He Amazes Me.

Cody treats me so well and I am seriously the luckiest girl in the world. He made sure my birthday was extra special and for that I am truly grateful. He continues to amaze me on a daily basis and I am so thankful for his blessing in my life. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Yes, after two months I am full confident that I will be spending my life with him. I was fully confident of this after two weeks. Here are some pictures of us over the past month since I last posted.

April Fool's when we pranked our friends at the Mavs Game. We posted on facebook that we were engaged and enjoyed watching it unravel over the hours.

We visited my sister for the weekend and had a blast. Ellie was our photographer.

We spent an evening on the couch taking pictures of our emotions. I've never laughed so hard in my life...you should see his scared face. Wow.

We went to the Rangers game with Cody's cousin and her fiance'.


We celebrated my birthday several times, but this one is at La Hacienda Ranch after church last night. I absolutely love this man!!!

Happy Birthday Cody!!

Happy Birthday Cody! I love you!!

Astonished.

I have recently started dating a guy and couldn't be any happier. I am daily amazed by him and our relationship. When Cody started pursuing me I was a little scared at first since my last relationship was completely not glorifying of Christ and a little heart breaking. I wasn't treated the way I deserved to be treated, but really didn't know how I deserved to be treating. I mean I had an idea in my head of how I felt I should be treated, but I'd never been treated well. Cody has treated me far better than I could ever have imagined. He has assured me when my insecurities have come up because of the past relationship. I truly stand in awe of the way he treats me and often feel it's too good to be true. I can say I'm elated, that it is most definitely true and I can tell that Cody will never stop treating me this way. He truly is one of the greatest blessings.

He has taught me a lot about the way I deserve to be treated and not just by him, but by others as well. In high school I would have had no trouble writing someone off for treating me some way I didn't like, but now I have a hard time walking away from relationships. I have recently found myself having a hard time letting go of a friendship that has for the most part always been a one-way street. I have spent much of my time bending over backwards for this person and trying to gain the same friendship in return. I am hurting myself by trying to remain friends with this person because I am allowing them to continually disappoint me. I love this person and always will and if tomorrow they called me I'd be there for them in a heartbeat, but at the same time...I am done pursuing their friendship. If the last time I saw them was genuinely the last then so be it. I deserve a better friend than that. Am I making the wrong decision?

So while I remain completely heart broken over this friendship, I can't help but cover the heart break with the excitement and happiness that Cody brings me. I am so lucky!

I'll be raw...

When people ask me what I do I always laugh and respond with nothing. I am a substitute teacher who doesn't get enough hours to live off. I randomly dog sit as a mean to make extra money. I have recently started doing temp nanny work as well as working Kids Keepers at church. I don't know how I pay my bills or afford to spend time with my friends. God totally provides for me and I know that it's completely God that makes this work. Sometimes I wonder why this is what I do and why I can't find a full-time job. I probably am not looking hard enough and honestly really don't want to look at all. I'd much rather continue having the flexibility that I have. I want to teach next year, but until then I don't want to do anything.

I have struggled with this a lot since I graduated from college in August 2005. I have no desire to work to be absolutely honest. My heart's desire is to be married and have children at home that I am caring for. I want to be having play dates with friends and their babies. I want to meet with some girls for coffee to talk about Jesus. I want to vacuum the house and put away the dishes. I want to make sure dinner is on the table when my hubby gets home. There are days that I feel like I am living my dream just with out the husband and the kids. I rush from coffee with a friend to lunch with another friend then run to the church to fill out some paperwork then off to coffee with another friend just in time to make it home for dinner with the roommate. I love it--I love the idea of getting to just do life with people and not having to worry about a job. I feel blessed that at times I can run to the rescue of a friend who desperately needs a break from her own children.

I just wrestle with the blessing of getting to enjoy this time that I don't have a full-time job to steal all my time. I think that I am supposed to go find some job and work full-time, but I hate the idea of it. I honestly just want to do life with people and not have to worry about money at all. But the fact of the matter is I just can't keep living like this and I have to do something, but then comes the wrestle of what to do.

I have two degrees: BS in Human Development & Family Studies and a MA in Counseling. I want to teach middle school for a couple years and then do counseling, but until then...what? Nanny? Social Services? Administrative? Secretarial? I have no idea. I'd like to nanny...for the right family. I'd love a social service job...for the right organization. But where is the job that I can love to be at? Do I have to settle for something that I am going to be miserable at? Ugh. My heart is heavy. I don't want a job. I don't feel good enough to do anything. Can I be a teacher? Will I even be any good? Will I even pass the test to get certified? Do I really have to waste more money on taking a test I may fail again? Should I give up my dream to teach and just pursue Social Services? Should I go ahead and try to take my Counseling exam? Should I just say screw it and commit a year to nanny? WHAT DO I DO????????? I can't hear His voice. His he telling me what to do? Am I so far from him that I can't hear his voice? Is he letting me decide on this one? Did he hear me?

And now you know why it's 1:38am and I am blogging instead of sleeping. Now you know that my mind can't seem to slow down. I lay here in my bed listening to these lyrics over and over again..."Come, ye weary, heavy-laden, Lost and ruined by the fall;If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all." I want to rest in His arms and give it all to him. I don't know how many times I've tried to lay it all at his feet only to pick it up again. But here I am again...trying my hardest to truly give it all to Jesus. I don't want it!!!!

Scripture Memory

Spiritual disciplines have been on my heart for awhile now. I think we can all be honest in saying that we could pray more or read the bible more or spend more time alone with God. I am excited to start studying the Spiritual Disciples with my sweet small group girls in about two months. I am excited about accountability groups that are starting too because then we have accountability as we start an in-depth study of the disciplines. I found this video tonight and it makes me feel pathetic for my lack of scripture memory...

Happy Birthday Ellie!

