So in Human Sexuality we have been talking about the issue of homosexuality and well my mind starts whirling as I look at the different theories. It's really hard for me to sit in class and try to take these ideas in with my completely God centered ideology. So there are theories stating that homosexuality may be genetics and also is a psychosocial process. Ultimately if you look at it from a God centered prespective you will see that homosexuality is a sin just like any other sin, so therefore it is a choice. So just as I can choose to start drinking I can choose to participate in the homosexual lifestyle. Why is it that in society we mask alcoholism and homosexuality? Because we have found that if your dad is an alcoholic then it raises your risk to be alcoholic so therefore we almost kind of excuse it as a "disease". Isn't it true that our sin becomes a generational thing? It's biblical. So its a sin we will have to fight, if you find out that your dad is an alcoholic then its at that point that you must make a decision to watch your own lifestyle. So then let's look at homosexuality and how a lot of people would say that they don't know anyone in the rest of the family that are homosexual, which I'm sure it has been an issue before and no one knows about it because it has been so unacceptable till recently. I could probably write over 6 pages on this, but I'm going to try to keep it to the minimal so if my thoughts seem kind of scattered its because my mind is running faster than my hands can type. But here goes it:

In the beginning God created us man and woman. In Genesis 2:18,21, & 24 we see God's purpose in woman being created after man was so he would not be alone. God didn't create another man for Adam but he created a woman, and then in verse 24 God tells us we will leave our father & mother to become one with this person. I am going to go ahead and say that if one of the first things God did was created us to be together he probably wasn't taking that too lightly. In Leviticus 18:22 God talks to Moses about unlawful sexual relations and he tells him not to lie with another man as he would with a woman for it is abomination.

Then there is 1 Corinithians 6:9-20 . In verse 9, we are told not to indulge in such sins as homosexuality, drunkeness, being greedy, etc. (1) Homosexuality is a sin just like all other sins. Alcoholism, if you are were an alcoholic would you give into the sin and drink yourself to death? So why would you indulge yourself in whatever sin it is? So this girl in my class is homosexual and doesn't really see it as a sin. And she feels that if she leaves the lifestyle she will be living a lie so her argrument to use was that if she fails to give into her sin of homosexuality then she is living a lie because she genuinely believes she was born to be homosexual. I will use alcohol as a comparsion again; if you are an alcoholic then you are an alcoholic for life, but just because you give up drinking doesn't mean that your life is a lie. (2) Vs. 11-You can be freed from your sin. (3) Vs. 12-Do not allow yourself to become a slave to your sin. (4) Vs. 15-Your body belongs to God. Vs. 18- You should not sin against your own body. Vs. 20-You must honor God with your body.

Although this post was directed towards homosexuality we must think about our own sin in our lives and allow our selves to be freed from that. I cried in my class today as I heard the opinions of those in my class and realized how lost this world truly is. By no means will being freed from our sins be easy and we will probably struggle with it for some time, but don't be scared because the Lord is willing to free us and He will. I'd write more but I'm going to go hang out with my best friend. I love you all lots!!!

So tonight was an amazing night and all thanks to my new friends and some old. I went and picked up Dayle to go to Sugar Brown's when I had the sudden urge to buy pink saucony's so we went to the mall, unfortunately Journey's was out of the 8 1/2 (God was telling me something). So we headed to SB's for some good ole live music. There was a $2 cover charge that I was unaware of so Jennifer Green spotted me so I could get in the door, what a sweet girl! Abe was playing when we got there, just started I'm sure so I got to enjoy him. After walking around a bit, I was offered a seat next to Jennifer which turned out great. Jordan's roommate looks like Napolean Dynamite and because of this he got on stage and did his few seconds in fame, I laughed lots. (Videod it, but the sound isnt good b/c of too many other noises) Had a blast at Sugar Brown's with all of my wonderful friends. After SB's me & Dayle went to IHOP where we experience something interesting to say the least. First and foremost there are these wonderful high school girls talking really loud and being really stupid. Fatimah walks up to them and they start 20 questions with her, what a patient woman. So shes stating that she's from Malaysia when this girl says "oh middle asia?" And Fatimah gives her the benefit of the doubt and says, "no its under Thailand" but me, I would have said "u idiot, i said Malaysia not Middle Asia" I think me & Dayle laughed about that for awhile. Then these two older men start talking to us, did I say CREEPY older men? I seriously considered calling Brandon at this point and telling him to come save me, but I resisted. So these men keep talking to us although we're rather disinterested, I answer to be polite but put my head down to show extreme disinterest. But they didn't read that and just kept talking to us. He told me I should be in a pagent because of my quick and witty responses. I'm pretty sure the man was drunk, but whatever. Then we went to Wally World because I had to get something and that was entertaining because of Dayle's fear of the place because of the recent Tyler abduction. Had a blast with Dayle, glad we're such great friends now, being seperated at birth was a bit rough though. I'll post pictures tomorrow of tonights fun, but I leave you with words by Dayle(purple writing is all her).

