well i've moved. it was actually kind of an amazing thing. you were probably all very lost after the last post, but now i can explain. my roommate broke up with her boyfriend which was much needed, but he was in a round about way our "landlord". he being the shady person he is, we up and moved. God provided us with a house the 2nd day we looked and we were able to move in on that very day. and mind you this house is amazing. we are paying the same that we were at the old house and its sooo great. the landlord is so nice and its kind of a month to month lease. so this is an amazing deal for all of us, it really is. i love my roommates still, even though we have are little arguments occasionally. but we're best friends so its nice because when we are irritated we can say how we feel and it works out. i wouldn't wanna live with anyone else. turns out the guys across the street are really cool which is good b/c we're really gonna miss John Wade our previous down the street buddy. there are some more college guys two houses down that seem cool too. only sad part is we had to go down to one cat and i think she misses the stinky a lot. she always wants outside now, she needs little stinkums to play with. and i'll admit it, i've fallen in love with cats. one day i want my own, but i'll still have my giant pooch. i'm beginning to see new breeds that are just beautiful, im not closeminded to the "lab" only in me. so i'm going to go see my little autumn tomorrow, shes gonna be soooo big...i'll cry. my sister finds out sept. 8th what the baby is, i can't wait!!!!!!!!!!! i'm gonna be a stinkin' aunt!!!

It's amazing to see answered prayers. Two years from the day the prayers probably started flowing we see an answer and the answer is one we have all been patiently awaiting. The tears in are eyes overwhelm us because its good to see how God has taken over the situation. The joy in our hearts stretches beyond capacity. We had gotten to the point where we couldn't say anything else, and all we could do was pray. But we were almost ready to give up on the prayers too. But we stayed faithful all this time and God has answered our prayers and all is good. I was sooo excited last night that I danced around my house, I haven't done that in forever. Well God is good!!!

i hate that i cant express my mind for if i do then i upset someone or people get mad at me because i'm not always cheery. im sorry but i dont exactly find myself capable of ALWAYS being happy. it is okay for me to have a bad day...I PROMISE!!!!

i get myself in a situation, my friend gives me spiritual advice and in my stubborness i argure all advice with him. every biblical point he makes, i make a selfish psychological argument. then i find myself later doing the same thing with someone else, but in turn i know what that person feels when they are arguing back with me. i get the spiritual stuff, i've heard it all...and i've read a lot. i just choose to ignore it in my own selfish desires. but i know it. so where is it that i let my spiritual mind take over and push aside all of my selfish psychological desires. this may not make sense to anyone but the two people i talked to today, but thats fine...i just wanted to get it off my chest. i feel better. thanks.

It sucks when a friend is telling you of a decision they have made and you know the decision isn't good for them, but there really isn't anything you can do. You are close enough to them to call them out on it and let them know you think they aren't making a good decision, but they aren't listening...not this time. I'm sure I have had plenty of friends tell me that a decision I was amking was unwise and I did it anyway, but it sucks when you can't do anything but watch your friend get hurt. I'm like a mother in the fact that I would do absolutely anything to protect my friends from being hurt even if that meant I had to be hurt. So it really sucks for me when I have to come to this point where there is nothing I can do for my friend to help them make a better decision. I stated my opinions and my concerns and now I must let them live their life. It just sucks because this past year I have made lots of mistakes and I wish my friend could learn from my mistakes and not make them for herself. They have seen the pain I have been through and although some of the stuff I did was mighty fun, I still came to a point of regret and they have seen it all with me and yet they are still making the decision despite that.

So whats been going on in my life? I feel like sharing a lot so you may choose to close the window now...

This past week was amazing as I got to be a part of the birth of my best friends little girl. It's awesome to see the joy this little girl brings to all who come near her. She's by far the most beautiful little baby I've ever seen in my entire life. Her parents love and adore her and seeing the love they have for each other and for their little one is sweet to me. It's good to know that Godly parents are going to raise her to grow up to be a Godly woman one day. Lauren & Josh are going to be amazing parents and I'm excited to see the blessings God has for these 3 as they continue their lives together. It's sweet to see the love Lauren has for little Autumn, and how this love has only grown daily since the day she found out she was pregnant and continues. This brings me to Sunday nights sermon by Tommy Nelson. He was talking about raising our children properly and it made me think of Lauren & Josh and the task they now carry as parents, and knowing that they will do as God has designed is amazing. The scripture was Psalm 127. One of the first things Tommy said was that for their to be a house built by the Lord than the husband must submit to God, so that the wife is able to submit to the husband and with that the children are able to submit to their parents. I look at Lauren & Josh and I see this vividly played out, by no means is Autumn old enough to show submission but I guarantee that Lauren & Josh fulfill these roles and that it will be easy for Autumn to submit to them because they are so in step with the Lord. Something about that is sooooo special to me. Tommy spoke a lot about raising your children properly to be good children and something that stuck out to me was "there is no pain that can overcome the joy of having good children, and there is no joy that can overcome the pain of having bad children". Not to brag on myself or my sister, but it's very true. My parents have been very blessed with very good children and I know that my mom finds peace in that. I don't know what she did, but she raised us the right way. We chose to follow God and we continually follow is path, although I've strayed many times my mom knows I'm headed the right way. I am so proud of the parents Lauren & Josh are going to be to Autumn and I'm stoked that Autumn gets to be raised in a very Godly home. Another couple I look forward to seeing their child be brought up in a Godly home is my very own sister. It's so sweet to see Godly people conceive children for you know that the child is safe in that house. May our generation truly bless the world by raising our children in Godly homes. I could continue on and on about how amazing I think Lauren & Josh are or how amazing my sister & her hubby are. But I don't think I could describe either of these couples highly enough to give them justice for the incredible women & men of God they are. I truly aspire to have a marriage like that. I love you all so much!! Nicole, you always will be my role model and I love you for being the woman you are. I am so thankful that I have you to look up to and to imitate occasionally. I love you so much! Lauren, you are precious and I love you and little Autumn so much. I'm proud of you. It's been great to be a part of your life for so long now, its been amazing to watch you grow into this amazing Godly woman. You amaze me!!

Something else God taught me this weekend is going to him in the proper manner. My pastor back home spoke Sunday morning about the Lord's Supper and coming to the table with a clean heart. He talked about the way Simon Peter, James, John and Judas came to the table and how we need to avoid such things. Nice little conviction for me... So Simon Peter came with a spirit of arrogance thinking he was so much better than some of those other guys, as if he were Godlier or something. I'll admit there has been a time or two that I have thought my own sin wasn't so bad because well so and so wasn't exactly being Godly either. Wow...what was I thinking? Seriously. I need to come to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and not try to weight my sin as less just because I want to make myself feel better about it. It's natural though, is it not? So then there is James & John who came with spiritual ignorance. I'm pretty sure I probably come with spiritual ignorance every time. Wow really, I can't recall the last time I picked up my bible was. Here I sit writing being blatently honest partially not wanting to because I feel as if many of you will judge me as you read this, but I frankly don't care. I would rather be honest than to try to make myself look better just so that people think I'm doing fine. (reason I've recently switched churches). So here I sit Sunday morning ready to go before the Lord with arrogance and spiritual ignorance, lets see if I can go ahead and be like Judas too. So then there is Judas at the table with vengeance. Here he is ready to turn Christ in for what? To make himself look better maybe? I don't know if any of us will really know. But the fact is that Judas stabbed Christ in the back and went away from him. I don't feel as though I really do this to Christ, but who knows. So as I sit there in my seat I realize that I better get my heart right before I take of Christ. My heart is broken now, Christ has caught my attention. I know that I will still struggle but I want to change, I wanna get back on track. I want God to move me.

