendships fade...

I found my answer in this relevant article by Amos Hathway entitled, "Worthy Relationships".

So Satan plays a role, imagine that? Satan sees these wonderful friendships and tries to destroy them because he is jealous. I also see the other side where God takes them away because they are not glorifying to Him. But it's funny because I know Satan is trying to keep those relationships together at the same time because they don't glorify God and those are the ones Satan really likes for us to be in.

Hathway states, "I believe the relationships that we have to fight for here on earth are the ones that will be key in eternity." As I truly evalutate that statement I think about a relationship between me and my best friend, Chelsey and a relationship between me and my friend, Sarah. Chelsey and I have been friends for eight years now, and I can say it hasn't been easy for us. I can recall many fights that nearly ended our friendship, but I kept working at it. When I was ready to give up on the friendship, something kept pushing me and giving me the desire to keep caring for her. There would be times when we wouldn't talk for awhile and it sucked, but our friendship always came around. Two years ago Chelsey got pregnant out of wed, and God warned me plenty of the situation and prepared me to be able to be a true friend to Chelsey. Because of everything I did for Chelsey during those times, Chelsey realized I was around to stay and that I would never leave her side no matter what she did. It was when she got engaged that she called me and said "will you be my Maid of Honor?" Last October Chelsey drove into town the weekend my Grandma died and one thing I remember was in the car we were driving to lunch and she said something to me about being there for her and the difference I had made in not only her life, but her husbands and her sons. Our friendship hasn't been easy and there are still times that I could give up like when she doesn't return my calls, but I work at it. And our relationship is very rewarding. I love Chelsey so much and although it's been tough, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. So that brings me to Sarah...Sarah and I had something really special last year. We spent everyday together and we were both growing in the Lord together and suddenly that friendship drifted and it was gone pretty quickly. We still talk but it's nothing like before and thats when I see why Satan would crash that relationship because it was so God centered. But it's a relationship that is worth working at. It's hard for us to spend time together now because of busy schedules but this semester we both want to try really hard to set aside time to hang out and do accountability together. Friendships aren't easy I guess, but they are golden and they are worth keeping so work at it.

If you haven't heard from a friend in awhile you should give them a call. I find myself calling those friends when something reminds me of them. One time last year when my friend, Trent was in Utah it had been awhile since I talked to him and I drove through a town called Trent and I called him. Sometimes I feel that God shows use things like that so that we will call that friend or stop and pray for them. I love you all a lot and to those I haven't seen awhile, lets hang out soon. It was good over Christmas break because I got to see a really dear friend of mine, Liz! And I also got to hang out with an old buddy, Dane. I always love being able to see old friends and I had lots of fun with both of them. Before I went home for the break I reunited with my friend, Mandy and it was great. I wish I could remain friends with everyone I've ever been friends with but its hard. Like Sunday I hung out with some good friends of mine and I wish I got to see them more. This summer I got to hang out with Craig a lot, and Sunday getting to hang out with him made me miss this summer. Man oh man, I love my friends...new and old. As I sit here, I am talking to my friend, Ginnie and it reminds me of the days in which we hung out a lot...Mr. Potato Head, playing at the pool, and just having really good talks with her. Those things I miss about her and make me wanna spend time with her again. Man the more I think about it, the more of you I wanna see badly. I get to see Will this week and that makes me happy, I haven't hung out with him in forever but yet I love and cherish the times I get to spend with him now. Okay, I better go or I will bring up 30 more people and I'll never go to bed...I LOVE YOU ALL!

Today Jeff asked me what I would be doing in May...

Well here's the answer, in May I will be finishing up some school but I will still have one class left to take in summer school. I could try to finish it all up this semester but I think I'd end up with a really really crappy GPA. I have a job interview with Kohl's on the 10th and I might drop down to 12 hours and do 6 this summer and work full time this semester if they give me the job. If not then I'll go to class 15 hours and sub MWF. Either way, I don't graduate till August. So I don't know where I'll end up yet...

August I may end up at seminary or maybe in Tyler or maybe with out a job sitting on the side of the road or still here spending another year getting my teachers certification. Hopefully I'll be in Fort Worth at Southwestern, but if not I don't really know where I'll end up. I hate not knowing what or when or where...but I gotta have faith in God. Anyway, on that note I should probably finish my Statement of Call & Commitment for my application.

In eight months I have to start an all new life, and I'm kind of scared about it. All my friends that are graduating will be miles and miles away and my younger friends will still be stuck in this wonderful town...or is it wonderful? I'm not ready to grow up...

I have so much on my mind right now, I feel like my mind is running far too fast and my heart can't keep up. I keep thinking about my past, my future and well of course my present. I think about all the mistakes I've made and how they've shaped me. And I am trying to let the stupid decisions I've made not mess me up now, but learn from them and do something about it. Life can truly be so confusing.

I miss some of my old friends a lot, but I guess there are these weird things called seasons and sometimes friends come and go whether we like it or not. It's weird how you can be best friends with someone, like practically inseperable and then the next minute you don't hardly even talk to each other. It's so weird how life turns out. It's weird that when you stick by your friends even when they have no desire to be your friend, you end up being their best friend and now you can say you've been friends for eight years. One characteristic Jeff & Ryan said they saw in me was that I was faithful, and sometimes I wish that my friends would be faithful to me. I wish that my friends would stick by me when I'm going through hard crap or when I start dating someone or when I get too busy.

Okay, I'll end my tangent here. Gotta try to clear my mind...