Dayle's Away Message: yay for new southcrest friends at sugar browns and scary drunk men at ihop with jana and napoleon dynamite and the gross creepy man glove in the walmart parking lot and the woman saying "be careful" ... way to freak me out on that one! but no good for shin splints, or the cold foggy thing in the air and having to walk/run to the car parked in china and getting mean looks from a family all wearing mexican ponchos but none being of the hispanic persuasion...hmmm...explain that one!

the new motto: "facebook brings people together" (but it can be a bad thing sometimes!!!)

How would you describe me in one word?

owen3368: your amazing
owen3368: your incredible
owen3368: your stunning
owen3368: your intriguing
owen3368: your captivating

Now James went overboard, but that's to get you started.

If one word doesn't work you could always do a summary:

owen3368: damn, some guy is going to be the king of the world when he gets you

Okay, get on it, i wanna hear opinions!

George Strait was amazing, couldn't have asked for a better night. Although now I am in regret from screaming so much because I can barely breathe. George is the hottest old man alive I think, I hope my hubby is that hot!

I've been wanting to post for several days now but I can't seem to capture all my thoughts. God has been doing so much in my life, and I don't know where to start. God has showed me so much through his word, prayer, and through friends. God has shown me a lot about friendships, his promises, his love, and his faithfulness. Last night Cale accepted Christ and the joy that gives me alone is amazing, to see the love he has for God kind of stops me in my trail. I have just began to get to know Cale, but look forward to getting to know him better. What a joyful picture that paints for me as I think of the Heavens rejoicing. I've been reading through scripture and seeing God fulfilling His promises and getting to see the promises he makes for His children is sweet too. I just stand in awe of everything that my God is to me and for me. I am very thankful for the friendships that are developing in my life right now and couldn't ask for anything better than that. I really can't even begin to express everything that is on my mind right now. God is amazing and I love seeing everything He is doing in my life and the lives of others. While I'm at it, can I just say I'm stoked because my best friend is having a baby! That's right my friend, Lauren is gonna have a baby! Not only that but her & Josh are building a house now too. I love you Lauren and I am so excited for you & Josh!

Here's to an incredible guy...

Last night I got sick and I've been just laying around all day. And this guy came over and brought me a blizzard instead of going to watch a movie with his friends. Now that's a great friend I have. If you take a look at that picture you can have a little glimpse at why I enjoy hanging out with him so much. Not only is he fun, but he's great to talk to. Thanks for everything Brandon, you are great!

Today I was reading my bible and ran across a passage that spoke to me. Genesis 29:31:35 “But because Leah was unloved, the LORD let her have a child, while Rachel was childless. So Leah became pregnant and had a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, ‘The LORD has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.’ She soon became pregnant again and had another son. She named him Simeon, for she said, ‘The LORD heard that I was unloved and has given me another son.’ Again she became pregnant and had a son. She named him Levi, for she said; ‘Surely now my husband will feel affection for me, since I have given him three sons!’ Once again she became pregnant and had a son. She named him Judah, for she said; ‘Now I will praise the LORD!’ And then she stopped having children.” So let’s look at the meaning of Leah’s son’s names:

1) Reuben- “Look a son” or “He has seen my misery”

2) Simeon- “one who hears”

3) Levi- “being attached” and “feeling affection for”

4) Judah- “praise”

God saw that Leah was miserable because her husband didn’t love her so He showed favor for her by giving her a son, in which she named “he has seen my misery”. Leah hoped that Jacob would love her more now that she had given him a son, but Jacob didn’t love her any more. The Lord gave her yet another son and still she didn’t feel loved by her husband. Then a third son was born naming him “feeling affection for” hoping that Jacob would feel affection for her, but still nothing. So God bore her another son, “praise” in which Leah finally saw that she was to praise the Lord for his blessing upon her in her misery.