Then there is my own spiritual awakening. Roommates. So we all know how the roommate thing goes, sometimes its really hard to have them. There are days you come home and you look at the dishes and you just wanna puke because you wonder why the crap no on else seems to ever do the dishes. Maybe even why the trash is never taken out, the kitty litter never emptied, the carpet never vacuumed, peoples crap always left out...but then if you think about it, how many times is it you that didn't take the trash out when it was overflowing? Or you avoided the dishes because you just don't want to do them because you are tired. I thought about it and one time a friend of mine suggested this be a test of marriage. So I think about my house now as if I lived with my husband. And although I am sure I would be irritated that he never did the dishes I would find joy in being able to serve him by cleaning up his dishes. It's funny that when its the one you will be married to you want to serve them the best that you can. So why is it that we have such a hard time serving our roommates in the same manner? Perhaps its the selfish desires of our evil hearts. I wish so badly I could be more like Christ in the fact that he is 100% self-less. He never thinks oh I shall wash the dishes today because hopefully tomorrow they will. Oh wait, he just does it because he loves the other person so much. So here's to me trying harder to be selfless when my selfish desires want to have myself taken care of just as much as I want to serve others. May I be better at serving those around me. And with that today I want to commit to being a better roommate, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and a Godlier woman in general. May I challenge you all to do the dishes for your roommates not because they won't get done unless you do them but because you want to serve them by doing that. I honestly find so much joy in cleaning the house when I know its driving Lexy nuts because I know she is busy with work. I don't care so much about my own room, but something about doing the dishes and taking out the trash and vacuuming is fun for me because I know that Lexy is stressed out enough. I love you Alexis!!!

Now with all that being serious I must share a funny story with you all. Last night I drove out to Euless to see Jon D. and a funny thing happened to me. I got there and he told me where to park and flagged me upstairs to the 3rd floor. I wasn't listening completely as I was trying to park, take my IPOD out, etc. So I hear something about the one on the left. So I get up to the 3rd floor and I walk into the first door on the left. That's right, I just walk in...I always have with Jon plus he just saw me so I know its cool. So I walk in and the first door I see is shut so I turn to my left and I see a bed that looks like Jons old comforter. So I walk in the room and there is some strange guy sitting at his desk and I think to myself, "thats not Jon or Don, who is it?" I continue my journey to find Jon by heading to the kitchen and some woman is standing there cooking..."oh crap, im in some strangers apartment". I turn around and walk out the front door glancing back into the room seeing that the guy has now turned and is faced towards me. I let the door shut thinking it will be quiet since it obviously was when I walked in, but no it slams. So i dart down the hall to the next left. Holy crap, are you kidding me? I was in someones apartment and they didn't even notice. I so could have been shot or something, but nope they didn't even realize I was in their place.

Well sorry this post was so long, but I had a lot on my mind. I love you all, and if you made it this far I'm proud. You should leave a comment so that I know you actually read it all...no really leave a comment, they make me smile. It can be your special way of "serving" me...dang it, there I am with my selfish desires!

kind of frustrated. i need to learn that when i come home its highly unlikely that i will hang out with people my age. i might as well get over the fact that nearly everytime i come home i have all these great plans to see all my friends and it never happens. so why the crap do i do it everytime i come home? from now my home is family time. maybe i'll go out occasionally, but i sure as hell am not making plans again.

"How can you deny God while holding a new born child, it's a miracle" -Grandpa Scott
 

This is me with Precious Autumn Grace Reeves. Isn't she beautiful? She was born 8/8/05 at 4:41pm. She is 6lbs., 13oz, 20in. long. I love her!!! 

This is me & Lexy drinking the picture she gave me. AMAZING! Happy graduation to me! 

So this is me with Lauren, too bad I could pass as pregnant too. Wow, maybe it's time I loose some weight... 

So yesterday at work one of the guys was a little rude to me and I'm not sure if I am hurt by what he said or not. I was sitting there at my desk and he walked up to me to let me know I looked like crap. He didn't say it nearly as nice. So after telling me how bad I looked he decided to insist that I must have a really low self-esteem. Then he continued talking about how I must hate life and my how parts of my life prove that I have a low self-esteem. Then he tells me that I don't deserve to get married and that no man would marry me anyway. Then he tells me that God wouldn't let me have kids because that would be ruining society. This coming from a man who doesn't love the Lord, right...cuz I really think he knows what the Lord wants. Oh irritation was mine. How badly I wanted to just punch him in the face. Praise God I am done with that crappy job come Thursday. Seriously the men at that place can be so rude. I will never like another car dealor for the rest of my life...no seriously. I don't trust them at all and they treat people like crap. What a learning experience that has been.

Now onto something else that's bugging me. I've began to understand exactly why a lot of peopel never go to church. Why go somewhere that you feel you are judged the second you walk through the door? Or feel as if no one cares for you to be there? Or even where some people hate you, perhaps even someone who is helping lead worship? A place where you feel alone amongst 100's of people. A place where you sit alone in the back and only the pastor acknowledges you, which might I say I do love. Even your so called friends don't talk to you. Somedays it's hard for me to want to be a Christian at all. Why is it so hard to find a good church home where you feel you belong? I wish so badly that I could go to Green Acres or Denton Bible, but that's not offered in Lubbock, TX. So I guess if you want you can pray for me to find a place where I feel that I belong. Anyway, thats enough detail. And I am tired so I'm off to bed.

This is the rest of our pets, and this is Domino... 

And this is Thomas... 

And this is Jake at the park, he is laying down you just can't tell in the picture.  

So this is a glimpse of our household. Here lies Stinky in the tub, Sibbie on the edge and Emma peaking over the side. With 6 pets we are always entertained by their odd behavior. And this week we have a guest dog visiting aka we're dog sitting. So needless to say most of are extra time is spent watching these "kids".

Today Lauren had another appointment and little Autumn now weights 6lbs. 3oz. Oh boy, oh boy, I can't wait till she is born. The doctors told her she will be induced August 9th or 11th. So be praying for her. I can't wait to see precious little Autumn. And speaking of babies, I can't wait to see my sisters little "peanut". I got to see her this weekend and she has a tiny pooch, no bigger than my natural pooch. But theres a baby in hers and not mine. So cute.

So I don't really have much to say. I am headed for Dallas this weekend and its going to be a bit of a hectic trip. I fly in tonight then head to Denton, then tomorrow night I get to drive to Willspoint then to Tyler after that. Then from Tyler back to Dallas Sunday, then catch a flight out of there back to here. Insanity I tell you. But I get to see one of my dearest friends get married, wahoo! And I get to see my beautiful pregnant sister, wahoo! Plus I get to see my parents whom I love a lot. So thats all fun.

So in the next 3 days my friend Alexis shall have a little baby girl, Amelia. Then any day now it's possible that Lauren may have a c-section to have precious baby, Autumn. Because of Laurens small size if at any appointment she goes to the doctor feels they need to get the baby for Laurens own health they will. Autumn is growing and is at a healthy enough state to be born early. Lauren has 3 appointments a week so any day I could get called to tell me she was born, how exciting! But there is the possibility that this may not occur for some time now. Autumn isnt "due" till August 22nd. Anyway, I am so excited about all these little babies coming. Especially since I will be an aunt come Janruary. WAHOO!

Stolen from Emily, thanks.

