Happy Birthday Cody!!

Happy Birthday Cody! I love you!!

Astonished.

I have recently started dating a guy and couldn't be any happier. I am daily amazed by him and our relationship. When Cody started pursuing me I was a little scared at first since my last relationship was completely not glorifying of Christ and a little heart breaking. I wasn't treated the way I deserved to be treated, but really didn't know how I deserved to be treating. I mean I had an idea in my head of how I felt I should be treated, but I'd never been treated well. Cody has treated me far better than I could ever have imagined. He has assured me when my insecurities have come up because of the past relationship. I truly stand in awe of the way he treats me and often feel it's too good to be true. I can say I'm elated, that it is most definitely true and I can tell that Cody will never stop treating me this way. He truly is one of the greatest blessings.

He has taught me a lot about the way I deserve to be treated and not just by him, but by others as well. In high school I would have had no trouble writing someone off for treating me some way I didn't like, but now I have a hard time walking away from relationships. I have recently found myself having a hard time letting go of a friendship that has for the most part always been a one-way street. I have spent much of my time bending over backwards for this person and trying to gain the same friendship in return. I am hurting myself by trying to remain friends with this person because I am allowing them to continually disappoint me. I love this person and always will and if tomorrow they called me I'd be there for them in a heartbeat, but at the same time...I am done pursuing their friendship. If the last time I saw them was genuinely the last then so be it. I deserve a better friend than that. Am I making the wrong decision?

So while I remain completely heart broken over this friendship, I can't help but cover the heart break with the excitement and happiness that Cody brings me. I am so lucky!

I'll be raw...

When people ask me what I do I always laugh and respond with nothing. I am a substitute teacher who doesn't get enough hours to live off. I randomly dog sit as a mean to make extra money. I have recently started doing temp nanny work as well as working Kids Keepers at church. I don't know how I pay my bills or afford to spend time with my friends. God totally provides for me and I know that it's completely God that makes this work. Sometimes I wonder why this is what I do and why I can't find a full-time job. I probably am not looking hard enough and honestly really don't want to look at all. I'd much rather continue having the flexibility that I have. I want to teach next year, but until then I don't want to do anything.

I have struggled with this a lot since I graduated from college in August 2005. I have no desire to work to be absolutely honest. My heart's desire is to be married and have children at home that I am caring for. I want to be having play dates with friends and their babies. I want to meet with some girls for coffee to talk about Jesus. I want to vacuum the house and put away the dishes. I want to make sure dinner is on the table when my hubby gets home. There are days that I feel like I am living my dream just with out the husband and the kids. I rush from coffee with a friend to lunch with another friend then run to the church to fill out some paperwork then off to coffee with another friend just in time to make it home for dinner with the roommate. I love it--I love the idea of getting to just do life with people and not having to worry about a job. I feel blessed that at times I can run to the rescue of a friend who desperately needs a break from her own children.

I just wrestle with the blessing of getting to enjoy this time that I don't have a full-time job to steal all my time. I think that I am supposed to go find some job and work full-time, but I hate the idea of it. I honestly just want to do life with people and not have to worry about money at all. But the fact of the matter is I just can't keep living like this and I have to do something, but then comes the wrestle of what to do.

I have two degrees: BS in Human Development & Family Studies and a MA in Counseling. I want to teach middle school for a couple years and then do counseling, but until then...what? Nanny? Social Services? Administrative? Secretarial? I have no idea. I'd like to nanny...for the right family. I'd love a social service job...for the right organization. But where is the job that I can love to be at? Do I have to settle for something that I am going to be miserable at? Ugh. My heart is heavy. I don't want a job. I don't feel good enough to do anything. Can I be a teacher? Will I even be any good? Will I even pass the test to get certified? Do I really have to waste more money on taking a test I may fail again? Should I give up my dream to teach and just pursue Social Services? Should I go ahead and try to take my Counseling exam? Should I just say screw it and commit a year to nanny? WHAT DO I DO????????? I can't hear His voice. His he telling me what to do? Am I so far from him that I can't hear his voice? Is he letting me decide on this one? Did he hear me?

And now you know why it's 1:38am and I am blogging instead of sleeping. Now you know that my mind can't seem to slow down. I lay here in my bed listening to these lyrics over and over again..."Come, ye weary, heavy-laden, Lost and ruined by the fall;If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all." I want to rest in His arms and give it all to him. I don't know how many times I've tried to lay it all at his feet only to pick it up again. But here I am again...trying my hardest to truly give it all to Jesus. I don't want it!!!!