I can’t help but look at women and how this situation with Leah applies to all women. I can’t help but think about how women totally believe that if they do something for a guy he will love them more. In Leah’s case she has children hoping that Jacob will favor her and love her more than he loves her sister Rachel. A lot of girls think that if they put out with a guy than he will love her more, but most of the time this is not true. So girls, be cautious of that because if a guy doesn’t love you prior to the gifts you give him he’s probably not going to love you after.

This immediately makes my mind turn to the book, Lady In Waiting, by Debby Jones & Jackie Kendall. If you are a female I really think that picking up and reading this book would be a wise decision. A line in the book I will never forget “be sensitive to your motives whenever you find yourself in the presence of ‘available men’.” Then they quote Proverbs 16:2 “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.” So although God blessed Leah with a son, what was Leah’s ultimate motive in that? To be loved by her husband. We as women must watch our motives and not only that but we must realize that our deepest longings can only be satisfied by God.

This summer I read a book called, Lies Women Believe, by Nancy Leigh Demoss. One of the lies was “I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.” I quote her on this, “the deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any created person or thing…every living thing is created to disappoint us.” God has made us to only be truly satisfied in Him and in no other person or thing. In looking at Leah’s story in my devotional Women of Character, Lawrence Kimbrough states “the more we place our expectations on another person, the more control we give them over our emotional and spiritual state.”

We must realize that we cannot find satisfaction in anyone but Christ or in any thing. Leah was blessed by the Lord greatly by giving her sons and a daughter and in the end she was buried next to her husband and Rachel was not. God has taught me so much through this scripture. I had another paragraph, but after much consideration I realize that too many people are going to have differeing opinions on the subject at hand and cannot handle my own interpretation of such events.

This may be a really long post, but I've got a lot on my mind. I hate when my mind starts going crazy like this at a wee hour in the night and there is no one I can call and say meet me at Daybreak I need to talk. And I just sit here, tears rolling down my cheeks trying to type to a friend as fast as I can...then I just want them to hug me but they haven't wired my computer yet to give me hugs when I need them. Stupid Dell people!

This morning Dusty talked about how God uses the good and the worst things for our good. And I'm sure I wasn't the only one in the room that when he said the worst things thought immediately of something in their life currently or recently that was bad and God made good. So I will share those points he made dealing with how God uses the worst things for our good:

1) The evil of affliction works for the good of the godly.
2)The evil of temptation is overruled for the good of the godly.
3) The evil of sin works for the good of the godly.
My personal life:
1) Affliction-Grandma's Death
2) Temptation-Lots of sin
3) Sin-allowing temptation to take place in my life

So I think to myself how is any of this good? Well I look at my life today. My Grandma dying was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with in my life. It still hurts to this day, and I miss her terriably. Two months after her death I finally could move on a little, but it still hurt. After that I just took a downword spill for the worst. I had my ups and downs, mostly ups and I was getting my life back on track but then July 2004 occured. I think I was kind of looking for a way to escape and at that time I met a guy and started an entirely different lifestyle, not one I would have ever expected of myself. For the next six months I would travel my sinful life still going to church regularly and playing the Christian role, but the relationship with God was pretty much non-existent and I had a totally different life outside of the church than I did in the church. Thanks for a great friend, Johnny I was able to realize exactly how much I had changed and while God was showing me that himself Johnny was able to tell me exactly what he had witnessed and how I use to be. I was aware of the change, but didn't really care. I remember calling my sister one night after doing something really stupid to confess and ask for her help. I told her that I enjoyed the lifestyle and didn't want to stop doing the things I was doing because I enjoyed it so much but I knew that I had to stop. But I just didn't have the strength. Then I fell again and over Christmas break I made a decision to change and around this time I made a new friend, Brandon who I talked to everyday and because of his encouragement in my life I was able to step up to the plate and get the game on. I picked up my bible this week and I haven't been able to put it down since. God is good, and God has had victory with me now. God used that bad and made it good. I have been humbled before the Lord and I am very serious about the removal of the sin from my life. Here's to changing what use to be, and starting fresh. My heart rejoices before the Lord!