10 bands(musicians) I've been listening to lately
01: the beach boys
02: incubus
03: 50 cent
04: george strait
05: jessica simpson
06: ella fitzgerald
07: howie day
08: gavin degraw
09: martina mcbride
10: coldplay

09 things I look forward to
01: heaven
02: graduation
03: a real job
04: marriage
05: sex
06: being an aunt
07: seeing laurens baby when its born in a month
08: my roommates being back
09: my friends being back in lubbock

8 things I like to wear
01: flip flops
02: comfy shorts
03: my ring
04: chapstick
05: chandelier earrings
06: tshirts
07: jeans
08: socks to bed

07 things that annoy me
01: lubbock drivers
02: skinny people who think they are fat
03: fat people who show too much skin
04: headaches
05: stereotypical sorority girls
06: high pitch voices
07: people who interrupt others when they are talking

06 things I love
01: jesus
02: my family
03: kisses
04: Dr. Pepper
05: margaritas
06: good mexican food

05 things I do everyday
01: poop
02: call my mom
03: play with the cats
04: check my email, blog, xanga, facebook, and myspace
05: wake up/go to sleep

04 people I want to spend more time with
01: lauren & baby autumn
02: mystery man
03: my family
04: sarah crim

03 movies i could watch over and over again
01: simply irresistable
02: super troopers
03: the incredibles

2 of my favorite songs at the moment
01: collide by howie day
02: just a little bit by 50 cent

i made a random trip home today and now i have random things to say:
- my dog is nuts!!! she carries a mouth full of food from her bowl to underneath the dining room table where she spits it out and then eats it piece by piece
- my parents are amazing!!
- my family makes me laugh a lot!
- driving home isn't that bad of a drive
- i can't wait to live in dallas again
- i havent seen the really cool man from seymour in a long time and i saw him today
- i listened to cassettes on the way back
- bowling is so much fun, i dont know why i dont do it more

I just finished reading "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper, it was a really good book. I don't know exactly how I feel about his actual experience in Heaven. I learned a lot about the power of prayer though, and I don't think I ever realized just how powerful it is. At one point Don is talking about how hard it was for him to eat and it was at that time that I began to understand just what my Grandma was going through when she gave up eating and it made me understand it more. I realize how much her condition sucked and how much pain she was in, and taht at her age it just was too hard to keep on trying to live when she had Heaven to look forward to. This book really taught me a lot about death & dying. It also sparked an interest in me to counsel in the medical field after seeing the depression Don suffered due to his trauma. Anywho, it was a fabulous book and i suggest you read it...I also suggest you grab a kleenex box if you choose to read it, because I cried several times through out the book.

Well, its official I am moved into the new house and out of the old one. I'm so glad I'm done moving and everything is over with. I still have a lot of unpacking to do, but its cool because I love it here. I've got most of the easy stuff done with, but I can't get to some stuff till I hang my shelves and get the book shelf I'm painting back into the house. Then I have a few boxes to unpack that I'm really not looking forward to because we just took everything and dumped it into those boxes because I was in a hurry it get out of my old house. Anyway, so I'm moved now...wahoo! I have the best roommates in the world. Come visit me...

My sisters little peanut...


So it's official, here's proof that I'm going to be an aunt. Look how precious that little Bush is, oh I can't wait to be an aunt. I'm gonna seriously be the world's best aunt, and I will spoil the crap out of that little one. Oh how precious...a tear!

Well I've decided that I'm going to walk for graduation after all because I realized that I am very Tech proud. I am a proud Red Raider! I saw a friend's graduation pictures and something about that black gown and the red tassel that made me just wanna go for it. If I would have graduated in May I wouldn't have walked because the ceremony would have been way too long for me, but August shouldn't be bad and I'm definately pretty proud of myself...I can't believe I survived college. I like that I'm confident that I will do well in my math and english class this summer. Well I just thought I'd let you all know I plan to walk August 6th, wahoo!!!

Okay so I've been told I needed to update, but I don't really know what to talk about. I went home this weekend for my friend Liz's lingerie shower and bachelorette party, it was pretty fun. We went to Dick's Last Resort where pretty much everyone there was celebrating the same thing. Funny thing happened to me there too...we went downstairs because Liz wanted to dance and I was standing there not dancing because I don't dance. And I glance over and see this girl who looks familiar...she keeps staring at me then whispering to her friends and then staring at me some more with these evil glares of hatred...suddenly it clicks 'Michelle Darby'. She hated me in high school because I was friends with her boyfriend, and by hate I mean like wanted me dead kind of hate. Funny how her and Tony aren't together anymore and me & Tony are friends again...haha. She is a prime example of why I hate going back home when I go, I'd rather not see people like her.

The rest of my weekend was spent just hanging out with my family. I helped my dad take the hard-top off his car and I went shopping with my mom. We ate at one of my favorite Mexican restraunts and one of my favorite Italian restraunts. My mom cooked one of my new favorites meals...steak, baked potatoes and sauted mushrooms. YUMMY! My mom is by far the best cook in the entire world. I was suppose to see Britt this weekend but I didn't which kind of sucked and I didn't get to see Chelsey either...and I didn't get to go to DBC either. Oh well, it was a good weekend.

I am trying to pack so that I can move, but I got sick while i was home...thanks to my mom. So everytime I go to pack a box I start wheezing really bad and have to sit down again. This could be a very long packing process. It would help if my room was cleaned out so I could start moving stuff over there and getting that crap out of my way to finish packing...argh! Anyway, thats it for me.

So this is daddy's new miata, isn't it so cute? Man I love it most of the time, but after stalling at intersections I truly hate the car.  

Please be in prayer for my dear friend Lauren. Lauren is expecting a little girl in August, her name is Autumn. Autumn weighs 2lbs. 1 ounce and she's growing strong, but Lauren has already started having contractions. A couple of days ago when she went to the doctors she was having too many contractions so the doctor has put her on medication and she is currently chilling at home gettings lots and lots of rest. Lauren is a busy girl who normally runs around a lot, but this summer she will be spending lots of time resting. Please pray for her, Josh & Autumn as they go through this time. Pray that Lauren will get plenty of rest and that the contractions will become few and far between. Pray that Autumn will continue to grow healthy and strong. Pray for the family as they prepare to move into a new house soon. I would appreciate the prayers for her. I love her dearly and I want to see only the absolute best for her. Thanks!

So I'm reading the book "Captivating" by John & Stasi Elderedge and yesterday I finished the Chapter called "Romanced". Bubble bath, champagne & candles...what better way to be romanced by Jesus than that. My roommate and her boyfriend had just finished going outside for cheese, fruit & wine. I thought about it for a minute and realized how I love summer nights and how romantic that would be for me. Then I realized I had champagne and I had candles and I can never resist the temptation to take a bubble bath so I let Jesus romance me by deciding that surfing the net wasn't nearly as enjoyable as focusing my mind on Christ and spending my free time with Him. I lay there thinking to myself how incredible it is that He loves me as much as He does, and He truly does desire to romance me. He whispers sweet things to me all the time and He sends me glimpses of His beauty that He knows will put a smile on my face. As stated so perfectly in the book: "He knows what takes your breath away, knows what makes your heart beat faster". For me thats usually apart of nature...a sunset, a shooting star, the peacock opening its feathers, a lightning storm...each of those He has sent my way to romance me. Such things truly put a smile on my face. One of the last things I read in the chapter was "Getting time with your Lover is worth whatever it costs" and thats when I realized this past weekend in all that I had to do I took time away from my day to make sure I saw Cody and that hit me hard as I read that. Wow, I was willing to do whatever it cost me to spend time with Cody, but I am not that way with Christ...OUCH! So last night it was Christ who I wanted to be romantic with, it was Christ who whispered sweet nothings to me.

"How beautiful you are, my darling." SOS 1:15

"You are the one that overwhelms his heart with just 'one glance of your eyes' (Song. 4:9b). You are the one he sings over with delight and longs to dance with across mountaintops and ballroom floors (Zeph. 3:17). You are the one who takes his breath away by your beautiful heart that, against all odds, hopes in him. " Captivating, by John & Stasi Elderedge

So after not being able to announce this for a few days now, I can finally say "MY SISTER IS HAVING A BABY!!!!!!" I had to wait for her to tell the family, but now everyone knows so it's all good to go. I'm gonna be an aunt in 9 months, insane! Oh I'm so excited! I'm so happy for my sister & her hubby. And I'm so excited about this baby. 