Happy New Year, it's 2005! What shall my New Year's Resolution be? When I think of a good one I will let you all know. So New Year's Eve was great, lasted really stinkin' long. We didn't go to bed till freakin' 5:30am and I had lunch plans with my family for 12. Definately woke up to the sound of my phone ringing at 12:10, "hey where are you?" Crap, I had missed my alarm and it's past time to be there, what kind of Granddaughter, niece, cousin am I? I ended up getting up and heading over there to delivery presents. I stayed over there awhile and watching part of Somethings Gotta Give with my Grandma, but then I got tired so I headed out.Ooo, I did get to see Napoleon Dynamite and it was great. It's probably going to become part of my collection soon...today I added Bad Boys & Annie! Wahoo! I counted my collection today, and I now have 88 Dvd's, saweet! Anyway, thats all for now...check out my New Year's Eve Pictures...

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/redraidergal/album?.dir=/8b53&.src=ph&.tok=pha_rTCB6Tw7tSlE

This is to missing my bestest friend ever...who wouldn't miss someone that looked like that? I mean seriously...he's a lot of fun! Oh, he's my own little Napoleon Dynamite!

This is the cake I decorated for our New Year's Party...not bad considering, I didn't have that great of tools to use.  

Please pray for my friend, Krista and her family. They are going through a really tough time right now as they are dealing with the death of her grandparents and her brother is in the hospital still. Here's the link that tells of their story...

http://www.lubbockonline.com/stories/123004/loc_123004041.shtml

Wow, I look so much like my dad that it scares me... 

This is my pooch, Cappy! With a face like that he gets away with everything... 

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Yay for Christmas! I'll start with Christmas Eve...I went over to Chelsey's yesterday after lunch to give her their Christmas present. And she gave me mine, a little figurine that said something real sweet about forever friends...it's downstairs so I can't say word for word what it says. I came home and played a game with the family, Buzz Word (real fun!). Then Christmas Eve service at church. We sang some Christmas stories, read of the birth of Christ then my pastor took a great turn. And we talked about the cross and Christ's purpose in life. We took communion and sang Joy to the World then we peaced out of there. We came home and I'm sure played another game, then we opened our Christmas Eve present...pajamas! Mine are real cute, green & red striped pants with a red shirt that says "I was good all year (mostly)". I stayed up late watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, good thing because I can't sleep on Christmas Eve.

So I woke up this morning at 5:30, but when I went to bed at 2 that seemed real unrealistic. My sister woke me up at 7:30 so I could shower and get ready to enjoy Christmas morning. We opened our stockings first thing: I got lambs, socks, 13 Going on 30, Cheaper by the Dozen & 50 First Dates and some other random nick nacks. We ate yummy yummy breakfast, breakfast casserole...I think we eat this every year. We then made our way back to the living room to open presents. I got a digital camera, woohoo! I got a couple games, dvds, wireless mouse, princess blanket and perfume...besides that just little nick nacks. We ate a yummy lunch with a cajun turkey! Then we played games all day, the new turbo edition of Cranium is pretty fun! Ya, we played games all freakin day long and it was amazing. Okay that's it for me!

pray for my future. pray that i have faith in God. pray that i will make the right decisions.

Engagement Ring
You sure are loved, or are loving! Filled with
romantic giddiness, you radiate love,
affection, and caring. You know how to make
other people's day. Your only problem is that
you risk a chance of being rejected, which is
probably a large fear of yours.

What Type of Christmas Present are You?
brought to you by

If you can't see this little link, its the blurry looking business under the description. Great, I'm an engagement ring as if Christmas doesn't rub "ur single" all over my face enough...

You are the Christmas Star.

What Christmas Ornament are you?
brought to you by

You are 'Jingle Bells'! Full of enthusiasm and
good cheer, you are excited by the first
appearances of Christmas decorations in shops
and have been heard singing along to the piped
music. Your attitude to Christmas is one of
childlike delight - with a slightly mercenary
streak. You definitely believe in Santa (you
get more presents that way) and will put up
your Christmas tree as early as possible. You
really like carolling, and presents, and mince
pies, and pudding, and will insist on getting
everyone up at dawn to open presents
immediately. So long as the food and presents
are good, you will have a great Christmas.

What Christmas Carol are you?
brought to you by

I drove into Denton yesterday and as soon as I got here I got ready for Michaela's wedding. I went over to Chelsey's to help her pick out what to wear and I played with her adorable son. I put my knee high boot on Caleb and watched him try to walk around...I nearly wet myself. Because it was such a high heel he was having a really hard time walking, but it was funny! The wedding was pretty, I think it was the first wedding I haven't cried at in awhile. I have a feeling that in my own wedding I'll have to play a recorded version of me saying my vowels or they won't be heard. In my sister's wedding I cried so much that people probably thought I was having a seizure...no lie. I got to see some people I haven't seen in some time. I got to see my closest friends from high school, Sarah & Shelley. And I got to see my old youth minister and his wife, Craig & Susan. And I got to see a girl I use to work with at Old Navy for awhile, Athica. And of course I got to see my dear friends, Renee & Rachel. It was good to get to catch up with Sarah & Shelley, we spent the entire night with them. After the wedding we went to pick Caleb up and I got to see Lori, his grandma...I love her! I wish I was part of the Ellis family, they are great! But luckily my best friend is so I can just go hang out with them with her. Weird that we've been friends for eight years. I love Chelsey Marie!! Tonight shall be fun, I'm gonna go eat dinner with Liz. So far home isn't too bad...

it's weird being around my dog now that i'm use to cappy. lil' bit is just that...a lil' bit. she weighs maybe all of 10lbs. while cappy weighs all of 72. she looks like a chihuahua to me now, i feel like if i touch her i'll break her. its definately much nicer sleeping with her in my bed unlike that massive pooch back in lubbock. marissa said that last night cappy slept with his arms around her the entire time, he best not get use to it because he won't be doing it when i get back.