Tonight after experiencing all this I decide to reread old journal entries from the time my Grandma got sick to her death. I think total it was like a seven month process, the most dreaded seven months of my life. As I'm sitting here reading my journal I catch myself singing praise songs so I decide to throw in one of my many worship albums and to my suprise its the cd with the song I heard one night leaving Daybreak after finding out bad news about my Grandma...the song called, "Unashamed Love" by Ten Shekel Shirt. These words caused me to stop still that night: " Calling me to lay aside the worries of my day. Quiet down my busy mind to find a hiding place. Worthy, worthy. Open up my heart and let my Spirit worship yours, open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth. Worthy, you are worthy! Of a childlike faith, of my honest praise, of my unashamed love..." Talk about hitting your face and calling on the Lord. When my Uncle died in September of 2001 the song I Can Only Imagine had just started circling, I had never heard it before and my uncle had died Tuesday and I had enough strength to make it to Paradigm Thursday and I was sitting there as Justin Cofield started to sing the song, I took of running because I couldn't handle it not then. Since then that song has been very dear to my heart and when my Grandma was laying there dying my family sang that song one night and prayed for God to take her, she hang on so long though. God is good! And it's hard to say that when you are in something as painful as that, but God finally took GeeMa from this Earth and although it sucks to be here and to not have her. Oh but what a joy it is to be in Heaven dancing around singing praises to the Father...I can only imagine!

God's blessing in my life this week: This week I found out that I wouldn't be getting a paycheck till Feb. 21st which is kind of a problem because I have very little money. But I know God is faithful and I know he will provide for me as he always does. My mom calls today and tells me she is sending me my rent check early which also means a couple extra bucks in cash. And today I get a call from Kohl's, I got the job. I have training Saturday, so lets just pray I get paid for that. So Kohl's starts the end of February so I still have some time before I get that paycheck too, but eventually I will have money and I think I could use some money management skills during this time. Anyway, God is good!

Genesis 6:5--8 "Now the Lord observed the extent of the people's wickedness, and he saw that all their thoughts were consistently and totally evil. So the Lord was sorry he had ever made them. It broke his heart. And the Lord said, 'I will completely wipe out this human race that I have created. Yes, and I will destroy all the animals and birds, too. I am sorry I ever made them.' But Noah found favor with the Lord." For the longest time after reading these scriptures I thought why in the world hasn't God ended this world again and today I ran across the answer to that. Genesis 8:21 "And the Lord was please with the sacrifice and said to himself, 'I will never again curse the earth, destroying all living things, even though peoples thoughts and actions are bent towards evil from childhood. ' " and Genesis 9:12-13 "And God said, 'I am giving you a sign as evidence of my eternal covenant with you and all living creatures. I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is my sign of my permanent promise to you and to all the earth.' " So now everytime I look at the rainbow I will think about God's promise to His people and know that no matter how bad we keep screwing things up he won't destroy the land again. Makes you think doesn't it?