My niece is 3 today! I remember the day I found out that my sister was pregnant like it was just yesterday. I was so excited that I would soon have a niece or nephew. I began praying for her that day and will continue to pray for her throughout her life. When she was born I gave her a card with a prayer that I hope my sister will keep for her so when she is 16 she can see just how much I have loved her. I never want a day to go by that my little niece doesn't know how much I love her. I absolutely love and adore her and want the best for her. I pray that God will protect her nad provide for her. I pray that she will come to know the Lord and worship him the way that I do. I pray that she will be healthy and active. I pray that she would love the Lord more than the world. I pray that she would be the best big sister. I pray that she does well in school. I pray that she will marry an incredible man. I pray that she will be protect from harm. I look forward to many more birthday celebrations and thank God for the three years I've spent with her so far. I can't wait to see the little girl she will blossom into.

I love you so much Ellison Faith and pray God's blessings in your life!! Here's a video of her life thus far, what a blessing she has been to our family!

irresistible.

I will be the first to admit that this will be a very shallow post, but lately I've been thinking about some irresistibles. There are just certain things about males that I can't seem to resist...

A man who loves the Lord passionately
A guy who wears nice smelling cologne
A man who has a sense of style from head to toe
A guy that drives a big truck and not to make up for anything (if you know what I mean)
A guy who can play the guitar
A man with sexy calves, I know it's weird.
A guy with a nice tan and shaved legs (another weird one)
A guy that is taller than 6'1"...
A man who is chivalrous
A guy who loves his family a lot and wants to be involved in their lives

These are not a list of musts--well minus the loving the Lord passionately of course. However, these are just random things that I really find attractive.

Happy Birthday Caleb!!

Happy 6th Birthday Caleb!



It has been such a blessing to watch you grow up over the past six years. You are such an amazing little boy and I love you so much! I am proud of all that you have become!!

not about me

In small group we often remind each other "you are not that important." Maggie reads this to us from her bible often Galations 6:3 NLT "If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important." It really is a great reminder for us that our problems really just aren't that important. I often find myself sharing something in small group and about mid-way through remembering that it's not about me. For example, last night we were sharing with one another ways in which we need to be more a part of the body. I feel a strong conviction to get over myself and my fear of man and meet new people at church. Again I am reminded that it's really not about me.

Sunday night I was talking with a very dear friend of mine and he reminded me of this. He was telling me that when he's not being self-centered he's happy, but often times when it's about himself he can get struck in a rut of depression. He was reflecting on times in which he had been depressed and remembered it was just about him during those times and he was all he was thinking about. Yet when he directs his attention and his thoughts elsewhere he seems to be happy. I heard what he said and partially agreed. Then last night I laid in my bed stressed out about my current situation. I began to weep because of frustration and because of God's provision. I started to think about myself and what I wasn't experiencing and what I was missing out on. I was sulking in selfishness and honestly I became depressed. I thought about what my friend had told me and started thinking about others.

My situation is far from ideal right now and I'd really prefer not to be in it, but if I would think about someone or something bigger than myself I'd soon forget about my problems. Last night I sat in small group listening to the prayer requests of my sisters and realizing that I'd much rather pray for their needs than my own. I'd much rather see them find the job of their dreams, to see their uncles and cousins come to know the Lord, to see their family protected. I'd much rather see the homeless people we talked about with food in their tummy's and coats on their backs. I'd much rather set myself aside to make sure the person alone at church feels welcomed. If for just a minute I'd stop thinking about all my needs and wants and focus on others I'd be much happier and far more satisfied with my own life.

I have another blog all about my situation and how God's provided for me beyond measure. How much I've grown by depending on him. But today...I don't want to focus on me. It's not about me. What's your prayer requests? What stirring in your heart? Let me pray for you! Fell free to email me your prayer requests.

Trashy TV

Am I the only person that watches Desperate Housewives? If I am then I am truly ashamed of myself, but most definately won't stop watching it. Thanks for the addiction Catherine! Every week I grow frustrated with the wives, but this week I felt more frustrated with them than other weeks. You will probably all think I am out of control by the end of this blog but it got me thinking.

These women treat their husbands like absolute dirt. They all have them "whipped" and they most definately wear the pants in the home. I have grown very frustrated with Gabi, Bre and Lynette this season. I actually used to kind of like Gabi, but not at all any more. The three of them frustrate me to no end. It's actually really hard for me to watch them treat their husbands as if they are just some random man. They show them no love and the men are completely submissive to their wives. Whatever she does goes. Yet these men love these women and continue to stay in these abusive relationships. Is this the way society views women? Are we just women on power trips taking the balls away from our men? Sadly I believe this is the way that society sees women which for me is heart breaking.

Biblically speaking my role as a wife is so polar opposite of that relationship displayed each week. But unfortunately I think that there are probably some Christian women out there that do treat their husbands like dirt and totally control their every move. It just breaks my heart that any woman could treat her husband that way. To be so unappreciative of everything he does for her, to care less about how he feels about a situation and to make decisions regardless of his opinion. Each week I think I go away from the episode a little more agitated but also with more appreciation for what husbands do for their wives and how often it probably goes unnoticed. To my friends with husbands, go love on your husband tonight and tell him how much you appreciate all that he does for you and your family. Who am I kidding? I know you all do that already, but why not go do it again. What a sweet reminder it would be to know how appreciate you are. Go watch an episode and you will truly appreciate your adorable husband.

2008 Single Ladies

This is the video I made as a tribute to all my single ladies! I love you all very much and enjoyed all the fun we had in 2008. I look forward to another great year with tons more fun! I love you all very much. Now please enjoy...

Seven Pounds

Disclaimer: If you haven't seen Seven Pounds and want to then don't read this post until after you have seen it. If you are not this person then read on...

I was enthralled by Seven Pounds from the very first time I saw the preview. The trailer had me on the edge of my seat as I anxiously awaited seeing what this movie was truly about. As we left the theater tonight Daniel asked "so what's the moral of the movie?" To which the answer for most was to not text while driving, but for me it was far more than that.