So this is me and my new roommates...But this is definately 2 years ago. Oh how I love my Lexy & Marzipan!!! 

So this weekend me, Lexy & Marzi hopped into the car and road tripped it to Amarillo. We left early Saturday afternoon to get there so we could hang out with Chris a lot. We had fun in the car, and we definately walked down memory lane and back a couple times...it was good! We got there and we went shopping at a few places, then we went to dinner at Bennigan's. Wahoo! Although, they changed up my favorite meal and it wasn't served on a pretzel but on bread...how dumb! After dinner we went back to the house where I got ready for Brad & Ashley's wedding, she was gorgeous! The wedding was good, I went to the reception but had to leave right after Brad & Ashley got there because I was ready to go be back with the girls. We then ended up going to Midnight Rodeo to meet up with Chris's son, Cody. We had an absolute blast at Midnight, although I didn't dance at all. Marzi wanted me to dance and she was pulling me off my stool when the stool fell over on my toe, OUCH! By the way, today my toe is black and blue and it hurts like no other. After the rodeo, we went to IHOP at 2am and were there till nearly 4am...seriously, a long ole meal. IHOP was full of drama which made it so much fun. Plus we're fun and we have a blast no matter what we're doing. After IHOP we just crashed, we definately didn't have the engery to do anything else. This morning we woke up pretty late, and I went and crawled in bed with Chris & Lexy and we just talked for awhile. Seriously, Chris is one of the most amazing women I've ever met. She reminds me a lot of my own mother so it was nice to get to spend Mother's Day with her. So after laying in Chris's bed for some time we finally got up and got ready...and off to Texas Roadhouse we went for Mother's Day. We wouldn't let Chris pay so I treated everyone to steaks...yummy! We left Amarillo near 4, although NONE of us wanted to leave and Chris & Cody didn't want us to leave either. I seriously could move in with that woman and probably have fun everyday for the rest of my life. Well I had a blast and hanging out with Lexy & Marissa was wonderful and brought back so many memories. We have experienced so much together, and I cherish the friendship I share with both of them. I love you Lexy & Marzi, can't wait for the next road trip.

my life is so boring that i have nothing to post about, and this was on adams blog so i feel like i just want you all to get to know me even better...the last one just didn't do me justice:)

Formalities:
Name: Jana Bush
Born on : April 17th, 1983
Birthplace: Lewisville Hospital...Coppell, TX
Current Location: Lubbock, TX (soon to be in my rearview mirror)
Eye Color: Bright blue
Hair Color: Combo...dash of brown, little blonde here and a lot there.
Height: 5'8"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: anything white, no really: scotish, english...and a little Indian

Personal Info:
Your Weakness: I'm a great pessimist!
Your Fears: being alone, having a tanning bed shut all the way, getting stuck in a walk-in freezer
Your Perfect Pizza: papa johns sausage with garlic sauce...mmm!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: GRADUATE!!!
Your Most Overused Phrase: "my tummy hurts"
Thoughts First Waking Up: snoozing a little longer won't hurt me plus i gotta get back to that tremendous dream
Your Best Physical Feature: my booty
Your Bedtime: umm pretty late, do people have set bedtimes? seriously?
Your Most Missed Memory: running around with lexy...parks, spoons, icing the cake, a tear!
Pepsi or Coke: pepsi i guess.
MacDonalds or Burger King: neither, but thanks for asking...
Single or Group Dates: groups intimidate me and i shy down, im much better in a one-on-one situation
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: i hate tea...
Chocolate or Vanilla: oh vanilla all the way.
Cappuccino or Coffee: french vanilla cappuccino (oh i miss cappy!)
Do you Swear: not me, never...oh wait, i need some soap for my mouth
Do you Sing: yah in my car and at work and all the time, now if your asking if i'm good...thats a big fat NO!
Do you Shower Daily: seems to me as if i do, i seem to always be drying this fro of mine
Have you Been in Love: what i thought was love in 9th grade, haha.
Do you want to go to College: umm, nah...college is way overrated.
Do you want to get Married: umm, need we ask?
Do you belive in yourself: what was my biggest weakness? pessimism perhaps. yah i guess sometimes i do...
Do you get Motion Sickness: if im reading then yes
Do you think you are Attractive: i dont think im ugly...
Are you a Health Freak: not even close
Do you get along with your Parents: most of the time
Do you like Thunderstorms: only when im not alone
Do you play an Instrument: recorder, trying to play my guitar

In the past month have you...
Drank Alcohol: i did celebrate my birthday this month
Smoked: eek, heck no.
Been on Drugs: umm see above
Gone on a Date: hahahahaha
Gone to the Mall: umm yah, im a girl arent i?
Eaten a box of Oreos: well not a whole box, but i have eaten oreos
Eaten Sushi: umm no thanks
Been on Stage: i act like the center of attention all the time, does that count?

Have you...
Been Dumped: oh of course i have
Gone Skinny Dipping: nope
Stolen Anything: i use to be a clepto once upon a time

Have you ever...
Been Drunk: i would say so
Been called a Tease: yah actually
Been Beaten up: threaten but never beaten
Shoplifted: is this the same as that stolen anything question?

Later in Life
How do you want to Die: snoozing
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: umm since i grow up in august, ask me again then.
What country would you most like to Visit: France

What I want in a boy...
Eye Color: doesnt matter
Hair Color: doesnt matter
Short or Long Hair: doesnt matter
Height: 6' or taller
Weight: umm, i dont know how much boys are suppose to weigh.
Build: average or athletic
Best Clothing Style: as long as they look good it doesnt matter to me

Other Crap...
Number of CDs I own:100 or so
Number of DVDs I own: 120
Number of Piercings: 2 (my ears)
Number of Tattoos: zilch
Number of things in my Past I Regret: ive learned to not regret my past

Firsts:
First job: Old Navy
First screen name: chiquitabear
First funeral: Papaw...4th grade I think.
First pet: it was a pom...don't recall its name
First piercing/tattoo: my ears:)
First credit card: Capital One
First real kiss: Justin Keene
First love: oh you know...no one!
First enemy: the michelle's
First favorite musician: Ace of Base
Lasts:
Last car ride: Wal-Mart trip with Justin & Ashley
Last kiss: Nathan, haha
Last movie watched: Van Wilder
Last beverage drank: Mocha Java Shake
Last food consumed: Velvetta Shells
Last time showered: 5 minutes ago
Last CD played: Usher Confessions
Last website visited: myspace...im addicted to that & facebook
Now:
Single or Taken: single!
Birthday: April 17th, 83...I'm 22 now!
Sign: Aries
Siblings: My wonderful sister, Nic-oli
Hair color: the bottle said "Cinnamon Chocolate"
Eye color: blue!
Shoe size: 8-8 1/2
Height: 5'8"

Right now what are you:
Wearing: a towel, haha!
Drinking: nada
Thinking about: getting ready for work, I HEART MY JOB!

So I forgot that I had posted this picture...I posted it so some people could take a vote on if this sshould be the one I used for my application. I have to send a picture in. Anyway, so this is me at my birthday dinner with my family at County Line. My mom just really wanted to take a picture of me, guess it's cuz I'm so darn photogenic.

Happy Birthday To Me!! Well it's officially my birthday, I'm not 22 until 3:03 am but by the time most of you read this it will be past that time for sure. I've been celebrating since Thursday and I've been having a blast. Thursday night I went out with my girls and had me a good ole time. Amazing! Then Friday my mom came in town and we hung out for the day and then late last night my friend Chelsey & Heather came into town and we went out. Today we went shopping, ate at Spanky's and cooked out at the house. Then after dinner we played some games, they were fun. So far I've gotten a new outfit, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 belts, and a Target giftcard. All of which I really like. Wahoo for birthdays, I can't believe I'm 22...