Scripture Memory

Spiritual disciplines have been on my heart for awhile now. I think we can all be honest in saying that we could pray more or read the bible more or spend more time alone with God. I am excited to start studying the Spiritual Disciples with my sweet small group girls in about two months. I am excited about accountability groups that are starting too because then we have accountability as we start an in-depth study of the disciplines. I found this video tonight and it makes me feel pathetic for my lack of scripture memory...

Happy Birthday Ellie!

My niece is 3 today! I remember the day I found out that my sister was pregnant like it was just yesterday. I was so excited that I would soon have a niece or nephew. I began praying for her that day and will continue to pray for her throughout her life. When she was born I gave her a card with a prayer that I hope my sister will keep for her so when she is 16 she can see just how much I have loved her. I never want a day to go by that my little niece doesn't know how much I love her. I absolutely love and adore her and want the best for her. I pray that God will protect her nad provide for her. I pray that she will come to know the Lord and worship him the way that I do. I pray that she will be healthy and active. I pray that she would love the Lord more than the world. I pray that she would be the best big sister. I pray that she does well in school. I pray that she will marry an incredible man. I pray that she will be protect from harm. I look forward to many more birthday celebrations and thank God for the three years I've spent with her so far. I can't wait to see the little girl she will blossom into.

I love you so much Ellison Faith and pray God's blessings in your life!! Here's a video of her life thus far, what a blessing she has been to our family!

irresistible.

I will be the first to admit that this will be a very shallow post, but lately I've been thinking about some irresistibles. There are just certain things about males that I can't seem to resist...

A man who loves the Lord passionately
A guy who wears nice smelling cologne
A man who has a sense of style from head to toe
A guy that drives a big truck and not to make up for anything (if you know what I mean)
A guy who can play the guitar
A man with sexy calves, I know it's weird.
A guy with a nice tan and shaved legs (another weird one)
A guy that is taller than 6'1"...
A man who is chivalrous
A guy who loves his family a lot and wants to be involved in their lives

These are not a list of musts--well minus the loving the Lord passionately of course. However, these are just random things that I really find attractive.

Happy Birthday Caleb!!

Happy 6th Birthday Caleb!



It has been such a blessing to watch you grow up over the past six years. You are such an amazing little boy and I love you so much! I am proud of all that you have become!!

not about me

In small group we often remind each other "you are not that important." Maggie reads this to us from her bible often Galations 6:3 NLT "If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important." It really is a great reminder for us that our problems really just aren't that important. I often find myself sharing something in small group and about mid-way through remembering that it's not about me. For example, last night we were sharing with one another ways in which we need to be more a part of the body. I feel a strong conviction to get over myself and my fear of man and meet new people at church. Again I am reminded that it's really not about me.

Sunday night I was talking with a very dear friend of mine and he reminded me of this. He was telling me that when he's not being self-centered he's happy, but often times when it's about himself he can get struck in a rut of depression. He was reflecting on times in which he had been depressed and remembered it was just about him during those times and he was all he was thinking about. Yet when he directs his attention and his thoughts elsewhere he seems to be happy. I heard what he said and partially agreed. Then last night I laid in my bed stressed out about my current situation. I began to weep because of frustration and because of God's provision. I started to think about myself and what I wasn't experiencing and what I was missing out on. I was sulking in selfishness and honestly I became depressed. I thought about what my friend had told me and started thinking about others.

My situation is far from ideal right now and I'd really prefer not to be in it, but if I would think about someone or something bigger than myself I'd soon forget about my problems. Last night I sat in small group listening to the prayer requests of my sisters and realizing that I'd much rather pray for their needs than my own. I'd much rather see them find the job of their dreams, to see their uncles and cousins come to know the Lord, to see their family protected. I'd much rather see the homeless people we talked about with food in their tummy's and coats on their backs. I'd much rather set myself aside to make sure the person alone at church feels welcomed. If for just a minute I'd stop thinking about all my needs and wants and focus on others I'd be much happier and far more satisfied with my own life.

I have another blog all about my situation and how God's provided for me beyond measure. How much I've grown by depending on him. But today...I don't want to focus on me. It's not about me. What's your prayer requests? What stirring in your heart? Let me pray for you! Fell free to email me your prayer requests.

Trashy TV

Am I the only person that watches Desperate Housewives? If I am then I am truly ashamed of myself, but most definately won't stop watching it. Thanks for the addiction Catherine! Every week I grow frustrated with the wives, but this week I felt more frustrated with them than other weeks. You will probably all think I am out of control by the end of this blog but it got me thinking.

