13 going on 30...

So I went to see this movie today and I thought it was really good and I even got a pretty good "moral of the story" out of it. So basically this little 13 year old girls wants to be a part of the "cool" group and chooses the cool kids over her best friend who well isn't so cool. She is obsessed with Poise magazine and they shoot a short that talks about being 30. So on her birthday her amazing little best friend gives her this magic dust and she wishes to be 30. So she gets to this new life, the one she's always dreamed of. Come to find out she became a part of the "cool" group and is best friends with one of the girls still. She finds her best friend and realizes she totally dropped him for the in crowd. Basically she falls in love with her best friend and realizes the life she always dreamed of wasn't so great after all. So moral of the story is to live one day at a time and to enjoy today for what it is. Don't wish for what things could be, but just be happy in the moment. You never know what's going to come from today and things that could have been may not be so great after all. The guy you thought was so hot in high school that you always wanted to marry could be a taxi cab driver in the end. Funny thing is the hot kid she liked in junior high was ugly and fat as an adult, while her best friend was ugly and fat as a child but hot as an adult. Don't pick those you choose to associate on how they look, but on their heart for their heart is what really counts. I am a nerd because I walked away from that movie with a moral to the story, but thats okay I like being a nerd. I love you all, stay true to yourself because I love you just the way you are.

Weekly encouragement: (I am gonna start picking random people at a time to encourage every week, completely at random...it may be because you are who I am talking to when I post or because you are the first person on my buddy list or the last person that called...you just never know!)

Emily-Girl, I love you so much and the things you've done for me lately have meant more than you could ever imagine. Like the night that I was having a bad day and you changed your plans to go eat IHOP instead of McDonald's b/c Mickey D's made me sick to my tummy. And the night that you through me a suprise party at IHOP at 3am just because you knew I needed love on my bday. Or just how everytime I need to be loved I know that you love me. You are such an incrediable girl and you have such a heart for people and making them feel loved and accepted and I thank you for that!!!

Chavon-I know I've told you a thousand tiems how much I love you, but it never hurts to tell you again. Seriously God has blessed me so much by putting you in my life. Everytime I need someoen to talk to I know that you are there for me. And everytime I talk to you I walk away knowing not only your love for me but also God's love for me. It's incrediable to see God in you and to see how you pour your life into others and the ministry you are involved in. I love you so much Chavy!

Jeffe-Thanks for the incrediable birthday gift and for being such an amazing friend to me. I love that you aren't afraid to tell me like it is and you encourage me so often. I love when I get the chance to just talk to you and just see a man after God's own heart, it's incrediable. I am excited for you as you take on the responsibility of president for KYX, you are an amazing guy and I can only fathom what God can do through you.

I think there must be one of those friendship seasonal changes going on or something. I've noticed a few people talking about friendships changing and not have the same old friends and it makes me kind of sad. Ginnie's away message reads "So tonight is about now and thens.... I have been thinking a lot lately and I have so many new things... new people in my life right now.... it makes me miss old friends a lot... but here's what I have come up with... the ones I used to be close with.... things that happened before.... both have taught me to be who I am today. The "new" ones in my life right now are taking that and teaching me more. So I figure.... both it's a win/win situation. The past helps you be who you are and who you are becoming.... for that I am forever thankful for the people I have known.... with that said, goodnight!" And then a friend of mine's post was about memories and trying to mend old friendships and the other party not wanting to. What's up with these seasonal friendships? I just don't get it. And for girls I think it makes it ten times harder because we are so intimate with one another and know everything about each other. I will just look at what has gone on in college alone and I have traveled through more friendships circles then probably anyone else, everyone else seems to be hanging with the same people they hung out with their freshman year. While I change best friends every 5-6months, what the crap!?!

it makes it even harder when you can kind of see it happening before your eyes and you try to do stuff so that it won't fade, but you can just continually see the two of you drifting apart. then one day you realize that it's really no longer there. the phone calls are distant, the hang time is non-existent and things just won't really ever be the same. this summer as me and my best friend drifted a part, i told one of my friends that i could see it happening and it was sad to have to watch the drift. why can't friends really be friends forever? i have to say that chelsey is probably the closest i will have to friends forever...we've been friends since 7th grade and i mean we had our times when we didn't even talk but i dunno we're still friends infact i am her maid of honor. maybe this is one of those cases where right now we just aren't hangin' out anymore and maybe in a couple of months things will be better or even a couple of weeks or maybe not for another year or two. who knows? maybe God is up to something that i can't even imagine, but for the meantime it makes me really sad and it makes me feel really lonely.