Random Bible Trivia: Who was the first musician in the bible?
Answer: Jubal, he was the first musician, he invented the harp and the flute... Genesis 4:21

So tonight I sit in Sugar Brown's and the loudness of the coffee shop suddenly finds a silence in my mind and I feel a since of peace and quiet among all the craziness of this world. The voices are definately still there and the door keeps making that wonderful ding noise and SB's begins to fill more and more with people. But somehow in the midst of it all I find myself journaling at my table with a light right on my journal and my mind focused right on God. I start praying for my semester as last semester was rather tough on me and I took some shady paths. I pray for accountability in my life and thank God for the little accountability I do have. Then I realize just then that a certain guy that I'm real good friends with is an accountability partner and he doesn't even know it. He's that to me because of the way he lives his life and his passion for God. Seeing him and his zeal for the Lord encourages me and is in a way keeping me accountable in my own walk with God. I have a real hard time being good about spending time with the Lord with out serious accountability and I realized tonight that I don't necessarily have to have "Sue" there to ask me everyday "did you read your bible today?" but to have myself surrounded by Godly people that are always pushing me to go further in my walk with God. So thanks to you Brandon, I have accountability because your passion encourages me. I can't help but think of yet another Godly guy in my life who has also had a great influence in my recent change of heart and my guidance back onto the right path...my dear friend, Johnny. This past semester was a bit rough, but I would always talk to Johnny about things and he was always there to encourage me and to spur me on. It was Johnny who talked to me and made me realized that I had really changed a lot and I needed to get back into the word hard core and just start living my life the way I use to. Since I was too stubborn to listen to God on my own, God was willing to send Johnny into my life to talk to me. I knew what I needed to do, and I could hear God's voice telling me but I was being stupid. So thanks Johnny for helping me out and kind of guiding me back onto the right path. So here's to a fresh start...I wanna start this semester off right, and I really don't wanna fall off track again. So may God be with me through this journey and may I continue to surround myself with other Godly people who will spur me on, and who maybe I in turn can spur on too. I love you all and thanks for being there for me!

P.S. My sister bought me a prayer journal for Christmas and some of you I have already assigned to a day a week that I will be praying for you specifically and the things in your life. So if you want me to be praying for you let me know, I got a monthly calender of events and daily, so you let me know when to pray for what and I'll be sure to pray. And if you do something every week at the same time and you want me to pray for it, let me know about that too. Love you all!

Here's to randomness...

So last night Brandon is talking to me and tells me to come to Roswell to hear him speak, I briefly consider it but there is no way I can make it. I mean I'd have to stay at someones house that I don't know in Roswell because I wouldn't have wanted to head back tonight alone. So late last night I IM Abe and ask him if he wanted to go, and he of course kind of hesitated but today...Abe's in! So today I figure I should invited Brandons best friend, not me but the other one...Jeff Conn and he says maybe. So then I ask Chavon for directions because Brandon doesn't answer his phone and well she decides to go too and then of course she invites Joe. Jeff ended up not being able to go, but still the rest of us hopped in my car and headed for Roswell, NM to hear my little Napolean speak. The trip was great and its about as spontaneous as I'll ever be. It was so worth it for our wonderful friend, Brandon. Then Brandon being the amazing guy that he is bought us all dinner. Somehow I'll repay him, even if I have to cook him 20 homecooked meals. Thats right I'm repaying you Brandon!

So as I sit here writing and rewriting my blog I decide to take a brief break to read todays small little devotion out of this devotional book my mother gave me, it's by Joyce Meyer. The verse is Psalms 91:1-2, the word that gets me is found in verse 2: "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I TRUST!" My future lies in Gods hands and at this time I truly just have to trust in Him. Joyce says "Trusting God requires knowing Him-knowing His character and having experience with Him. Going through trials with God by your side builds your faith." I can't help but think of the past 6 months and think of the many trials I've gone through and now to stop and look at what could be next year when I didn't expect it at all. All I can do write now is pray and trust God with my future. This semester I must get my life straight and I almost don't think that I'm ready for seminary just yet, but I definately wanna get my masters in counseling eventually. But I must work my way up to where i wanna be and if I teach for three years then I can be a counselor in the school system. And for some crazy reason God has been giving me a passion for youth lately and while my passion for marriage counseling is still there, I may be starting off my career with youth first. I don't know for sure, but my mind is running at a 100 miles an hour and I'm ready to see what God has in store for me. So if you run across this then please be sure to pray for me, at least right now so I've been covered in prayer at least this once. I wanna take this semester to change my life and get back to where I use to be. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this semester, yay I can't wait!