I often find myself relating nearly anything to the gospel. I was quickly reminded of the gospel at the very beginning of the movie, as it starts with "In seven days God created the world and in seven seconds I shattered mine." Will Smith aka Ben Thomas aka Tim, chooses seven people to "drastically" change their circumstances. As you watch the trailer you will see these words appear near the end: one man, one chance. I personally can't help but think of one man that changed many lives by his sacrifice.

Ben Thomas (Tim) decides to give of himself to people he doesn't know one bit. He decides to give to them a new life, a new hope. At the beginning of the movie he gives his beach home to a woman in order that she may escape an abusive relationship. This portion of the movie made me wonder what it is that I may have or can do that would help someone desperately in need. How could my resources be used to help save someone else? My stuff, my money is not my own but Christ's. How might God be telling me to use what he as blessed me with to bless others?

The movie continues and he meets a woman who won't live with out a heart transplant. He chooses to commit suicide in order for her to have his heart because she had a 3-5% chance of receiving the right heart. He chooses to die in order to save someones life, a sacrifice most of us will probably never consider. A sacrifice one has already made for all of us. Yes, I am talking about Christ choosing to live only to sacrifice his life for my own. He gave his life so that I could live mine. I think that what Ben Thomas did was very noble and reminded me much of Christ's sacrifice for me. I was truly touched by this movie and feel as if I need to think about what sacrifices I can make in order to bless others today.

Love me some Lauren!

This week I'd like to recognize my dear friend, Lauren.

This is her sweet precious family.

I met Lauren back in our freshman year of college. Hardly knowing one another at all we decided to take a random road trip to Denton to visit my family and see the Texas Tech vs UNT football game. We had a blast on the way down and became great friends. Who would have known my randomness would cause me to find a life long friend? Lauren and I grew closer as the years went by and continue to be dear friends. I don't get to see her very often as she still lives in Lubbock, but I cherish the moments I do get to spend with her. My favorite thing about our friendship is that no matter where we left off we pick right back up at that same place. We don't get to talk as often as I wish, but I will always consider Lauren one of my very bestest friends!!

I had the honor of being a part of Lauren's wedding and her first daughters birth. These are memories that I will hold onto forever. I loved being able to be a part of both of these very special days. I felt welcomed into both of her families and continue to feel the love and support of her parents and sister. I have never felt more welcomed by a family in all my life! I have loved Autumn as if she was my own niece since the very day I heard Lauren was pregnant. I love this little girl so much and have enjoyed watching her grow up over the years. The last time I visited Lubbock I cried when she started talking because I could tell how much she had grown up. I love little Autumn Grace very much and am excited to watch her grow!

The family that has loved me as their own!!


I have yet to get to meet little Emily Kate, but can't wait until I do! I love her just as much just haven't had a chance to hold her in my arms yet.

Two of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in my entire life, Autumn kissing Emily!!

I love you Lauren, Josh, Autumn & Emily!!

Christmas Tour of Homes 2008

Welcome to the Christmas Tour of Homes 2008--enjoy your tour of my home!!

This is the doormat my mom bought for my house last year--I love it! I know I still believe...

I adore my tree! It's decorated in all black and silver. My tree is in my entry way and is the first thing you see when you open the front door to my house! My favorite is probably the black star at the top--I thought I would never find a good tree topper for an all black and silver tree!

My entire tree is black and silver except for this one ornament--but it has to be on my tree!!

My mom gave me this joy sign last year--I think it started a trend as you will soon see. This is on the wall facing the tree.

This joy sits above my t.v.--its probably my favorite one!

This used to be my work tree, but now it sits in my living room instead of a lamp. My mom made me the lighted Christmas present that is sitting under the tree.

My stockings match my tree skirt, so now you know what my tree skirt looks like.

The little red boxes spell out JOY!

This bowl is the center piece for my kitchen table!

I have far more decorations that I never got around to putting up this year. I normally decorate my bathrooms and change my sheets, but I just didn't do it this year. And I have yet to brave trying to put up Christmas lights outside.

Moved to Tears

Last night I went to see the Christmas musical at my parents church and was moved to tears as "Nana" told the story about the nativity to her granddaughter, Lauren. Luke 2:10 "But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.'" Nana described to Lauren what joy was and explained that the people had joy because they knew that Christ's birth meant that a Savior had come to die on the cross for our sin. I was moved to tears as I thought about Christ's birth symbolizing his death on the cross for me. I was filled with joy!!

Tonight we sang this song and though I've heard it a million times...tonight it brought me to tears because I felt I had a better understanding of joy and just how significant Christ's birth really is and was on that day so many years ago. I have been a Christian nearly all my life and for some reason this Christmas I really really really understand it all!!

O Holy Night

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining.
Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, the night when Christ was born;
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!
O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,
Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,
His power and glory ever more proclaim!

His power and glory ever more proclaim!

Memory Time

One of my very best friends, Chelsey, started blogging about Christmas ornaments that hold value in her life. This isn't something I can do considering all my ornaments I bought myself from Hobby Lobby minus the #1 Aunt ornament my mom got me from my niece. But I've enjoyed reading about the many reasons why these ornaments have a special place in her heart. I was sad that I couldn't copy her completely, but have twisted her blogging idea into just things I own that have memories and deep meaning with them. It's been hard to choose which I will post about first so here goes nothing...

This ring was given to me by my mother as a Christmas gift. It's a very precious gift to me because it's a legacy ring. The diamonds in this ring are pieces of both my Grandmas wedding rings as well as my mothers. This ring is something I look down at reguarly and cherish greatly. I cried when I received this gift because it is so precious to me. I love that my mom had these rings made for me and my sister. This is something I plan to have for my entire life and am excited about passing on to my own children some day. I miss my Grandmas both very much and would love it if I could spend another day with them. Love you GeeMa and Grandma!!

My Seester...

I have decided to dedicate a post a week to someone near and dear to my heart. I can't help but start this new blogging idea with my wonderful sister and her beautiful family.