Well here's the official shirt...mind you it will be in putty and on a dark brown shirt:) Want one? Let me know by Sunday night. 

This is my fro...I'm considering it as my new look, what do you think? No Jason I will not wear my hair like this to work... 

Okay so here's my tshirt design, would you be interested in one? Because I called the lady today and the tshirt will be made soon, but I need to find out how many. So if you want one leave the size and I will make sure to order you one, the max cost would be 6.50 but the bigger the order the cheaper it gets. Instead of the writing being white, it will be a putty color and the shirt is a dark brown. For those of you that own the midnight tshirt, it will be that color. You have till Sunday night to let me know...

So today I registered for my summer classes, my last two classes at Texas Tech University. Weird. Can you believe it's been 4 years already? I sure can't. So I have 4 months to live it up before I leave this place, what shall I do? I actually made a list of things I wanna go do before I leave Lubbock, some of them many of you wouldn't understand because they are more of childhood memories. So here's the list I've made so far...
1) Go to the science spectrum.
2) Go to Apple Country.
3) Learn to drive a stick.
4) Go to the drive-in.
5) Eat at County Line.
6) Savor those places that don't exist anywhere else like Cilantro's & Bahama Buck's.
7) Go country dancin'.
8) Camping!
9) Go horseback riding.
I'm sure there are many more but for now that's all I can think of. Last night I played bball with Ashley and I had a blast. We played a game of Horse in which she won, but then we played two more rounds "Elephant" and "Kangaroo" and I won both, go me! By the way I suck at bball so how I won is really a mystery to me. I had a blast hanging out over at my neighbors house last night playing bball with the guys and Ashley, not the typical activity for myself. Then I went out with Katie, Spencer & Matt and I had a good ole time with them as well. Life is good, couldn't ask for better. Next weekend my mom and best friend will be in town and I'm so stinkin' excited. Whoa, I'll be 22 in 9days....weird.

This is my friend Ashley's greyhound, this dog can run freakin' fast. I like wanna watch a bunch of them race now...it's seriously incredible. And this dog is amazing, he was so sweet and wanted lots of attention.  

This is us after Jill's shower, we went to Friday's and hung out. I love these girls. I'm so excited for Jill & Tyler. Yay! 

I WENT TO THE PETTING ZOO TODAY!!!!!! And yes that is probably really how excited I am about it, I mean like jump for joy excited. Yes, I am a dork! So here's for the story: Last year everytime me or Emily passed the petting zoo we would call each other out of excitement, but never made it. So the other day I'm driving along and I see the petting zoo so I call Emily...turns out, Emily is going to be in Lubbock on Thursday. TODAY IS THURSDAY, so guess what that means? That's right me & Emily went to the petting zoo! I don't think anyone else could have understood how badly I wanted to go, so it was only right for me to be able to go with her...kind of like God allowed such a great thing to happen. We got to pet them and feed them, and I could have rode a camel had I wanted, but I resisted. There was a camel to ride, then just a regular camel, then a one-humped camel (Camelus Dromedarius), a pot belly pig, a GIANT tortuous, a bunch of goats that lick you lots, 2 llamas, an emu, some cow looking something or anothers, a zebra, wallabies (look like kangaroos to me), a jack rabbit/kangaroos mix looking thing...OH AMAZING! I heart my life! Anyway, I'll post pictures later because I'm going back because my stupid camera was broken, argh!

So I haven't posted in awhile because I don't really feel like anyone but my sister and cousin reads this, and because my life really for the most part only consists of work & school. I have realized recently that I only have 4 mos. till I graduate which is a bit weird to me. It's a lot different than it was when I graduated from high school, now I'm kind of having to figure out something to do with my life. Although I'm still going to pursue further education I really do have to buckle down and figure out what it is I will do with my life. Today I realized that this may be the end of Lubbock, TX for me and this place has so many memories for me. Not only college memories but life long memories of visiting Grandparents and many holidays spent here. Not to say that I won't be back, but I think my sister has only been a back a couple times and it's only been because of me or because of a family death so I don't really feel like I'll be back here...can't decide if it's sad or not. There will be a lot I will miss, but West Texas isn't my flavor especially windy days like yesterday where you can barely stand up. West Texas weather is definately not something I enjoy, I love that one day it was 80 and the very next day it was snowing. Random thoughts for now...

After driving home and seeing cute little cowboys all over the place, I've decided that a city boy with a cowboy's heart who loves the Lord is the most irresistable man alive. I could never live in the country, but something about the cowboy just makes my heart do flips inside. I've always loved men in trucks & guys that play the guitar but then if you take a glimpse at George Strait you'd understand why the cowboy is so cute. Okay now you've got a glimpse into just how nutty I am...maybe it's all part of this country music kick I'm on. I've always loved country and always will, but lately I can't seem to turn it off...sooo good!!! Anyway, I love my life.

I love this quote by Ben Frasier in Blast From the Past, kind of makes me think about God with my life... "im asking you to trust me with out understanding why".

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I hope you're wearing green today, or you deserved to be pinched...thats just the honest truth. Well I drove to Denton yesterday morning, and here's a few things I got from the road.
1) Women should know how to drive a truck before they are allowed to operate one.
2) Truck (18-wheelers) drivers need to pay more attention to the road before the nearly kill someone like me.
3) Cowboys are way cute.
4) How could anyone in the world look at all that God has created and not be directed towards Him? Seriously.
5) If someone pulls up behind you, get over so they can pass you...otherwise you're just a jerk. (i really hate getting stuck behind someone going 15 under and they wont get out of your way)
6) Stay at a constand speed or at least with a mile or two. (some jerk passed me going at lest 10 over me, then i passed him going at least 10 faster then him...at least 5 x's...so annoying!)
Anyway, I got to Denton where I changed then hopped back into the car to head to Tyler. We went to Tyler to surprise me sister for her 26th Birthday, she was surprised thats for sure. It was so wonderful to get to see her, I miss her lots and lots and lots. I bought her the game 'Apples to Apples' so we played it last night which was fun. I think me & my sister laughed nearly the entire game. I had a good time in Tyler, but I definately didn't get to spend enough time with my sister.

Today we drove back to Denton which was tiring, we got stuck in traffic because it was switching from two lanes to one on a highway (dumb construction). I mention to my mom that it would be awesome if an 18-wheeler blocked the left lane so people couldnt keep trying to get ahead of everyone and just wait like the rest of us...and before you know it one does. It was seriously amazing! He pulled over just a little and some wrecker still passed him, so as a truck tried to pass him, he pulled over all the way cutting the truck off...go him! I ran some errands today and here in a little bit I'm going to dinner with my friend Johnny while my parents have some dinner party here. It's been good, but definately short.

Ain't it just like one of us to pick up the phone and call after a couple of drinks
And say "How've you been" and wonderin' that maybe you've been thinkin' 'bout me
And somewhere in the conversation an old familiar invitation always arrives
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

Everyone's known someone that they just can't help but want
And even though they just can't make it work out, well the ones who lingers on.
So once again we wind up in each other's arms, pretending that it's right
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

I know it's wrong,
But it ain't easy moving on.
So why can't two friends remember the good times once again?

Tomorrow when I wake up, I'll be feeling a little guilty, a little sad.
Thinkin' how it used to be before everything went bad.
I guess that's what it is and late night calls like this that we try to find
And I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.
And I may hate myself in the morning,
But I'm gonna love you tonight...

whoa these lyrics are all too familiar to way too many people. how many times have you done something one night and woke up the next day and thought maybe that wasnt my smartest decisions...oh well! lessons learned right?