I had interview numbero uno today with Frenship ISD and I definately got the job. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I had a lot on my mind concerning the next year. Yesterday as I sorted through emails regarding my church endorsement things began to show a really really negative turn. I stayed up thinking about stuff: looked at other seminaries, contimplated the thought of staying a year and getting my teachers certification and lastly doing an intern in Tyler to take a year off of school. So these thought circulate my mind for hours on end, but I finally make myself fall asleep because I have an interview to attend. So I'm at my interview and one of the first questions I'm asked is "What do you plan on doing with your degree?" I respond, "well actually I had planned on attending seminary, but some unfortunate things are going on...blah blah blah, yada yada yada." Well turns out his daughter wanted to do the same thing as me, she graduated from Hardin Simmons with a Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy. She went to find a job and after a year found nothing. Only big churches can afford to have counselors on staff and they choose to seek counselors who are really experience...so his daughter is now living in San Antonio working for the CPS. So I explain to him how I actually came to Tech planning on getting my education degree and of course he encourages it since I am wanting to take on as subbing job. So stay a year get my teaching certification and then work for three years as a teacher then I am certified to be able to be a counselor in the school system. Then just work my way up, and if all else fails...I got that to fall back onto at anytime. So what am I gonna do? Hit my knees and start prayin'! So please please please pray for me and my decision. Thanks!

So today I got the answer to my questions about why friendships fade...

I found my answer in this relevant article by Amos Hathway entitled, "Worthy Relationships".

So Satan plays a role, imagine that? Satan sees these wonderful friendships and tries to destroy them because he is jealous. I also see the other side where God takes them away because they are not glorifying to Him. But it's funny because I know Satan is trying to keep those relationships together at the same time because they don't glorify God and those are the ones Satan really likes for us to be in.

Hathway states, "I believe the relationships that we have to fight for here on earth are the ones that will be key in eternity." As I truly evalutate that statement I think about a relationship between me and my best friend, Chelsey and a relationship between me and my friend, Sarah. Chelsey and I have been friends for eight years now, and I can say it hasn't been easy for us. I can recall many fights that nearly ended our friendship, but I kept working at it. When I was ready to give up on the friendship, something kept pushing me and giving me the desire to keep caring for her. There would be times when we wouldn't talk for awhile and it sucked, but our friendship always came around. Two years ago Chelsey got pregnant out of wed, and God warned me plenty of the situation and prepared me to be able to be a true friend to Chelsey. Because of everything I did for Chelsey during those times, Chelsey realized I was around to stay and that I would never leave her side no matter what she did. It was when she got engaged that she called me and said "will you be my Maid of Honor?" Last October Chelsey drove into town the weekend my Grandma died and one thing I remember was in the car we were driving to lunch and she said something to me about being there for her and the difference I had made in not only her life, but her husbands and her sons. Our friendship hasn't been easy and there are still times that I could give up like when she doesn't return my calls, but I work at it. And our relationship is very rewarding. I love Chelsey so much and although it's been tough, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. So that brings me to Sarah...Sarah and I had something really special last year. We spent everyday together and we were both growing in the Lord together and suddenly that friendship drifted and it was gone pretty quickly. We still talk but it's nothing like before and thats when I see why Satan would crash that relationship because it was so God centered. But it's a relationship that is worth working at. It's hard for us to spend time together now because of busy schedules but this semester we both want to try really hard to set aside time to hang out and do accountability together. Friendships aren't easy I guess, but they are golden and they are worth keeping so work at it.

If you haven't heard from a friend in awhile you should give them a call. I find myself calling those friends when something reminds me of them. One time last year when my friend, Trent was in Utah it had been awhile since I talked to him and I drove through a town called Trent and I called him. Sometimes I feel that God shows use things like that so that we will call that friend or stop and pray for them. I love you all a lot and to those I haven't seen awhile, lets hang out soon. It was good over Christmas break because I got to see a really dear friend of mine, Liz! And I also got to hang out with an old buddy, Dane. I always love being able to see old friends and I had lots of fun with both of them. Before I went home for the break I reunited with my friend, Mandy and it was great. I wish I could remain friends with everyone I've ever been friends with but its hard. Like Sunday I hung out with some good friends of mine and I wish I got to see them more. This summer I got to hang out with Craig a lot, and Sunday getting to hang out with him made me miss this summer. Man oh man, I love my friends...new and old. As I sit here, I am talking to my friend, Ginnie and it reminds me of the days in which we hung out a lot...Mr. Potato Head, playing at the pool, and just having really good talks with her. Those things I miss about her and make me wanna spend time with her again. Man the more I think about it, the more of you I wanna see badly. I get to see Will this week and that makes me happy, I haven't hung out with him in forever but yet I love and cherish the times I get to spend with him now. Okay, I better go or I will bring up 30 more people and I'll never go to bed...I LOVE YOU ALL!