i am real jealous of carrie, stephanie & mark because they are interning at the church that i visited and i loved it a lot. the people there are incrediable and if i would have decided to apply for the internship thats where i would have wanted to go. but i didn't apply because i just got a job at coldstone and i told my boss that i would be there for the summer so i felt that it would have been wrong to be like "jk i am headed to cali" plus i have two weddings this summer and it just would have been crazy. but a part of me really wishes that i would have done it anyway, but hey God can do some incrediable things in lubbock...i just know he can. last summer was incrediable and i just took summer classes and worked, so i am sure this summer will be good too. btw, i don't like capatilizing anything anymore but i do continue to capatilize God because it would just be wrong not to. well i made a post just for emily, although i really had nothing to say...i just thought about something and wrote about it, ya that's how i work it around here.

while it's still fresh and because i am kind of awake now...

so i went to bed early as ya'll read in my previous post because all my friends decided sleep was important, liars! let me just say that i went to bed not matching for the first time in forever because well i am just that fickle. so at 2:45 am, i hear screamin' and gigglin' and i turn to see some stuff sprayin' in my face so i pull the covers over my head to ignore the mess. the covers quickly ripped off of me and i am sprayed down with silly string that stinks like a mug. i am quikcly pulled out of my bed and am allowed to take care of some stuff before they stick me in a car. we drive to ihop and low and behold there is big nate sitting at a table so we join the boy. then i look up and see brad, don & jody and think man i am glad they get to see me in all my glory, they just looked in my general direction with looks of "whats going on?" austin, ryan, kelsey & his friend all arive and i am filled with joy as i am surrounded by my most dearest friends...not all of them of course. but it was cool how God let those boys just happen to be there as well as my friend, dane...wahoo! anyway, we enjoyed some pancakes and i got showered with a couple of gifts. and chavon made me te take a shot of half n half which i didn't mind at all because as a little girl i use to drink it like i would regular milk or what not so i actually liked it. so my friends are incrediable and i am 21! okay now i must climb back in bed...new sheets and all! but i leave you with a couple of things first:

lessons learned at 3am:
-silly string stinks really bad, have a practice shot somewhere where if it sprays nasty it won't ruin anything
-nate does not make as good of strawberry half n half drink as joe
-my friends really do love me
-you can make a napkin into a rose
-you don't always have to show skin to get mardi gras beads
-when your best friend ignores your calls all day it's because she is hiding something from you

Carrie, Emily, Chavon & Sarah: you girls are the most incrediable women of God and I am more than delighted to have ya'll in my life. thanks for everything you did for me.
Nate, Austin, & Kelsey: i am so glad i have gotten to know ya'll in the last few weeks because you are some great guys and having you in my life is so much fun (joe: you were missed greatly)
Tom Skerritt: thanks for being an actor that we could enjoy so much, if it wasn't for your wonderful movies the bond i have with this crew would not be the same. ("that tom skerritt's a riot"-griggs)

on another note...that makes two meetings for the LNPS (Late Nite Pancake Society)

my friends favorite jana sayings:
-"that was awkward" -carrie
-"good gravy" -sarah
-"shut your face" -nate
-"awkward" -emily
-and chavon loves my wisconsin accent

Jeffe, Jared & Zach(which one doesnt fit?) thanks for the birthday wishes!!!! (the correct answer is Z...for Zach)

it just became my birthday...

anywho! tonight i went to dinner with carrie & emily, which was way fun! i love those girls like crazy. this waitor was cleaning the table next to us and lifted up and hit his head on the light and i laughed for a good five minutes, and i mean a good hearty laugh. i couldn't seem to stop myself, it was cuz i was crunk. after dinner we were driving over to emilys house and emiyl slammed on the breaks for no apparent reason so i took this 'i am scared' picture and it's now the picture that comes up on emilys phone, its cool! we went to coldstone and got some ice cream, at this point i was pretty stinkin' stuff so i didnt really eat a lot. after that it was off to AROC to get Chavon, ended up that the thing had just ended so we chatted to some people for a little while and then headed out. we didn't do anything after that so i didn't get to hang with chavon as i wish i could have, but thats okay because well she is hangin' with joe and he's incrediable so i approve.

well its my birthday, and i dont have anything planned as far as celebrating it. i don't even know if i will celebrate to tell you the truth. in the morning i am celebrating with breakfast at my aunt & uncles, then i have to go to kinkos and hang with katie for a bit. eventually i will make it to island party, but at some point i think i might have to go chill at the library and print out articles for a paper that i have due on monday...stupid school! i am getting real sick of school right now, but only 3 more weeks left...i think i can survive. well signin' off...