My sister is not only my sister, but my best friend. I can't imagine what my life would be like with out her in it. She has been there for me when I felt the world around me crumbling apart. She has been a role model for me when I've turned the wrong direction. My sister has been a rock to lean upon when I've been torn apart. I honestly don't know that I could be as strong as I am today with out the love and support of my sister. I am continually encouraged by my sister and spend countless hours seeking her advise and counsel. My sister is a woman of God that I trust to give me wise counsel. I can honestly say that I have the best sister in the entire world. I love getting to hear my sister talk about her walk and her life. I love knowing that she truly pursued the Lord when making important decisions regarding marrying her wonderful husband, Adam. I love knowing that I can trust my brother-n-law to take care of my sister and her family. I know with out a doubt that they are madly in love with one another and for that I am truly thankful. Their marriage is one that I admire and hope that I can model in the future.

If you were to look around my home it is obvious that I absolutely love and adore my niece and nephew. Their pictures take over my home. I never knew I could love someone as much as I love these two and to think that I will love my own children even more...wow. I take delight in hearing stories about my niece and get excited about every oppurtunity to see her. I love hearing about how my nephew is growing and hearing of his new milestones. I also enjoy every minute I get to spend with him. I recently had a friend tell me her siblings aren't very involved in her childrens lives and it blew me away. I will be there for my nieces and nephews forever even when I have my own children. I may not spoil them as much but I will forever love them the same and will be there to support them through everything. I am excited about the birthdays, school and church events, graduations, weddings, and so forth. I want them to know that I love them with all my heart and would go to the end of the earth for them.

I love you very much Adam, Nicole, Ellison & Tristan!!

I've Been Challenged

Several things have occurred in the past six months that have led me to this post. I have always been someone who has just believed and never doubted anything. I heard, I read, I believed. I am thankful that I have always been under good sound doctrine since I just believe without question. This week I was challenged by a new friend because of something little he said about the gospel being part of the preaching I hear weekly. Then tonight Matt challenged me in reminding me to watch myself, to know what the gospel is and what it is not. I will say this blog would have been much longer, but I got most of my thoughts out in conversation with my new friend so I just leave you with this same challenge and with these scriptures.

This is the passage I've been wrestling with since May, 2 Timothy 4:3-5 "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."

2 Peter 3: 16b-17 "His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction. Therefore, dear friends, since you already know this, be on your guard so that you may not be carried away by the error of lawless men and fall from your secure position."

1 John 4:1 "Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world."

1 Timothy 1:6-7 "Some have wandered away from these and turned to meaningless talk. They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm."

So I challenge you to know that the gospel is and what the gospel is not. I challenge you to spend time in scripture seeking out truth and not just hearing what your pastor says and taking it to heart. May you be challenged in the same way that I have and be thankful for sound doctrine because I know I am!

Trashy TV vs Real Life

I must say that when Desperate Housewives first started airing I thought all my friends should be ashamed of themselves for wasting an hour a week watching the show. I managed to avoid watching it and had no desire to EVER see the dang show. I went back to Lubbock one weekend and was staying with my dearest friend, Catherine, and she was an avid Housewives watcher. She convinced me to watch the show which was not easy I might add. So I relentlessly laid there watching this episode...who would have known that I would develop an addiction after that episode. Thanks a lot Catherine! I have now wasted an hour (well 45 minutes with DVR) every week since that weekend that I visited.

Tonight I sat in my living room catching up on last weeks episode when a particular event reminded me of my own life and probably the lives of many others. Susan Mayer confronts Bree Van de Kamp for not being honest with her about Mike & Katherine dating.

Susan: I always thought that the one thing I could depend on your for was honesty. What happened to that?
Bree: You want honesty? Fine. You didn't wanna divorce Mike. You had a really bad patch after the accident, but you never stopped loving him and why would you? Your relationship didn't have a natural end. So face it, you aren't mad at me or Mike or Katherine, you are mad at yourself for letting your marriage fall apart.
Susan: (realizes Bree is right)Then what am I supposed to do?
Bree: Either tell Mike how you feel or move on because that's what he is trying to do and its not fair to try to stop him. You need to make a decision Susan.

I think that many of us can relate to this little snip-it. I have found that in the past couple weeks I have had numerous friends come to me with the "why didn't you warn me?" or "why didn't you tell me to get out of it?" and the honest truth is that we did...we all warned you, but you didn't listen. The fact of the matter is that none of us really do. We hear what we know to be true, but that doesn't really make a difference. We have our rose colored glasses on and we don't see what everyone else does. I get frustrated with my friends sometimes and I would really like to give them a good shaking. This is especially hard for me as a "Counselor" because I see awful patterns that I know will lead to destruction and my friends ignore me. It kind of hurts because I know how bad they may end up hurting in the end. I am just as bad as the next for doing the same thing. I came out of a relationship about 7 months ago and I was that way. People constantly were telling me to leave far earlier than I did, but I just kept staying...why didn't I listen? Gosh darn it. I'd like to say that today I vowel to always listen to my friends, but I am sure one day I will do it all over again. Why is it that we do this? Why are those darn rose colored glasses so deceiving? If you know the answer feel free to let me in on that little secret...

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for...

loving parents who support me
a close relationship with my sister
a beautiful niece and a handsome nephew
an amazing roommate
a roof over my head and food in my belly
such amazing friends both old and new
a car that's paid off
an awesome church
a great small group with girls I love
my life for I am still getting to live it
my health
God's provision
my mentor
and so much more!!

THE WONDERFUL WOMEN IN MY CIRCLE

When I was little, I used to believe

in the concept of one best friend,

and then I started to become a woman.

And then I found out that if you allow your heart

to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're

going through things with your man.

Another friend is needed when you're

going through things with your mom.

Another when you want to shop,

share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.

One friend will say let's pray together, another

let's cry together, another let's fight together,

another let's walk away together.