It's snowing! It's snowing! I'm sitting here in my nice warm house staring out the window watching the snow cocme down. Although its not sticking it's still way beautiful and I'm loving it. Although I would really really enjoy not having to spend my Spring Break indoors. I'd love to be chilling in the hammock with a book in one hand and bahama bucks in the other. I'd rather be wlaking the dog at the park while allowing him to chase the ducks. I'd way rather be able to play frisbee with Lexy & Marzi, but since it's snowing I'll enjoy it while I can. If it would stick I'd really be able to enjoy it, I'd probably be out playing in it. Perhaps dancing in the snow would be really fun...hmm.

My new hair color...actually its lighter now 

Me and three of my kids! Oh how I love my kids, too bad I'm looking a little rought. Marcus, Liz & Brandon...I love you three!!

We stand and lift up our hands
For the joy of the Lord is our strength
We bow down and worship Him now
How great, how awesome is He

Truly, how great how awesome is He? Although my life is sucking it up pretty bad right now I can find hope: For the joy of the Lord is my strength!!! These past couple days have been a little rough for me but God provides me with the strength I need to get through these hard times and he's also provided me with some truly incredible friends. Last night Liz drove out to see me because she knew that I needed to be loved on and it meant the world to me, because by no means is it a short drive and she needed to sleep but she sacrificed her own selfish desires to be there for me...what an angel. And then we grabbed Ali and headed to IHOP so we could all love on each other. Tonight Brandon showed me yet again how wonderful he is when he dropped everything to rescue his dumb "mother" who doesn't know how to change a tire and who was rather stressed out about the situation. Although Brandon had his own troubles to worry about he stopped in his tracks to take care of me. What selfless friends I have. I called Steph crying tonight after getting really stressed out and she just listened then left me tons of really fun and sweet messages on my AIM and that made me smile. Man I seriously have the most incredible friends, and I couldn't ask for any better than them. Brandon, Liz & Steph, the three of you mean the world to me and these past couple of weeks I've learned what true friends really look like I love you three so stinkin' much! I'd run to the end of the earth and back for you...don't ever hesitate to let me take care of y'all like y'all do for me.

More Chris Tomlin for you:

Great is Your faithfulness, oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters into mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
YOUR GRACE IS ENOUGH!!! (do we believe those words?)

I think there are so many people hurting right now, it seems that everyone is going through something painful and I feel as if I've been selfish about wanting someone to comfort me when there are tons of people that need my love too. There is some serious heartache going on in the lives of those around me. I've seen my friends cry, I've seen my friends loose sleep to help others, I've seen my friends loose a loved one or a dear friend, I've seen my friends turn to the wrong thing to find a way out, I've seen my friends parents loose their jobs, I've seen the breakups, I've seen the stress & anxiety, I've seen the broken hearts all around me...Lord come down and help us to persevere because only with your strength Lord will we be able to. Lord I pray for everyone that's heart is broken and I pray that you would begin to mend those broken hearts. I pray for the families who are dealing with a loss of some kind whether it be finacially or because of a death, but help those families to get on their feet again and walk in your path.

I leave you with one last Chris Tomlin song:

What can take a dying man and raise him up to life again?
What can heal a wounded soul?
What can make us white as snow?
What can fill the emptiness?
What can mend our brokeness? Brokeness.
Mighty awesome, wonderful is the holy cross
Where the Lamb laid down His life to lift us from the fall
Mighty is the power of the cross
What restores our faith in God?
What reveals the Father's love?
What can lead the wayward home?
What can melt a heart of stone?
What can free the guilty ones?
What can save and overcome? Overcome.
Its a miracle to me, It's still a mystery.
Its a miracle to me, the power of God for those who believe

Well pray for my family please, my Great Uncle or the cousin belows Grandpa died today. I love my cousin a lot and I know how he feels because I was in his spot what seems to me as yesterday. The death is a reminder to me of the own death of my Grandma. I shall be going home Sunday night or Monday morning for the memorial so be praying for that too. I really just wanna be with my cousin and hug him and let him know I love him because he means the world to me. Thanks


me & timothy

went and saw hitch tonight, it was good. i got to hang out with all 5 of my kids at one time...that was wonderful! I got to sit between my two girls and then Matthew was on the other side of Liz. Umm, I heart Lizzie's laugh and when we both start laughing oh it's fun. So I'm proud of myself, I went to the movies by myself...not a normal thing for me, I have such a weird complex about showing up places alone...but I DID IT! Afterwards everyone was going to Taco Bell but I decided to head home, but I didn't tell anyone. I know this is stupid, but sometimes I do that because I wanna know if anyone will actually notice if I'm gone...yes, I have issues. Need to work on that too. But my babies either noticed or they just wanted me to come to IHOP real bad. And although IHOP is my favorite place I decided to be the mother and come home and sleep so that I can wake up for church. I laughed lots in Hitch, it was good! I forget how expensive movies are in Lubbock, tonight was possibly the last time I see a movie for awhile.

now a continuation of last nights post. Steph, what a sweetheart and a girl who is completely running after God's desire for her life and someone who teaches me new things about God nearly everyday. Wow, Steph you amaze me as I've got to see you change over the last couple years. Marcus, that boy directed me to scripture when my heart was in the wrong place...what a stud! Ali, the girl gives me insight to the new things God is teaching her everyday. Matthew, his desire to see the true meaning of the scripture encourages me. I know there are still many more of you that I can say great things about and in time I will. I love you all so very much especially my 5 little childrens: Lizzie, Brandon, Ali, Matthew & Marcus!!!

Unfortunately there has been a lot of death going on in the last couple of weeks which has made me very appreciative for my own life and the live's of those around me. It's also had me thinking a lot about my own life. How much time do I spend wasting worrying about tomorrow when I should concern myself with today? I mean obviously I need to make sure that I start looking for somewhere to go in August when I graduate, and stuff like that. So what am I doing today that could further the Kingdom of Heaven? What would people say about me if I were to die today? I was reading Whitney's blog today about her daddy and I was just thinking I wonder if people could say some of those same things about me? How am I glorifying God today? Oh, I love the teachings of our Lord...man life is good.

So what would I say about you and your life? My sister, what a woman of God, one I look up to and aspire to be. A woman in which I admire every last aspect about. My roommate, Alissa, passionate about the rest of the world. My roommate, Renee, also passionate about the rest of the world and good at opening my eyes to what scripture says. Brandon, a stud, man of God who I truly am amazed at when I look at his life. Running after the Lord, pursuing Him with everything in Him and passionate about furthering the Kingdom of Heaven. A good friend and a great leader. Liz, such a sweet spirit, always filling the room with joy, pursuing God and His best for her life and loving her friends. And many more of my friend, I cherish all of my friendships with all of you. I love you a lot and wouldn't trade anything in the world for your friendships. Don't you think I forgot you, more to come tomorrow:)

"Everything is permissible for me"-but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"-but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinithians 6:12

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalms 27:14

Oh how impatient I sometimes am, but in due time God will provide only the best for me. God is so faithful and I am very aware of this especially as of lately. God has shown me so much in these past two months that today I was moved to tears in awe of His amazing love and faithfulness. God is doing so much in my life and the lives of those around me. God is using me in ways I never expected and God is pouring into me in ways I never really expected either.

Punky Brewster
Theme Song

Maybe the world is blind,
Or just a little unkind.
Don't know.

Seems you can't be sure
Of anything anymore.
Although,

You maybe lonely and then,
One day you're smiling again.
Every time I turn around,
I see the girl that turns my world around.
Standing there ...

Everytime I turn around,
Her spirit's lifting me right off the ground.
What's gonna be?
Guess we'll just wait and see.

So last night and today I watched 2 Discs from Season 1 of Punky, and I just love the theme song. The show is great too! Wahoo! Who remembers this wonderful show? Because way too many of my friends never even saw the show...what the heck?!?