So I had my first final this morning, I think I did pretty good. But I lost a lot of sleep last night and well I have a final tomorrow too so I am about to loose even more sleep. Because of all the stress I ended up getting really sick to my stomach tonight and had to leave Sugar Brown's to come home, dang it tummy! I know something is wrong with me because well I just realized all I ate today was a breakfast burrito, half a slice of pizza and some ice cream at work. This is coming from a girl who eats 4-5meals a day. What's wrong with me?! And believe it or not, I am not the least bit hungry. I bet I will wake up and be absolutely starving. So my mom sent a cookie bouqet to me and I got it today while I was working, everyone was so jealous and it made me soooo happy. I have the best mom in the entire world!!!! All I wanna do is crawl in my mommy's lap right now and let her love on me, b/c I hate being sick to my tummy and all I want to feel is loved and well my books aren't showing me that at all. I am not looking forward to my birthday which is kind of sad for me b/c it's normally a really big deal to me. Anyway, the tummy hurts and the books need me so I gotta go...but just thought I'd enter a soap box as some like to call it!

So I drove past the petting zoo again and yet again I still get as excited as the first time I saw it, but still a no go on going. I mean seriously it's the simple things in life that give me the most excitement. Tonight I got to study with Chavon & Dave, I love gettin' that hang time in even if it was only to study. I think my mom is up to something, and I will find out today if she is. She kept asking me my schedule and junk, she's crazy! I had like three thousand things I was gonna say and now that I am writing I can't think of one...crazy me! I have two finals this week and the stress is only getting bigger and bigger and on that know I better go study or I am gonna end up hating myself when I get my grade back...until then, good day to you!

I went with Kelsey & Emily to the Matt Wertz & Dave Barnes concert tonight and it was good. The guy that opened caused me to have fatigue, but it's no biggy. Dave cracked me up as he always does! Right as Dave was starting his song 'Nothing Fancy' Kelsey made me laugh and yes my laugh stood out above the crowd, I got so embarassed and dug my head into Will's shoulder. Me & Emily had to leave early to get some food in our tummy's, although I had already eaten 4 meals today I was still hungry. And sadly enough I could eat again right now. So we went to Chili's and ate dinner, I ate more chips tonight then I think I've eaten in my entire life. That's a big crazy! After dinner, I had one of my fears come true on me...that's right the tanning bed I was in closed completely to where there was no air coming in, so I had to prop it with my foot. Now I just admitted to the world that I tan, but I gotta get a tan for this wedding I am gonna be in because lavender on white skin won't look good. Second fear that is much like that is getting stuck in the freezer at work, although it doesn't lock I still fear it. Okay, so ya'll know a lot of my fears now...don't use those against me!

Today I was driving to work and I was passing K-mart when I saw what looked to be a petting zoo. I saw two camels and a zebra and I won't lie...I GOT ECSTATIC! I thought to myself man I wish I could go there instead of work, and I immediately wanted to call Sarah who was directly behind me to tell her how excited I was but I realized my cell phone was still laying on my bed. And that's right the petting zoo was still there when I was driving home from work and I wanted to stop so bad, but I didn't want to go alone. Ya, let's go ahead and bring up this fear of being alone issue. I can't seem to get over it and sometimes it is a damper on my social life. So say I know some friends of mine are at Sugar Brown's perhaps, but I have no reason to be going there except to be seeing them then if no one is going with me I won't go. This happens in many situations too. It happens even if I just wanna go somewhere and I know that a crowd might be there, I don't wanna show up alone. I am trying to overcome this fear and so occasionally I force myself to go alone all the while hating every minute of it. So thus far I've done three things to overcome the fear...1) Went to Nate's basketball game. But I stayed on the phone the entire time until Chavon & Joe got there then I sat down with them. And if I didn't go I would have missed out on an oppurtunity to kick it at IHOP with those guys. 2) Went to Kelsey's concert, sat int he back by myself and survived. And if I wouldn't have gone then I would have missed out on an amazing weekend. 3) I went to Kelsey's house for a party. And well I had fun! Obviously it pays off to go these places alone, but for some reason I still fear that entire being alone thing. Needless to say, through all of this I finally figured out my love language which I thought I never would. I was discussing it with Lauren and she was like "all those are yours", but I think that my biggest one is quality time while all the rest sure do come in rather close behind. Yep, thats its for today's random post.