One friend will meet your spiritual

need, another your shoe fetish, another

your love for movies, another will be with

you in your season of confusion, another will be

your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,

on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day,

or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym

shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from

making a complete fool of yourself ... those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,

but for many it's wrapped up in several...

one from 7th grade, one from high school, several

from the college years, a couple from old jobs,

several from church, on some days your mother,

on some days your neighbor, on others your sisters,

and on some days your daughters.

Wrecked Them

I have been a Red Raider fanatic since a very young age as well as my entire families. My blood has always run red and black as well as clearly not one of them. Being a Red Raider brings me great joy, but there have been many frustrating seasons as a fan. This season is. Last night I sat with a few friends at BJ's as we watched the fourth quarter. One friend in particular being a die hard Longhorn fan and then the other girls were mutual. As the longhorns made their touchdown putting them in the lead by one I became frantic. The guy next to me became so angry that he threw his chair down and then pouted. Cassie said there was still hope for my red raiders, but I was devastated. We couldn't lose to Texas by only one point...

Let's just be honest that in prior years there is no way that Tech would have pulled off what they did last night. I watched nervously as Tech played in those last few minutes. To see what they pulled off in those last 8 seconds sent BJs into an uproar. People were screaming, jumping and throwing their guns up. The longhorn fans all slumped in their chairs looking rather depressed. My phone began to light up with text messages. "Go Raiders", "Okay..I take it all back :) Nice game. All is fair in love and war.", "Holy **** that was the best game ever I just screamed my *** off!", "Amazing!! I'm so glad Tech won!", "Go Tech!", "Holy smokes! Good game!" These were all texts from die hard Aggies, Sooners, Cowboys (OSU), Longhorns and so forth. I actually don't think any of my Red Raider friends texted me, probably because we were all recovering from heart attacks. I was ecstatic. I was actually shaking out of excitement, and I nearly cried tears of joy. It felt great to be in that room next to a longhorn and to have victory over the #1 ranked team. It was awesome to come home and see that everyones statuses were about how amazing Tech was. Such a great night! I am so proud to be a Red Raider!!

Fight, Raiders, Fight! Fight, Raiders, Fight! Fight for the school we love so dearly. We'll hit'em high, we'll hit'em low. We'll push the ball across the goal, Tech, Fight! Fight! We'll praise your name, boost you to fame. Fight for the Scarlet and Black We will hit'em, we will wreck'em. Hit'em! Wreck'em, Texas Tech! And the Victory Bells will ring out.

Even Ellie & Tristan are Red Raiders!!
Tristan cheering about the win!!

Ellie knows it best...Tech is #1!!

Tears, Anger, and Laughter

Many of you can understand what it's like to go through the cycle of tears, anger and laughter. It's a cycle that can start at any of the three levels. This week for me and someone I am very close to it started differently. For her it started in tears and for me laughter. I was not laughing at her expense, but by the time I was told the story she had turned her tears to laughter. But because mine started as laughter, I have now experienced the tears and anger.

This dear friend of mine has found laughter in a very painful life circumstance over the course of the last six years, but in recent days it's not so funny any more. We still try to find some humor in it, but the honest to God truth is that we are both fighting back the tears and at times expressing deep anger over the situation. I won't talk in great detail about what is going on just yet as it's fresh and we want time for her family and close friends to hear but please you all be praying hard for my friend. We find ourselves crying, laughing and being angry frequently. I love her very much and would love to see miraculous things occur in her life so pray for miracles and comfort during difficult times. I also pray that both of us see God in it all and not for one moment allow our anger to destroy our relationship with Him.

"I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."
Jeremiah 31:13

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."
Psalm 30:11-12

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."
Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 4

Broken Hearted

I was recently reading a friends blog and was deeply saddened by her post. She feels so alone and unloved during a really tough time. She feels as if God is nowhere to be found. I think many of us can relate to this. There are things in life most of us if not all of us will never be able to comprehend like why bad things happen to good people.

Why is it that the sweet couple who desires children so badly can't get pregnant for anything yet some little 13 year old gets pregnant from her father who raped her? Why does the wife that desires so badly to do everything she can for her husband get left with nothing? Why does some man leave his wife for another man? Why in the world does a perfectly healthy infant die from SIDS? These are all questions most of us have pondered over time and time again. Why? Why? Why? Not only do we ponder the why do these bad things happen, but we often even ponder why good things happen but just not to us. Why did that other couple in my Sunday school class get pregnant for the 3rd time while we have been trying for 10 years? Why did that broken marriage have total restoration and mine end up in a disastrous divorce? Why did her spouse get to live through that accident while she was left alone with three children? We will never understand, but I rest in the fact that I know that God will heal them all.

Tonight my heart is completely broken for several friends. I have had the privilege to do life with so many great women and tonight my heart is so broken for some of these women. I have wept on several occasions today just thinking about the place where these women are and the hurt they are experiencing. The betrayal that has occurred in their marriages and the brokenness that has occurred between them and their husbands. I pray for healing for these women and for these men. I pray for God's arms to be wrapped so tightly around these women as they cry themselves to sleep at night. I pray that God will begin to do a mighty work in the lives of these couples. Mostly I just pray that we wouldn't question God at this time, but we'd rely on His love to get us through.

To my dear friends that are hurting, I absolutely love and adore you. I am praying for you constantly and weeping on your behalf. I know these moments are tough, but I know that God has so much more for you on the other side of this.

To my friends that have been blessed immensely, take time to thank God for those blessings in which you take for granted every day. The husband that is always there, the healthy kids, the fact that you have children, the fact that your parents are still married. And the list goes on!!

For Laughters Sake

Failure to Launch and Two Old Men

I don't know how many of you haven't seen Failure to Launch but I am hoping that most of you have. Tripp's parents hire Paula, an interventionist, to play Tripp's girlfriend and convince Tripp to move out of their home. Tripp eventually moves out and when he returns home to get something he finds his father in an alarming state, butt naked. His father had always dreamed of having Tripp's room as a naked room. I find this intriguing because I have seen this a lot on tv. Men desiring a chance to roam naked in their homes or just to sit at home all day in their briefs. I am not sure if this is just a stereotype of men or if this really is some dream all men have, but I am beginning to believe it's a dream all men have.