These women treat their husbands like absolute dirt. They all have them "whipped" and they most definately wear the pants in the home. I have grown very frustrated with Gabi, Bre and Lynette this season. I actually used to kind of like Gabi, but not at all any more. The three of them frustrate me to no end. It's actually really hard for me to watch them treat their husbands as if they are just some random man. They show them no love and the men are completely submissive to their wives. Whatever she does goes. Yet these men love these women and continue to stay in these abusive relationships. Is this the way society views women? Are we just women on power trips taking the balls away from our men? Sadly I believe this is the way that society sees women which for me is heart breaking.

Biblically speaking my role as a wife is so polar opposite of that relationship displayed each week. But unfortunately I think that there are probably some Christian women out there that do treat their husbands like dirt and totally control their every move. It just breaks my heart that any woman could treat her husband that way. To be so unappreciative of everything he does for her, to care less about how he feels about a situation and to make decisions regardless of his opinion. Each week I think I go away from the episode a little more agitated but also with more appreciation for what husbands do for their wives and how often it probably goes unnoticed. To my friends with husbands, go love on your husband tonight and tell him how much you appreciate all that he does for you and your family. Who am I kidding? I know you all do that already, but why not go do it again. What a sweet reminder it would be to know how appreciate you are. Go watch an episode and you will truly appreciate your adorable husband.

2008 Single Ladies

This is the video I made as a tribute to all my single ladies! I love you all very much and enjoyed all the fun we had in 2008. I look forward to another great year with tons more fun! I love you all very much. Now please enjoy...

Seven Pounds

Disclaimer: If you haven't seen Seven Pounds and want to then don't read this post until after you have seen it. If you are not this person then read on...

I was enthralled by Seven Pounds from the very first time I saw the preview. The trailer had me on the edge of my seat as I anxiously awaited seeing what this movie was truly about. As we left the theater tonight Daniel asked "so what's the moral of the movie?" To which the answer for most was to not text while driving, but for me it was far more than that.

I often find myself relating nearly anything to the gospel. I was quickly reminded of the gospel at the very beginning of the movie, as it starts with "In seven days God created the world and in seven seconds I shattered mine." Will Smith aka Ben Thomas aka Tim, chooses seven people to "drastically" change their circumstances. As you watch the trailer you will see these words appear near the end: one man, one chance. I personally can't help but think of one man that changed many lives by his sacrifice.

Ben Thomas (Tim) decides to give of himself to people he doesn't know one bit. He decides to give to them a new life, a new hope. At the beginning of the movie he gives his beach home to a woman in order that she may escape an abusive relationship. This portion of the movie made me wonder what it is that I may have or can do that would help someone desperately in need. How could my resources be used to help save someone else? My stuff, my money is not my own but Christ's. How might God be telling me to use what he as blessed me with to bless others?

The movie continues and he meets a woman who won't live with out a heart transplant. He chooses to commit suicide in order for her to have his heart because she had a 3-5% chance of receiving the right heart. He chooses to die in order to save someones life, a sacrifice most of us will probably never consider. A sacrifice one has already made for all of us. Yes, I am talking about Christ choosing to live only to sacrifice his life for my own. He gave his life so that I could live mine. I think that what Ben Thomas did was very noble and reminded me much of Christ's sacrifice for me. I was truly touched by this movie and feel as if I need to think about what sacrifices I can make in order to bless others today.

Love me some Lauren!

This week I'd like to recognize my dear friend, Lauren.

This is her sweet precious family.

I met Lauren back in our freshman year of college. Hardly knowing one another at all we decided to take a random road trip to Denton to visit my family and see the Texas Tech vs UNT football game. We had a blast on the way down and became great friends. Who would have known my randomness would cause me to find a life long friend? Lauren and I grew closer as the years went by and continue to be dear friends. I don't get to see her very often as she still lives in Lubbock, but I cherish the moments I do get to spend with her. My favorite thing about our friendship is that no matter where we left off we pick right back up at that same place. We don't get to talk as often as I wish, but I will always consider Lauren one of my very bestest friends!!

I had the honor of being a part of Lauren's wedding and her first daughters birth. These are memories that I will hold onto forever. I loved being able to be a part of both of these very special days. I felt welcomed into both of her families and continue to feel the love and support of her parents and sister. I have never felt more welcomed by a family in all my life! I have loved Autumn as if she was my own niece since the very day I heard Lauren was pregnant. I love this little girl so much and have enjoyed watching her grow up over the years. The last time I visited Lubbock I cried when she started talking because I could tell how much she had grown up. I love little Autumn Grace very much and am excited to watch her grow!

The family that has loved me as their own!!


I have yet to get to meet little Emily Kate, but can't wait until I do! I love her just as much just haven't had a chance to hold her in my arms yet.