Things I miss or things I love:
-laying in the bed of my truck in high school with blankets and pillows gallore talking to my best friend while we looked up at the stars and forgot about life for a minute or two
-laying on a blanket this summer at the Lubbock "lakes" while enjoying a good talk with my best friend
-listening to someone play the guitar as I enjoy nature
-late night, deep conversations with someone at a coffee shop
-driving around singing at the top of my lungs with someone who sucks just as bad as me
-going to Ransom Canyon to look at the lights
-enjoying late night walks at the park
-playing at the park with a good friend, then trading off on piggy back rides
-going to the lake and layign in matt's truck just talking
-playing games with my Grandma, telling her I love her all the time

P.S. I canceled my birthday this year. As many of you know, my birthday is rather important to me. But this year too many other things are going on so I decided to cancel my birthday for the year...

Easter in my shoes! So let's just let you know how sad it was for me to have to spend Easter with out my mommy. First and foremost I went to 930 and I kept crying occasionally because I would think about how I was alone at church while most were with their families and I just wanted to be with mine. Then I cried because I wanted "granddads" deviled eggs. On the way home I cried because I was going to be spending Easter lunch by myself on my couch probably watching Mary Poppins. My cousin came home and asked me what I was doing and I told her how I had been crying, and then I pulled the blanket over my head and cried some more as I watch Happy Gilmore to cheer me up. But then after a little persuasion from my cousin I decided to join the other end of her family for lunch. It was kind of awkward at first, ate lunch with all of her cousins none of which I know. It was dead silent through our meal and I said a couple of things to break the ice, they laughed but still no one talked. Finally for dessert the girls opened up a little and we started talking, yay I had broken the ice!!! We talked just a bit then they had to go because they were going to see a movie...so I decided it was time for me to head home too. So that's my Easter. I was hoping it would have been a little better, I wish it would have been spent with Sarah. But Sarah went to Ashley's and I didn't feel like going because I don't know Ashley and I just thought that was awkward. I was also hoping for an Easter egg hunt, but I guess that was a stupid idea because well it didn't happen. I called my mom and talked to her for half an hour, I feel a little better now but not as good as I wish considering it's a holiday.

Memories I miss about Easter:
1. The Easter Basket-filled with exciting gifts and mucho candy!
2. The Family- sititng in the livign room digging through the baskets, then going to church together in our new easter outfits, then eating a yummy meal with my family
3. Being with the mom- I miss sitting with her on the couch and giving her huge hugs in the kitchen, I miss lovin' on my mommy
4. The deviled eggs-my Granddad makes the most incrediable deviled eggs and he colors them according to the holiday, ever since he passed away I have made my mom make them Granddaddy style

emily is cool.

So last night I had a kind of bad night, I took something the wrong way and I just came home kind of upset. I started craving IHOP, but had no one to go with and so I kind of figured I might as well crawl in bed although I was just kind of needing some kind of friend time. This is when I am talking to Emily and she is like "go with us to McDonald's" and well I say no because McDonald's does really not so good things to my stomach. Anywho, we end up coming to the decision of IHOP, yay! So we are what Emily calls "Late Night Pancake Society" It's a kind of random group of people, well I mean none of us have really hung out together in that sort of situation although we all know each other. It ended up being a lot of fun, Kelsey took some random video clips and Jeff was crackin' me up. I got to know Jeff the beginning of my college experience and he was always so funny, but when I stopped dating Kevin and I moved back to Denton for the summer I didn't really talk to Jeff anymore. But just recently our connection has been retied. Anywho! So I had a lot of fun and it's friends like Emily who change their plans because she knew that going to IHOP would make me feel better.

Something I wanna talk about is this friend I have who I like to call Sarah, most do, probably because her mom named her that twenty years ago. Me & Sarah had our first fight and it made me sad because well it's a fight. But I have another incrediable friend, Jeff who pointed out to me that once you fight and overcome that it shows that you truly are best friends. And it's real sweet to see that ya we had a fight, but we turned away from that and last night we got on our knees in prayer for Phi Lamb and it's incrediable to have that kind of relationship with your friend. Where you know that no matter what happens between the two of you that you can always fall flat on your face in front of God and each other. I love you Sarah CRIM!