I find that there is a time in life where you just stop caring what you look like and kind of lose the ability to care about being inappropriate even. You know the type, the older person in the grocery store that just lets one rip with not a hint of embarrassment or sorrow for that matter. I can give a prime example of this from a trip I made from Denton back to Lubbock during college. My friend, Amy, rode with me and my Grandma back to Lubbock. GeeMa has been sleeping for most of the trip, but woke up to ask about a restroom. She had a bottle of cranberry juice and the back seat and took a great big chug of it before laying her head back to rest a bit more. Within minutes she let out the biggest belch I had ever heard in my life, and I come from a family of belchers. I looked at my GeeMa with embarrassment because Amy is with us and she just looks at me as if nothing ever happened. My GeeMe often did things of the sort, completely inappropriate or gross and with no remorse or acknowledgment of the action. So this brings me back to the story, that I have determined that men in particular dream of the naked or brief moments of relaxation. And my brief I mean their underwear.

Yesterday as I am driving home from Denton I pass a neighborhood pool and I see someone sitting on the fountain that leads from the hot tub to the pool. This older man sitting there in his speedo with all his glory out to shine for the world to see. He was just sitting there soaking up the sunshine and enjoying his day in the pool, with out a care in the world. I laughed hysterically! I told a friend about the man and they wanted me to go take a picture so they to could enjoy the hilarious scene I had just driven past. Oh I wish you could all see it, it was priceless. But I could not have done that to myself...seeing him once was bad enough, twice would have been asking for it.

So as if yesterday wasn't bad enough I had to see another old man enjoying his moment of brief relaxation today. I went out for my morning run, I walk to the end of the street before I start running so I was about to turn the corner to begin running but glanced down the street as I turned. I almost tripped because I was so caught off guard. I saw this old man getting his newspaper in nothing but his black briefs. I had to do a double take because I thought surely that man couldn't have had white hair and surely if he did those were just shorts I saw. But nope...Mr. Old Man was walking down in his sidewalk in nothing but his black underwear.

So with both of these happening in the past two days, I am beginning to think the writers of these movies and tv shows are on to something. Men must really enjoy the nakedness or the freedom of just their underwear far more than they maybe should. And older men must enjoy it even more.

Will I someday be the old lady with not a care in this world? Belching and farting as if no one else is around? Oh I sure hope not, but we will see. And I beg of you Lord to not let my husband walk to get the newspaper in his whitie tighties.

The Ball

After reading my friend Carrie's blog I couldn't help but take the story of her son to a new level. They were at Wal-Mart with Jack (there 14.5 month old son) and were going to buy him a ball, a very prized possession for little Jack. Jack set his eyes on a set of balls and was excited about them, but Carrie & Chad would soon walk past those balls to find better ones. To quote Carrie..."Jack actually saw the balls before we did and started shouting "BA BA BA!!!" He was so excited. Imagine his heartbreak when we left the first batch of bouncy orbs to search for the really big ones."

Jack had seen what he wanted, but had no idea that there could be more beyond that array of balls. The word heartbreak makes me think about the sadness that occurred and how in that instant Jack thought that his parents were no longer giving him that ball that he so badly desired.

I find us to be much like Jack. We come across something that we desire and we become so enthusiastic about it. I as a single female can most relate this to the dating world. We come to a place where we meet someone, might even start dating them and we think that he or she is the best person for us. We can't see beyond that and when it's taken away from us we throw a fit. I find this to be true with job hunting as well. We find a job we think would be absolutely perfect for us and when it doesn't work out we begin to throw our little fits. When really just a few aisles away, God has in store for us the perfect situation just as he had destined it to be.

What would have happened had Jack been old enough to be able to choose his own ball? He may have chosen the little bitty ball that momentarily brought him happiness, but then later he may have discovered the perfect ball. However, he was so enthralled by the little ball that he never even saw the big ball. He may have already spent all his money on this little ball only to find out something better was somewhere else. Perhaps it's great that Jack's parents were able to take him to the better balls just like our Father is able to guide us to the right place.

Perhaps I should allow God to take me to the next aisle. I can't help but think about the sermon from this weekend...I need to truly pray that I am living in God's will. I need to allow God to guide me to the next aisle and stop focusing on what I could have had. I am too busy throwing a fit that I don't see that God has so much better for me.

The Runaway Bride

My wedding gown is on and has been for some time now. I have given myself to Christ in order for Him to be my Bridegroom. My desires are to submit to Him and allow for Him to pursue me. I love knowing that I rest in His arms and that all my comfort can be found in Him. I desire to share an intimate relationship with Him.

I am a Runaway Bride.

I have my gown on still and it's beautiful, but underneath my gown is a dirty pair of running shoes. I am a runner! Christ pursues me and loves me and anxiously awaits for the ceremony, but I keep running. At times I run rather quickly away from Christ as if I have something to hide. There are times that I gently walk away begging of Him to chase after me. But none the less I am a runaway bride.

My junior year of college my Grandma died and I ran far away from Christ. I lead a Christian life, but had no pursuit of the gospel. I continued down a very destructive path until I found myself crying in my closet begging for mercy and grace. I will never forget coming to that place or absolute emptiness. Christ never stopped pursuing me, but I kept running. I was back in the arms of my one true love, but no worries I would run again soon.

I moved back to Denton and got my feet back on track. I was going to do it right this time. I loved Him so of course I wouldn't leave Him again. It didn't take long for me to start pushing Him away and slowly trying get away from Him. He continued to pursue me and I stayed around for awhile. I loved Him with all my heart, but it was time to run again.

I tricked myself into believing that by playing the part I was still standing there with my groom. My dress was on, but I was running. I continued to date my groom, but would soon run away again. I couldn't dare truly surrender. Luckily, He continued to pursue me and tugged at my heart consistently. I continually try to run and continually pretend that I have surrendered, but I am only fooling myself.