Two of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my entire life, Autumn kissing Emily!!

I love you Lauren, Josh, Autumn & Emily!!

Christmas Tour of Homes 2008

Welcome to the Christmas Tour of Homes 2008--enjoy your tour of my home!!

This is the doormat my mom bought for my house last year--I love it! I know I still believe...

I adore my tree! It's decorated in all black and silver. My tree is in my entry way and is the first thing you see when you open the front door to my house! My favorite is probably the black star at the top--I thought I would never find a good tree topper for an all black and silver tree!

My entire tree is black and silver except for this one ornament--but it has to be on my tree!!

My mom gave me this joy sign last year--I think it started a trend as you will soon see. This is on the wall facing the tree.

This joy sits above my t.v.--its probably my favorite one!

This used to be my work tree, but now it sits in my living room instead of a lamp. My mom made me the lighted Christmas present that is sitting under the tree.

My stockings match my tree skirt, so now you know what my tree skirt looks like.

The little red boxes spell out JOY!

This bowl is the center piece for my kitchen table!

I have far more decorations that I never got around to putting up this year. I normally decorate my bathrooms and change my sheets, but I just didn't do it this year. And I have yet to brave trying to put up Christmas lights outside.

Moved to Tears

Last night I went to see the Christmas musical at my parents church and was moved to tears as "Nana" told the story about the nativity to her granddaughter, Lauren. Luke 2:10 "But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.'" Nana described to Lauren what joy was and explained that the people had joy because they knew that Christ's birth meant that a Savior had come to die on the cross for our sin. I was moved to tears as I thought about Christ's birth symbolizing his death on the cross for me. I was filled with joy!!

Tonight we sang this song and though I've heard it a million times...tonight it brought me to tears because I felt I had a better understanding of joy and just how significant Christ's birth really is and was on that day so many years ago. I have been a Christian nearly all my life and for some reason this Christmas I really really really understand it all!!

O Holy Night

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Memory Time

One of my very best friends, Chelsey, started blogging about Christmas ornaments that hold value in her life. This isn't something I can do considering all my ornaments I bought myself from Hobby Lobby minus the #1 Aunt ornament my mom got me from my niece. But I've enjoyed reading about the many reasons why these ornaments have a special place in her heart. I was sad that I couldn't copy her completely, but have twisted her blogging idea into just things I own that have memories and deep meaning with them. It's been hard to choose which I will post about first so here goes nothing...

This ring was given to me by my mother as a Christmas gift. It's a very precious gift to me because it's a legacy ring. The diamonds in this ring are pieces of both my Grandmas wedding rings as well as my mothers. This ring is something I look down at reguarly and cherish greatly. I cried when I received this gift because it is so precious to me. I love that my mom had these rings made for me and my sister. This is something I plan to have for my entire life and am excited about passing on to my own children some day. I miss my Grandmas both very much and would love it if I could spend another day with them. Love you GeeMa and Grandma!!

My Seester...

I have decided to dedicate a post a week to someone near and dear to my heart. I can't help but start this new blogging idea with my wonderful sister and her beautiful family.

My sister is not only my sister, but my best friend. I can't imagine what my life would be like with out her in it. She has been there for me when I felt the world around me crumbling apart. She has been a role model for me when I've turned the wrong direction. My sister has been a rock to lean upon when I've been torn apart. I honestly don't know that I could be as strong as I am today with out the love and support of my sister. I am continually encouraged by my sister and spend countless hours seeking her advise and counsel. My sister is a woman of God that I trust to give me wise counsel. I can honestly say that I have the best sister in the entire world. I love getting to hear my sister talk about her walk and her life. I love knowing that she truly pursued the Lord when making important decisions regarding marrying her wonderful husband, Adam. I love knowing that I can trust my brother-n-law to take care of my sister and her family. I know with out a doubt that they are madly in love with one another and for that I am truly thankful. Their marriage is one that I admire and hope that I can model in the future.

If you were to look around my home it is obvious that I absolutely love and adore my niece and nephew. Their pictures take over my home. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love these two and to think that I will love my own children even more...wow. I take delight in hearing stories about my niece and get excited about every oppurtunity to see her. I love hearing about how my nephew is growing and hearing of his new milestones. I also enjoy every minute I get to spend with him. I recently had a friend tell me her siblings aren't very involved in her childrens lives and it blew me away. I will be there for my nieces and nephews forever even when I have my own children. I may not spoil them as much but I will forever love them the same and will be there to support them through everything. I am excited about the birthdays, school and church events, graduations, weddings, and so forth. I want them to know that I love them with all my heart and would go to the end of the earth for them.