Today Jeff asked me what I would be doing in May...

Well here's the answer, in May I will be finishing up some school but I will still have one class left to take in summer school. I could try to finish it all up this semester but I think I'd end up with a really really crappy GPA. I have a job interview with Kohl's on the 10th and I might drop down to 12 hours and do 6 this summer and work full time this semester if they give me the job. If not then I'll go to class 15 hours and sub MWF. Either way, I don't graduate till August. So I don't know where I'll end up yet...

August I may end up at seminary or maybe in Tyler or maybe with out a job sitting on the side of the road or still here spending another year getting my teachers certification. Hopefully I'll be in Fort Worth at Southwestern, but if not I don't really know where I'll end up. I hate not knowing what or when or where...but I gotta have faith in God. Anyway, on that note I should probably finish my Statement of Call & Commitment for my application.

In eight months I have to start an all new life, and I'm kind of scared about it. All my friends that are graduating will be miles and miles away and my younger friends will still be stuck in this wonderful town...or is it wonderful? I'm not ready to grow up...

I have so much on my mind right now, I feel like my mind is running far too fast and my heart can't keep up. I keep thinking about my past, my future and well of course my present. I think about all the mistakes I've made and how they've shaped me. And I am trying to let the stupid decisions I've made not mess me up now, but learn from them and do something about it. Life can truly be so confusing.

I miss some of my old friends a lot, but I guess there are these weird things called seasons and sometimes friends come and go whether we like it or not. It's weird how you can be best friends with someone, like practically inseperable and then the next minute you don't hardly even talk to each other. It's so weird how life turns out. It's weird that when you stick by your friends even when they have no desire to be your friend, you end up being their best friend and now you can say you've been friends for eight years. One characteristic Jeff & Ryan said they saw in me was that I was faithful, and sometimes I wish that my friends would be faithful to me. I wish that my friends would stick by me when I'm going through hard crap or when I start dating someone or when I get too busy.

Okay, I'll end my tangent here. Gotta try to clear my mind...

Happy New Year, it's 2005! What shall my New Year's Resolution be? When I think of a good one I will let you all know. So New Year's Eve was great, lasted really stinkin' long. We didn't go to bed till freakin' 5:30am and I had lunch plans with my family for 12. Definately woke up to the sound of my phone ringing at 12:10, "hey where are you?" Crap, I had missed my alarm and it's past time to be there, what kind of Granddaughter, niece, cousin am I? I ended up getting up and heading over there to delivery presents. I stayed over there awhile and watching part of Somethings Gotta Give with my Grandma, but then I got tired so I headed out.Ooo, I did get to see Napoleon Dynamite and it was great. It's probably going to become part of my collection soon...today I added Bad Boys & Annie! Wahoo! I counted my collection today, and I now have 88 Dvd's, saweet! Anyway, thats all for now...check out my New Year's Eve Pictures...

http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/redraidergal/album?.dir=/8b53&.src=ph&.tok=pha_rTCB6Tw7tSlE

This is to missing my bestest friend ever...who wouldn't miss someone that looked like that? I mean seriously...he's a lot of fun! Oh, he's my own little Napoleon Dynamite!

This is the cake I decorated for our New Year's Party...not bad considering, I didn't have that great of tools to use.  

Please pray for my friend, Krista and her family. They are going through a really tough time right now as they are dealing with the death of her grandparents and her brother is in the hospital still. Here's the link that tells of their story...

http://www.lubbockonline.com/stories/123004/loc_123004041.shtml