It's been a very long and tiring journey for me the runner. In June I became very tired of running. I became weak and famished. Christ ran along side me the entire time. He picked me up and carried me the rest of the way. I lay there in awe of his grace, love and mercy. I desire to love Him with my everything and to mean it this time.

I surrender...Lord, here are my running shoes!!

Goose Egg

The story of how I got this goose egg is actually rather embarassing and I don't mind telling it but don't really think I want to post the story on-line. But I will go ahead and give you the cliff note version.

I woke up at 4:45 am with excruciating pains in my stomach. I went to the restroom and while sitting on the toilet I managed to pass out knocking myself out on the doorknob on the way down. I woke up around 4:55 only to find a good tennis ball sized goose egg on my forehead. By the time I took this picture I had already had ice on it for two hours...kind of wish I would have taken it earlier, but I was kind of in too much pain to consider taking a picture.


Please pray for me though because I am going to need to see the doctor. Several people have told me they wonder if it is vasovagal syncope. I also need to get checked for anemia because I have seen several symptoms of that also. Fainting=Fun!

Braggin' Time

My more than adorable nephew...this picture made me laugh so hard!!

My Selfish Life

About a week ago a friend of mine said that he felt like our generation was narcissistic. I disagreed coming from a clinical stand point because someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder takes selfishness to a pretty extreme measure. Also I disagreed because I felt like I did a pretty good job of putting others above myself. However, I do realize there are times that I can be pretty selfish too. When I told him that I didn't feel I was narcissistic he agreed, but now that this past week has gone by I'm not so sure I agree.

Last Saturday night my heart was broken and I found myself crying and needing a friend. I called a particular friend and have yet to hear from them. At first I was deeply wounded and still find myself a little frustrated, but at one point this week God told me to stop being selfish. "Really God? I'm being selfish, what about them? They aren't being a very good friend to me and I really need them right now." I continued to argue with God because I kind of think He's ridiculous at this point and then "Shhhh...Jana, listen to yourself." If you look back at my sentence it's all about me...they aren't being a good friend to me and I need them. Me, me, me. I kind of sit back frustrated because I can't believe that God is telling me to stop being selfish when I needed someone to listen to me because my heart was aching. But I do as I am told and I get over myself and I think about that friend. Yes, I admit I'm still a little frustrated but I also have come to realize that my friend has a lot going on right now and has many priorities.

This message has continued to play a part in my life over the course of the past week. I am constantly reminded of my selfishness. First, God points it out to me directly. Then I hear a message at Recovery on Thursday night where I hear it again. Then I am talking to my sponsor last night and I hear it again. And then this morning I sit in Step Study only to hear it yet again. I am selfish. I want my needs to be met by others. Not only am I selfish but I'm a spiritual adulterer and I put my friends in the place of God. Only God can truly fulfill those needs and I continually look to others.

Scentsational!

After falling in love with my Scentsy warmer I have decided to start selling the product myself.
This warmer has been a great addition to my home as I no longer have to worry about forgetting to blow out the candles and it makes my house smell better any way!!

I can't help but share this with all of my family and friends because I know that you will absolutely love this product! It's perfect for those of you who are teachers and can't have candles in your classroom! It's also perfect for those of you sitting in an office that doesn't allow candles because let's just be honest in saying most offices don't smell that great. It's also perfect for the dorms because you can't really seem to do much in a dorm room to make it smell better.


This is great for you, but it's also a great gift for everyone so go ahead and check out my website: http://www. scentsy. com/scentsfromjana

Feel free to help me with my Debut party by placing an order between now and the 26th of August.
Plus it's 10% off everything this month!!

If you would like to host a party email or call me and we can talk about a party!!

A Changing Heart

I recall my freshman year of college thinking my friend, Lauren, was the sweetest girl you would ever meet. She loved everyone and no one could ever do her so wrong that she be angry with them. That wasn't the case for me. I couldn't understand how Lauren could be so sweet and how she could deal with some of the people she did. I didn't get it at all, but I valued her friendship so much and only wished I could be more like her.

I was a bit feisty by nature and was ready to put up a fight. I was wounded and defensive so if you crossed my path at the wrong time or I felt wronged then you would pay. Simple. I was good with my words and knew just how to hit right below the belt. I was pretty good if I don't admit so myself. I kind of enjoyed being this way--it was easy, it was what was known. No one could hurt me this way. Let me clarify by saying that I was sweet and I did have friends, it just wasn't good to be disliked by me. It wasn't good to catch me on a bad day. If I was mad you could guarantee you would know about it.

Wow, the Lord has done a number on me in the past few years. I am still not nearly as sweet as Lauren and am unsure I will ever be that sweet. But now I can look in the mirror and see a sweet girl. I can look in my heart and know that I've changed a lot and also know how I really feel. I feel so guilty about all the people I probably hurt. I love them, each and every one of them. And even though they may have hurt me I wish that I wouldn't have turned around and been hateful back. So if you were one of the ones I hurt then I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I want to be sweet. I want to be that friend you can really count on. I want to be someone that you can see Christ in...I'm pretty sure you were able to see the devil in me back then. But I know God has done a number in my life. If I have hurt you in any way please let me know so that I can apologize to you apart from this general apology. I truly am sorry for any hurt I may have caused any of you. I pray you can see a cahnge in me and that you can trust me again. I love you all very very much!!

A Blast from the Past

Can anyone else relate to these awesome memories? Perhaps I am missing a few great classics, but I couldn't help but come up with this list as I sat and watched a few of my favorite movies this week. Leave comments of your favorites from your childhood!!