I love you very much Adam, Nicole, Ellison & Tristan!!

I've Been Challenged

Several things have occurred in the past six months that have led me to this post. I have always been someone who has just believed and never doubted anything. I heard, I read, I believed. I am thankful that I have always been under good sound doctrine since I just believe without question. This week I was challenged by a new friend because of something little he said about the gospel being part of the preaching I hear weekly. Then tonight Matt challenged me in reminding me to watch myself, to know what the gospel is and what it is not. I will say this blog would have been much longer, but I got most of my thoughts out in conversation with my new friend so I just leave you with this same challenge and with these scriptures.

This is the passage I've been wrestling with since May, 2 Timothy 4:3-5 "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."

2 Peter 3: 16b-17 "His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction. Therefore, dear friends, since you already know this, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position."

1 John 4:1 "Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world."

1 Timothy 1:6-7 "Some have wandered away from these and turned to meaningless talk. They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm."

So I challenge you to know that the gospel is and what the gospel is not. I challenge you to spend time in scripture seeking out truth and not just hearing what your pastor says and taking it to heart. May you be challenged in the same way that I have and be thankful for sound doctrine because I know I am!

Trashy TV vs Real Life

I must say that when Desperate Housewives first started airing I thought all my friends should be ashamed of themselves for wasting an hour a week watching the show. I managed to avoid watching it and had no desire to EVER see the dang show. I went back to Lubbock one weekend and was staying with my dearest friend, Catherine, and she was an avid Housewives watcher. She convinced me to watch the show which was not easy I might add. So I relentlessly laid there watching this episode...who would have known that I would develop an addiction after that episode. Thanks a lot Catherine! I have now wasted an hour (well 45 minutes with DVR) every week since that weekend that I visited.

Tonight I sat in my living room catching up on last weeks episode when a particular event reminded me of my own life and probably the lives of many others. Susan Mayer confronts Bree Van de Kamp for not being honest with her about Mike & Katherine dating.

Susan: I always thought that the one thing I could depend on your for was honesty. What happened to that?
Bree: You want honesty? Fine. You didn't wanna divorce Mike. You had a really bad patch after the accident, but you never stopped loving him and why would you? Your relationship didn't have a natural end. So face it, you aren't mad at me or Mike or Katherine, you are mad at yourself for letting your marriage fall apart.
Susan: (realizes Bree is right)Then what am I supposed to do?
Bree: Either tell Mike how you feel or move on because that's what he is trying to do and its not fair to try to stop him. You need to make a decision Susan.

I think that many of us can relate to this little snip-it. I have found that in the past couple weeks I have had numerous friends come to me with the "why didn't you warn me?" or "why didn't you tell me to get out of it?" and the honest truth is that we did...we all warned you, but you didn't listen. The fact of the matter is that none of us really do. We hear what we know to be true, but that doesn't really make a difference. We have our rose colored glasses on and we don't see what everyone else does. I get frustrated with my friends sometimes and I would really like to give them a good shaking. This is especially hard for me as a "Counselor" because I see awful patterns that I know will lead to destruction and my friends ignore me. It kind of hurts because I know how bad they may end up hurting in the end. I am just as bad as the next for doing the same thing. I came out of a relationship about 7 months ago and I was that way. People constantly were telling me to leave far earlier than I did, but I just kept staying...why didn't I listen? Gosh darn it. I'd like to say that today I vowel to always listen to my friends, but I am sure one day I will do it all over again. Why is it that we do this? Why are those darn rose colored glasses so deceiving? If you know the answer feel free to let me in on that little secret...

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for...

loving parents who support me
a close relationship with my sister
a beautiful niece and a handsome nephew
an amazing roommate
a roof over my head and food in my belly
such amazing friends both old and new
a car that's paid off
an awesome church
a great small group with girls I love
my life for I am still getting to live it
my health
God's provision
my mentor
and so much more!!

THE WONDERFUL WOMEN IN MY CIRCLE

When I was little, I used to believe

in the concept of one best friend,

and then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart

to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're

going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you're

going through things with your mom.

Another when you want to shop,

share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say let's pray together, another

let's cry together, another let's fight together,

another let's walk away together.

One friend will meet your spiritual

need, another your shoe fetish, another

your love for movies, another will be with

you in your season of confusion, another will be

your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,

on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day,

or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym

shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from

making a complete fool of yourself ... those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,

but for many it's wrapped up in several...

one from 7th grade, one from high school, several

from the college years, a couple from old jobs,

several from church, on some days your mother,

on some days your neighbor, on others your sisters,

and on some days your daughters.