Love Love Weekend

This weekend was the Southcrest Sprizzle Rizzle, aka I love love weekend. We talked about the stuff I love most: relationships. Made me even more excited about eventually getting into my future career, can't wait to deal with relationships on a daily basis. We talked about men & womens roles, sex, singleness, marriage, dating, etc. If it had to do with love we covered it! We also talked about doing everything for the glory of God, so how is it that you do everything for the glory of God? Do you glorify God in your friendships? Dating relationships? Marriage? Through Work? At school? heres a good one, and one i should probably work on...through your driving? I learned that no man will ever be Jesus, but where he is lacking Jesus takes over...good to know. There is so much I learned this weekend, not only during the word spoken to us but through new people and through time spent with God. He has a hold of my heart right now and I'm so excited about seeing what He has in store for me. I could talk forever, but I'm so high on life that I wanna talk to people for real not just through this thing. But there's a little update for you.

So in Human Sexuality we have been talking about the issue of homosexuality and well my mind starts whirling as I look at the different theories. It's really hard for me to sit in class and try to take these ideas in with my completely God centered ideology. So there are theories stating that homosexuality may be genetics and also is a psychosocial process. Ultimately if you look at it from a God centered prespective you will see that homosexuality is a sin just like any other sin, so therefore it is a choice. So just as I can choose to start drinking I can choose to participate in the homosexual lifestyle. Why is it that in society we mask alcoholism and homosexuality? Because we have found that if your dad is an alcoholic then it raises your risk to be alcoholic so therefore we almost kind of excuse it as a "disease". Isn't it true that our sin becomes a generational thing? It's biblical. So its a sin we will have to fight, if you find out that your dad is an alcoholic then its at that point that you must make a decision to watch your own lifestyle. So then let's look at homosexuality and how a lot of people would say that they don't know anyone in the rest of the family that are homosexual, which I'm sure it has been an issue before and no one knows about it because it has been so unacceptable till recently. I could probably write over 6 pages on this, but I'm going to try to keep it to the minimal so if my thoughts seem kind of scattered its because my mind is running faster than my hands can type. But here goes it:

In the beginning God created us man and woman. In Genesis 2:18,21, & 24 we see God's purpose in woman being created after man was so he would not be alone. God didn't create another man for Adam but he created a woman, and then in verse 24 God tells us we will leave our father & mother to become one with this person. I am going to go ahead and say that if one of the first things God did was created us to be together he probably wasn't taking that too lightly. In Leviticus 18:22 God talks to Moses about unlawful sexual relations and he tells him not to lie with another man as he would with a woman for it is abomination.

Then there is 1 Corinithians 6:9-20 . In verse 9, we are told not to indulge in such sins as homosexuality, drunkeness, being greedy, etc. (1) Homosexuality is a sin just like all other sins. Alcoholism, if you are were an alcoholic would you give into the sin and drink yourself to death? So why would you indulge yourself in whatever sin it is? So this girl in my class is homosexual and doesn't really see it as a sin. And she feels that if she leaves the lifestyle she will be living a lie so her argrument to use was that if she fails to give into her sin of homosexuality then she is living a lie because she genuinely believes she was born to be homosexual. I will use alcohol as a comparsion again; if you are an alcoholic then you are an alcoholic for life, but just because you give up drinking doesn't mean that your life is a lie. (2) Vs. 11-You can be freed from your sin. (3) Vs. 12-Do not allow yourself to become a slave to your sin. (4) Vs. 15-Your body belongs to God. Vs. 18- You should not sin against your own body. Vs. 20-You must honor God with your body.

Although this post was directed towards homosexuality we must think about our own sin in our lives and allow our selves to be freed from that. I cried in my class today as I heard the opinions of those in my class and realized how lost this world truly is. By no means will being freed from our sins be easy and we will probably struggle with it for some time, but don't be scared because the Lord is willing to free us and He will. I'd write more but I'm going to go hang out with my best friend. I love you all lots!!!

So tonight was an amazing night and all thanks to my new friends and some old. I went and picked up Dayle to go to Sugar Brown's when I had the sudden urge to buy pink saucony's so we went to the mall, unfortunately Journey's was out of the 8 1/2 (God was telling me something). So we headed to SB's for some good ole live music. There was a $2 cover charge that I was unaware of so Jennifer Green spotted me so I could get in the door, what a sweet girl! Abe was playing when we got there, just started I'm sure so I got to enjoy him. After walking around a bit, I was offered a seat next to Jennifer which turned out great. Jordan's roommate looks like Napolean Dynamite and because of this he got on stage and did his few seconds in fame, I laughed lots. (Videod it, but the sound isnt good b/c of too many other noises) Had a blast at Sugar Brown's with all of my wonderful friends. After SB's me & Dayle went to IHOP where we experience something interesting to say the least. First and foremost there are these wonderful high school girls talking really loud and being really stupid. Fatimah walks up to them and they start 20 questions with her, what a patient woman. So shes stating that she's from Malaysia when this girl says "oh middle asia?" And Fatimah gives her the benefit of the doubt and says, "no its under Thailand" but me, I would have said "u idiot, i said Malaysia not Middle Asia" I think me & Dayle laughed about that for awhile. Then these two older men start talking to us, did I say CREEPY older men? I seriously considered calling Brandon at this point and telling him to come save me, but I resisted. So these men keep talking to us although we're rather disinterested, I answer to be polite but put my head down to show extreme disinterest. But they didn't read that and just kept talking to us. He told me I should be in a pagent because of my quick and witty responses. I'm pretty sure the man was drunk, but whatever. Then we went to Wally World because I had to get something and that was entertaining because of Dayle's fear of the place because of the recent Tyler abduction. Had a blast with Dayle, glad we're such great friends now, being seperated at birth was a bit rough though. I'll post pictures tomorrow of tonights fun, but I leave you with words by Dayle(purple writing is all her).

Dayle's Away Message: yay for new southcrest friends at sugar browns and scary drunk men at ihop with jana and napoleon dynamite and the gross creepy man glove in the walmart parking lot and the woman saying "be careful" ... way to freak me out on that one! but no good for shin splints, or the cold foggy thing in the air and having to walk/run to the car parked in china and getting mean looks from a family all wearing mexican ponchos but none being of the hispanic persuasion...hmmm...explain that one!

the new motto: "facebook brings people together" (but it can be a bad thing sometimes!!!)

How would you describe me in one word?

owen3368: your amazing
owen3368: your incredible
owen3368: your stunning
owen3368: your intriguing
owen3368: your captivating

Now James went overboard, but that's to get you started.

If one word doesn't work you could always do a summary:

owen3368: damn, some guy is going to be the king of the world when he gets you

Okay, get on it, i wanna hear opinions!

George Strait was amazing, couldn't have asked for a better night. Although now I am in regret from screaming so much because I can barely breathe. George is the hottest old man alive I think, I hope my hubby is that hot!

I've been wanting to post for several days now but I can't seem to capture all my thoughts. God has been doing so much in my life, and I don't know where to start. God has showed me so much through his word, prayer, and through friends. God has shown me a lot about friendships, his promises, his love, and his faithfulness. Last night Cale accepted Christ and the joy that gives me alone is amazing, to see the love he has for God kind of stops me in my trail. I have just began to get to know Cale, but look forward to getting to know him better. What a joyful picture that paints for me as I think of the Heavens rejoicing. I've been reading through scripture and seeing God fulfilling His promises and getting to see the promises he makes for His children is sweet too. I just stand in awe of everything that my God is to me and for me. I am very thankful for the friendships that are developing in my life right now and couldn't ask for anything better than that. I really can't even begin to express everything that is on my mind right now. God is amazing and I love seeing everything He is doing in my life and the lives of others. While I'm at it, can I just say I'm stoked because my best friend is having a baby! That's right my friend, Lauren is gonna have a baby! Not only that but her & Josh are building a house now too. I love you Lauren and I am so excited for you & Josh!