Movies

Benny & Joon
Curly Sue
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead
Harry and the Hendersons
Love Potion #9
Willow
Short Circuit
Ghostbusters
Clue
Big
Indiana Jones
Annie
Death Becomes Her
Troop Beverly Hills
Beetlejuice
Twins
Bio-Dome
Drop Dead Fred
Newsies
Back to the Future
Empire Records
The Goonies
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Weekend at Bernies
Steel Magnolias
The Karate Kid
City Slickers
Edward Scissorhands
Three Men and a Baby
Freaky Friday
Pee-Wee's Big Adventure

TV Shows

Roseanne
Full House
The Cosby Show
Alf
Punky Brewster
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Alvin and the Chipmunks
Out of this World
Saved by the Bell
Who's the Boss?
What You Talkin' 'Bout Willis?
Growing Pains
Dumbo's Circus
Sharon, Lois and Bram
The Smurfs
Kids Incorporated
Fresh Prince of Belair
Fraggle Rock
Webster
Double Dare
American Gladiators

Music

New Kids on the Block
Wilson Phillips
Tiffany
Debbie Gibson
MC Hammer
Michael Jackson

Toys

Popples
Strawberry Shortcake
My Little Pony
Cabbage Patch Kids
Pound Puppies
Rainbow Brite
Raggedy Ann
Smurfs
Care Bears
Glo Worm
Hot Wheels
Koosh Ball
Life
Mad Libs
Legos
Lite Brite
Teddy Ruxpin
Trolls

Books

Ghostbusters
The Babysitters Club
The Bernstein Bears
Amelia Bedelia

Other Favorites

Jellys
Slap Bracelets
Pogs
The side clip for t-shirts
Rolled down colored socks
Umbros
Mossimo
Leg Warmers

Differences Among Us

In the past year I have noticed a lot more about relationships than ever before. It may have something to do with a particular relationship in my own life or perhaps the counseling, but none the less I have made some observations.

I'd have to say the number one problem is our inability to communicate with one another. I find this to be true time and time again. The sad part is that we may have really good communication with one person but then with someone else it just doesn't seem to work out that way. I find that I have certain friends that I am completely okay with critique while others completely hurt you when they try to recorrect. The reason for this is because of communication. One person may be able to tell you something in a manner that is beneficial and even uplifting while someone else may tear you apart to the core. We must learn how to communicate effectively with one another in order to maintain healthy friendships.

I once was not someone who wanted to work through things. If you were mad at me or upset with me then I just let you be and I could have cared less. I didn't need you any way. Wow--I sure was prideful! But now I am someone who wants to sit down and figure out exactly how we can do life together, just exactly how we can get along better and really truly be friends. An issue came up this week between me and one of my roommates. I had hurt her feelings through my actions which had not been my intention. So we talked it through and I discussed with her exactly what it is she needed from me and what I needed to do to change. I then told her areas where I had been hurt and she apologized and learned from me what I needed. If we wouldn't have had this open communication we would have just destroyed our friendship, but instead we made it stronger. I encourage you all to set aside your differences with people and figure out a middle ground.

This brings up the second reason I think we have such a hard time interacting with others, we grew up differently so our value systems are different and our insecurities are different as well. I have seen this time and time again as I set up expectations for people based on my system of beliefs. Perhaps I expect a man to hold the door open for me and when one doesn't I get mad, but perhaps that man was never taught that was respectful in the first place.

In my last dating relationship the guy had a tendency to not call when he said he was going to which irritated me because I was raised in such a way that you at least made contact just to say you were busy or you would get back to them later. But he was raised in such a way that you just got back to that person whenever you could, whenever you were done with whatever it is you had to finish even if it meant not calling that person until the next day. I had to learn to forgive him when he would forget to call and he had to learn to try harder to call when he said he would call. I just encourage you to be open in communication so that when something comes up you can come to an understanding with one another so that you can strengthen your own relationship. If I would have continued to get frustrated with him and he continued not to try then our relationship would have been destroyed because both of us were too selfish to change a little.

The insecurities bit is another problem I've seen in relationships as well. One of my insecurities is that I don't belong or that people don't like me because I'm not "cool" enough. This comes from high school and being severely rejected by the "in" crowd. So I have a tendency to get my feelings hurt when I perceive someone "cool" as rejecting me. This often times happens with my own friends and I will become upset because I feel like they are choosing my more "cool" friends to hang out with and forget about me. While this might be the case sometimes, in most cases this is not the case and it was completely not related at all.

Each of us has our own insecurities that now cause us to react in certain ways in current relationships. Perhaps you were once cheated on so you don't trust the next guy you date because you just know that he too will break that trust. Maybe you've been betrayed by friends many times in the sense that they always end up dating the guy you liked so then you never tell anyone who you like so they can't steal him away. This week alone I told one of my friends that I understood if they didn't want to be friends any more because they started dating someone because I am used to people saying goodbye to friendships when they start dating. Yet this isn't always the case. Not only did I try to tell a friend goodbye, but I also withdrew from another friend who started dating just so I didn't have to be rejected. Be cautious of your insecurities and the affect they have on your life. Not only should you be aware of them, but you should make an effort to get rid of them. I know that's my goal because by having them I am allowing Satan to have a hold in my life.

My Adult Post

We have had a recent problem with one of our dogs peeing all over the place. We couldn't manage to find the spot for the longest time though. Then this week I finally got on my hands and knees and sniffed out the carpet...only to find that Bella had peed a lot in one particular area. And by a lot I mean she's probably been peeing in the same area every day for a month. We have decided that we need to do some serious cleaning considering it kind of smells like we have a nasty cat liter in our house which is not okay. So I was at working looking through websites trying to find some good advice and I found this amazing website and had to share it with all of you especially my mommy's. Turns out we are all adults now and we get excited about carpet cleaning tips!!

Carpet Cleaning

Sorry that I haven't posted the relationship blog yet...I have started it, but didn't realize I would need to organize my thoughts as much as I am. Plus I went to camp for a week.

Posting

Things I want to post about...

1) Thankful for my life--even the crap!
2) Selfishness and it's destruction.
3) The Differences Among People and the Hurt It Causes

What do you want to hear about first?