Here's to an incredible guy...

Last night I got sick and I've been just laying around all day. And this guy came over and brought me a blizzard instead of going to watch a movie with his friends. Now that's a great friend I have. If you take a look at that picture you can have a little glimpse at why I enjoy hanging out with him so much. Not only is he fun, but he's great to talk to. Thanks for everything Brandon, you are great!

Today I was reading my bible and ran across a passage that spoke to me. Genesis 29:31:35 “But because Leah was unloved, the LORD let her have a child, while Rachel was childless. So Leah became pregnant and had a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, ‘The LORD has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me.’ She soon became pregnant again and had another son. She named him Simeon, for she said, ‘The LORD heard that I was unloved and has given me another son.’ Again she became pregnant and had a son. She named him Levi, for she said; ‘Surely now my husband will feel affection for me, since I have given him three sons!’ Once again she became pregnant and had a son. She named him Judah, for she said; ‘Now I will praise the LORD!’ And then she stopped having children.” So let’s look at the meaning of Leah’s son’s names:

1) Reuben- “Look a son” or “He has seen my misery”

2) Simeon- “one who hears”

3) Levi- “being attached” and “feeling affection for”

4) Judah- “praise”

God saw that Leah was miserable because her husband didn’t love her so He showed favor for her by giving her a son, in which she named “he has seen my misery”. Leah hoped that Jacob would love her more now that she had given him a son, but Jacob didn’t love her any more. The Lord gave her yet another son and still she didn’t feel loved by her husband. Then a third son was born naming him “feeling affection for” hoping that Jacob would feel affection for her, but still nothing. So God bore her another son, “praise” in which Leah finally saw that she was to praise the Lord for his blessing upon her in her misery.

I can’t help but look at women and how this situation with Leah applies to all women. I can’t help but think about how women totally believe that if they do something for a guy he will love them more. In Leah’s case she has children hoping that Jacob will favor her and love her more than he loves her sister Rachel. A lot of girls think that if they put out with a guy than he will love her more, but most of the time this is not true. So girls, be cautious of that because if a guy doesn’t love you prior to the gifts you give him he’s probably not going to love you after.

This immediately makes my mind turn to the book, Lady In Waiting, by Debby Jones & Jackie Kendall. If you are a female I really think that picking up and reading this book would be a wise decision. A line in the book I will never forget “be sensitive to your motives whenever you find yourself in the presence of ‘available men’.” Then they quote Proverbs 16:2 “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.” So although God blessed Leah with a son, what was Leah’s ultimate motive in that? To be loved by her husband. We as women must watch our motives and not only that but we must realize that our deepest longings can only be satisfied by God.

This summer I read a book called, Lies Women Believe, by Nancy Leigh Demoss. One of the lies was “I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.” I quote her on this, “the deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any created person or thing…every living thing is created to disappoint us.” God has made us to only be truly satisfied in Him and in no other person or thing. In looking at Leah’s story in my devotional Women of Character, Lawrence Kimbrough states “the more we place our expectations on another person, the more control we give them over our emotional and spiritual state.”

We must realize that we cannot find satisfaction in anyone but Christ or in any thing. Leah was blessed by the Lord greatly by giving her sons and a daughter and in the end she was buried next to her husband and Rachel was not. God has taught me so much through this scripture. I had another paragraph, but after much consideration I realize that too many people are going to have differeing opinions on the subject at hand and cannot handle my own interpretation of such events.

This may be a really long post, but I've got a lot on my mind. I hate when my mind starts going crazy like this at a wee hour in the night and there is no one I can call and say meet me at Daybreak I need to talk. And I just sit here, tears rolling down my cheeks trying to type to a friend as fast as I can...then I just want them to hug me but they haven't wired my computer yet to give me hugs when I need them. Stupid Dell people!

This morning Dusty talked about how God uses the good and the worst things for our good. And I'm sure I wasn't the only one in the room that when he said the worst things thought immediately of something in their life currently or recently that was bad and God made good. So I will share those points he made dealing with how God uses the worst things for our good:

1) The evil of affliction works for the good of the godly.
2)The evil of temptation is overruled for the good of the godly.
3) The evil of sin works for the good of the godly.
My personal life:
1) Affliction-Grandma's Death
2) Temptation-Lots of sin
3) Sin-allowing temptation to take place in my life

So I think to myself how is any of this good? Well I look at my life today. My Grandma dying was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with in my life. It still hurts to this day, and I miss her terriably. Two months after her death I finally could move on a little, but it still hurt. After that I just took a downword spill for the worst. I had my ups and downs, mostly ups and I was getting my life back on track but then July 2004 occured. I think I was kind of looking for a way to escape and at that time I met a guy and started an entirely different lifestyle, not one I would have ever expected of myself. For the next six months I would travel my sinful life still going to church regularly and playing the Christian role, but the relationship with God was pretty much non-existent and I had a totally different life outside of the church than I did in the church. Thanks for a great friend, Johnny I was able to realize exactly how much I had changed and while God was showing me that himself Johnny was able to tell me exactly what he had witnessed and how I use to be. I was aware of the change, but didn't really care. I remember calling my sister one night after doing something really stupid to confess and ask for her help. I told her that I enjoyed the lifestyle and didn't want to stop doing the things I was doing because I enjoyed it so much but I knew that I had to stop. But I just didn't have the strength. Then I fell again and over Christmas break I made a decision to change and around this time I made a new friend, Brandon who I talked to everyday and because of his encouragement in my life I was able to step up to the plate and get the game on. I picked up my bible this week and I haven't been able to put it down since. God is good, and God has had victory with me now. God used that bad and made it good. I have been humbled before the Lord and I am very serious about the removal of the sin from my life. Here's to changing what use to be, and starting fresh. My heart rejoices before the Lord!

Tonight after experiencing all this I decide to reread old journal entries from the time my Grandma got sick to her death. I think total it was like a seven month process, the most dreaded seven months of my life. As I'm sitting here reading my journal I catch myself singing praise songs so I decide to throw in one of my many worship albums and to my suprise its the cd with the song I heard one night leaving Daybreak after finding out bad news about my Grandma...the song called, "Unashamed Love" by Ten Shekel Shirt. These words caused me to stop still that night: " Calling me to lay aside the worries of my day. Quiet down my busy mind to find a hiding place. Worthy, worthy. Open up my heart and let my Spirit worship yours, open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth. Worthy, you are worthy! Of a childlike faith, of my honest praise, of my unashamed love..." Talk about hitting your face and calling on the Lord. When my Uncle died in September of 2001 the song I Can Only Imagine had just started circling, I had never heard it before and my uncle had died Tuesday and I had enough strength to make it to Paradigm Thursday and I was sitting there as Justin Cofield started to sing the song, I took of running because I couldn't handle it not then. Since then that song has been very dear to my heart and when my Grandma was laying there dying my family sang that song one night and prayed for God to take her, she hang on so long though. God is good! And it's hard to say that when you are in something as painful as that, but God finally took GeeMa from this Earth and although it sucks to be here and to not have her. Oh but what a joy it is to be in Heaven dancing around singing praises to the Father...I can only imagine!

God's blessing in my life this week: This week I found out that I wouldn't be getting a paycheck till Feb. 21st which is kind of a problem because I have very little money. But I know God is faithful and I know he will provide for me as he always does. My mom calls today and tells me she is sending me my rent check early which also means a couple extra bucks in cash. And today I get a call from Kohl's, I got the job. I have training Saturday, so lets just pray I get paid for that. So Kohl's starts the end of February so I still have some time before I get that paycheck too, but eventually I will have money and I think I could use some money management skills during this time. Anyway, God is good!